Less than a month to the wedding...

...and I just got the checklist now. Time management fail!

But to be fair, we were caught up with a lot of things at once, falsely believing that we have superpowers. Wrong.

But nothing could beat the feeling of joy, bliss, relief flooding through the moment we were pronounced as husband and wife. Everything is worth that moment onwards.

Just when I'm getting busy to materialize this wedding, my laptop broke. How convenient is Murphy's Law now heh? I hate you Murphy, I really do.

So anyways, I'm stuck here in the office on a Saturday, planning the wedding while finishing of work that comes with impossible deadlines (but mostly just surfing Pinterest for wedding ideas, work can wait) while waiting for my man to finish work and arrive later today in KL. Living the life, huh? Very much.

1) Balloons
The people here at Delon Balloons (www.delonballoons.com/) have the best job ever! They have such fun job that they even work all week long! We visited them last Sunday and they were all smiles! No wonder there, who wouldn't want to work with balloons. If you like the idea of having balloons at your wedding, you would go berserk once you are in the shop. They have all kind of imaginable balloons! The price for balloon printing is very affordable, I was surprised myself when I found out about it. Sent the design last week, and yesterday they called to say the balloons were ready. Both their branches are based in Johor, one in Skudai and one in Kulaijaya. They offer courier service but I prefer of picking them up myself because I've got my eyes on more things in their shop to buy =D

Helium. A helium-filled balloon can only last for 8-10 hours so I have to source it somewhere nearer. A friend of my mom has a friend who supplied helium. So settled. To tell you the truth, I can't wait to swallow some helium and try out that squeaky voice thing! It would be fun!

2) Horse
Booked. Together with the decoration it costs Rm100. Haven't told the guy that I wanted his horse to wear a horn. With the embellishment that the horse is going to wear on the day, what's a horn on his head? Dear God, forgive me if that is considered as animal abuse.

(Of all the things on my list, these 2 get top priority. Just goes to show how messed up my prioritization is.)

3) Doorgift box
Someone I've worked with before in screenprinting did the design for a personalized giftbox and I am so stoked to see the result! Feel like putting it here now but it would take out the surprise no? Hint : We use our thumbprints to create a heart-shape; an idea I stole somewhere on the net hihi. But the guy who did the design is soooo talented, he did what I wanted and added extra detail that makes the box fits for a Malay wedding doorgift.

4) Dress
Can we skip this part because I want to cry now. I have no baju! Going to Medan Mara to find tailor today.

5) Candy Buffett
Found a halal marshmallow provider. She even has a halal certificate and all. A friend has agreed to help do the decoration.

6) Hall decoration
Would be bravely undertaken by yours truly. Godspeed. Pinwheels, doilies, ribbons, shells, and whatnots. Which reminds me I have to go buy stuff at the craftstore now. Before the husband arrives.

There'a actually another 12 items on the list. Will add them later!

Bride on a Budget

Yes, as cheapo as that title might sound. No rampant wedding shopping spree as the heart pleases as we will make big financial commitment in the near future.

But we had real fun in the process and I think that's what's most important. No matter how much money you have to splurge on your wedding, if you didn't take the time to enjoy the experience, and instead stress on every littlest detail, it won't be a great memory to carry with.

So anyways. Here's the breakdown of what has been done up until now.

1) Solemnization
So far I think we have everything covered. Borang nikah for both sides have been finalized, FINALLY, THANK GOD! Now we can get married. When the personnel at the religious office asked me to go see the ustazah to certify all the forms I brought, he told my mom that I shall go inside alone. Towards the end of our interview, of which she asked why get married in Kulim when my IC stated Alor Setar etc, the ustazah asked me, "Do you really want to get married on your own will, this is not forced right?" Then it made sense why I had to go in alone. I just wanted to scream "Yes, I DO I DO wanna get married to this guy!" Gatal. Hihi.

Advice numero uno, arrange HIV appointment way beforehand as most health clinics can only issue a result for up until 3 weeks. That, or you have to wait up to a month to get an appointment. I did mine at Klinik Kesihatan Bangi. Booked an appointment 3 weeks beforehand but the process took overall 10 minutes and I got the results within an hour. Talasemia is an optional test; Fudhail did his HIV test in Kangar, where they took one bloody vial of blood to carry out both test. I opted out because in Bangi, you have to be poked once for each test. Fudhail's already tested negative for talasemia so nahhh..

2) Details for Majlis Nikah
Pelamin (dais), hiasan katil, hiasan hantaran, extra beading for the dress, make-up, veil + tudung, bouquet of flower, all of these will be provided by a friend of my aunt. I like the make-up she did, not too heavy on the shading, kinda natural as far as a bride is allowed to look natural. Everything costed about RM800 and although I would have gladly forfeited the katil pengantin deco, my mom reasoned that it was for photography purposes, to put all the hantarans, not for us to sleep anyway. Ok noted.

3) Wedding Rings
We bought both our rings at My Diamond. Habib was way over our budget. A classic cut diamond ring with just one diamond costs about RM3k. Seteress. I actually went to My Diamond with my mom first, and the first ring that really caught my eyes, she disagreed with, saying that it's too fancy to be a wedding ring, not like your usual conventional wedding ring.

When I went back with Fudhail, I asked him to pick the one he likes to see me wear, without showing my preference just so not to influence his choice and lo and behold, his first pick was the one I had my eyes on! I knew that we had found the ring! Problem then was my mom. But we bought it anyway, sorry mom. I believe it'll grow on her some day, no worries. The diamond is brilliant cut, with detailing in rose gold. So excited to wear it everyday forever for as long as I live!

We bought the groom's ring there too; cincin suasa, an alloy made up of gold, silver and copper with its gold percentage less than both silver and copper combined, making it Ok for our Muslim husbands to wear it. Both rings costed us about RM2k. On top of that, we got rebate RM250 some more, yay to us thrifty bride/groom!

4) Photographer
As I insisted on having our days commemorated in videos, edited and all, this is one area that I could have but didn't feel like trimming. The cost for covering both nikah and reception events in photos would be around RM1800. Together with cinematography, the package costs RM3400.

5) Invitation card
We went to Gedung Kad Kahwin, in Kompleks Puchong Perdana. They have batshit crazy deal! For instance, RM580 for 1000 pieces cards, 2 free banners, 10 free signage, 500 chair boxes for door gift. And the design, whoah, the selection is very extensive. From garish overdone designs to modern minimalist ones, you name it, they have every design to suit your taste. Unfortunately, it would take at least a month for them to complete your order. So it pays to be early! Padan muka semua pon nak buat last minute. So in the end, we placed our order in some printer shop in Kulim, who could get everything ready in 2 weeks time. I'm trusting my mom on the design as I do not have time to actually go back and pick the design.

6) Self-pampering
You gotta love Groupon for this. Bought a facial and waxing package worth RM500 for just RM80. So  next weekend is pampering time; including dentist appointment, getting a hair cut, spa mani/pedi at the Nail Parlor because your nails will stay shining for one whole month!

7) Engagement prezzie
We decided to opt for watches instead of rings for our engagement. One tip is to buy from a certified watch dealers at shopping complexes instead of a branch selling just one brand, simply because you can  get extra discount on top of the official discount offered at the time. In our case, we got and extra plus minus RM200 discount apart from the 10% discount.

8) Reception hall.
Got to see the inside of the hall for our reception in December. Got the layout plan already so super excited! Mom got in touch with her high school friend who has a band we're gonna have a live band on the day. Have to compile a list of songs to give them so they can practice. Was thinking of singing a song on the day hihi perasan sungguh tapi takpa, permaisuri sehari kan bagila can walaupun suara tak sedap mana.

I wanted to have a projector to play the video to our solemnization ceremony since most of the friends will not be present on the day because of raya. But the hall is an open space I don't think there'll be any dim corner to allow the video to be watchable on the white screen. Haihhh.

Need to call the halal marshmallow person. Printed balloons. Door gifts. Survey horse carriage, my mom said she has seen a white horse before. Need to create FB event. Inform friends if they want to stay at the hotel, need to book now (plus there's 10% discount for guests), because December will be packed with people wanting to go to Langkawi.

