The empathy part I have no problem with, given that us Cancerians are emotionally-charged by nature, but it's the how-to of dealing with the empathy that I find quite baffling. Picture yourself putting up a hand in the air if you are with me on this (because it'll look quite stupid to actually put up a hand in front of your laptop in a room with no one else).
A friend comes to you, lamenting on his/her current problems that need to be dealt with and boom, you are instantly put into a position with expectations.
You wanted to be a good friend, you convinced yourself that you are a good friend, and decided to do what every good friend is supposed to do. And just what is that exactly?
You have no freaking clue.
First, there's the challenge of figuring out which category does the current situation of your friend fall into; 1) if he/she already has a decision made up, or 2) he/she genuinely seeks for your opinion or advice before figuring his/her next course of action, or 3) he/she doesn't need your two cents, just an earnest soul to pour his/her heart's contents out to.
For most of the time, most of us will find ourselves stuck in the third scenario. We do not need anyone deciding for us, we are adults who know what we want. Or do we?
Even so, we still want to decide for ourselves. After all, who knows us better than ourselves?
Until we have actually walked in other's shoes, we might never truly understand what that other person is going through; which renders us quite inadequate in giving a sound advice. What might be comfortable for some, might be painful for others. What might unbearable for others, might just be what others are striving for.
These collected differences in ideals will inevitably lead you to a dilemma, in which you contemplate whether to tell your friend what you think he/she really needs to hear, or take the easier way out by telling him/her what he/she expects or wants to hear, in an attempt to somehow liberate him/her from the stress that he/she is dealing, if only for a short period of time.
Ultimately it's really up to your friend to decide what's next for him/her.
And while you are wondering if the words that are coming out from your mouth is really for your friend's best interest, one thing you have known for sure is, no matter how things will turn out later, doesn't matter if your friend considers your input in the matter or not, you will be there for him/her, picking up the pieces if things were to go wrong or jumping up and down, joining in the happiness if things turned out for the best.
Because that's what friends do.
1 comment:
true friends talked people into buying expensive things.
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