In For The Kill

They say we can love who we trust

But what is love without lust?

Two hearts with accurate devotions

And what are feelings without emotions?

One more reason to love Elly Jackson. She morphs this song from energetic dubstep to the sexy jazzy version with ease.

Atok & Nenek

Found this on Pinsterest and can't help putting it here.

He was so sweet to her the whole time it makes me want to cry! Bini dia asyik dok cakap diri dia noob tak tau nak guna webcam, dia cakap things like "Well whatever you do, you're doing fine," and "It's okay learning takes time." And atok, you're so goofy, you're beyond adorable!

I hope I have someone like that by my side telling me my hair is pretty when it's all gray and asking to see my boobs when they're wrinkly and saggy. Because that's love yo.

Ahhh this just filled my morning with a warm feeling despite the looming clouds outside that I can't go to do my work in the park.

Misundaztood

Are you one of those people who has songs that describe each specific era of your life?

"Erm, not really."

Fine. But if you are, like me, then you'll recognize the feeling when you hear a song which you haven't heard for so long once again and you'll see flashes of memories of that time before your eyes. And you can literally feel the way you felt at that time; the state of your mind, your outlook on relationship and life, your hopes and fears for the future.

Now I'm re-listening to Pink's first album and I remember going through all the adolescent teenage angst phase. It was funny! And very juvenile. Rasa poyo gila weh. Time tu, I remember I had this leopard-printed military-green canvas backpack, and I feel so cool. I hated pink and I used to walk with what I thought was a swagger, which now looking back on it is so embarrassing. I swore to never want to get married, because I wanted to become a zoologist and go live in a forest somewhere like Jane Goodall.

Thank God I outgrew this phase pretty fast.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who outgrew this angry phase. Listening to Pink's first record, I realize how her sound had evolved over the years. Back then, I would describe her music as being a fusion between soul and rock. I stopped listening to her record after her second one. Now she's more pop-pish, and well, more generic. But it's working out pretty good for her, so.

I was wearing my earphone and singing at the top of my lungs in the kitchen when Tash entered some time later saying that she could hear me sing from her room. Oh well.

In her first album Pink mostly sings about being not allowing herself being treated badly and being infected with this 'Girl Power!' virus, her songs became my anthem and I figured if ever it comes a day when a boyfriend would mistreat me in any way, I'll have the perfect song to help me through it.

Listening to the songs now is so funny. The lyrics just don't make sense.

Case of point 1 :

You can push me out the window,

I'll just get back up.

Dude, I'm no vampire. Depending on the level of floors of which you push me from, if I was lucky, I might escape with a few broken bones.

Case of point 2 :

You can run me over with your 18-wheeler truck,

And I won't give a fuck.

Sure right I won't give a fuck because I'd be dead and that's murder yo!

Jangan Jatuh

Taktau plak Fynn Jamal ni nyanyi. Ingat dia blogging ja. Jumpa video dia dari video Taharasuiko, si gila yang genius tu. I meant that as a compliment.

Teringat zaman dulu-dulu setiap kali bila masuk pertandingan sajak, mesti Papa akan volunteer untuk tunjukkan macam mana cara nak menjiwai sajak tu. Mesti dia buat over gila. Kalau ada perkataan 'merangkak' hah nanti dia suruh pi dekat dinding buat-buat nak merangkak. Pastu, untuk dramatization, sebelum setiap ayat, kena tarik air liur guna lidah, you know, the kind that Nasir Bilal Khan always does in his acting.

Usually I would listen but in the end I would just do my own thing.

Suara Fynn ni sedap. Performance dia yang ni gila best. Bila dengar untuk first time tadi, ternganga sekejap.

Sooner or Later.

To miss someone is the only pain that feels good.

Be My Getaway

Fly, be my getaway

Gotta getaway.

Perfect song for today's weather.