List of things to do keep growing. Doakanlah supaya semuanya dipermudahkan ya, I really need all the help I can at this moment. Need to rest now, good night!

Letter to Future Son(s)/Daughter(s)

Dear future child(ren),

In less than 2 months, I will be married to your father, someone I have loved for quite a long time. I still do love him, with an increasing intensity with each passing day, and he still makes me blush and giggle like a schoolgirl.

We are both 25 years old this year, not rich, not broke either. Just enough to get by and enjoy the little pleasures life has to offer from time to time. Life is not that hard, we had it easier than our parents, that's for sure, but it's not a breeze all the time either.

Dreams, we have many of those, many of which have not materialized yet.

With the wedding inching closer, it's the inevitable to have people ask us about our plan in popping out mini us in the near future. To tell you the truth, I find the question terrifying. Like for instance, a colleague in office told us she is 3 months pregnant and the rest joked that I will be next. And I became defensive, to the point of near hyperventilating that I would exaggerate every single problem into a mountain.

Am I going to be able to go after all of my dreams after I have kids to tend to? What about the kids' father, is he going to miss out the baby's first smile, first word, first step? (As for now, both of us has agreed to live separately after marriage due to work obligation.) What about me; with the hormonal change and all, am I going to endure all that without someone holding my hair behind my neck while I puke over a the sink, cry and puke some more? What about my cravings, who's going to tend to that when my husband is going to be 4-hour drive away? Who is going to take care of the kids? Have you seen the video where the nanny kicked and stepped on the baby when it cries? I'm not putting my kids at such a risk, I'm going to hate myself. If I have to work, who's going to take the kids to museum after school, teach them about the world more than what the school can teach them, nurture their inquisitiveness? Am I going to have time to take them to the playground? Would they end up spending most of their waking time with the nanny than with me? Would they end up preferring to play Angry Birds on iPad than talk to me, or read books? Am I going to get fat with lots of cellulite? Am I going to get ugly? Would my husband find me ugly? What am I going to wear? Am I going to be able to endure the 9 months of such hormonal instability gracefully when having to deal with it a few days every month turns me into a time-bomb bitch ready to explode? Am I going to hate my husband's smell like some stories I've heard? Am I going to stay fat after the pregnancy? And then there's the childbirth itself. Natural labor, are you kidding me? This is someone who takes pain killer each month before I even get stomach cramps just so I don't have to feel it. If I did opt for Caesarian birth, I heard tending to the wound is hellish. Even giggling would cause great discomfort. And don't make me go into breastfeeding that's a whole another story. Would I actually have any idea on how to raise a child? I mean, I cut and bumped and bruised myself all the time from unfortunate miss of judgements, how can I make sure I don't hurt a child? Is now even the right time to raise a kid, I mean have you read the news, kids are being snatched off the streets all the time! Like just now, I forgot where I put my wallet, am I actually fit to be a mother? Are we going to be able to raise the kids in a comfortable life? How do one travel with little kids anyway, I mean can they actually go to Macchu Picchu, we haven't been to Macchu Picchu and I've always wanted to go to Macchu Picchu so bad! Would my in-laws and family hate me if we decided to wait a few years before having kids? If we did plan on waiting first, would God consider us ungrateful and not grant us any kids at all, like ever? What if we did have kids and it turned out we weren't ready? Would having kids change us into a different person?

All these rendered me paralyzed with fear sometimes.  

But the thing is, despite all that chaos in my head, I have this feeling that one day I am going to be a mother. And I am going to relish the role. Just that the feeling seems to be quite a distance from now.

So if you are old enough to read this, if there are times when I am being difficult like mothers tend to be, you should know that I went against all of my own arguments to go through something I am most terrified of; childbirth and being a mother. Do know that I love you with such ferocious tenacity, rivaling that of the fiercest lioness of the savannah. So don't be too difficult on me and your father, please.

Lots of love,
Me.

Searching for That Dream House

Having a roof over your head is one of the basic necessities in life; apart from food and the clothes on your back (not so much that three shirts you have in your wardrobe in 3 'different' shades of white). 

Rental in Kota Damansara is getting outrageous. A run-down old flat will cost you around RM700-800 per month. An extra RM400-700 per month will get you a well-kept apartment. A basic condo unit can fetch up to RM2000-2500. Then there's the high-end condos for which you have to be ready to fork up around RM4000 per month. A landed house..let's not go there. Yet. Mission impossible.

This sentiment is felt across the country actually, where price of houses is reaching an all-time high; without any sign of stopping soon. Some took this as a sign of a housing bubble; a situation in which the price is driven up by the speculation that the price is going to get even higher until at one point, due to lack of actual need in housing, the system will burst, leaving people with mortgages they cannot afford. Like what happened in the U.S. a few years back. Once it crashes, it went with a Bang, not a mere Pop.  

In the Netherlands, if a property is vacant for more than a year, it is not a crime to occupy it. This is to ward off investors buying property and keep it until the price has gone up profitable enough to resell. An opinion of my German language teacher is that the need we feel to own a house is hammered into us by our society, without much benefit to us. He argued, what's wrong with paying rent your whole life? But of course, this, coming from a man who paid cash for his Viva car. 

What caused the property prices to grow exponentially in the last 30 years? The answer would lie in the government's policy. Like always, the government would conjure (or lately, say) something up with the best of intention (or so I would like of believe) at its core, until the success of the system became its own monster. 

In the 60s, bank would only approve housing loan, 60% of the total amount, and the repayment would last at most for 10 years. Now one can expect to get a 90% financing which has become a standard practice for most banks, and recently with the My First Home Scheme (M1HS),  lending margin can reach up to 100%. Monthly repayment was reduced as the repayment period which was at 10 years in 1960 has been extended to 30 and sometimes up to 40 years now. See the inevitable booby trap?

Let's look into the M1HS. This scheme allows fresh graduates who have just started working with a monthly income of less than RM3000 and is younger than 35 years old to take out a 100% loan, for a property that is valued under RM300k. For joint applicants with income of less than RM6000 combined, they can apply for a 100% loan for a property valued to up to RM400k. This means, young working individuals do not have to worry over how to fork up the 10% down-payment, what with having to worry about wedding/hantaran and stuff. 

This situation has seen young generation flocking to take out home loan and shop for their dream house, or for investments. The question is, is it a wise decision?

In my humble opinion, it depends on how informed you are on your current situation. You need to know if you are going to be committed to being responsible in your monthly spending. You need to know the prospect of the area you're buying into; is there many ongoing development that will add value to the area, etc. You need to know the developer. The owner if it is a sub-sale. The current bank valuation of the property. You need to be prepared to do research on a lot of these.

But in the end, who knows for sure if the market is going to continue this steady rise in the next 10 years? What if the market crashes tomorrow? Nobody can tell you the answer, even the most expert in the industry. Only God knows that. 

But put it this way; if you buy a home, in 1 year you will have won a total of 15% equity in your property if you took out a 90% 30-year loan. And imagine this; if you rent, in a year you would have paid 5% of the landlord's mortgage. So generous, eh?

Helipad

We were driving past the road leading to the house I'm staying in. Honestly I didn't know how we ended up there, my humble national car must have felt pretty out of place sometimes sandwiched between a Mercedes and a Harrier and Swifts other whatnots in the parking lot. I hope my Viva doesn't have a car inferiority complex, because I couldn't care less about cars.

Along the road, any empty vast space left are being developed into residential units. There's this double-storey resort homes, with its own private pool. Then there's this luxurious condominium, its starting selling price is RM1 million. It gets one wondering what comes with a unit with a shared roof and floor at that price tag.  Deep burned curiosity alone is not enough to overcome the intimidation to actually enter the sales office and take a tour around the show unit.

An evening drive on that road if it's not congested makes you feel like you are on a holiday. Rain trees lined each side of the road. A sign board by the roadside across the road opposite the luxury condo caught our attention. It says: Helipad. Behind it an expansive area which we initially thought was a football field.

Wow. Just wow. Seriously, normal people need heli to move around these days? That's obnoxious but hey, if our Prime Minister gets to ride in one, whose to say no to other equally busy and mobile individual?

