Bulletproof

Kahwin

Sekarang ni kalau balik kampung jumpa orang tua-tua mesti soalan sama ja depa nak tanya, "Haa yang ni bila nak langsung ni?" sambil senyum bermakna.

Tok, kalau tok tak sabaq tengok Atiqka kahwin, Atiqka laaaagila berganda tak sabaq dari tok hihihi.

Kalaulah boleh jawab sebegitu.

Oh tok-tok sekarang walaupun tak ada facebook, layan facebook anak-anak mereka jugak rupanya. "Oh tu la ada tengok gambaq kat fesbuk haritu." Sigh. Lupa pulak pernah add kawan-kawan sekampung dan adik-beradik bau-bau bacang. Rasanya ada gambar yang kurang appropriate pernah diupload. Fine lepas ni kena lebih berhati-hati.

The photos I've uploaded I won't even consider showing to more than half of the friends on my list. When put it that way, it's weird to wrap my head around it. I know not many of them even bother what I'm up to so they'll probably just leave my profile alone but still. It's pretty weird. Facebook is fast becoming a gray area, devoid of privacy despite its privacy setting, best avoided these days. A Facebook phone, Zuckerberg? No thanks.

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Bloody

One of the more thoughtful things someone could do to me is not to get bloodily (literally) hurt in my presence. Yesterday my mom cut her finger badly in the kitchen; the cut was pretty deep, blood was streaming out steadily from it. She asked me to put a bandaid on it, but blood kept gushing out so it was hard for the bandaid to stay put, harder for me to focus. There were lots of screaming and shouting that the commotion made my grandma, who was in the bedroom, rushed out and specifically asked me if everything's ok.

No point in guessing, between me and my mom, who was screaming the loudest because of the cut.

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Lesen

Esok start proses ambil lesen. 5 jam dengar ceramah. Tried thinking of ways to weasel my way out of this since I've already taken the computer test (and passed!) ages ago. Oh well. Bring some book to doodle.

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Deutsch

Apa gunanya tulis German language dalam resume kalau when the time comes, you're not willing to step up? But the thought of being the one responsible for bridging of people who do not speak a common language well, simply put, it scares the shit out of me. Plus, the qualified friend for this kind of stuff is not available so it might mean I have to do this alone which is 100 times scarier. Yes, I'm that chickenshit I don't want to do it alone.

Not sure of how bad (or good) their English is, still in the dark of the scope of the visit (if there'll be a formal meeting or something which means I'm doomed), and haven't given my final answer yet but hey, this might just be the break that'll be it.

Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. Who knows where this will lead. *cakap untuk sedapkan diri*

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Bell Jar

Read the novel for the first time and what surprised me was how normal she was at the beginning. Which offers the possibility that we all are not that far away from the edge after all. Found out that she first published the book under a nom de guerre; and a bulb lights up in my head.

I can relate to her frustration of her inability to write though our reasons are miles apart. She can't find it in her to put the words together because of her depression; I can't seem to find the right medium to channel the words to. Writing in my own privacy, just for my own sake, without any audience, lacks its certain appeal, that in the end I've always found myself dragging the .doc and dumping it into the Trash can (yes, I'm on team Apple). Feels like a twisted practical joke the world is playing on me that my boyfriend might not be far off from being right on this one particular thing which has been a long-run debate between us; that I might enjoy attention more than I like to admit. Pffft.

Perhaps if I write now while believing that it'll get published later, way later once I'm long gone, that might ignite the fire within me to write, and to be truly honest in my writing. By that time, no harm could be done, everyone in the story I wrote will be dead as night, and nobody will care to find out who the real person behind the made-up names of the characters. Who knows I'll win some post-humous award or some shit like that. In case the heirs of the characters decided to be assholic opportunists, suing over distress caused by the story, the money could go to shut their mouth up. Whatever, I'll be too dead with more pressing matter to deal with at that time anyway. In any case, everybody wins. No?

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Maal hijrah

Read on Facebook that a friend my age might have gone to perform her hajj this hajj season. At the age of 24. I kept rolling the thoughts over and over in my head and I still can't grasp the enormity of her decision. Clearly we are on very different pages of our lives despite the same age. The thought of performing hajj at this age never even have once crossed my mind and it made me ponder on the gap between me and the said friend and Him. I am forced to reevaluate my fights and it made me feel so small.

I hope I won't loose sight of the bigger picture. Here's to trying to be the better version of us.

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New blog?

I'm getting tired of this one. Thinking of starting anew.

Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?

It's almost 2 in the morning and I still haven't started on what I'm supposed to do. Mentang-mentang la jumpa internet, wajiblah selesaikan apa-apa yang penting dahulu, seperti meng-Facebook.

Seperti biasa la minggu-minggu awal kat Malaysia ni, culture shock sekejap. Cehh. Menahan diri dari complain banyak sangat since I'll be staying here for good and dey tambi, macam tak biasa plak kat Malaysia? Jangan nak mengada pulak. Source of aggravation : salesgirls yang tak ikhlas melayan orang (kalau tak ikhlas cakap 'Welcome' dan 'Thank you, bye' tak payah cakap langsung boleh tak?; itu belom lagi salesgirls yang akan pandang kita atas bawah kalau masuk kedai yang upscale sikit), cashier yang muka macam tengah sembelit (mungkin betul dia sembelit), tak boleh nak lintas jalan suka hati sebab kereta-kereta yang memang macam nak bunuh orang macam dalam cerita horror 'The Car' tu, akak kat Mara yang layan orang macam kita ni bebudak retarded, cuaca yang super summer jadi tak boleh layering banyak sangat, takdak public transport yang reliable. Yang last tu paling sedih sekali.

So benda pertama kenala amik lesen.

Tapi apa-apapun home is where the heart is and despite everything, I'm happy to be back. Any doubts, regrets and fears all fade away once the warm humid air reached my lungs upon descending the stairs of the plane at LCCT airport. Perhaps in another alternate reality it would be better off had I made different choices, but in this concrete reality, everything turns out as what had been planned for me, which is as perfect as what God had intended it to be.

Accepting 'takdir', as I've learned, makes moving on far easier. Though I'm still in slight denial when it comes to certain 'truths' I've recently learned, I think I'm in the process of getting there.

Raya Haji 2011

Every end marks a new beginning.

