Just So You Know

Whatever happened, happened.

Wherever this road may lead, truly deep down inside me, I just want you to be happy. That, you haven't been in quite a long time. My words and actions might not coincide, but I'm rooting for your happiness. It's just that, it takes some time to digest things, you know.

I might be 23 years old, but sometimes I deal with uncomfortable things like a toddler does; run and hide under the bed or behind the door, wishing that the glass that was broken or whatever mess I've accidentally got myself in would soon evaporate into thin air, taking with it all my worries and problems.

Sooner or later, I'm positive that I'll get around to it, don't you worry.

Spoken words fail me all the time. The thousands of words inside of me just refuse to cooperate during times when I need them the most.

If I could just hug you right now, I'm sure you'll know everything I wanted to say without me ever having to say a word.

Days When The Sun Decided Not To Graze Us With Its Heat

Papa laugh with your princess so that she will find

funny princes familiar,

Papa respect your princess so that she will find

respectful princes familiar,

Papa love your princess so that she will find

loving princes familiar,

Papa cry for your princess so that she will find,

gentle princes familiar.

Changes

I like changes. What's wrong with changes anyway. My room would never go a month without going through some adjustments, however minor. Now I know 23 ways of furniture arrangements that wouldn't work in my room with such limited space and overwhelming amount of stuff. And I've learnt that waking up to your own reflection in the mirror, on some mornings when you don't look like the starlets on TV do with their perfectly tousled hair and looking pretty even with their squinted eyes still coated with sleepiness, is not really a good way to set your mood for the whole day.

It might take me some time to try Japanese food and found out that I actually like it. I might be the biggest chicken ever. I might be doomed at birth, stuck with a star (Cancer, if you're wondering) that says I'm supposed to be someone who is scared of changes. But still, I try to be open to changes and new things.

The point is, I think I have quite a healthy attitude towards changes.

But.

When things don't need fixing, why fix it?

And, and even if they do need fixing, can't they wait? I mean, is it fatal if it doesn't get fixed? Can't we all do without it? Really?

Things are just moving too fast. I think there's enough plot in the last 5 years in my life to create a whole drama series that could last longer that any of Yusof Haslam's, the likes of Sembilu, Gerak Khas, Si Capik. And I can guarantee of the originality and suspense. (Just so you know, I'm not a hater, proof : back during Awie-Erra's craze, I used to go see his movies at the cinemas with the whole family all the time..)

Blergh. This reminds me of the talk I have with a girlfriend last night.

I truly know what I want. I feel it pulsating in my heart. But when it comes to putting it into words, I swear I've heard more sensible things from the mouth of my 4-year-old cousin.

Fatty Issue

Conversation revolving around a picture posted by someone on FB whose existence might or might not be be real, thus rendering this conversation in a limbo of its authenticity:

A : Chanteknya U! Skinny summore. I dah gemok sekarang. *sadface*

B : Kurus? Mane ade. I gummox. U pon kurus pe.

A : Takkkk! U kurus lagi! I yg gem.

B : Nooooo! U're skinnier. And prettier.

A : No way! I makan like all the time okay. I obese. U're def skinnier. *jealous mode*

B : U makan je bnyk tp tak gemok2 pon, tak macam I. Mcm belon skrg. =(

Me : OK FINEEE! You're both FAT eventho you're actually just fine. Happy now???

Note to self : Ranting about getting fat or being fat in public medium (read : FB) is somewhat annoying.

Wedding Bells...NOT (yet)

Okay hate me for this post. But I just have to.

Was listening to Tash discussing her brother's wedding with her mother and it was me who got pretty pumped up for my very own quite in-a-distant wedding. A girl should be prepared for anything huh? Hehe.

I was set on pink and silver when I remember all about my sunflower. How would it fit into the colour scheme? And it sent me into a minor panic attack. Boyfriend recommended orange and silver instead. Orange? Really?

On second thought I was like, why not? Seen so many fairytale weddings in pink already.

Scoured the internet for some inspirations and I think now I'm all inspired. Even too inspired for my own good. Haha. Slow down lady. Degree pon tak dapat lagi.

But no harm in dreaming right? ;)

He's gonna look so yummy in a silver suit with a tinge of orange for the tie. ;)

I love the vintage feel of the pictures above. I think the orange hue serves the beautifully-rusty vibe to the whole mood.

Lots of silver + orange balloons. Kids will love them. But then again, there'll be lots of popping sound I bet. Sungguh rosak imej kalau pengantin perempuan terkejut pastu tersedak time makan.

The flower and the dress. Weee.