Fudhail joked that we could land our own heli there some time, albeit a battery-powered one. Yeah sure.

I'm not hating. Kalau la kita ditakdirkan sekaya itu, no telling what we might do. It could be worse. Maybe instead of a heli, it would be a heli fashioned to look like a unicorn. See. Told you it could be worse.

TT

We were in the process to look at houses to buy, as the house rent here is ridiculously high, we thought might as well we pay the same amount every month for us, instead of to pay off someone else's loan.

Last weekend, Arief, the mystery creature who only appears to the naked eyes once in a while whenever it pleases, who also happens to be my brother, decided to follow us to the viewing of the houses, since he is going to be living with me. Most of the time.

After we are done for the day we decided to go for dinner together. Left alone just the two of us, Fudhail off somewhere, the following conversation took place.

"Tadi tengok kakak dengan Fudhail buat belanjawan bulanan lepas kahwin, rasa sedih."

"Awat? Sebab kami sengkek ka? Hahaha."

"Taklah, sebab cepat sangat rasanya. Tu yang adik lari masuk bilik tu."

"TT."

'TT' wasn't a word, it was me crying. I cried in public. Got my mascara running down my eyes so that I look like a panda.

I told my mom and she said, "We're happy for you but we're both still adjusting."

"TT."

As much as a weirdo my family is, our love for each other in undeniable.

Wedding Planning

Yes, I have accepted the fact that the bride is not the only excited for the wedding. The entire family is. That's a good thing of course. Sharing the excitement also makes them prone to conjuring up ideas on the big day, which of course, might differ from the idea I have in mind.

So I have made clear the two 'sacred' things I'm not willing to compromise on. These things, come hell or high water (sounds creepy since the wedding would be near 'kola' as Perlisians called it), shall be present on the day, unless they are not meant to be by the bigger force of Heaven :

1) Unicorn carriage. I'd settle for a horse (a white horse with a horn attached to its forehead).
2) Rainbow sponge cake

Not that too much to ask for eh?

Some other details that I'm fond of:

1) Floss candy
2) Foosball table - We first bonded over a game of this; by the way I won on our first date!
3) Smarties / colorful jellies
4) Printed balloons
5) Live band
6) Soap bubble and paper confetti
7) Slideshows of our baby photos/video on solemnization

Why not throw in some elephant and trapeze swingers, since it looks like you're having a circus not a wedding?

Well, it can be a carnival-themed wedding, like Britney's Circus album. I think I prolly should do an inspiration board, to show to Ibu and mother-in-law.

I would be nice to have a laid-back not-too-formal wedding where we and our favorite people can have a good time at.

So the progress so far? Mr Groom has completed his form, so it's my turn to do it before we could get a signature of the Tok Imam. I'll share the details in another post. Mana tau boleh buat rujukan masa hadapan.

Blood test. Oh man..susah gila nak buat kat area sini. 3 minggu prior kena buat appointment tau!

Photographer/videographer confirmed. Called the guy the other day (he's really cool btw), cakap nak tambah macam-macam daripada package asal, nak outdoor photoshoot 2 kali la, nak tambah lagi satu clip extra untuk tayang time wedding la, tapi still dapat harga yang sama yayy me!

Baju nikah dah beli! Beli yang biasa-biasa aja, nak meng-Vera-Wang tak mampu. Baju yang beli ni kaler putih, mode style, retro habis ah. Planning nak tambah beading sendiri nanti. Puiii macam la sempat. Baju pengantin lelakiku nak tempah weekend ni.

Rumah masih lagi menyopping. Yang susah sebab ada limited budget. Scratch that. Very limited budget. On top of that, memilih pulak tu. Yang apartment/rumah teres biasa-biasa takmau hehe. Tapi in all seriousness, we are looking for a well-maintained condos like the one I'm renting now because of the tight security since I would be living alone most of the time kan. Baru-baru ni ada kes perempuan kena kelar leher dekat apartment dekat-dekat sini! Scary, ya Allah minta dijauhkan! Kalau tak sebab memilih walhal budget limited, dah lama dah beli, banyak kot yang berkenan. Rumah dekat area Kota Damansara ni harga dah shoot through the roof dah, sebab dah confirm nak buat MRT. Oh man, kalau ada duit, it would be a very god investment to buy in this area.

Make-up artist dah janji dengan a good friend in Kulim nanti dia nak bawakkan jumpa officemate dia ada kedai.

Apa lagi? Lah. Baru tu ja. Banyak lagi ni tak siapppp! Hantaran belum beli! Ibu dah pesan jangan beli kasut, dia tak gemar nak kena letak atas dulang semua I can't understand the logic pfffft.

Off to work now, bye!

The Wedding Planner

As soon as I walked out of the shop selling personalized wedding door gifts and accessories, twinkled-eyed and mouth-agaped, I turned to look the boyfriend straight in the eyes, and with utmost conviction proclaimed, "I know what I wanted to be!"

"Oh no, not again...you've been changing your--"

"I want to be a wedding planner! That's my calling, my true calling!"

"Babe, let's focus--"

"I've never felt so sure in my life about anything than this moment!"

"Well, you said that when you told me you wanted to run a resort by the beach---"

"This is different!"

"Sure.."

"Why are you not being the supportive boyfriend, we are getting married in 4 months!"

"I think you should calm down, maybe it's just the adrenaline--"

"No! This is real, I know I'mma be awesome at it!"

"O-K..."

Been changing my mind of what I want to be since I was a kid. Guess some things stay the same, huh?

Part 5 : Quest of The Ring..and Others.

Smacked tired. Bliss nevertheless. I'mma sleep like a baby tonight.

Went to have a look at the stuff to buy, in order to establish our final choices and more importantly, to have a establish our budget on each of the item. We can't go on a careless shopping spree and risk at the end of the day having a budget shortage for something super important like the ring. 

In terms of that, today was a success. The ring, the doorgift, invitation cards, hantaran and the fabric for wedding and akad nikah's ceremony; we have found the place, in which we have set our eyes on selected few items. We just need to sleep them over and hopefully by the next two weeks, when we meet again for kursus kahwin we can finalize our choice and set everything into motion. 

Mom told us to check out Jakel. They have this bridal package in which the bride gets to choose the fabric for dresses and the guy's fabric in matching color will come for free. The arrangement makes it looks like the bride is supposed to be the star of the day and the groom is just the handsome accessory, which of course is how things are meant to be! Weddings are for the bride! But not in my case apparently as my groom is the kind of man who actually cares about the color scheme being almost as much of a vainpot as I am. I've never spent that much time in a kedai kain before without being bored! Akak salesgirl dah muncung-muncung dah when we kept changing from one theme to another. Chill la, that's the first time we ever went to see the fabric for our wedding suit/dress, you can't expect us to make up our mind on the spot. 

They have every fabric imaginable, even the lace, beaded lining in any color and shapes, multi-tone chiffon fabric which is so Zuhair Murad pon ada. And the fabric comes in a broad price spectrum, from 240 per set to 2500. Pilihlah ikut kemampuan masing-masing. 

Final status : He wishes for me to dress up in brighter color for our wedding day while I'm still mulling over wearing cream/off-white for both our nikah and wedding day. I mean, it's a classic color right?? You can NEVER go wrong in it. Repetitive, yes, but....I don't know. But we have a few other options now to think over.

Wedding ring. First time I saw this rose gold/white gold ring with diamond-studded butterflies, I fell in love! Though I admit it's a tad too playful to be a wedding ring..he asked me to imagine being 50 years old and still wearing it. I mean he has a point but 50 is double my age now it's still a long way to go I can't really imagine it and well, when I reach 50, don't I deserve a new ring from my husband?? The butterfly ring can be turned into a pendant or something..

Before this I kinda like the diamond band thingy. But as I tried one after another after another just now, they simply do not look good on me. They look awkward on my ring finger! =( Frustrated, I asked him to pick one he likes to see best, disregarding my preference whatsoever. He chose this brilliant cut diamond ring, the diamond placed against a heart-shaped mini-diamond-studded plate. Good luck imagining it I know my description sucks so bad. So anyways, this ring looks very feminine, very timeless..I love it! I think I might consider my diamond-band-ring only policy. 