So this nagging feeling of anxiety has no solid ground, basically. Well, to a certain extent it kinda does but to put all the senseless dissection (which I have done countless times these past few days in my mind) into words will take up more time and I'm kinda short with that.

Went back home to unpacked bags. Mom's been sleeping all day long for the past two days. Hibernation bugs have been catching up onto her. Now she knows.

Has to finish up some packing and finalizing the tickets and everything now.

Oh and yeah, I did cry like a crybaby during makan-makan earlier this evening, and being an adult, not a baby, it's a rather ugly sight, I have to say. Le sigh.

Humor Me, Please.

Psychologists say that comedy serves our need to laugh at someone whose fate is worse than ours in order for us to forget feeling sorry for our sad, miserable life, at least for a while.

Really?

Considering that Malaysians still laugh at the slapstick comedies involving tripping over stuff and making themselves look stupid, I'd say the theory is not far off from reality.

But roasting a public figure for their downfall on live TV while that person is present?

I mean, I can't never understand that. That's just plain mean. Even though Paris Hilton (who's that again?) can be quite annoying sometimes and Charlie Sheen is just an asshole I still think nobody deserves to be humiliated like that for the sake of making other people laugh.

I watched few excerpts from Charlie Sheen's Roast to see what's the hype all about since his TV show was handed over to Mr. Demi Moore but I can't find it funny. He clearly has issues, but to laugh at someone on their way down is just plain cruel. Anyone who finds that funny has a pretty sick sense of humor.

Why can't we just stick to sitcoms?

Elephant in The Room

You can't choose to be different and expect people to understand your shit and everything when you can't accept others being different from you. You can't preach open-mindedness when you handle the belief of others like it's a virus of some sort. That's called hypocrisy of the grandest scale yo.

It's really ironic when a hypocrite is calling out others for their hypocrisy.

Oh and for the record, your type is nothing new, yours is not something magical, an elite society that only those with intellectual surpasses that of Hawking can ever dream of ever joining. Oh have mercy on the rest of us fools for succumbing to such orthodox ways.

Yes, I know my right from wrong but doesn't mean that I feel obliged to impose every single of my stand on everyone around me.

Grrr I'm so easily irritable now because I so hungry wan! It's 10 p.m. I shall not eat!

On Why I Choose To Believe In Aliens, Bigfoot, Yeti, Loch Ness and Such.

There's no denying that UFOs are real. By UFOs I mean 'unidentified flying objects,' regardless of their origin.

Reports of sightings on UFOs are undeniably littered with hoaxes, true, but some are too consistent to debunk, as in such cases where hundreds have reported to have witnessed the same thing at the same time.

So you really think there are actually aliens from outer space?

Of course, the more logical explanation to these sightings is top-secret military projects, since most of the reputable reported sightings occurred in the vicinity of military airbases and the military officers have always remained tight-lipped when asked to comment, thus making people even more convinced of the alien invasion theory.

Despite all that, I still want to believe in the existence of aliens. Why? Because it has been centuries since their first sighting but aliens still haven't followed through with their Earth domination mission.

On the other hand, history shows that mankind, upon discovering new technology, wasted no time in using it to terrorize each other. Think firearms in WWI and atomic bombs in WWII. To consider the other possibility that these seemingly advanced spaceships are commanded by terrestrials rather than their extras, that mankind possesses such advanced technology that is being developed for military purposes, is not looking so promising for our future.

Humans kill humans. Aliens don't.

So there you go.

On Bigfoot (plural = Bigfeet?), Yetis, Loch Ness, Mokele-Mbembe, Mongolian Death Worms, Sea Serpents...I just want them all to actually exist because they are so awesome. What's not to like about them?

Oh one more thing, check this video out. The real sea serpent FTW!

Ni mesti oarfish yang paling noob di antara community oarfishes sebab tu dia tersesat pastu terdampar kat tepi pantai. Oarfish yang noob pon dah 4-5 meter panjang, bayangkan oarfish yang mafia, holy shit!

Encik Fudye, kita tak payah amek lesen diving, kita snorkel sudah la eh?

The Art of Doing

Far too often, we abuse the concept of 'tawakal'.

When faced with a difficult situation, we tend to just do the same thing over and over again, sometimes not even doing anything about it except that pray to God to push us through it. Instead of praying for strength to take on the challenge, we pray that God would take care of it for us, while we wait till the storm's over and pick up when the mess is all cleared up.

Of course, God could have granted our prayers, it would be far too easy for Him to do that, but then we wouldn't have learned anything from the experience. And what's the point of God putting hardship on our way in the first place?

The Incas vs. The Malays

Cuba sebut 'Machu Picchu', emphasize dekat setiap 'ch' tu. Cuba sebut dia berulang-ulang kali, sebut kuat-kuat tau, bukan dalam hati ja.

Haa tak cuba la tu. Degil.

Machu Picchu, the city of the sky, high on the top of Andes. If I somehow won a competition that would allow me to choose one manmade ancient structure I would love to visit, I won't even need to think about it, Machu Picchu wins, hands down. The Pyramids of Giza comes quite close in the second place because I would love to walk along the very narrow path inside the pyramids, even though just the thought of it is enough to make me feel suffocated already. I might not be a chronic claustrophobic but I hate confined space.

Which reminds me of last summer, when I made my mom and two of my little cousins visit a coastal battery built by British in Penang, which is now turned into a memorial. I insisted that we visited during the night, because they have this experience package, in which the real war situation is emulated to give you the feel of what's really going on during wartime. Our tour guide was dressed in complete military uniform, and as we were walking along while he explained the purpose of each building, the sound of shootings and bombs went off all around us. The sound effect was wicked, it felt so real that my little baby cousin cried and insisted on going home. Ah forget it, even I was sweating a bit from the sound alone. So we were led through tunnels and secret passages towards safety using the actual route that was allegedly used back then.

