Skin Deep

The weekend was well, loud. With high-pitch voices. What do you expect with a get-together of 14 girls? Enjoyed it to bits, except the part that it was over so soon after it started. And the fact that I have to start the week with a very early Monday. I hate early Mondays. A law should be passed where companies and institutions are only allowed to resume activity on Monday only after 11.00 a.m. People need to gather momentum back after the weekend break. Takkan benda simple macam tu pon aku nak kena tolong pikiq. Penat la wei. Haiish.

On a rare moment, where I was like, disconnected from the bunch for a moment, I realized something. These girls, each of them possessed unique traits, quaint even, that made them who they are, that set them apart from the rest. And each of them has different strength that I admire, and sometimes even envy. Those strength I would love to have, so that I could handle things, in certain circumstances, differently.

But almost as soon as I realized that, it dawned on me that fact remains, we are who we are. Of course there's always room for improvement but those improvements should be made within the framework of what makes you you. Makes sense? Well, I don't really understand it fully too, but I know now that being comfortable under your own skin is the best gift that you can ever give yourself. Still got miles to go, but I'm getting there.

And if I ever gave the very misleading impression that I have things figured out, well, I don't. I'm making it up as I go.

I’m fuming. With anger.

Let alone the fact that they terrorized their own people and killed countless of innocent others. Now they are strapping explosives to unknowing children. More and more cases are being reported. That is just so sick.

And to think that some of them supposedly possess exceptionally high IQs? Are you kidding me??? Go find the cure for cancers. Go patch up the ozone holes. Go win the Nobel Prize that Ibnu Sina, Ibnu Khaldun, Al-Khwarizmi and many other Muslim great thinkers haven’t had the chance to win because they were born a tad too early to qualify for the running.

Look at the Japanese. Instead of being busy thinking of ways to blow stuff up, they figured that they got better, useful things to do, like erm, I don’t know, build a whole nation back up? And they did just that and more in less than half a century.

I know things are more complicated beneath and I'm not even close to being decently knowledgeable when it comes to politics and diplomatics, but surely there's other way than THIS?

Ask any ulama’ and they could point you Quranic verses and hadith to demonstrate how the unspeakable atrocities committed by these extremist contradict the very true essence of Islam. But you know what? I don’t think you need any of that just to see how wrong all this is. You just do. If you are remotely human.

I Love Tuesdays.

Sometimes when you think you are on the loosing end, it might just be the opposite. Perhaps you have done yourself a big favour. We shouldn’t be afraid to demand for something more, because if we believe we are worth more than what was presented, then we have every right to go for it. Those who couldn’t seem to realize that, it’s their loss and some time later, they are going to beat themselves up for their own misjudgement.

*****

Compromise. There certainly would come a time in your life where you are bound to have to make a little bit of adjustment here and there in order to make something works.

After two years of living here, there definitely has been a certain compromise I've made when it comes to food or else it would be too much of a hassle. Of course, there are boundaries of how much I'm willing to compromise. Last weekend, a couple of friends and I tried the buffet at a Chinese restaurant. It was a nice change from the usual kebab/Turkish food. But if we were in Malaysia, we most probably wouldn't eat at a Chinese restaurant which do not have any halal certificate.

That's just an example of the simplest form. Sometimes the compromise you have to make involves fundamental things, like your life’s principles and that’s when things get complicated and delicate. What and how much you are willing to give up define who you are. And it has a lot to do with your pride. I think, the most important question to ask yourself is if it’s worth it. And most of the time, the answer would probably be a big NO. Act despite it and, you will have to pay with a hugely bruised ego and end up with less self-worth than when you first started. Of course, you can still pick yourself back up then, but it’s going to be a long, tiring journey.

Oh, God. I think I’m slowly becoming an adult. All this serious thoughts make my head spin already.