"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."
— Plato’s Symposium

This was stolen from a friend's tumblr and since I don't have tumblr, I'm reblogging it here. Concrete proof that I have been stalking her tumblr, which is nothing short of awesome, so with that last note, I hope she doesn't mind. ;p

Jazz Hayat

That voice makes me want to learn this song. Though of course, mine won't be as superb as his. I wouldn't have fallen in love with the song if I had heard the original first instead of Hayat's. I'm trying to find Malay/Indon songs to learn to play on the guitar. Boring la asyik-asyik lagu mat salleh kan. And as of late, I'm spending more time with the guitar than with the stuff I'm supposed to get done. Rediscovering the spark of an old love at such a wrong timing.

SToday I will get some things done, promise.

Tak Mungkin Berpaling

Ok I have a confession to make.

I used to have a crush on this skinny guy with his trademark straight, shiny hair.

Zamani Slam!

Selain daripada the usual Hollywood-manufactured boyband crush (mine used to be Nsync's JC Chasez and bad boy Mark McGrath, lead singer of Sugar Ray), kalau Malaysia punya boyband, Zamani Slam la paling best sekali. Selain Yusry KRU. Tapi KRU tak aci, sebab dia macam westernized sikit.

Zaman darjah 2-3 dulu, balik sekolah, kalau lepak buat homework kat office Papa, kerani time tu Kak Yati akan pasang kaset Slam ulang-ulang sepanjang hari. Bila habis satu side, ulang balik, dari hujung ke hujung. Mana tak hafal semua lagu Slam!

Kalau naik kereta dengan ibu plak, kalau tak dengar channel Light & Easy, ibu suka pasang kaset artis-artis feveret dia; Fauziah Latiff, Dessy Ratnasari, Broery Marantika, Hetty Koes Endang, etc. Selain tu, ibu suka dengar Aris Ariwatan dengan Spring. Tak suka la Spring! Tapi dah feveret ibu, kereta dia yang drive, sabaq ja la.

Zaman tu memang tengah femes la band Melayu yang start dengan huruf 'S' ni. Spring, Sting, Screen, Scoin, Spoon, Spin, Sup... Dah la lagu semua mendayu-dayu, jiwang karat tak hengat, memang tak boleh belah la. Asyik nyanyi lagu putus cinta ja. Adoiii, come on la bro....

Tapi, tapi, tapi, kalau Slam tak pa. I'm willing to make an exception. Hihihihi.

Sebab Slam lain dari Scoin semua tu. They are in a class of their own, one that's better than the rest tu. Acecece. Dah minat tu ada ja alasan kan.

Zaman radio berkaset. Seems like a lifetime ago.

So anyways, been listening to Slam all day while studying for the paper tomorrow. I still remember most of the lyrics! And...the crush that I used to have on Zamani, it's still there! >.<

I mean, listen to his voice! Cair kot!

Version baru yang ada Mawi tu tak best la. Over ja Mawi. Original lagi best. (I know I'm biased towards Zamani. Dicampur dengan faktor kurang gemar Mawi.) Tapi kenapa dalam video klip tu Zamani nampak sangat kurus. Macam sakit ja. Suara dia pon dah lain sikit dari dulu. Dia memang sakit kot. Kesiannya... Awat cek tak kahwin-kahwin lagi ni? Takkan frust dengan ehem ehem lagi kot.. Semoga Tuhan temukan jodoh yang baik-baik di masa yang terdekat untuk dia, Amin.

Ok dah mengarut. Sebab caffein RedBull ada lagi dalam saluran darah. Ditambah dengan pressure hari esok.

Nite!

Coy Roy

Sexiest drum beat I've ever heard. Probably have heard it over hundreds of times, never get tired of it. It's being played on repeat today; lagu yang sangat sesuai untuk hari-hari mendung macam hari ni.

Imagine this : Steve Gadd's drum licks, with Kelly Jones's voice over it. I know this song is not Kelly's territory, but just imagine. It'll be an explosion of eargasm. Too much sexiness for one to handle in one song.

As much as I adore this song, I think the lyrics are the dumbest piece of advice I've ever heard. Period.

I mean, if you want to leave a girl for another girl, just tell her. She can handle it! Chances are, if you are such a prick, your girlfriend will probably survive the break-up. She'll even be better off without you. Some girls don't like to be played the fool, you know.

You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Stupid tak? Hahahaha!! Cracks me up everytime.