Nak dijadikan cerita, selain kami berempat, ada lagi empat orang lain dalam group malam tu, di mana salah seorang abang tu agak montel la jugak. Abang montel, wherever you are, jangan marah ek. Just telling it as it is. So time nak masuk secret short-cut tunnel tu, kena la pulak abang montel tu masuk tunnel tu dulu sebelum aku. Tunnel ni pulak kena merangkak, pastu panjang la pulak kan. Time merangkak tu tengok depan nampak bontot abang tu ja penuh tunnel, serius rasa tak boleh bernafas, nak patah balik ada orang la pulak kat belakang. Faham tak time tu rasa begitu trapped, rasa oksigen tak cukup, rasa macam tarik nafas tak penuh paru-paru, rasa macam nak pitam. Nasib baik la sebelum sempat nak pengsan, dah sampai hujungnya. Ibu time tu tak masuk tunnel tu, sebab Ariessa takut, so ibu teman Ariessa guna jalan luar. Tapi lepas tu Ariessa dah cool down sikit, ibu pon join balik panjat tangga antik, masuk tunnel semua. You're one cool mom! All in all, it was a really cool experience. Berbaloi jugak la untuk RM25 seorang. Cuma yang tak best tu, ada part-part yang depa cuba nak mistikkan, macam pedang samurai Jepun yang kononnya berhantu (macam tipu ja sebab dia gantung tinggi gila, tak bagi orang tengok betul-betul lettew), ular-ular berbisa penunggu bangunan yang kononnya tak pernah keluar cari makanan pon tapi hidup ja (tapi cuak gila bila lalu sebelah bilik tu tengok macam-macam ular kat dalam bilik yang tak berjaring tu bebas berkeliaran, lagi takut dari hantu tau). Melayu oh Melayu. Tak perlu pon puaka-puaka untuk mengsensasikan keadaan, the facts and the buildings pon dah impressive enough.

Where was I again? Oh sebenarnya cerita tadi tu nak buktikan the point pasal jalan dalam piramid. Masuk tunnel tu pon dah macam nak pitam, inikan pulak nak jalan dalam Pyramid, lagila lama, tapi teringin jugak. Tak pitam kot. Rasa ja macam nak pitam, tapi suck it in and carry on ja la. Macam roller-coaster la, sebenarnya diri sendiri penakut gila, tapi bila dah duduk strapped in the seat, baca doa banyak-banyak pastu jerit ja la bila roller-coaster tu start jalan.

Berbalik kepada Machu Picchu. Itu termasuk dalam must-visit list. InshaAllah suatu hari nanti. Rasanya semua documentary yang ada pasal Machu Picchu yang available kat internet dah ditengok. Pastu bila tengok mesti bertambah excited nak pi. Awat orang Inca time tu bijak sangat ntah?

Teringat pernah bincang hal ni dengan Encik Fudye, dulu masa kegemilangan kerajaan Sultan Melaka, masa Selat Melaka jadi perantaraan pedangang Timur dan Barat, kenapa takdak tinggalan bangunan sehebat kaum Inca kat Tanah Melayu? Ini semua buat dari kayu, bila perang kena bakar habis hilang. Bila aku cek balik fakta, Machu Picchu dibina pada tahun 1438, kemuncak pemerintahan kerajaan Melaka adalah pada masa Sultan Mansur Shah, iaitu bermula dari tahun 1459. Kira dekat-dekat la tu. Maknanya teknologi dan kemahiran untuk bina bangunan macam tu dah ada la. Ah, kalau nak ikut teknologi, Colosseum dibina lagi awal. Pyramids of Giza lagi la awal.

Kenapa orang Melayu dulu tak boleh bina? Lembah Bujang dah ada, lagi lama. Kiranya teknologi dan kemahiran tu dah sampai kat semenanjung. Takdak bahan mentah? Tipu la. Tenaga kerja tak cukup? Hang Tuah sanggup terjun lubang tahi nak retrieve kuda Sultan, menunjukkan betapa rakyat zaman tu patuh taat pada Sultan. Takkan tak boleh kerah tenaga rakyat untuk bina bandar dari batu? Manusia mati meninggalkan nama, tapi selain nama, kalau tinggal benda yang lagi konkrit kan lagi legend tu.

Lepas fikir punya fikir, Encik Fudye punya jawapan ialah, sebab Melayu mudah selesa. Istana kayu orait apa. Cantik gak. Tahan beratus-ratus tahun. Nak susah-susah guna batu untuk tahan ribu-ribu tahun buat apa? Kalau pergi museum kat Melaka sekarang, kebanyakannya replika ja tinggal.

Tadi tengok documentary pasal Machu Picchu lagi dengan Tasha. Lagi sekali bincang pasal topik ni. Kita kat Malaysia ada A Famosa dengan Kellie's Castle. Tapi dua-dua tu dibina oleh orang luar. Ada la pulak kan bahan mentah dengan tenaga buruh nak buat bangunan macam tu.

Kat Machu Picchu, teres yang dia buat dari batu kat lereng bukit tu, teknik tu masih digunakan sekarang untuk kurangkan efek tanah runtuh. Berkesannya teknik kaum Inca tu, sampai sekarang top soil dia masih intact. Lepas tu, kat dalam bandar tu, memang complete ada sistem pengairan semua, kira setiap rumah ada bekalan air untuk minum, mandi, cuci baju semua. Kita dulu ada sungai, so buat apa nak susah-susah buat sistem pengairan kan?

Fuh. Semangat kau ek Jera. Cakap orang Melayu dulu-dulu cepat contented la, pemalas la, tak berwawasan la, tak berpandangan jauh la. Cer cita sikit, apa perubahan besar kau dah buat untuk negara dan dunia hari ni?

Erk. Kthnxbye.

Update : Encik Fudye said he didn't remember ever saying that -.-'' so we went through thisconversation. Again. He came up with a kinder more plausible answer me think. Katanya orang Melayu seni dia halus, so lagi senang untuk diinterpret kan ke dalam seni ukiran kayu. Kemahiran tu dah lama ada dalam masyarakat Melayu so maybe over the generations their focus on perfecting the skills in carpentry kinda overshadow the need for the expertise in masonry. Sounds logical. Too bad wood is not fire-resistant or else we would have been able to appreciate the remnants of our once legendary kesultanan Melaka's civilization.

Of Being.

Pernah tak time jalan-jalan pastu terserempak seseorang yang terus membuatkan dalam hati terdetik, "Walla, that is one cool chick/dude." Itu dengan nada positif. Kalau negatif plak bunyi macam ni, "Huk aloh bajet cool la tu."

Ok terdistract sekejap. Baru lepas baca blog feveret. Berseni gila bahasa, padat gila mesej. Terasa apa yang sudah ditaip dan bakal tertaip ni akan jadi sampah.

Alah. Macam tak biasa pulak.