*****

A friend once told me that I am lucky to be with someone like him. I know I am. Even though sometimes he drives me on the edge when he worries too much about my safety, but I realize it’s out of the best intention. I guess if I have to do this all over again, I would fail miserably. You heard so many rules when it comes to relationship that you don’t know with which to start. It’s a relief to skip through all those bullshits and take a giant leap across one big shit. With other people I feel like I have to be this person, but with him I can just be myself.

So I thought our relationship was stable enough for me to ask him this one bombshell of a question. Marriage? Naaaaaaahhhh, not just yet. The other day I proposed that we should go on a humanitarian mission right after both of us are finished with our studies, before we ventured into the working world. I suggested that we joined a respectable NGO and not through companies who organized a volunteering trip because they charged a fortune, like almost 1000 USD for a week-trip, that, not including flights. That money could be used to actually help the people that we went to help. 50 USD is supposedly enough to feed a child for a whole year inAfrica. I already got myself worked up on this whole thing. Guess what was his response? He shot down the idea right away. He said he’s not ready and maybe we should work first, and think about it later. Nonsense. When you start working, this idea would seem too absurd to consider taking leave off of work, and as we get older we think more of the risk and stuff. Kalau kerja dulu, memang tak akan buat dah benda nih, sumpah tak akan punya.

So much for counting on my true love to follow me to the end of the world.

But there’s still hope. Last night when I mentioned this again to him, he seemed to warm up to the idea a little bit already.

If worse comes to worse, I can always sign myself up and go alone.

Monkeys vs. Human

'Elephants On Acid' is by far the most interesting non-fiction that I've ever read to date. Collection of bizarre scientific experiments ever conducted in the history of mankind. The infamous Stanford Jail Experiment is also included here. Sesiapa yang kelas Herr Siegel dulu, movie 'Das Experiment' yang kita tengok dalam kelas dia tu was loosely based on this real experiment.

Have you watched the news lately? The news channel is a hazardous place to visit on the net. When I learn about the happenings around the world, I always feel like an 18-wheeler truck was being placed on my chest. Of course I don't know how that actually feels in real life. But I imagine it to be very, very uncomfortable. And heavy. So heavy that I need to counter the feeling afterwards by watching something light, a comedy theraphy, or something that could restore my faith in humanity again, like Extreme House Makeover(??).

So back to the book, there are two curiously interesting experiments that I want to share here. It all started when scientists ponder if we truly possess a Mr Hyde gene, just waiting for the right circumstances to be unleashed. Is evilness an innate characteristic?

They invited volunteers who were told they were participating in an experiment to find out the learning curve of a student, or something along the line. What they have to do is simple. Another volunteer (who was actually an actor) would be the learner. He would be seated at the other side of the room, with straps of wires taped to his body. The con-volunteer would be asked questions by the experimenter and if he got the answers wrong, the actual volunter has to push the button in front of him, which would send jolts of electricity through the actor's body. With every wrong answers, the voltage would be increased gradually from the mild 30V to the lethal 450V. The actors would scream and feign pain according to the buttons pushed by the volunteers. The results? A staggering 70% of the volunteers went all the way up to 450V. Some of them hesitated for a while, but after being insisted by the experimenters, they complied. They were not forced to do it. They could leave anytime they wanted to but not many did. Apparently, most of us won't squirm at the idea of inflicting pain on others when asked by a stranger in a white lab coat.

Other scientists repeated this experiment on rhesus monkeys. In order for them to get food, thy had to pull a pulley which would result another monkey receiving jolts of electricity. This time, unfortunately, the poor monkey on the receiving end was not a paid actor. Several times after witnessing how their friend was in pain each time they tried to obtain food, they stopped. And went on to starve for 12 days! Monkeys pwned! Human = FAIL!!!!!!!!!

Peaceful rhesus monkeys.

Confused mankind.

For the sake of humanity, let's hope that they hired a D-class actor which contributed to the depressing result.

Feliz Cumpleaños

The worst part of breaking up or parting ways with someone you care about, to me personally, has got to be detaching any meaning or emotion in the memories that you both have shared together. At times, memories can be such a biatch. Memories stir unwanted feelings up. Memories are a royal pain in the a$$ to keep. Memories are like liabilities.