*Notice that the Roy my father warned about is mentioned in the chorus. I knew he was onto something!*

But the drums and the song are still awesome.

-Daughters-

When I was younger, I remember when our family got home late at night after a long road trip, or just for a dinner around town, I would feign sleep. I suppose at first it started with real sleep (I doze off real easy in a moving car), but once the car came to a halt or the engine stopped, I would be awake again. Being such a lazy bum to walk the distance from the car to my room, I would pretend to still be asleep, and my father would carry me, careful not to wake me up, and put me in my bed so that I could peacefully continue my slumber. I think he knew I was awake, or partially awake, but he never said anything. As I got older (and heavier to carry), my OCD-ness would not only make me wake up and walk by myself but first headed to the bathroom to wash my feet and brush my teeth before jumping into bed.

When I was in school, every time a big exam was around the corner, like the year-end exam, he would ask me after I had completed my prayer if I had extended my doa' to the rest of the class, for God to ease the exam for them too. The first time he asked that, I remember asking why should I do that, I wanted to get the first place in the whole class. And he explained to me the importance of not being "busuk hati" in whatever it is we do. After that whenever he asked me that question, I would say that I've made the doa.

I remember him always being friendly and nice to the foreign laborers who came to collect our garbage in that stinky garbage truck. They would come early in the morning, and whenever he was home, tending the plants, he would make it a point to make a conversation with them, hearing them talk about life and work and anything at all, with their broken Malay. Sometimes he would offer them cold plain water. I secretly made it a point to notice which glass they drank from and would try to avoid using it. What an asshole I was. Of all of them, I remember one particularly more than others, perhaps because I was home a lot (post-GMI) during his working stint. He was from Nepal, working to save for his wedding, his sweetheart waiting for him back at home. About 2-3 months after my father passed away, my mom moved back home, having spent the whole time at my grandma's. Ibu told me that the Nepalese guy asked her about my father, having not seen him for quite some time.

My favorite memory of us together is those times when I have a room to myself in his office. He let me turned it into my art workshop, in which I mostly just fooled around in, experimenting mostly with papers; papier marche, paper making, origami, pop-ups and stuff. After Maghrib prayers, I would follow him to the office just so I could be in the room. When he was done with his work, he would come check on what I was working on. I think he was misled to believe that I have some sort of artistic talent, like him, who was gifted in drawing and painting. He even bought me that drawing stand, that real artists use to put on the drawing pad vertically up.

Once my brother brought back his exam paper in Pendidikan Seni, in which he has to express his 'arty vision' in form of geometrics, he drew a single square. I remember him showing that to my dad and we all had a laugh. Another incident, I was on the phone with him (I was already in Germany at that time), and he asked me whether I still practiced on drawing comics and cartoons, insisting that I shouldn't stop practicing, saying that he saw talent in me in that direction. I was like, sorry to disappoint you Papa, but I think that artistic gene of yours just skipped a generation. ;p

He repeatedly told me that the rule of thumb is not to go with any guy named Roy or Zack. Papa, of all my 24-years of life, I'm proud to tell you that I never came in contact with a single Roy, thank God for that. I think they are the extinct type now, so no worries. As for Zack, I only know one guy who goes with that name, only with a slightly retarded spelling, and he's an actor so safe to say, I won't get near that circle, so yeah no worries with the Zacks either.

In his world, I am The Princess (only second to my mom, who is The Queen), and he had always treated me like one. He never hurt me, but the look of disappointment in his eyes whenever I did something wrong was just as hurtful as a physical disciplining. Because of him, I have a pretty solid idea of how I want to be treated and should be treated by the man in my life; with utmost respect, deserving of all attention and love. And for that reason I think he would have approved it if I were to spend my lifetime with Encik Fudye.

I think they both would have enjoyed each other's company. They would have gone on fishing trips together, enjoyed an occasional cigar/smoke together, went on a late night teh tarik outing watching wrestling on giant TV screen at mamak.