Anyways. Lagi satu kes plak, pernah tak kita rasa seseorang tu sangatlah cool, lepas add dia kat Facebook atau lepas kenal dia di luar alam maya, after a while, we realized that that someone is not as cool as we thought he/she initially was? It could be his/her pretentiousness in musical taste (or lackthereof), his/her over-obsession with camwhoring (in the toilet, worst!) and uploading it every other day, incessant self-conceited status updates..you get the point.

So we came to a conclusion that they are actually not any cooler than us. Good.

Pastu pernah tak kita terfikir, yang mungkin ada orang lain pernah terfikir benda yang sama pasal kita.

We are rarely ourselves when we are online. Memangla guna nama sendiri, gambar kat profile pon gambar sendiri (albeit a better-looking version of us, I mean, we are lucky if we look as good as our profile picture half of the time in real life), info dekat profile pon semua fakta, tapi cara kita present ourselves to the world tu, most of the time mesti tak 100% honest. Sebab bila kita nak post gambar, status, apa-apa pon, mesti kita fikir pasal audience kita yang akan tengok gambar tu nanti, baca status tu nanti, so kita olah apa yang kita nak present tu in a way that the audience will see us in the light that we want them to see us. Macam berlakon la jugak. Dalam reality TV show sendiri. Kadang-kadang kena bawak watak cool, kadang-kadang watak kawaii, kadang-kadang kena berpolitik sedikit, kadang-kadang kena jadi feminist, kadang-kadang kena amar makruf, kadang-kadang kena jadi oh-so-funny, kadang-kadang kena happening baru tak nampak loser sangat.

Oh lagi satu, terperasan yang beberapa orang kat Facebook dah mula buang tahun kelahiran dari tarikh lahir. Don't tell me, we've reached that stage already.

Lepas tu sekarang, semua berlumba-lumba nak jadi liberal. Don't you know, liberalism is the new cool? Sometimes I feel that people are too willing and too eager to readjust their values in order to accommodate these liberal views. Then there's the people at the other end of the spectrum, those who tend to reject everything unfamiliar that comes their way without entertaining even the thought of a discussion.

So the point of this post?

It's pretty pointless actually.

Cuma terfikir, bila kita kisah sangat apa orang sekeliling cakap, kita akan berusaha untuk bentuk dan bina imej kita jadi versi 2.0, versi yang kita bayangkan kita patut jadi. And we go through all that hassle, untuk buktikan dan tunjukkan kat siapa? Untuk diri sendiri? Mungkin. Tapi manusia ni creature of habit, pemalas nak mampos, cuba kalau bumi diserang epidemik zonmbie, semua orang mati, pastu tinggal kau sorang-sorang manusia last, kiranya takdak manusia lain untuk judge kau, will you still be the you that you strive to be now? Jadi untuk siapa, untuk keluarga dan saudara-mara? Debatable. Untuk ex-boy/girlfriend untuk membolehkan kita say it to their face, "your loss"? Untuk boy/girlfriend sendiri supaya dia tak cari lain? Hmm. Kat beratus-ratus kawan-kawan kat Facebook yang nak dapat cakap setahun sekali tu pon payah? Kat stranger yang kita jumpa tengah jalan dan mungkin lepas tu tak akan jumpa dah? Kita patut jadi kita untuk siapa?

This Is Going To Be A Very Long Post

I was never very good at observing my surrounding through the lens of a camera, because doing so feels too obstructive of the present moment. It might also be due to self-conceitedness, that the idea of capturing the surrounding without me being in the frame doesn't seem so appealing. Hey, at least I'm being honest.

I think nothing beats taking in your surrounding, especially if you have never been to that place before, using all of your worldly senses. Like the smell. The sound. Your feeling towards that precise moment, towards what you are seeing for the first time.

Maybe that's just another excuse. Maybe I've realized that I'm just not good at taking pictures that I simply gave up and leave it to someone else.

There's a line in a song that goes like this : 'Pictures only prove you can't convince.' But this is the age of digital memory we are talking about. The age of Facebook, where nothing actually takes place until pictures to serve as proof are shared on your profile. Memories are not real until they are etched on pixels.

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Anyways. What prompted me on this quite pointless train of thought is watching the Narvaez family's vlogs. Rajin sungguh bapa mereka si Jorge record every event yang kadang-kadang tak eventful sangat pon tapi sebab telatah anak-anak dia comel sangat terpaksa tengok video berulang-ulang kali. I mean, who can not like Eliana and those cheeks? I've always had and never been able to shake this feeling of apprehension when it comes to the idea of giving birth; everything about it - starting from to the natural changes that are bound to happen to your body, to the morning sickness, to the 9-month period of carrying a huge belly around, to the pushing part - scares the hell out of me. But seeing these adorable kids growing up before your eyes with a set of loving parents that dot on the, it really stirs that instinct inside of me, you know. That one day, this is what I want. To raise a family.

Tapi tapi tapi. Maternal instinct tu kena suppress dulu ok, not in the next 5-6 years ok.

Bila tengok vlogs mereka, tetiba rasa, kan best kalau parents dulu ada buat video masa aku tengah baby pastu membesar. Teringin nak tengok. Because sometimes, as good as it feels to just live in the moment, memories do fail us. At least, if they did, I would have been able to listen to my dad voice now because I'm afraid that soon I would forget.

Kesimpulannya di sini, lepas ni nak beli video cam la satu. Takpon camera yang canggih sikit, yang kualiti video pon best. Kalau malas nak tangkap sendiri, cari suami yang rajin layan tangkap gambar, ok?

Ok. Back to si comel Eliana. These past few days, Encik Fudye was, after quite some time, reunited with the internet again and the first thing I asked him to check out was, guess what, Eli's videos! so that next time I talk about one of Eli's antics, he'll know what I am talking about. Encik Fudye pon terpaksa la tengok semua video-video yang dia dah miss hehe.

Is it weird/creepy to feel so fond and form some kind of an attachment towards someone who doesn't even know you? I think it's not that different from celebrity crushes, except that this is less superficial I think, because what people are most interested in when it comes to Jorge and his family is the substance that makes them the real person they are, not their looks, their voice or talent. I mean there are far more talented singers out there but there's just something so endearing watching them sing.

"Sorry my daddy...." Awww, I mean, it's not fair, how can one stay mad at this cute little thing after that line??

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So I've been spending the past few days finishing off my reading in the park.With autumn looming just around the corner I figure it's best to make full use of the beautiful weather we were grazed with lately.