Doorgift. 

That'll have to wait some other time. So tired and sleepy right now.

Second week of Ramadhan. Have a blessed one! 

Bridezilla Part 4 : Next Step

So the venue is confirmed. Ocean Glow Hall, Putra Brasmana Hotel, Kuala Perlis.

What the venue looks like at night captured by the lens of a highly-skilled photographer.

What the venue looks like during sunset captured by the lens of a artistically-inclined photographer.

What the venue actually looks like through the naked eyes and captured by a shutter-click-happy newbie.

So it's a not-quite-beach-wedding we're having. Finding ways to work with that. Praise to God, there's still a slot left free for us on the 8th December 2012. The remaining weekends of the month is already booked. Coincidentally, 8th December turned out to be the only date convenient for ALL of parties involved. Phew..

Date and venue for the wedding confirmed so what's next on the list?

Solemnization!

We chose to have it a month earlier for many reasons. Utmost important reason being, again, convenience for all the parties involved. Having it on the same day of the wedding would be a bit kelam kabut, having it on the weekend prior to the wedding would mean we both have to take almost 2 consecutive weeks of leave..

Hence we decided to have the solemnization on 10.11.12. Pretty neat date, huh? ;) Boleh ambil cuti sehari plus weekend untuk selesaikan semua urusan. Or maybe another extra 2 days of pre-honeymoon. Oops. Hehe.

Moving on. What you actually NEED to get married are :

1. Kursus kahwin
2. Sijil kursus kahwin
3. Surat akuan bujang
4. HIV, talasemia test
5. Borang kebenaran nikah
6. Salinan IC wali
7. Salinan IC dua orang saksi
8. Sijil nikah parents
9. Borang nikah dari Pejabat Agama
10. Jurunikah/Tok Kadi

These are actually the only things you need to be pronounced as husband and wife in God's eyes; the rest is just icing, frosting, fondant topped with sprinkles, sugar balls and chocolate sprinkles. Islam itu mudah. But I guess kalau tak menyulitkan keadaan, apa salahnya buat wedding untuk mewar-warkan ikatan yang sah tu dan juga meraikan pengantin, sesuai dengan kemampuan.

Lepas dah hadiri kursus kahwin, suruh si bakal suami ambil borang nikah dari Pejabat Agama, isi semua yang berkaitan, lepas tu suruh dia hand over semua documents untuk dilampirkan bersama borang yang telah diisi oleh si bakal isteri. Please take note, tak semua jurunikah mahu nikahkan dekat rumah, dan jurunikah ni kena book awal-awal jangan nanti nak berebut dengan Bridezilla lain pulak. But, the approved borang nikah is only valid for ONE MONTH for us ladies and THREE MONTHS for the guys. Jadi nak book awal sangat pon tak boleh jugak. Kena standby borang, cukup-cukup sebulan submit. But I do plan to call the Jurunikah 3 months in advance, who knows perhaps we can come to an agreement that the date can be reserved for us, even before any black and white is submitted.

Next up are

1. Photographer

I've been eyeing this very talented duo which happened to be my schoolmate during my SMK Sultanah Asma days. Asked for quote and the price is at a staggering range between RM2k to RM4k! Is that normal? I mean, I do respect people's talent and passion but that is quite pricey.. So that leaves me to square one and I'm gonna have to keep on searching.

2. Kain untuk baju akad nikah

The plan is to go shopping with the beau this weekend. We opted to go for the safe cream colour so we have to shop together because as you know, there's countless shades of whites available, off by 2-3 shade and it's going to look very odd.

3. Wedding dress

Kalau sempat nak pergi test baju sekali.

4. Cincin & hantaran.

Going browsing/shopping this week too. Lima dulang berbalas tujuh. Cincin dengan sirih junjung tu termasuk sekali dalam hantaran ka asing eh? Kalau sekali rugi la! Boleh tak cincin tu selit masuk di celahan daun sirih? Hmm..have to refer to Ibu and Mama Rohana.

5. Kad kahwin.

Have a few ideas running through my head now, have to finalize it with The Future Husband, materialize it somehow and discuss with The Mom and The In-Laws before going to the printer. or should we go to the printer first and ask them to materialize the ideas we have? Have to find out.

6. A house.

Utmost important thing is going shopping/window shopping for a house this weekend. Ibu is planning to take Maktok back to kampung pretty soon; Maktok's longing for a kampung life, come on, at the age of 70, jalan-jalan pusing The Curve, Putrajaya, Melaka, shopping complex lost its appeal soon enough in favor of the quiet, tranquil kampung life where everybody knows everybody.

The house I'm renting now is very comfortable in terms of the facilities, convenience and security it provides. The rent I'm paying now is however around 25-30% under market price, God bless the landlord who has not increased the rent for the last 5 years or so I believe. I should perhaps rent the house out at the current market price, and pocket the extra cash heh? If only.. Point is, if we decide to buy the house I'm staying now, at the current market price, the monthly payment would be 25-30% higher than what I'm actually paying.

Condos/landed houses around this area come with a price tag that makes mouths drop, eyes wide open, but there are some gems lay hidden if you are willing to look properly. I don't see the point of us paying a sum of money every month to repay someone else's loan. Money we worked hard for, money earned while being apart from each other.

So yeah. Definitely making a few appointments to have a look at the houses these weekends.

Gosh how I wish I have an extra 2 hours each day just to plan for these. Good thing is, with all these hecticness, the 4-5 months are going to fly by very fast!

15 minutes to berbuka! Selamat berbuka!

Bridezilla Part 3 : Venue - Confirmed

By yesterday the venue was down to 3 choices; Timah Tasoh Lake, Putra Brasmana, and Dewan Warisan or 2020. The latter choice we didn`t have any contact so we proceeded wih the first two.

Mama Rohana said Timah Tasoh if she remembered correctly wasn`t so pricey so we went to have a look. The place evokes a romantic mood. The hall overlooks the tranquil lake, series of lush green hills acts as the perfect backdrop.

One minor downside is it`s about 15km from the city center. Second major one is Fasha Sandha. Given the recent exposure of the place thanks to her, the place is overglamorized now the price has shot through the

roof. RM18 per head PLUS you have to also take the wedding decoration package they offer which includes RM500 for wedding cake table, RM1500 for walkway, RM3500 for pelamin, RM1000 for meja pengantin. These are the areas you can cut corners on, areas where you can save a lot. I`d rather splurge on good food for the guests.

Next up is Ocean Glow, Putra Brasmana. First look and I fell in love. From afar you can see these white canopy arranged on a jetty extending out into the sea. I can imagine the scenery during sunset. Mesti romantik abessss. *dreams*

The person we talked to was super sweet. Looks like an easy person to have to work with. We can bring outside food too in addition of the ones that were prepared under the package. Personally I like to pay for a hall which includes food, meja kerusi semua. Senang. Less hassle for my inlaws and my mom since I won`t be able to handle everything.

This package which is at RM12 per head includes all that and more. Meja makan beradap pengantin, red carpet, PA system, semua pon termasuk. Ada 10% discount on the hotel room kalau sedara mara nak duduk. I think the price is fair enough. And the management is also ready to accommodate our other needs macam pelamin, extra food etc.

What sold me on the place is...ada horse carriage! Kalau ada kuda putih, nak letak horn bagi jadi unicorn! Maybe the excitement was all over my face that both families agreed on the venue. We booked it on the same day.

Venue: settled. Time to fuss over other fun details!

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Bridezilla : Part 2 : Venue

In the office today. Trying to finish up some work since I've taken 3 days off last week. Next week the survey team for the new project will be mobilized to the middle of nowhere off the coast of Johor. I've no office laptop, so that means more things to be done once I got back from the survey. Working on my personal laptop is no use since I need access to this stupid server thingy which has the template ready for every kind of document/report to be written; I need to change whatever I wrote into the said template and the process is super tedious.

Or perhaps I shouldn't have came in to the office today, just so that my work would pile up just enough to drive the boss crazy and then I can complain about having to be sent off somewhere every alternating week without a laptop which renders me unable to do write-up on-site. But maybe, a laptop would just be a curse; the boss can just demand things to be sent on time. Arghh such is the dilemma.