I used to bite my lips and held my tongue whenever I heard someone saying how he/dread calling his/her father. Inside I screamed that it's unfair, these ungrateful people who have their dad but make calling up their old man sounds like a chore. I never let a week went by without calling mine at least twice. Why don't I get to keep my dad? Of course, that bitterness is mellowed over time.

He bought me my first glue gun for my art projects when I was in Sekolah Rendah and I even brought it here to Germany. Last year, it went kaputt and I went berserk trying to fix it. I was frantic. I bought a screwdriver, pried it open, tried everything to bring it to life again, but it stayed dead. I couldn't accept it, because that thing held so much meaning to me. But to hold on to material things that connect me to the memories of him is just not healthy. And a bit crazy. Memories won't be lost by letting go. That's an important lesson I've learned. The art of accepting and letting go.

So I did not miss Father's Day this year as I had for the past years. On purpose, of course. But you know what? Starting this year, I'll celebrate it as I had did before. Even though I can't send cheesy greeting card anymore, I'll be thankful for ever having him in my life. He is one of the reason of the person I aspire to be.

Bang.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride

The pressure of exams this time around, has turned me into this cranky, moody, emotionally needy person that even annoys me at times.

For putting up with that, ever so patiently, even though you are super busy now, this one goes for you.

When are we going to get to dance on our kitchen tiles?

Wakeup Call

It's okay to feel like crap once in a while.

It's okay to feel that you are not in perfect control of your life sometimes; because truth is, you are not. A bigger force out there is dealing the cards for you. Though it's no excuse to sit on your ass and be lazy.

It's okay to not be little-miss-(may I please use the f-word here once, thanks)fucking-sunshine all the time. Nobody expects that from you.

But while you are dealing with all these issues, do know that life goes on. It doesn't skip a beat, in order to wait for you, just so you could have your diva moment.

I'm sure you must have seen countless scenes in the movies in which time seems to freeze for a moment when something disastrous happens to the main character and everything else seems to move in a slow motion. As if to give the character enough time to digest what has just happened, to assess the situation for a while, before having to snap back to reality and react.

Well, even though you are the centre of your own real-life drama, newsflash missy, reality doesn't work that way. So while you are busy indulging in self-pity or despair or state of confusion, the Earth keeps on rotating, and time doesn't loose its rhythm.

The thing is, you thought your shit is catastrophic enough to call for an emergency button, but in the harsh light of reality, it is not the end of the world. Most of the time, unfortunately, it is just not.

Still got your legs and hands in tact? Still have a functioning brain? Still breathing?

Chances are, you'll survive this one.

What are we to do

with all the beauty stretching out

behind us.

Le Véritable Amour?

What's the whole big deal about first love anyway?

Here's my two cents; if you want to end the relationship with your first true big love, then end it in a clean break. Get closure. Fall truly out of love. Hate that asshole with all your heart. No no. Don't hate him or her. Just disconnect yourself from any kind of feelings to that person. Sometimes your heart gets confused between love and hate. Yeah, love is blinding like that.

And then later, when you find someone that you think you could really like, take your time and fall really hard into that other person. Love like you have never been broken before and pray that you've hit jackpot and that person is the one you'll be spending the rest of your life is.

If later you find out that what's at the end of the rainbow is not pots of gold (gold here could be literally translated, or it could also mean a happy end to some, depending on your preference), then repeat the cycle again. Until you find what you are looking for.

Like it or not, first love has some kind of power and charm, especially if it doesn't get its full closure, which makes it very hard for the successor to compete with. And what an unfair competition it is. Because what the current lover is up against is not the real person holding the sacred first love title (who might be a loser for all we know), but our imaginative projection on the whole subject, which includes things that might or might not have happened the way we remember it. *read : 500 Days of Summer*

Who can compete with that? I mean, who wants to compete with that?

Unrequited first love is all about ideas and hopes and impossible expectations. Who knows, if you have stayed with that person long enough to get married, you'll find out that that person is prone to farting excessively in bed every morning, leaving a repulsive stink on the bedsheet til the next day. How's that for a romantic projection? Shattered to pieces yet? What do you expect anyway, that your true love will never fart/produce a vanilla-scented fart?