Plus without the distraction that my room poses, with the internet and all, the park provides a sanctuary for me to immerse myself in Kafka's work. Or at least, attempt to.

I find that Kafka's narration is at times too arduous and boring that I can't seem to finish it even though I've had this book for quite some time now. And I am not talking about a whole novel, just a book of collection of his short stories. So double fail for me.

Now I believe that he meant the stories to be boring. He was talking in metaphors about living the mundane lives of being confined within the structure that had been put upon us. First school, then college, then work, then you work to earn more which gets you bigger house and faster car and in return you work more, retirement follows 30 years later.

We think too much about things that do not amount too much in the grander scheme of things; like clothes for instance, or how others perceive us, and our fear of failing, our need to have every little thing under control. Life doesn't work that way. There's always a curveball ready to throw you off track when you least expect it.

Once you finish reading his stories, you have to allow yourself some time to reflect upon it, during which the genius behind his writing will slowly unravel itself, which will lead you to reread it, just so to make sure there isn't anything that you've missed the first time around. For instance, when you realize that the main character in Metamorphosis who turned into a cockroach-like insect is a representative of the working class people, when you read the story one more time, you'll see how every little detail in the story makes sense within that context.

So far I've read 5 stories and my favorite havsto be Metamorphosis. Predictable. Oh well.

Reading and finally understanding Kafka in the park on a bench overlooking the tranquil lake, occasionally sipping on cold Starbucks's Seattle Latte, damn I feel so cool, the kind of cool that only bookworms know how. So lame.

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Two of my close friends got engaged in last week alone. Called to congratulate them, secretly (not-so-secret I guess) wishing that I'll be next in the near future..

Being so open and forthcoming in my view on this matter, I've gotten far more cynical remarks from those who deem marriage to be the antithesis of coolness than I care to keep count of.

Remarks such as, "Aii, tak sabaq nak kahwin dah ke?" will usually be met by a straight-faced, "Haah." Selalunya lepas tu orang tu tak kata apa dah. Senang. Paling tak pon, dia akan kata, "Gatal," pastu topik tersebut akan tamat di situ.

"Lek lu, tak cool la kahwin awal-awal, enjoy dulu," itupun salah satu respon popular jugak.

Where do people get this notion, that marriage is the end to all fun in the world? I mean, when you marry, you intend to stay married forever right, but if marriage means you shall forego any fun thereafter, that is too high a price to pay to be married to anyone I think. I mean, who do you have in mind of being married to?? Doesn't sound like a fun person to be around with..

There's like hundreds of perks of being married that I can come up with right now. It's like an ongoing date, except that you don't have to say goodbye at the end of the day. If you don't feel like going out but still wants to spend time with each other you can just stay home. You can not only start mapping out your future together, but live it instead. Instead of waiting to tell about your day to each other on the phone, you can just talk about it face to face.

Ok stop.

Note to self : Tak payah nak menggatal sangat-sangat lagi. Buat apa yang patut dulu, cukupkan apa yang tak cukup lagi, baru fikir pasal kahwin.

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I think 24 years-old is not too early or too late to start being an adult and take responsibility of people other than yourself.

Life Gets Lonely When Everybody Wants Something

Among other things that I found while de-cluttering yesterday was SMSs from my dad printed on paper as I was sure sooner or later something was going to happen to my phone and I was right. My favourite is this one:

Askum manja. Exam kalini score ok. Achtung baca bismillah dulu. Bye.

That really made me smile, not in a sad kinda way though, as I remembered how I thought to myself at that time that it was probably the first time he ever used the word 'Achtung' in kind-of a correct way. Believe me, before this, the word 'Achtung' kept appearing in his messages at the most random places! Hahaha!

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Ramadhan is coming to an end and to tell you the honest-to-God truth, the prospect of being able to start the day with caffeine and have caffeine boost throughout the day again is pretty inviting, but I am also dreading Raya as it nears.

First because the change of plan, which obviously has affected the mood of dearie roommate about Raya and celebrating it which in turn affects mine.

Second is the fact that Raya is never going to be as fun as it used to be. Not this year. Not next year. Not even the next year. You see, Raya is about celebrating it with close families and when you take that out of the equation, it will be just like any other day except that two-rakaat prayer in the moring and that 'costume' you wear (new or recycled) that you'll probably only wear 2-3 times a year going to kenduri. That and lots of kuih raya and ketupat. What good will all that be without the chaos of relatives gathering together kat kampung? It'll be far too boring that I keep wishing friends around Alor Star to come back from wherever their kampung is and pick me up to hang out.

Besides, it's just too heartbreaking to watch Maktok's heartbreak playing out in front of my eyes. Last year she refused to wear her baju raya in the morning. It takes a lot of persuading before she finally, reluctantly agreed. This year Mom said they are going to spend Raya in a hotel with the best view there is in Batu Feringghi. Ayahsu and family will join later.

I know my Mom's intention is to take Maktok away somewhere she can forget but you can take her halfway around the world and still she can't forget.

Sometimes I feel like physically shaking those certain family members until some sense got into them. I don't know if anyone is ever man enough to man up and put an end to this. But you know. The damage that words cause sometimes are so severe it can't be undone. Itulah orang Melayu dulu-dulu cakap, terlajak kata badan binasa.

I just hope that time is forgiving enough to let Maktok has the chance to see her close-knit family coming back together like before again.

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I feel blessed. Sebab bila difikirkan my relation to God compared to what He had blessed and is blessing me and my family with, macam sedikit tak padan pon ada. For that I am grateful. Rasa nak cuba jadi baik sikit la lepas ni. You know, simple stuff like tak mau mengata orang atau berprasangka buruk atau menghukum, and if I can't help forming those nasty words inside my head I want to try not to say them out loud. Because being a bitch is so last season. Harap-harap bukan hot-hot chicken excrement.

Another Saturday

Boyfriend told me he recently read my blog and found one post particularly funny, to the point that he said something like "never thought you were that funny". I should have been slightly offended and I actually did but I was still pretty flattered all the same.

So I asked him which post he was referring to. Later I found out he meant the one I wrote in Bahasa, in which I attempted to berpuitis sedikit. Which was never meant to be funny at all in the first place! Didn't he know I used to represent my school in Pertandingan Sajak back then and win? Darah puitis tu ada la kiranya sikit-sikit walaupun dah tak ditonjolkan sekarang. Heh.

Anyways.