But what do you do when memories are all you have left? What do you do when it's impossible to go back to how you both were before?

Why didn't you stay?

Maybe there's beauty in goodbye. But I just figured out one. And other hundreds of reasons to cry.

I miss you. My prayers are always with you.

Sow sad~

It's called stalking when you visit a specific blog everyday for any updates when the blogger doesn't even know who you are. Yes guilty as charged here. For quite some time already, I've stalked a blog by this girl. Besides having a passion for reading (yay!), it was through her that I first heard of the band Metric. Downloaded all of their albums, hooked and now I'm a big fan. I haven't fall that hard that fast for any artist since Stereophonics and Abby Dobson.

It's amusing getting to read the most intimate details of a stranger's life and feelings and I don't think I will ever be brave enough to wear my deepest heart on my blog for the rest of the world to see. Ok well, not saying that the whole world actually read my blog but, you get my drift. I guess when I read her blog, I feel like my friend Neesa here feels. But the reason isn't just based on the pure entertainment factor, her blogs openly display her vulnerability and defect, something that me and the rest of her countless readers could easily identify with.

Just now, I clicked on her blog to get my daily dose since I haven't spent that much time in front of my lappie these past days (which is a rare occurence!) and guess what. She has made her blog private. Hah. Which is understandable. The extent of information that she has shared on her blog won't just effect her but other people involved in her drama! Which also means I've lost a reality drama blog to stalk. Boo hoo.

*****

We went to the concert venue last Thursday and were greeted by this little surprise gem right here:

Classic.

"I'm sorry Paris, I have to cancel tonight because my throat pussy aka 'mother', aka voice isn't comming out to play today. 1st time in 3yrs."

"I apologize sincerely to our Paris fans. This was unexpected & I'm sry. Koln as well. I had to cancel these shows or else my throat is dead."

Tyson posted this on his Twitter. Yeah ok apology accepted. Come visit us some other time. Just make sure your pussy isn't acting up then!

*****

Schadenfreude. Word originated from German but officially accepted in English language. Look it up. And ponder on that. People like the downfall of others. Whatever the hell for.

Bedtime Blogging

"Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room,

You can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room~"

When I first heard that song I hated it. And so was the second time, the third, fourth and so on. Time kat Malaysia asyik ada lagu nih ja kat fly & hitz.fm. Macam tak dak lagu lain. Blwerghh.

Until yerterday. All thanks to the new hot-mommah-on-fire instructor who choreographed the cool moves to this song during the dance/aerobic session. Terperasan sat bajet macam cerita Step Up hakhakhak. "Gib alles! Komm, gib alles!" she shouted over the song. Hamek kau. Sakit satu badan. I still hate the song. But I like the beat! And I can't seem to get it out of my head.

#Don't worry encik, I'm not meeting anyone in any hotel room! ;)

*****

Rejects in two days. I'm beyond excitedgiddythrilled! Eyes, you behave ok. Don't pop-up. Please just let me be. I mean it.

*****

I think life would be easier, but not necessarily better, if the place within your heart where your conscience should be is void. Your life would be guilt-free. You could enjoy all of life's pleasure at its highest peak and not have to deal with the emotional baggage later. You probably don't even need the sense of self-worth. You could choose any lifestyle you want, a hippie, a hedonist, a materialist who screw people's lives up, a crackhead, a hitman, whatever. At night you could go to sleep like a baby.

*****

"There are two kinds of secrets: Those we keep from others, and the ones we hide from ourselves." -Frank Warren

This guy, several years back, he had a brilliant idea in which he distributed blank postcards and encouraged people to anonymously write their most carefully-guarded secret of all and then send it back to him. The reaction was overwhelming. You wouldn't believe some of the secret that people decided to share. Check his website out at postsecret.blogspot. I even have the link somewhere on the sidebar. You could check out the video clip he made on YouTube. Simply search for PostSecret.

Pssst so what's your secret?

Good night!