So anyways. The boss asked if I still wanted to on on sampling. "You tak nak jage kecantikan ke babe?" referring to my impending wedding. Perhaps I'll stop somewhere in mid-October.

Back to the wedding plans. Got an SMS from girlfriend early this morning, hinting me on the promotion AirAsia will be carrying out starting tomorrow. She urged me to book fast. Appreciate her effort!

The thing is, the date is still up in the air to be decided. I'll be going back to Perlis this weekend, to discuss with mother-in-law-to-be about the date and the venue since we are having a double reception the reason being boyfriend can't afford to take too many day off, company kedekut cuti siot. AND since we share almost half mutual friends it would be kind of redundant and a waste to hold a wedding for more or less the same set of people back-to-back during the same weekend.

I know this could be a tricky path to thread in but Aunty Rohana doesn't seem like a cerewet mother-in-law so hopefully the planning and eveything will go well. How will this work? How about the color scheme; do we divide the hall into two separate sides with two themes??? Those are the things I've yet to find out.

One of the possible venue is the one by the lake. Tapi nak buat siang ka malam? Kalau siang baru nampak tasik, tapi panas nya tambah-tambah panas Perlis uishhh kalah panas padang pasir. Kalau malam buat outdoor tak nampak tasik pulak. Dilemma.

Last night, a girlfriend asked me to check out this other venue, facing the beach tapi seriously, beach kat Kuala Perlis? Bau kola, mood-killer kot. But I'll try to drop by the place when I go back to Perlis next weekend.

For the time being, am contemplating peach-cream with dark brown color scheme.

Things are moving slow...when do I get to try on the dream wedding dress??

Bridezilla : Part 1

It's a Saturday. Just got back from road trip with my mom. Exhausted but the trip was worth every second spent. We had so much fun, learnt a lot about each other and made memories that will stay with us for as long as we breathe. She's a bit melodramatic though; I on the other hand am convinced that this will definitely not be the last trip we'll take together. Come on, I'm not marrying some psychotic control-freak who's trying to alienate me from you by relocating us to some isolated village in Indonesia. But yeah, I can understand where the sentiment comes from. In less than a year, I won't be ultimately hers anymore, she would have to officially share me with my husband.

Even on the day of the merisik, me and my mom are still debating on the date of the wedding. She wasn't ready for it to take place so soon. During our road trip, I asked her if she resented my decision, on wanting to get married this year and she said she was shocked at first, but she respects my decision and now she's all giddy up planning the details of my wedding. She has even started to call up friends complaining on the immensity of things to be done; which I know she secretly enjoys.

Our engagement which was planned to take place next month might not happen; as of now, it is 90% confirmed that our engagement will not take place next month.

Seronoknya time merisik semangat declare nak kahwin secepat mungkin, bulan December 2012, but now, seems like there's a gazillion thing to be done and we are all hard-pressed on time. Duit pon tengah kumpul lagi ni. But come what may, we will try our best to braze this through together and have fun along the way. Dah alang-alang kan. Buat apa nak stress.

5 bulan. To plan a wedding. From scratch. Rasakan!!!!

Since time is running out, our E-day will be postponed to the day of the akad itself. Tak sempat la nak merasa jadi tunang orang, nak rasa darah lebih manis daripada biasa. Hihi.

Before we could go to the fun detail like the wedding dress (dah awal lagi dah ada, cuma nak pergi kedai tu balik and test pulak!), doorgift (dah jumpa possible candidate masa roadtrip pi Terengganu 2-3 hari lepas), backdrop, wedding theme, etc, there are a few things that need to be settled first :

1) Tetapkan date! 22.12.2012 seems to be no good to bakal suami tercinta. He'll be busy towards the end of the mnth which would mean we need to cut our honeymoon trip short. Alternative : 15.12.12. This might be it and when I found out this morning that it's the date my parents got married, oooo I'm in love with the date already!

2) Book dewan. December would be THE month to get married, right? So most dewan will be full-booked awal-awal lagi. So kena secure the date cepat-cepat.

3) Test darah. HIV and Talasemia. HIV test result will be valid 6 months before akad.

4) Kursus kahwin. Booked a slot already for us on 11-12th August.

5) Book ticket to earthly paradise! A friend booked her honeymoon package 1 year earlier and it saved her like RM1.5k.

6) Decide where to have the akad, and apply for the tok kadi etc. A friend will have her akad next month, and since she had moved to a different district than where the address of her IC dictates, the procedure she has to go through is a bit tedious. You have to declare why you are having your akad someplace else than in the district you applied your IC. Arghhh why do they have to come up with the rules that's such a hassle?? I'm sure there's a reason behind it but seriously, takkan la dia expect orang semua bermastautin tak berpindah randah dari tempat apply IC tu?? Hmm. Oh well since I can't beat the system, this is another important thing to do. It took months in some cases to clear this thing, and hopefully my friend got a clearance before her akad!

Once all that is done, baru la boleh nak fikir pasal lain-lain.

Things would have been perfect had I have all my other GMI girlfriends with me right now planning this wedding. Some of them are here, and I will definitely be bothering them to accompany me to various fitting/sampling/browsing, just you wait (wink wink Moon hint hint). But everyone elses' lives won't stop, the whole world won't pause, just so you could plan your wedding so yeah.

I guess this blog, which hopefully will be updated from time to time as the plan for the wedding progresses, is like a living documentary of the whole process, so that even though I can't have you my dearie friends with me for every step of the way, keeping you guys abreast (hate that phrase, seriously, hating it even more as I typed it!) of the entire process is like a way for me to deal with our distance, be it time or space.

So here comes bridezilla! =D

Morning Glory

Almost everyday as I walk to my car around 8.30 in the morning, she will be on the floor where my car was parked, engrossed with sweeping the whole area clean. Normally she won't be too far from my car. 

As I walked past her, I'll be sure to make eye contact, to smile and wish her good morning. She always seem glad, a smile would spread across her face, eyes wrinkled as she greets me back. The usual question Malaysians love would follow, "Sudah sarapan?" to which I would raise my coffee-to-go mug, the substance that must be pumped into my system in the morning, lest I would turn into scary female Hulk. Sometimes she would ask me about my mom and grandma. 

I think, and I might be very wrong here, that she purposely does that, choosing the right time to be near my car so as to bump into me, to exchange that trivial pleasantries, even for a brief moment. 

6 billion people in the world. And still the world can get very lonely sometimes. I know that perhaps a little too well. 

Soulmates

There are more than 6 billion people in the world. The idea that we are supposed to scrounge through the richness of 6 billion beings walking on planet Earth in order to get to that one person out there meant to be our soulmate is not only mathematically depressing, but also mathematically impossible. 

Say from the time you were born, you meet at least 100 new people every single day, people you've never met before, then by the time you were 25 years old, the number will only add up to 456,250 people. Which means if you get to live until 100 years, if you're lucky or unlucky, depending on your circumstance, then you'll get to meet less than 2 million human beings, that's less than 0.1%! If that is the case, well then, fate is playing a cruel joke on all of us.

There's a high chance that there might be more than one person designated to be our perfect match, those that are worth it to stand next to us and walk side by side into the horizon of domestic bliss... 

I'm saying that we might have more than one soulmate in this world. It's possible. This, coming from a hopeless fairy-tale believer, is something, you see.

But. I still believe with utmost conviction that it takes a lifetime to do justice in loving one of your soulmate truly and thoroughly. 

A freaking lifetime for each soulmate. 

So if you believe in reincarnation then go ahead.

But. If you do not believe in reincarnation and doing a half-assed job is your thing, then by all means, go ahead too. 

  

Mersing

Yay, finally found the name of the curious species that we saw in Mersing. It's called the Blue Dot Sea Hare, scientific name Bursatella leachii :

Sea slugs.

We saw them while doing the seagrass survey and these little guys were swarming the whole area. They walk in a group of large number, all walking towards the same direction, with a sense of purpose, walking towards the seagrass.

"The have a very clear yet simple sense of purpose in life."

"Yeah."

"....."

"I envy them."

"Me too."