I was sorting through my stuff, like really sorting through the clutters that I'm keeping to figure out which should be chucked out and which I need/want. Being someone who easily sees flashes of memories and emotional attachment in material things, it was pretty hard to let go some of the stuff I have. That reminds me of this TV Show calls 'Hoarders' which features people basically doing what I did today but their situation is 100 times more extreme. These people even got hundred thousands of dollar worth of fine from the state because the cluttering is so critical it might impose danger to the neighbour.

With that TV Show in mind, I shouldered on, tossing one thing after another into the bin bag, to proof that I am not mentally ill like the people on Hoarders. At the end of the day, the result was 3 giant bags of garbage and a huge stack of papers and magazines that stand a little higher than my waist. I didn't cry or slumped into depression afterwards like the people in the show did so I guess I am normal.

While going through some papers I found a poem printed on a yellow piece of paper, already frayed at the edges and torn at some places. I had this since my MRSM years! I used to stick it on the wall beside my bed, along with posters of Lifehouse and The Calling, which were later pulled down because a friend of a roommate told us someone saw a giant hairy thing hanging from the outside of the window of our room. Katanya sebab ada poster orang malaikat tak masuk bilik, so hantu pon suka la jadikan bilik tu tempat penginapan.

I remember thinking that the ghost that someone had described looks a lot like Yeti. I thought Yeti lives in the Himalaya?? Or maybe they are right, that Yeti/Bigfoot is really a makhluk halus after all, that's why despite numerous report of sightings (most of them are probably fake anyway) nobody ever captured that sanovebich? Pardon my French.

Back to the poem, there's a feeling that this thing is something ancient, a piece from the life that seems so distant now. So you can imagine I was feeling quite excited stumbling upon this poem again. A little bit of story behind the poem : I actually stole my mom's diary that she kept when she was 17. Nothing really personal in it, my mom just pasted clippings of poems she cut out from magazines. But I suspect that she chose poem which reflects her own feelings for each day which leads to some speculation on my part..whatever.

So this poem happens to be one of my favourite. Nothing of the deep, poetic kind but I like the message though. I thought I'd share it with you :

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask, "How are you?" do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die

Cause you ever had the time to call and say "Hi"?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You would miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day

It is like an unopened gift..thrown away...

Life is not a race do take it slower

Hear the music before the song is over.

One of Those Days

Yay to an unproductive Monday. I overslept, decided it was too late to go to the lab and deceived myself into believing that the time spent at home would be well-spent, in which I shall start on the write-up and now 7 hours later, not a single word has been produced in the yet to exist pages.

Half an hour before I should start cooking for berbuka.

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Do you know that India has 1 billion population, which is 1/6 of the world's total inhabitants? I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact. In the heart of Mumbai, there lies what's supposed to be the biggest slum on Earth called Dharavi, in which 1 million people call their home. The majority of the household here do not have running water; they have to collect water from the main pipe every morning for their everyday use. Amazingly, almost every household has cable TV, with 150 channels. Takdak air takpa, Shah Rukh Khan kena ada.

Forgive my nerdiness, but all my favorite TV shows are on hiatus for the summer and I'm stuck watching documentaries for the moment.

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Few weeks back I watched Leon the Professional which is the debut film for the Natalie Portman. I was stunned by the beauty of the then 12-year-old starlet. I mean, she was not pretty the way a pretty 12-year-old should be; her beauty resembles more like that of an adult but with an air of innocence. Reminds me Nabokov's controversial character, Lolita.

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The world is coming apart at its seams and we still care of what our so-called friends on Facebook are up to.

But then again, what else should and could we do, right?

I wonder, which one is better; to be someone who cares about other people's feelings which makes us sometimes make promises that we might not be able to keep or be someone who simply doesn't give a royal eff?

Tough call.

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Oh and by the way, I stumbled upon this very interesting argument against Darwinism in one of Obe's blog's comment :

Protein cannot form unless the cell exists as an integral whole.

Darwinists can write as many deceptive books jam packed with formulae, produce as many false fossils as they like, make as many demagogic assaults on the scientific evidence for Creation as they choose or stick posters up full of fantastical illustrations and present these as exhibitions of evolution all over the place, but none of this will ever change the fact of their fundamental defeat. Because the worst nightmare for Darwinists is the very beginning of life. Darwinists HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO PRODUCE A SINGLE EXPLANATION of how just one protein came into being. This is an expression of the despairing situation into which, Dawkins, Futuyma, Tim White and all other Darwinists now find themselves. None of this demagoguery can resolve this great and stupendous rout in the face of a single protein. A SINGLE PROTEIN HAS TOTALLY DEMOLISHED DARWINISM.

This fact is of great importance in terms of the defeat of Darwinism:
- DNA is essential for a single protein to form
- DNA cannot form without protein
- Protein cannot form without DNA
- Protein cannot form in the absence of protein
- Sixty separate proteins are needed for a single protein to form
- Protein cannot form in the absence of any one of these
- Protein cannot form with no ribosome
- Protein cannot form with no RNA
- Protein cannot form without ATP
- Protein cannot form without the mitochondria to manufacture ATP
- Protein cannot form without the cell nucleus
- Protein cannot form without the cytoplasm
- Protein cannot form in the absence of a single organelle in the cell
- And proteins are necessary for all the organelles in the cell to exist and function
- There can be no protein without these organelles

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I have been searching waiting for a scientific explanation against Darwin's theory. It's not that I was ever swayed by the theory, I know I am not of the primate descendant, but the heart and the mind sometimes crave for something more concrete. I haven't read the link but will do later. This shall make for an interesting discussion with any atheist/agnostic I might encounter in the future.

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One of those time when you stumble upon one of God's perfect specimen in real life who seem to have everything in life. And you begin to look into yourself in shades of grey.

But really, if you look closer, you'll realize that you do have everything too.

Lately

Pedulikan. Motto hidup yang baru.

Kanan difikirkan, kiri direnungkan, diri sendiri bertambah runsing.

Biar mereka dibuai empuk hidup masing-masing. Diri sendiri, biar diterbangkan arus semasa dunia. Harap akhirat tak lupa dikejar sama.

Tak peduli, tak bererti tak sayang, cuma melepaskan sedikit erat genggam tangan, kurangkan ambil kisah. Supaya perasaan akhirnya tak terguris, langsungnya diri tak menghukum. Paling tidak, dapat kurangkan sedikit catatan dosa yang berduyun-duyun di buku kiri, bukan?