And I wonder, in our culture, why do we tend to invite almost every single person on the planet that each single family member knows to the wedding? 'Friends' from kindergarten? Long-lost tiga/empat/lima-pupu? If it's up to me, I only want the person that really matter and actually care that I got married to be present on my wedding. Plus, boleh save on cost and splurge on other thing. Like a honeymoon to some exotic island. Hehe.

Islamic Fashion Festival 2010

My take on the collections from the Islamic Fashion Festival 2010 held in Monte Carlo (too lazy to post up pictures, if you're curious a 3-second search on google will get you there) :

Apart from the one that has the name of our Prophet p.b.u.h printed on the model's chest (one does wonder how not a single person notices that piece sticking out like a sore thumb backstage and pull the model out before she gets off on the runway), I personally don't have anything against it. The models are not hijab-wearers anyway. Sure most of them are not purely islamic, meaning that for those who wear the hijabs, the pieces from the collection are not pret-a-porter (ready-to-wear) per se. But ask any covered fashionistas (read : Hana Tajima, Yuna) out there, almost any style from the runway can be tweaked here and there to make it work. Fashion is all about expressing yourself, a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of points for fun. Why so serious?

But of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

HAV

I've wrote about HAV a long time ago. Still remember about Friendster? I used to blog there. Yeah, ancient times.

While sorting out my life and its course and after the pact I've made with the boyfriend, what I wrote back then struck a chord deep within my core.

HAV : Half-assed Version. Basically it means a half-hearted-attempted version of you. It is you, but not quite there.

The world deserves the best version of you because there is never going to be someone else just like you are.

If need be, I'm going to use all the toilet paper in the world.

Update

New post updated here!

JAWS

As a kid, I remember being obsessed with mermaids. Whenever we went on a ferry or a boat ride, I would perch myself at the window and pray and wish that this time, I would catch a glimpse of a mermaid, finally. I never did. Except that one time on our way to Penang, I was totally convinced that that something bobbing in the water was a mermaid, until my father crashed all hope and dream when he told me that it was actually a log. An insignificant, boring piece of wood.

It was only natural that Ariel, the little mermaid was and still is my favourite Disney princess. I used to have its story book that came with a cassette. I listened to it religiously that I memorized every single word and every sound effect. Long before there was Astro, there was MegaTV. The only movie that I didn't mind being played on re-run was Splash. Daryl Hannah is the cutest mermaid ever, full-stop.

I've always envied the mermaids, swimming gracefully, disappearing into another world underwater, belonging to somewhere that we don't. Plus mermaids are all pretty and they have beautiful and shiny tails. I want to be one of them!

That might be why snorkeling was love at first dip for me. The freedom to swim freely without having to surface ever so often for air. Adding to the effect was Perhentian's magical underwater scenery that could make you believe for a moment that there is actually a secret kingdom down there. The sapphire blue water is transparent, so it feels like you are moving weightlessly among the vibrantly coloured fishes and curiously shaped corals. That was as close as I would ever get in real life to being a not-so-little mermaid.

I was on a roll, swimming past corals after corals, hollering to shoals of fishes "sup dudes?" as if I've known them my whole life, smiling and waving at them as they stop to greet me (I am the princess of the sea after all), until out of nowhere a figure made an appearance about 10 feet away in front of me that made me stop dead in my track. It was only about 4-feet long but the pointy triangular fin on its back was enough to send shivers down my spine. Just as quickly as it appeared it vanished, swimming into the vast blue sea to who-knows-where. What if it was planning to come back and attack me from behind? My ass, no!

I bobbed my head out of the water and realized that I have gotten quite carried away in my role play as a mermaid that the boat and everyone else's was far away. I panicked. It would take me at least 5 minutes to swim back, considering that I am not a real mermaid who can glide swiftly in the water. So I turned back and started paddling away. Furiously. In my mind, there's only one thought : To save my ass!

I didn't care that the shark has a black-tipped fin, I didn't care what Zam's book "Coral Reef Fishes" says, I didn't care that my boyfriend and I had came to a conclusion after consulting the book that no shark in this island is to be considered highly aggressive, it was a shark. I blame it all on Steven Spielberg for making that legendary movie Jaws.

On my erratic swim back to the boat I swam past one of my friend who was oblivious to the fact that a monstrous black-tip shark (somehow the size of the shark got bigger in my head as time ticked) was tailing me. I thought to warn him, but then I remembered that several hours ago while we were testing out our snorkeling gears for the first time by the beach and we all got pretty mesmerized by the vast species of sea creatures even so near the shoreline that we compared notes of what each of us saw, he announced "I saw a black fish with a giant ass", and it was only coincidence that at that time I was wearing a freaking black tights. So I decided to pass the idea of warning him and left him there to his fate. Muahaha.