I'm easily excitable so the sight of these creatures are very engrossing. In fact I was pretty well behind of the group because I kept lingering with these cool bunch. They have an opening on their back, from which they secrete bubbles of air and this also I find fascinating. You see, the opening is not visible, not until they part half of their whole back open, and since their body is slushy, when they close this opening, it sticks together and you'll never know it's actually there. Ever saw the 90s horror movie called 'Blob'? Boo if you've never had. I think Blob might be inspired by this creature.

And the fun part was just about to begin. These sea hares, if you accidentally stepped on them, or nudged/poked/disturbed them, as a defense mechanism, they'll secrete a deep red/maroon-ish ink which I also don't know why. I thought it's the same mechanism as the octopus, to decoy or stunt their prey so that they could make a run for their life. But these guys, after secreting the conspicuous-colored ink they stay exactly at the same spot, motionless! Even if they make a run for it, I doubt they would go far. They are just selow. Haihhh. Which led me to thinking that perhaps the ink is poisonous. Upon googling later, I found out that they are not. --'' So it's just basically a dramatic act.

Gambar hiasan. Ini sea slug species lain tapi color ink tu sama.

When I found out that the innk is not poisonous, the next day, I might have accidentally nudged/poked them more times than is normal.... Sorry dudes! 

Next creature is this saddle carpet anemone. They are so pretty to look at! And they are abundant in the shallow water along the Mersing shoreline. I call them 'Semalu Laut' because yerp, you guess it, if you again, accidentally nudged/poked/stepped on them, they'll recoil until what's left is a tiny gooey ball the size of your fist, 20 times smaller than their initial size. Locals say they eat this, cutting them into thin slices and fry them with salt and pepper, jadi keropok.

Sadlle carpet anemone.

And the seagrass. The reason that we were there in the first place. They cover a huge area along the stretch of the coastline. And half of it is either dying or unhealthy. Imagine the setting like 10 years ago. Must have been a sight back then. But there's no dugong feeding trail on the seagrass carpet though. Perhaps because the low tide is very low, and the water is not that deep even during high tide. During low tide, you can (technically) walk towards the closest island, Pulau Setindan from the beach on mainland. I said technically because it'll take you forever because you'll keep getting stuck in the mud. But I made it. With bruises and blisters due to the cheap uncomfortable boots.

The water is muddy and murky close to the shoreline but as you drift away about 1-2 km into the sea, you'll get clear blue water. No wonder, Mersing is quite close to Tioman.

Colleagues that did the coral survey said that several small islands near Mersing boast some of the rare species. But they are also dying. It's sad actually. Mersing feels like a burial site for all these amazing creatures.

There's talk of replanting the seagrass and coral rehabilitation. I sure hope something will be done, something drastic, a draconian measure if you will, with the best intention of preserving the ecology here, not just something for the sake of having it written on paper, just for show.

P.s : All photos are sourced from the internet.



Adrenaline Rush

So it's like this.

I saw an ad of someone wanting to let go of her booth at a much sought after fashion bazaar and it's cheap too so I bought it before taking too long to think it through, definitely an impulse buy! 

The event's in exactly 16 days and most of the stocks I've last taken are already gone now; I only have like what 7-8 items to sell? 

So that leaves me 16 days to pull this booth together. Lots of things to plan I'm not sure where to start but this is giving me such an adrenaline rush that I'mma step up to it. Giddy with excitement! 

Hope it'll all go well =)

Mom went back kampung for the whole week.

And truth be told, it's kind of a breath of fresh air. To have the house alone for myself. And technically, adik, but he's rarely home when I'm home because his job's nocturnal so.

I like living with my mom. I can see her everyday. Save phone bill.

But let's face it. I'm 25 now. It's pretty suffocating sometimes having someone calling after you to bring a bottle of drinking water as you walk out the door, commenting on how messy your room is when you got home at 10pm at night WORKING, needing you to switch off the light everytime you go out of your room even for a short while!, calling you during meeting to make sure you find your way to the client's office.

I value my solitude. I like it. Even when I live alone back then some times I need a quiet time for myself. No other human company.

But if living together makes her happy, that's how it's gonna be.


In the meantime, let's enjoy this quiet, empty house. *breath deeply in and out* Hahhhh....

SMS of Complain

[SMS sent on Tue, 2nd May 09:26 ]

Dear future husband,

Please take note that it is getting increasingly annoying not waking up beside you every morning.

Best regards,
Your future wife.



[SMS received on Tue, 2nd May 09:36 ]

Dear future wife,

Your complain has been noted. Please be patient while I'm trying to solve your problem.

At your service,
Your future husband.



[SMS sent on Tue, 2nd May 10:10 ]

Dear future husband,

Your effort is deeply appreciated. I love you.

Yours forever,
Your future wife.

Drama Queen 6-Year-Old

The forehead of my 6-year-old niece creased, her tiny fingers pressing on her chest repeatedly as if trying to massage away the pain she was feeling. Upon seeing this, my aunt asked her what was wrong, to which she replied, "Rasa sakit kat dada ni," continuing to massage her chest.

Worried, she prodded further, "Sakit macam mana? Kena apa?"

"Sakit la, Chacha rasa rindu sangat kat Atiqka dengan Ibu Sham ni." Her name is Ariessa by the way and we all call her Chacha.

Awwwwww. I know, right?

My aunt called to tell us that moving story last week. I felt like driving straight to Kulim to see her! Luckily, this week, my uncle has something to do with work in KL so the little girl is coming for a visit, albeit a very short one and I'm so excited to see her. She'll be surprise once she sees that my car is not pink like I told her. Sorry. But this car'll take you anywhere you want, just name it.

She's arriving tonight and I've gotta go settle some issues first after work (about a project I'm very excited to tell about but I don't want to jinx it) and hopefully by the time I'm home, she's there already.

Environ-Mental

First involvement in report write-up submitted to DOE. Prioritized courier some more. So excited!

They were 3 volumes altogether and my name is on all of them. *beams* Though they were just standard monthly reporting, an update to the main EMP, not the EMP itself, nor the DEIA. I still need to go to an induction course and be certified by DOE before my name can be on one of those reports.

But sometimes we need to celebrate our little life's achievement along the way to keep us going. Give yourself a pat in the back. Or get yourself that new pair of shoes. ;p

Anyways. For DEIA and EMP, which usually have like 5 volumes including the Appendices, which makes up to about 800 pages or more altogether for each set, DOE demands 15 copies of those. If we print on both side of the paper, that makes 6000 pages. 6000 pages! Which eludes their initial purpose in protecting our environment..what a comic irony.

Relic

I was reminiscning good memories about my father the whole morning. Not in a sad kinda way.

I remember my mother telling me how my father's mother was such a sweet and simple woman, she once declared that if my father's first child is a daughter, she would like it if she lives with her. This was a woman who never learned, or refused to learn, how to use a gas stove. Imagine what kind of a woman I would have became if she lived to see the day I was born. I would be perfect for Pencarian Gadis Melayu show!

Anyhow, it so happened that this morning, a colleague approached my table and asked me if I know anyone in this office originating from Melaka. She got this nice sort of like a mini encyclopedia on Melaka printed on thick glossy paper, the pages are all colored. She got it while attending a conference but since the book deals more on history and cultural heritage which does not have much to do with her project, she figures she should give it someone who would appreciate it better.

I can't really explain my feeling at that moment. I feel like I was being spoken to. Since the concept of life after death does not exist in our religion, so it was not possible that I was being spoken to by the spirit of my deceased father. Though the idea was a romantic one but I have to dismiss it although it would make just the perfect plot Ghost Whisperer had the show survived another season.

Maybe it was just pure coincidence and I told her my father was indeed from Melaka but I never got the chance to go there since by the I was born, there was nobody left at the kampung anymore. The later generation of my father's family just simply left after their predecessor died. Sure my father brought us a couple of times there but at that time it was just another fun family trip (naik kereta lembu and all); being young and unknowing, I never tried to look past that.

She simply said, well good, then I should give the book to my father for him to relive his childhood hometown and perhaps for me to re-trace my root and history.

I accepted the book with a warm feeling in my heart.