And who knows, if you have stayed with your first love long enough, 10 years down the road, you'll find out that he's a cheating asshole that leaves you for a younger, prettier woman, not before drying your account up until you have to declare bankruptcy?

Of course, there's every possibility that your true first love is everything that you imagine him/her to be (vanilla-scented fart included), but there must be a reason why you did not end up with him/her in the first place. Percaya pada takdir. There must be a reason why God decided that circumstance for you in the first place.

But what if, 20-30 years down the road, when you've long realized the person you ended up with turned out not to be the one for you and by some twist of fate (macam dalam cerita 'Sepi', in which cheating is not involved), you once again meet your first love? Should the both of you give love another try? An affair is complicated enough as it is, even without any physical intimacy (read : sex) involved. What are the odds that you should meet at two different points of each other's life? Does it mean that it is meant to be?

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I have no clue. What, you think I write this with all the answers ready? I'm just making it up as I write.

Maybe it's takdir. I don't know. But what if your current spouse found their first true love in you, while your heart was always meant for someone else? That's very unfortunate. I think everyone deserves to spend their life with 'the one'. And no, I don't think the whole idea of 'the one' is overrated at all.

Who am I kidding? What do I know about unrequited first love anyway, I've hit jackpot the first time around....I think. So far. Boyfriend, you better be good, I don't want to have to deal with this kind of baggage later in life.

But I couldn't agree more. Unrequited first love is such a shitty mess to be dealt with. Especially if there's families involved, those unknowing innocent parties that could be hurt with your decision.

Shedding tears for affairs,

I'm a funny little thing,

Well I can tell you this for nothing,

Affairs don't win.*

*The song that inspires the post.

p.s : LOVE the lead singer's hair. Very retro. Though if I decide to go for it, there's a risk I might end up looking like a pre-pubescent boy. -.-''

But 30 Euros for a haircut? Nahhh... Kalau kat Aloq Setaq, tak payah pi hair salon yang fancy2 pon, pi kedai amoi Siam kat Simpang Kola tu, 12 ringgit ja, sekali dengan blow + styling. Cakap ja nak hairstyle macam mana, semua dia gheti. Oh home sweet home.

Sweet Beginnings Do Arrive

Been doing some catching up with good friends back in Langkawi. It was as if things have never changed much between us. Even though a lot has actually changed; Zaty already has her Master's degree, Paan is working on it while Ellie has already started working. Aku ja yang tertinggal lagi ni, biasalah naik KTM.

With these favourite people of mine, even though we haven't met for the longest time (excluding one of them because the other one is always biiiiiziiiiii and the other is away in Sarawak), I am never afraid of the possibility of awkwardness once we meet again. We have such history that will bind us forever.

Ceh. Me the dramatic drama queen.

Not to sound like I'm exaggerating thing, but really, we do share a lot of priceless moments together. Ones that we would insist on telling our grandchildren over and over although the punch line has lost its novelty after the third time of re-telling it.

Like the one about when we hid under our beds to run away from the 'surau police'. Sometimes we skipped going to surau during Maghrib prayer and looking back it was very silly of us really, but what to do, there are times when we girls just like to take our time to get ready; like taking an extra long shower, comb our hair a little extra thoroughly, stare at our pimples in the mirror a little longer than usual, etc. Whatever. So anyways, that day, the chief of the surau police herself (read : the ustazah) decided to do the rounds. Uh oh. We are in trouble. Retreat to safer ground, now! So we crawled under our beds. The four of us! How stupid is that!

It's amazing to see how quick one's thinking is under dire situation like that. The three of us turned into survival mode and headed under the bed in a swift move, while Zaty being the laid-back cool-as-ice-cucumber managed to grab an apple before going into hiding. So while we were under our beds, which had accumulated enough dust to fill a large KFC bucket, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid detection, she kept herself busy munching on the apple, to the annoyance of the rest of us, which has to hold our sneezes.