After what seemed like eternity I reached our boat. Boyfriend was nearby. I signaled him to get onto the boat. Between catching my breath, I recounted to the boatman and boyfriend the suspenseful moment being hunted by a blood-thirsty giant shark. The boatman smiled, telling us that this place is called the 'Shark Point' but as of late, it was considered lucky to catch a glimpse of them as their numbers are reclining. Though he said, they are timid creatures by nature so they are more likely to quickly swim away if they see human. Oh..so the shark might not have followed me after all. But you can't be too sure sometimes, Mr Smarty-Pants-Boatman.

And then we heard a loud shrill coming from a lady another group nearby, "AAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH SHARKKKKKK SSSSSSHARRRKKKK!!" The group, floating with their life jackets on, was staying close to each other, so the lady's scream made the whole group went berserk. A kid even cried. More crying and screaming from the group ensued.

I turned to boyfriend, snorted and rolled my eyes, "Chill la aunty, it's just a harmless black tip reef shark, not a great white."

A Love Letter

Dear you,

I hope you know just what you're doing to your life and your future. Future. I think the meaning of the word just escapes you. Sometimes I do wish I can be a little bit more like you. I think most of us wish so. To live in the moment with reckless abandon and indulge in the most hedonistic ways, without restrictions of any rules. To just part-ay and part-ay and pa and pa and part-ay, like that very annoying song that's a favourite of yours. That'd be quite a life, no? It's just that, some of us are more aware of the rules restricting us than others. Scared is another word, if you insist.

Me the scaredy-cat. Maybe I am. But what set us apart from the naked-ass apes are these sets of rule and the fact that they are living in the jungles of amazon and we are here. I think if we take them out there and put them here in our civilized world, they'll as quickly turn into a lazy, greedy, drunk, stoned and violent bunch who fucks anything with a hole at every opportunity they have. Maybe not all, that'd be too ambitious, but a variation of combinations of those characters. But we don't need apes to give us those, we already have a lot of that here and now.

You don't know shit. You're just the geeky goody-two-shoes. You know what? Yes, maybe I do not know shit after all. But what I know for sure is that, once the dust settles down, once the euphoria fades and all those supposed friends pack up their ass and let you rot alone, I will be there to pick you up under the ruins. I think you know that too and maybe that puts me at the losing end. I know you love me but you have no idea just how much I love you. Loving someone puts you at such disadvantage because you don't know what you'll be presented with in return. At least the risk I'm taking in loving you is balanced with the love I know will always be waiting for me from that exceptional person who has been with me through all of this.

I'm writing this because I feel helpless that I can't reach to you anymore. I'm losing you slowly and she knows it too. My only wish now is that you will fall sooner so that I can pick you up sooner and this could all disappear into a nightmare of the past sooner.

With lots of love,

Me.

A rock star and a princess.

Our kind comes with a lot of dramas and insecurities.

YOU of all people should KNOW BETTER.

A-TOLL

Wah Malaysia ada tempat se-awesome ni! That's Pulau Layang-layang in Sabah.

Notice the curious shape. It most definitely doesn't look like a normal island. Made up of corals forming a ring shape, this type of island is more accurately referred as an 'atoll'. Yup, the island is formed entirely by corals. God IS grand, kan?

The list of marine species residing here is impressive. You name it, you got it.

If your idea of adventure is swimming with a giant school of sharks, then what this island has to offer is definitely right down your alley. Imagine swimming with this number of hammerheads! I want I want! Though from experience, given that the mere sight of a single black-tip reef shark has caused me a panic attack, the scenario above would probably make me sh*t my pants.

This will definitely go straight to my list of must-visit islands.

*Today's lesson : Laughing so hard for hours can cause you to get sore throats.*

Lifehouse

"I never have to choose, living a life with you,

or chasing lies, only half true."

Lifehouse was phenomenal live. The downside was, we didn't get to squeeze our way to the front row. Ughh. Buruk perangai. We should have gotten there earlier.

It was a no-fuss concert, held in a small hall, no fancy lighting or props, which is just the way I prefer it.

Jason Wade is amazing and he could have just sang the way the sings that makes your heart sways and the night would have been perfect as it is, but no, being the ever-so-sweet hottie, he made the tickets we bought worth more than what we paid by smiling at us halfway through the song 'You and Me', which got us into a frenzy, frenzier that the state we were already in. I know I know, it's like every concert that I went, I'll say that the lead singer smiled at me and the person I went to the concert with, but hey WE WERE THERE and YOU WEREN'T. ;p