Here's my two cents; if you want to end the relationship with your first true big love, then end it in a clean break. Get closure. Fall truly out of love. Hate that asshole with all your heart. No no. Don't hate him or her. Just disconnect yourself from any kind of feelings to that person. Sometimes your heart gets confused between love and hate. Yeah, love is blinding like that.
And then later, when you find someone that you think you could really like, take your time and fall really hard into that other person. Love like you have never been broken before and pray that you've hit jackpot and that person is the one you'll be spending the rest of your life is.
If later you find out that what's at the end of the rainbow is not pots of gold (gold here could be literally translated, or it could also mean a happy end to some, depending on your preference), then repeat the cycle again. Until you find what you are looking for.
Like it or not, first love has some kind of power and charm, especially if it doesn't get its full closure, which makes it very hard for the successor to compete with. And what an unfair competition it is. Because what the current lover is up against is not the real person holding the sacred first love title (who might be a loser for all we know), but our imaginative projection on the whole subject, which includes things that might or might not have happened the way we remember it. *read : 500 Days of Summer*
Who can compete with that? I mean, who wants to compete with that?
Unrequited first love is all about ideas and hopes and impossible expectations. Who knows, if you have stayed with that person long enough to get married, you'll find out that that person is prone to farting excessively in bed every morning, leaving a repulsive stink on the bedsheet til the next day. How's that for a romantic projection? Shattered to pieces yet? What do you expect anyway, that your true love will never fart/produce a vanilla-scented fart?
And who knows, if you have stayed with your first love long enough, 10 years down the road, you'll find out that he's a cheating asshole that leaves you for a younger, prettier woman, not before drying your account up until you have to declare bankruptcy?
Of course, there's every possibility that your true first love is everything that you imagine him/her to be (vanilla-scented fart included), but there must be a reason why you did not end up with him/her in the first place. Percaya pada takdir. There must be a reason why God decided that circumstance for you in the first place.
But what if, 20-30 years down the road, when you've long realized the person you ended up with turned out not to be the one for you and by some twist of fate (macam dalam cerita 'Sepi', in which cheating is not involved), you once again meet your first love? Should the both of you give love another try? An affair is complicated enough as it is, even without any physical intimacy (read : sex) involved. What are the odds that you should meet at two different points of each other's life? Does it mean that it is meant to be?
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I have no clue. What, you think I write this with all the answers ready? I'm just making it up as I write.
Maybe it's takdir. I don't know. But what if your current spouse found their first true love in you, while your heart was always meant for someone else? That's very unfortunate. I think everyone deserves to spend their life with 'the one'. And no, I don't think the whole idea of 'the one' is overrated at all.
Who am I kidding? What do I know about unrequited first love anyway, I've hit jackpot the first time around....I think. So far. Boyfriend, you better be good, I don't want to have to deal with this kind of baggage later in life.
But I couldn't agree more. Unrequited first love is such a shitty mess to be dealt with. Especially if there's families involved, those unknowing innocent parties that could be hurt with your decision.
Shedding tears for affairs,
I'm a funny little thing,
Well I can tell you this for nothing,
Affairs don't win.*
*The song that inspires the post.
p.s : LOVE the lead singer's hair. Very retro. Though if I decide to go for it, there's a risk I might end up looking like a pre-pubescent boy. -.-''
But 30 Euros for a haircut? Nahhh... Kalau kat Aloq Setaq, tak payah pi hair salon yang fancy2 pon, pi kedai amoi Siam kat Simpang Kola tu, 12 ringgit ja, sekali dengan blow + styling. Cakap ja nak hairstyle macam mana, semua dia gheti. Oh home sweet home.
1 comment:
love love love love tracyanne!
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