Sekian, terima kasih.

Kalaulah ianya semudah bicara.

Clearing of the Noises

One of the most expensive coffee in the world is Kopi Luwak, mainly produced in Indonesia.

From the picture above you can see that they are just coffee beans being stuck together with something gooey like honey or something. At least that's what I first thought when I saw it. But looks can be very deceiving they say, and in this case, that's an understatement.

This is where it gets interesting. Take a look at the picture again. Ready?

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You are actually looking at some shit. Poop. Turd. Whatever you want to call it.

Basically, these people in Indonesia, they feed these particular species of civets coffee beans and apparently the process taking place in the civets' digestive tracts makes the coffee taste better, don't ask me how. So whatever waste leaving the civets' anus, they collect and process to turn them into coffee.

Which arises the obvious curious question, how did they think about the idea of coffee made from a civet's excrement in the first place?

The civets are pretty scary looking in the picture below, not one of those animal that you'd think of eating anything coming out of its ass, come to think of it, I wouldn't want to eat anything coming out of anything's ass, no matter how cute the owner of the ass is!

I found videos on YouTube and these creatures are actually very friendly and playful; perfect candidate for a pet. What's more, their poop can be turned into one of the most expensive coffee in the world. Talk about being frugal.

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Back in primary school, I remember I have this two very close friends (let's call them K and F), whom I still occasionally meet up. At the same time, I was also close to this other girl (let's call her A), who is a member of a clique led by B.

To better understand the dynamics of their friendship, A and B are like Serena and Blair, leader of the pack, and in any pack you can't never have more than one queen. When they fought, they really fought like it's the end of the world, but no sooner than tomorrow, they would be best friends again.

Whenever A and B fought, A would always spend more time with me; we would spend recess together, go for toilet walks together, you know, stuff 11-year-old do. Which would result in me more or less abandoning my other friends K and F, or rather, not having much time left to spend with them. Soon as A made up with B, they would become inseparable again, and I would continue our friendship with K and F as usual. I thought everything was cool, you know.

This cycle repeated itself a few times before I received a letter under my desk. I still remember that it was written on a cute Space Jam's letter set, complete with printed envelope. F wrote that she felt used, that I kept switching between them and A, that they felt as if I didn't appreciate them enough. I didn't remember the exact words but it was something pretty poetic (as poetic as an average 11-year-old could be) about being treated like toys that you can pick up whenever you wanted and discard whenever they are not of use anymore.

Sayangnya beberapa tahun yang lalu, loteng kat rumah kena anai-anai attack, so semua surat-surat dan kad raya terpaksa dibuang. Kalau tak epic gila kot boleh baca balik surat zaman kanak-kanak ni. Lagi best kalau tunjuk kat orang yang hantar surat tu pastu gelak sama-sama.

It was at that point I first had a taste of how complicated relationships can be.

I think friendship is best kept without the complexity of a romantic relationship. It should be effortless. There shouldn't be guilt, shouldn't be jealousy, shouldn't be rivalry. Real gems in friendship are the ones that you can revisit time after time with ease. As if the time and the physical distance that had kept you apart never existed.

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First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Kelly Jones

I never knew Kelly Jones did a cover of this song. It was *puts hand on shoulder, rolls eyes* nothing less than awesome, of course.

I remember the days when my mom used to play Celine Dion's cassette non-stop in the car's stereo and I would try to sing along to her powerful voice singing this song. Of course, I failed gloriously. No. We failed gloriously. But blasting the car's speaker at full blast, singing a song that is way out of your vocal range, pretending that the singer's voice is actually yours, is pretty therapeutic. We had a lot of fun. My mom wouldn't let me change the cassette anyway so might as well join her.

The lyrics of the song had always fascinated me. Coupled with a heartfelt melody, it is hard not to feel the powerful yet tender emotion that the writer must have felt towards that special someone when he wrote this song. Hearing this song again today, for some reason I don't understand, almost made me tear up.

Well, come to think of it, as of late, anything remotely emotional will make me tear up.

I want this version of the song to be played on ze big day.

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This is what I would like to see happening in Malaysia : People are allowed to have discussions about Islam with those of religious authority which includes questions being asked without any party being defensive and offended about it.

Our culture has trained us not to ask questions when it comes to the core of our religion and that we are expected to just do what we are supposed to do and that's that. Why? Are they afraid that they might not be able to answer the questions?

Just because some questions have no clear answers does not mean that there are no answers. And just because one asks, does not mean that one doubts. That's the point of discussing; to learn, to understand something better.

The way I see it, this culture of no-questions-allowed might have been one of the reason which has driven some people, born and raised as Muslims in our society, to believe that Islam is beneath their intelligence level. Which is not accurate and unfortunate.

For me personally, I don't expect to get concrete answers about some of the lingering questions I might have, but I would definitely appreciate the willingness of ustaz, ustazah, ulama to talk to me about what they do know. To respect my curiosity and not to quickly dismiss me of being an ungrateful servant of God by asking too much. Questions do not always equal to interrogation.

Tetiba terfikir, kalau kat Malaysia, mana nak belajar agama eh? Kalau pergi masjid dengar ceramah, tak boleh bertanya banyak-banyak kat ustaz sebab kaum perempuan duduk belakang.

Maysaa Rip-Off

Why would people want to blatantly copycat someone's (who is apparently super famous) design and re-name that thing and sell it as their own? Okla let me be more straight-forward. Hana Tajimain her recent post has called out a few blog/FB-shops (all of them based in Malaysia) which sold the rip-off version of her famous snood collection. They even made it in different colors and prints too instead of the all-black version from Maysaa. Talk about being creative.

People, are you stoo serious? Dah la Hana Tajima tu femes and banyak contact kat Malaysia. Haven't it occurred to you that sooner or later you are going to get your copycat ass noticed? Maybe it's not wrong per se, if Hana has not acquired any patent on her snood design. If that is the case, other than calling these people out in her official page that thousands of her loyal fans read, that is as far as it could get. No lawsuit or anything of that sort could ensue.

You are in it for the cash, it's business, that I understand, but really? It's not ethical.

Been reading books on business and although I am learning a lot of useful things from them, these books don't teach you about ethical codes and such. That you have to navigate using your own moral compass and I surely hope I won't loose them.

Fact is, people judge other people.

Don't be quick to believe that you are different from others. If your brain capacity is enough to allow you to form your own opinion, chances are you'll have your own set of ingrained perception of things around you.