And then there was the time when we sneaked out early from prep class to secure our supper of nasi lemak that always sold out within 5 minutes after prep. On our way to the hostel, we heard a honk and naturally we all thought it was the warden which triggered us into running as fast as we could towards the nearest hostel entry. Zaty tripped over something and fell flat head-first (lawak gila bila ingat balik hahaha) onto the ground; but the fact that her hands never let go of the two bungkus of nasi lemak from her hands tells us something about her sheer determination and dedication. Turned out, it was not the warden, it was the retards from the DS (Dewan Selera).

The numerous rooftop sessions, where we would climb and lie on the roof during night time and talk about anything and everything while gazing up at the Langkawi sky. I tell you, it's an amazing sight; it would even be fair to say that it's the prettiest sky I've ever seen in my whole life. There's no severe light pollution so thousands and thousands and thousand of stars, in form of glittery tiny dots in all sizes, were starkly visible over the pitch dark night sky. Shooting stars are a normal sight there. Oh and how can I forget, the time when we got extra daring all of the sudden, and sneaked out into the football field in the middle of the night, not minding any ghost stories whatsoever, just so we could lie flat in the middle of the vast green field, to stare straight up at the night sky. We were lucky to never have been caught by the warden. And because the night creatures minded their own business that night and left us alone.

Sometimes we spent our whole weekly outing at Taman Lagenda, which has such a beautiful landscape, that it was so peaceful to be there. To anyone who hasn't been there, it's basically a park, in which the scenes of all the legends surrounding Langkawi were re-enacted in life-sized statues. Names such as Kuah, Beras Terbakar, Pulau Dayang Bunting, Belanga Pecah, all has a story behind it, however outrageous they may sound.

Our favourite spot is the shack perched on top of a hill, overlooking the Langkawi harbor. The sight, the wind, and the sound of the waves, all three elements when combined together created such an incredible sense of calmness. The hill was meant to tell the story was about a fight between two giants (one is Mat Cincang, the other I can't remember) on their son's and daughter's wedding day, which resulted in the death of both of them. You could see two giant hands sprouted from the hill, the rest of their bodies were underground, perhaps to tell that they fought until their last breath.

During the whole of Form 4, we were living in our own little world, everyone else is second. We weren't in the same class except Zaty and Paan so each night, after prep, we would come back to the room and exchange stories of what happened in each other's classes. That was how I first heard of Mr Boyfriend hehe. I always thought of what a funny an interesting guy he is, but he looks so menacing and garang which intrigues me more. Uuuuh and he's so tall and such thick eyebrows he has, I thought he was pretty handsome LOL.

So over the time, I developed a crush on him, thanks to their stories. Oh and how can I forget, if it wasn't for Paan, stealing his number from a friend's phone, there's a chance we might not even be together now. Me the shy girl ahaha. I kept his number for months before decided to do something about it!

Ellie doing hundres of push-ups without breaking a sweat. Paan having a crush on that certain someone hehe. Paan for being addicted to Nescafe and me never touching that sinful drink and now look at me; three glasses of caffein per day. Us being addicted to maggi goreng ayam bijanwhich is not in sale anymore for God knows what. Ellie having a super crush on Superman*wink wink*. Ellie and me having a crush on the same senior, and by the way he's in Ireland now, rambut panjang dah kurang hot. Calling ourselves M4 after the Korean? Japanese? series F4. Gossiping late into the night. Always having to wait for Zaty to get ready to go out for outing. Hehe. Dealing with needy other person who wants to be included in M4 no way Jose we are tight. Dealing with the fishy appearance of needy other person in impossible circumstances that brought chills to our bones. Having someone told us that the boys saw a creature of some sort hanging outside of our window on their walk back to the hostel from the football field during Maghrib prayer.

Omg. Writing about this makes me miss them more. I should really arrange a catching up soon after I get back; the four of us at the same time.

I know I don't keep in touch as much as I should, but they should know, they mean a whole lot to me. They are my good friends and I don't give the title easily to just anyone, you know. =)

Monday Morning

Think I've found a new feel-good-song to sing loudly on any given bad or not-so-awesome day. Doesn't mean that I'm replacing my all-time-favourite All-Star by Smashmouth which has been there for me for years and years already I think I've developed a relationship with the song already, as far as a relationship with a song could go. But the competition that this new song poses is quite big that I'm having a hard time not to put this no. 1 on my list of favourites.