My blog just somehow went crazy. Didn't remember messing about with the template oh well perhaps it just got tired of me. Changed to the first new template that caught my eye, everything's okay now, it was good while it lasted with the last one, no hard feelings.

I went back home carrying 4 pairs of heels from the office. The thing is, I went to work wearing heels or wedges and once I arrived due to lots of running around the office I would change right into my reliable flats. And usually I would stay in them all through the day and without realizing it I would go home wearing my flats. The next day, I would wear another pair of elevated shoes; heels or wedges. The cycle continues until I realize that I'm running out of heels/wedges to wear.

Girls. We can never have just one shoes for work. The other guys just wear the same pair everyday. Most guys only have one for office, one for sports, one for casual and one flip flops. What uncomplicated life guys have. Well, my boyfriend might beg to differ to that but the rule applies to most guys.

Went back late from work today. Things are pretty chaotic without me having my own car. After a long day at work we'll drive straight to KL to pick my brother up and that's more tiring than working all day. Need to find a car fast. In the middle of doing just that and now I can't sleep. Luckily since I went back late today I can come in later tomorrow. 11 am it is.

Tadi sembang kedai kopi kat kedai mamak.

Siapa yang hisap rokok masing-masing keluarkan sebatang rokok, ketuk-ketuk kat tapak tangan, sebelum light up.

Siapa yang tak smoke pulak, kunyah keropok kacang yang namanya tak dapat nak recall lagi dah. Tapi asal dari indon katanya.

Sembang punya sembang termasuk la topik yang agak deep sedikit.

"Comparison is the death of joy." Itu topik perbualan.

Seorang project engineer di tempat aku bekerja tu berkongsi tentang tabiat dalam tidak sedarnya yang suka mengikut perkembangan rakan-rakan lalu menjadikan mereka sebagai kayu ukur pencapaian sendiri. Biasala tu. Siapa tak buat kan.

It might serve as a positive kind of pressure which pushes us to outperform them and in the end outperform ourselves. But during the process, we would loose sight of the here and now, of what we have achieved so far, of the importance of having fun along the journey. We undermine our abilities and spirits with such negative thoughts and the sinking feeling that we are left behind in the race that does not exist, except in our insecure mind.

Fear is irrational. We're all gonna die so we might as well just go big. What's the point of winning the non-existence race? We're all gonna die and turn into dust and bones and all that won't matter.

This is my tired mind speaking. I'm off to sleep.

Life and Death

I've accepted some time ago that death is a fact of life. Though, judging from my actions and relation with Him sometimes, this might not seem the case, but time after another, the thought engulfed me, and I am overcame with clarity of where we all stand. Doesn't matter what you do, places you have been, you and I are heading towards the same destination, every day, each second. You and I, we are not much different, you see.

To the point that I sometimes question myself what is the point of all the trivial things we have to go through daily, like picking out the right scarf for the outfit I'm wearing, finding the ever so elusive parking spot especially during weekday, or wondering if I had managed to leave a good impression on the supposedly important people I've met.

But the more I think about it, the more it becomes clear that it's the trivial things in life that really matters. Well, sort of. Most of them at least.

Like spending quality time with your loved ones. Kind words that make an impact to someone who really needs it at the time. You don't have to be saving the whole world to make your life worthwhile.

News of death come and go, it's hard not to feel stoic about most of them. I do feel sympathy towards the parties involved, but experience had taught me that however hard the situation might seem to the person at that time, all the sorrow that he/she is dealing with, the seemingly bleak future that person is imagining awaits ahead of him/her, he/she'll pull him/herself through safely sooner or later. Definitiv. We are all stronger that we allow ourselves to believe.

Another news followed the ringing of the phone today. The story, like every other death, sounds tragic, and it's hard to justify the death of another good and well-loved human being with so much to look forward to.

But that's not our place to decide. This life, the body our soul is encased in that we most of the time over-obsessed about, be it its shape, the clothes we choose to cover it, is borrowed, kind of like a vehicle to get through to our final destination.

Hopefully we'll have the time to re-remind ourselves that, time and time again.

In For The Kill

They say we can love who we trust

But what is love without lust?

Two hearts with accurate devotions

And what are feelings without emotions?

One more reason to love Elly Jackson. She morphs this song from energetic dubstep to the sexy jazzy version with ease.

Pindah Rumah

This is the first time I've ever had to go on a real house hunting in my homeland.

The last time I did that was when I was searching for a place to stay during my practical training, but that didn't count. That was only a room hunting and my standards, well let's just say that I don't have any standards because I was desperate and up for anything which in the end saw me being confined in a store room without proper window in a rat-infested home for the whole 4-month course of my Praxisphase. Luckily I survived that. So as a few of my friends who, despite knowing all the risk involved, decided to spend several nights there.

In my own experience back in Germany, the process of finding a house to rent is in itself cumbersome, but apart from the tiring formalities of the process everyone has to go through, I have never encountered any problem arising from the fact that I am a foreign student. I've went to view 4 houses during the course of my stay in Germany, moved into 2 of them, and in short, no landlord has ever given me shit for carrying all of these labels; Asian, hijab-donning Muslim, and student.

That in a place where racism was taken to the very extreme not so long ago.

Not so much can be said about our own country though. Our prosperous country Malaysia which lauded itself in being a harmonious multiracial community.

For the last 3 weeks, I've called close to, perhaps more than 50 agents to ask for available unit for rent and the among first questions any agent would as are 1) Local or foreigner?, 2) Malay or Chinese or lain-lain?, 3) Student or working?

If you're a foreigner from Asian countries and black from any country, then chances of being considered as tenant is close to zero. An agent told me she once arranged for a viewing appointment for a European and when he turned up being black, she had to turn him instantly down. No further background check-up would be necessary, no chance will be given, you're just out if you're black. Being a student decrease your merit by 70% to stay in a well-kept, mostly inhabited by working professionals condos. Some landlords prefer only Chinese and some prefer only Malays.

I can't imagine those scenarios in Germany. People can report you on basis of being discriminative.

Having been a foreigner 'lain-lain' student before, it kinda struck a chord in me. Remember the time when a minority group of Muslim extremist went on a rampant flying planes into major buildings and bomb-exploding themselves off in public places and the world gave the rest of us shit just because we share a common religion name? Remember how that feels? Yes sure a lot of blacks here in Malaysia have been creating troubles using their students visa but meddling with money laundering and drug trafficking instead but what about the rest of them honestly looking for a better education? It's not wrong to be cautious but I don't think it's right to deny anybody their rights to be treated equally just because of their skin color.

Malays and Chinese in principle won't share a house if possible. I understand that that is to avoid problems that might arise when sharing a common kitchen and living room. But how hard can it be if people are willing to try and respect each other's needs? Going out of the way to just avoid each other do not count for points in effort department.

Yes we are a multiracial country, but we forgot an important and telling word in that slogan. We are actually a racist multiracial country. And nobody really knows how to mend that so we might as well just embrace it and continue with our lives.

On another note, we have just 2 days to pack our whole life and move. That's another proof that my family is weird. And I say that with much love. We love each other as much as we annoy each other, we enjoy each other's company as much as we can't stand each other, but still we decided to live in very close proximity to each other for another couple of years. Weirdos that we are. It's going to be hard but oh well. My prince charming has learned to know them and so far he hasn't run yet and that's good. In fact he's been getting along with them pretty well despite everything. He's pretty tough so he's definitely a keeper.

Ok now back to packing.

BitterSweet

I'm human sir, so I judge. With you, I judge profusely. And by every standard that I measured you against, I have to say, that you have managed to fail gloriously in every single one that it becomes a record. You stoop so low that you are one of a kind.

I'm rarely and deliberately rude to anyone even to those I can't stand but you are just the kind of person, the first one ever, whose feelings and thoughts I don't give a rat's ass about.

So sir, beware. Don't be shocked and be very scared that I'm not all smiles and sugar. You are about to get a taste of my bitter medicine and it ain't gonna be pretty.

House Hunting

My mother, brother and I were waiting for the lift when the the door opened to an empty one save for a recognizable face inside.

12 floors until we reach ground level. I thought to myself, this is going to be a long way down unless someone says something.