If you are a non-believer, you'll have a certain perception on those who believe.

If you believe in the stand of one political party, it'll inevitably lead you to form your opinion on the opposition party.

If you believe in marriage, you will see those who dismiss the notion of marriage in a certain light.

If you have no qualms of saying exactly how you feel at the cost of someone else's feeling getting hurt, you'll view those who go out of their way to take care of other people's feeling differently.

People who listen to only 'cool' indie music will think those that listen to mainstream music are extremely uncool.

Ada orang pakai tudung yang judge orang tak pakai tudung.

Orang tak pakai tudung pulak reason yang at least depa tak mengata orang.

Macam-macam.

I think it all boils down to our basic need to find a common ground with another human being. When we find out that the ground seems so far apart, we tend to reason why the other person is different from us. We dissect him, his past, just to arrive to a reason on why we are different. During this process, we judge.

Point is, we all judge. You do it, I do it, we all do. It is almost instinctive.

What makes us different is how we deal with our judgements. Do we let them dictate what we feel towards something for forever, or do we challenge ourselves to see past the veil of those initial judgements?

Politik Lagi. Ok Ini Last. Moving On.

In every system in which its operation relies solely on human, there can't be 100% transparency, there can't ever be zero error; because we human, we err.

Whose to say that there is a line between nepotism and just being charitable towards our family? Kalau tak dahulukan keluarga, nanti orang cakap pulak, kera di hutan disusukan, anak dirumah dibiar kelaparan. (Of course, with a little bit of common sense, one can see the line between the above-mentioned two.)

Memang ketelusan yang tulus tu, masih kita tak capai kat Malaysia (sama jugak macam banyak negara lain, kecuali mungkin di negara-negara maju, transparency itu lebih sedikit), masalah rasuah, masalah pembohongan blablabla, tapi aku yakin masih ada orang-orang kerajaan kat Malaysia yang buat kerja dengan ikhlas. Kalau kita stereotype semua orang kerajaan corrupt, tak adil tu, macam fitnah pulak.

I wonder, if by the next election the ruling party were to change, who will be made PM? Anwar? Personally I don't trust him. Why? Instinct. I don't truly believe the dirt that people dig about him, I'd rather give him the benefit of a doubt simply because the two closest women in his life (wife and daughter) seems to be very strong, independent women who can think for themselves and I respect their decisions to stand by him. And even if all that 'rumors' about him turned out to be true, I don't condone the act of publicly humiliating a man along with his whole family. It's dirty politic. Kalau betul dia buat salah macam tu, just tarik jawatan dia and let him go. Tak payah nak drag his reputation and his family together with the sinking ship. Kesian anak-anak dan isteri dia. On another note, doesn't it struck you as a bit strange that amidst all the ongoing crisis, his family recently moved into a new home, which rumored to cost about RM 7 millions? Haih. Entahla.

Dammit woman, so what do you want? Sekejap itu sekejap ini, make up your mind.

I just want the government to clean up their act and repair what needs to be repaired in their system (the room for improvement is evidently very wide), and most importantly, as a young adult and a proud Malaysian, I want the government to treat us with respect, not like children who do not know better. Macam suruh media report benda yang tak betul sedangkan kita boleh tengok dalam internet. Bagila kebebasan kat media sikit. Takdak gunanya nak kepong informasi di zaman-zaman informasi ni. It'll just make an ass out of you and me.

But what do I know. I'm just a 24-year-old citizen with ideals without any credibility since it has been 3 years and I am still not a registered voter. Like my Mom said, my words are just words, like 'tin kosong'.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Celebration of Femininity

I want to wear this on THE day!

Gorgeous Karla from Karla's Closet.

Apa ni..asyik-asyik cakap pasal THE day. Pi bagi abis study dulu.

Terkena tempias sekejap sebab two of my close friends told me they were getting married (not to each other! haha) on my birthday. Can't wait to go to their wedding.

Oh wait. Is it the phase people are talking about when one of your friend starts to get married and it kinda triggers a chain reaction and soon everyone in your circle of friends are married?

Anyways, was wondering, if people in this century dress up as in the Victorian times, wouldn't it be fun? The corset-thingy is not so fun, that's like self-torture, but what's so different with women going under the knife to get boob jobs, Botox and the whole shebang anyway.

Though there's the downside about how femininity is celebrated purely based on the aesthetic value, how women back then were not as empowered as today's women, and a whole string of other arguments, I still think women during that time look so glamorous, so classy. Women with higher status in the status cover up their body, and even the glimpse of the ankles are considered naughty.

Now, see where we are? I really truly believe that the culprits who change this perception of dressing up and being attractive are men. Show some legs! A little bit of cleavage is fine, love, well maybe more. Yep, more is definitely better. At the end of the day, it's free will la kan, people do whatever they want to do, but it worries me seeing teenagers as young as 13-17 years old on my little brother's Facebook posting up pictures wearing practically just a bra while posing in a suggestive manners which have hormone-driven boys who had just reached puberty commenting and liking these kinds of pictures like crazy. And the young girls, their sense of self-esteem in the process of taking form, got the impression that to get boys' attention and affection, they should all turn into whores with extra topping of bitchiness.

SIGH.

Got carried away. As always. Sebenarnya nak tunjuk baju cantik tu ja. Hehe. Later!

"Dolphins A Bite Me"

Another thing to add on my to-do-list this year : Swim with dolphins.

I've just watched the new video from the Narvaez's family and guess what? They went swimming with the dolphins!

I found myself smiling all the way through the end of the video, partly because of the dolphins, partly because of the chunky baby Eliana. I can't help it, the girl's so adorable it's deadly. Every time I see Eliana doing one of her antiques, with her super chubby cheeks, and beautiful smile, my hormones just went haywire, I swear that my estrogen level just shoot straight through the roof! SIGH. No, I will not succumb, no baby making until I'm into my thirties. I need to accomplish being a lot of other things first, before being a mom.

So anyways, watching the video reminded me of the Dolphin's Lodge in Batam Island which is just like around the corner! The site was last updated in 2003, so I'm not sure if it is still operating but I'm keeping my fingers crossed! (<-- it's just an idiom, get over it) It costs around 120 Singapore Dollar, which is about RM 300, which is super cheap! Anywhere else, it would have costed at least 200 USD so I'm totally putting this in my list for this year.