Now every single crack, every penny that I pass,
says I should either leave or pick it up
But with every single buck I've made
I'm saddled with bad luck that came

Oh be calm. Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
I know that it gets so hard sometimes,
Be calm.
Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.
You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive
and everything's wrong
It just gets so hard sometimes
Be calm.

*****

Having friends over for the past few days helped in lessening the withdrawal syndrome from the boyfriend. Now that he's started working, I feel like I'm being selfish if I still want to tell him every single pathetic detail of my daily musings and worries. Oh well. Perhaps I can start ranting here. If you think what I've ranted so far is emotional, then you might have a little clue on what he must have gone through.

*****

You don't guilt someone into doing something. That's just not how we roll around here, dude.

*****

I hate having nothing to do. I hate being bored. I just hate it; it drives me crazy. Thus all the constant distractions; the sewing, the TV series, the blogs, the clothes, the sudokus/kakuros, the books, the magazines, the craft projects, etc. Lately I hate waking up so early with not much to do except studying. To start on my sewing project with exams close approaching seem absurd and a little too ambitious. Maybe God heard my prayer and granted me important things to do early on Monday morning. It's a blessing in disguise really; in form of losing my purse.

Time to visit the police station to report for stolen/missing things for the second time in Doshland. Yay!

*****

Don't Worry, Love - (Is it a British thing? To use 'Love' as in 'Babe'?)

Please, don't let this Brad guy sing in front of me. I'm afraid I'm just gonna embarrass myself by gaping helplessly at him, looking like a retard.. Why hasn't anyone discovered this uh-mah-zing performer with all the raging heart-throb quality yet?

Oh by the way Bieber, this guy's hair kicks your hair's ass!

*****

Boyfriend, get out of the jungle and come back to the civilization already. I miss you.

*****

Expecting to much too soon will never win anything.

Existing

If you do not want to fall, don't tread along the edges.

All You Dreamers

It's the beginning of year 1432. Salam Maal Hijrah to all of you.

I'm not big on resolutions because I think it's overrated. Because everyone does it though they do not really intend to keep it. Most of the time, the resolution withers within the first month, or worst, a mere week. People do it for the sake of welcoming the unfolding of another 365 days, alongside with watching the fireworks. There's no novelty in it. If something is really worth doing, why wait for the 1st of every year to start doing it? Why not start right away?

But this year's new year is different. It inadvertently coincides with a lot of important milestone in my life that calls for putting things into proper perspective. I don't really like the word resolution, because it seems to be lacking of commitment. I prefer to call it a pledge.

There are 7 pledges on my list for this year, but sorry for not being able to share it here as they are too revealing. Yeah I'm shy like that.

So any pledge you want to make? Any dreams you want to realize?

I hope you get there soon.

For all you dreamers and idealists, even realists, this song is for you.

Hey there dreamers,

I know you feel alone,

Way out there out there screaming,

You got no proof to take back home.

Hey there screamers,

I know you'll get this done,

Way out there out there screaming,

Well you can't hear anyone.

Rise 'N' Shine

"I want to be alone for a while
I want earth to breathe to me
I want the waves to grow loud
I want the sun to bleed down."

Though this song is about longing for a better place (or weather), this song puts me in a good and sunny mood in the morning. Doesn't matter how shitty, oops I meant to say sticky, the situation is at the moment. Nasib baik la I don't believe in mandi bunga and that kind of thing.

It's been snowing on and off. With any luck, we'll get to see snowmen coming to life in a couple of days.

Yesterday was one of the prettiest day of winter in my life. It was the finest droplets of snow that I've ever seen spilling down from the sky. The kind that I think I only ever saw on TV. It feels like Christmas's eve. I wouldn't be surprised if I looked up in the sky and saw Santa because the whole scenery would seem so fitting. Ok I lied, I would actually pass out.

There's some thoughts I've been meaning to share here but that have to wait for a while. I really need to sort out this very important thing first; I need to be able to breathe a sigh of relief before it can stop bothering me. Though its priority is very high on my list right now, I have no idea what I'm going to do with it later.