Thank goodness my mom decided quick on breaking the ice.

Mom : Aqasha kan?

Guy : Ye saye... *chuckles*

Mom : Aunty nampak Aqasha lagi hensem real life dari dalam TV~

Guy : Terime kasih... *chuckles some more*

Me and brother : *cringes*

Mom : Tinggal sini ka?

Guy : Tak, ada shooting, dekat rumah kakak Ayu Raudah?

Brother : Haaaa??? Rozita Che Wan ada sini?? (guys and their fascination with the Malaysian MILF -.-'')

Guy : Eh bukan. Kakak lain. Oo sebut Rozita Che Wan laju je ek?

Brother : *hearty laughs*

Lift opened and we said our goodbye and parted ways. By that time we had visited over 6 apartments in a day and we were so exhausted. We decided that meeting an actor was a sign for us to call off the day and decided on the house; each of us with different motives. Brother was hoping to catch sight of Rozita Che Wan in the future, Ibu was daydreaming of meeting Anuar Zain, I wouldn't mind stumbling upon Bront Palarae.

And based on a very relevant set of reasons, that's how the decision was made.

Paris : A Tribute

Stumbled upon the song by chance and it reminded me of one of the place I wouldn't mind visiting again and again. The city of love, Paris.

The song embodies all the essence that makes the city what it is; magical, romantic, mysterious, quaint. It's a big city, yes, but the atmosphere is somehow slightly different. It doesn't pull you fiercely in that you feel like you have to dash from one high of an attraction and on to the next which leaves you feeling drained, spent at the end of the day, no. With Paris it's different. It has the energy of a big city, yet it dissipates gently towards the edge, careful not to overwhelm you, but powerful enough to sweep you along with its charm. You'll feel like you want to take your time with this city, savoring each single thing carefully before the next.

Strolling along the left bank of Seine River, stopping at each bouquiniste, sifting through rows and rows of old postcards and posters, finding something that'll be perfect for your collection..

Gargoyles of Notre Dame looking down on couples walking hand-in-hand, smiling into each other's eyes, as if the one they are with is the only person that matters in the middle of throngs of people all around...

Taking in the scent of old paperbacks, running your fingers along the spine of old worn books, pretending that Shakespeare and Co bookstore is a treasure cave that you found on your own private adventure and that its every content is now yours, yours to relish one by one for as long as it takes..

Source: bookshelves.tumblr.com via Avery on Pinterest

That ubiquitous landmark that you can't seem to escape if you're in Paris, the highest point in the city, "scraps of metal" some might say but it still is a sight to behold nevertheless, especially for the first timers, out of admiration, even out of disappointment for all the fuss is about..

Source: houseofbliss.blogspot.com via Lily on Pinterest

Taking your time climbing the steep pavement leading up to Sacre Coeur, a treat in form of an artist village awaits you halfway, the Montmarte, where dozens and dozens of painters will offer to draw portraits, sketches, caricatures of you..watching these seemingly struggling artists at work will give you the chills, knowing that Van Gogh, Picasso and countless other big names have roamed these narrow streets before..

Source: etsy.com via Kristen on Pinterest

And when you've climbed the final of the steps, the sight of Sacre Couer, proudly perched atop the hill, only the second highest point of Paris welcomes you..from there, enjoying the view of Paris during sunset, the sky a tinge of pinkish grey, with buskers nearby belting out their reggae-ish rendition of 'Knocking On Heaven's Door', the song's choice couldn't be any more fitting..

Getting lost through the maze of Paris's streets, which, if accepted with an invitation of an adventure rather than a stressful not-in-the-itinerary episode, will lead you to an off-beaten path which might surprise you either in form of a charming boulangerie lined with freshly-made macarons in any imaginable flavor, amusing little art shop selling paper dolls and/or handmade stuff, even a playground with an interesting story like the 'I Love You' wall..

Relaxing your tired feet in coffee shop by the roadside, while having the best croissant you've ever tasted, buttery, savory, soft, perfectly crisp but not too much that it crumbles messily..together with le chocolat chaud, a perfect combination to enjoy the sight of people walking past by, the French guys..

Yes, the French guys, the artsy-fartsy type which you can spot by those carrying what should be their artsy-fartsy portfolios in their hands, tortured-artist look on their scruffy ruggedly handsome face sporting a 3-day-unshaven growth, so endearing that every word they speak will sound poetic, what's more, in French, oh s'il vou plait..but wait..

What's even better than French guys are the French women, mon ami, mon cherrie, so effortlessly chic in the classy but fashion-forward way they dress and the way they carry themselves with that characteristic French air that's so hard to pin down; put-together, self-assured, but never arrogant.

Hunting for treasures amongst what others might classify as junks in Marche aux Puces, there amidst the bric-a-brac, are relics from the past, old doorknobs and buttons, candleholders, jewelry box, or perhaps a vintage Hermes perfume bottle that would make a good addition to your existing perfume collection.

From the easily recognizable Art Nouveau metro station entrances, to the glass pyramid of Musee du Louvre, to the bountiful choice of halal food (Uzbekistan, Indian, Lebanese, Algerian, Moroccan, Japanese), Paris definitely has a lot to offer and much more.

There's a sense of longing that's tugging at my heart whenever I think of the place. Perhaps we'll see each other again some day, with or without AirAsia.

Poxes and How To Become Smarter

Went to see a second doctor and instead of getting a consultation on my bad case of poxes I got a free consultation of my future. 15 full minutes of it. The doctor was thorough in his diagnosis that his consultation ranged from my higher degree education to future family plans. Thank you dear doctor. That was very sweet of you to care so much.

So anyways, the doctor told me my poxes are normal, that I shouldn't fret too much over it. I guess that's what you get for going berserk on the search engine trying to self-diagnose yourself with little medical knowledge. Hah.

"Pantang dia semua boleh makan kecuali ais."

"Kira ayam boleh makan la doctor? Telur? Kicap?"

"Jangan tanya satu-satu..., semua boleh makan....kecuali ais."

"...OK."

Doctor told me that what's dangerous is my saliva. It carries the disease. Meaning that if I were to bite you now and your body does not have the antibody for the virus then chances are you'll be infected. I'm a chicken-pox spreading zombie muahahahaha! Boyfriend even said that my reenactment of a blood-thirsty zombie is really good, I mean, I really could get into the character having grown up with zombie-fighting games and nightmares.

When they told me I should stay away from chicken AND kicap I was like I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE!!! But for the time being, I'm still keeping soy sauce of my diet, just in case. EVERYONE I met said it'll make the scars turn black. Like the color of the soy sauce itself. I know it sounds too superstitious to be true but let's not take any chances shall we. (Although it does hit me funny bones that if that same rule applies to every type of food, I'll be turning green from the amount of pulut sekaya and kuih cara I've consumed.)

I guess I did overreacted and it was so stupid of me. I felt very guilty of how I've behaved these past few days. It's just chicken pox for God's sake and I acted like the world is about to end. I wish I have a Doraemon so I could use his Time Machine to go a few days back and knock myself in the head.

Oh well, all is well now. Poxes still there, still gross-looking but I'm Ok.

Since I can't go out even though I've got my license, what's left to do? Yeah, let's get smarter. The following list will tell you just that (taken from DailyBeast.com) :

1. Play Words With Friends
2. Eat Turmeric
3. Take Tae Kwon Do
4. Get News from Al Jazeera
5. Toss Your Smartphone
6. Sleep. A Lot.
7. Download the TED App
8. Go to a Literary Festival
9. Build a ‘Memory Palace’
10. Learn a Language
11. Eat Dark Chocolate
12. Join a Knitting Circle
13. Wipe the Smile Off Your Face
14. Play Violent Videogames
15. Follow These People on Twitter
16. Eat Yogurt
17. Install SuperMemo
18. See a Shakespeare Play
19. Refine Your Thinking
20. Hydrate
21. Check Out iTunes U
22. Visit MoMa
23. Play an Instrument
24. Write By Hand
25. The Pomodoro Technique
26. Zone Out
27. Drink Coffee No reason to cut the caffein dose yay!
28. Delay Gratification
29. Become an Expert
30. Write Reviews Online
31. Get Out of Town