I Dream A Little Dream

I like the sound of water cascading into water. It has the most calming effect on me. And on most people, I believe. It clears up the mind. Washes away any worries. Rejuvenates withering spirit.

Maybe that's what God created the sound of waves and fountains for.

The reason why I like to do my reading and writing in the park lately, whenever the weather permits.

So I suggested to him that we settle down someday somewhere near a beautiful public park. Somewhere like Taman Lagenda Langkawi. He said let's have our house with a park instead.

But I said I wanted one that has a lake with a giant water fountain. He said well, let's have that too.

And just like that, he made my day. I love that we can dream the craziest things up and we would try to make sense of it until it actually makes (half) sense. Like how we wanted to retire in our 30s and go backpacking around the world. We actually had a written plan on that and we had a lot of laughs while coming up with it. Perfect conversation/discussion for a dreamer and a half-dreamer/half-realist pair.

I don't care if we couldn't realize all of the dreams we have because at least I know with him, we'll have fun and make fun of the gloomiest of circumstances, as we had in the past. I hope things stay this way between us.

But darling, the pet pony with rainbow-colored tail I want, and that's non-negotiable.

Atok & Nenek

Found this on Pinsterest and can't help putting it here.

He was so sweet to her the whole time it makes me want to cry! Bini dia asyik dok cakap diri dia noob tak tau nak guna webcam, dia cakap things like "Well whatever you do, you're doing fine," and "It's okay learning takes time." And atok, you're so goofy, you're beyond adorable!

I hope I have someone like that by my side telling me my hair is pretty when it's all gray and asking to see my boobs when they're wrinkly and saggy. Because that's love yo.

Ahhh this just filled my morning with a warm feeling despite the looming clouds outside that I can't go to do my work in the park.

Sooner or Later.

To miss someone is the only pain that feels good.

I'm ok

I don't know why every now and then, I still believe that guarding my thoughts from you would be a good idea. Like I'm doing you a favor by sparing you the trouble to dwell in my emotional mess; all my (sometimes misguided) worries and fears in all their glory. I should have thought of that 5 years ago. It's too late now, you're in too deep.

My effort in holding everything in usually lasted not more than 15 minutes into our conversation. And it took you half the time to make everything falls into place again. You would say the single most rational thing that has been there right in front of me all along but I've somehow failed to see it. My train of thoughts navigate in the most peculiar ways.

You let me indulge in discussing about things I'm obsessed with, and I'm capable of being obsessed with a lot of things at any given time, like Machu Picchu that you now know all its history and architecture as much as I do (note : we're still not over the dispute of who has the better engineers, the Incas or the Egyptians). That is dedication.

For pulling me out of the rut today, thank you. I'm running out of thankyous to offer I probably have to let you be Troy next time and I'll be Hector (no promises that I'll stick to the script though, Hector might just not die).

Bad Evil Piggy

Starting from next week, boyfriend will continue his training at a new place; he is placed in an estate in Bahau. Compared to his training before, in which all the trainees were placed in the same training centre, this time, they were all separated into a group of two for each estate.

It does sound scary to me. Sometimes when he has to do rounds around the estate, he might ride his moto instead of his car, due to the better accessibility that a two-wheeler can provide.

Seeing as to how isolated an estate normally is, I asked him if he was scared. You know, ghosts and stuff.

Yeah right. Like a guy would admit he is, even he is scared shitless in his pants.

He said, of all the things that he might be scared of, ghosts would be the least of his worries.

So I asked, "If not ghosts, then, what else?"

"Feral pigs."

"Pigs?"

"Bukan babi biasa tu. Alpha male wild boars so naturally, they are very protective of their territory. You know how big one of those feral pig is? Just a little smaller than a fully-grown cow."

"Really? Oh ok." I wasn't really buying it. I mean, that big? Nahh.

"Apart from feral pigs, let's see, there are snakes, tigers, so yeah, ghosts would be the least of my worries. They can't touch you, they just sort of appear, and look scary."

Remembering the conversation we had, today I googled a bit about the feral pigs to learn more about it (it was an excuse for a 15-minute break from studying actually) and this is what I found out :

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Above : The pictures might all be hoaxes. I still want to put them here anyway.

The one above, the so-called 'hogzilla', has been featured in National Geographic so its authenticity is more reliable. Read more here.

Holy shit, they are monsters!

I also found this article, about the deaths of motorcyclists in Malaysia after unfortunate encounters with these pigs.

Though I bet the ones in Malaysia are not as huge as in the pictures. I hope (for my boyfriend and his friends' sake) they are not.

Le Véritable Amour?

What's the whole big deal about first love anyway?

Here's my two cents; if you want to end the relationship with your first true big love, then end it in a clean break. Get closure. Fall truly out of love. Hate that asshole with all your heart. No no. Don't hate him or her. Just disconnect yourself from any kind of feelings to that person. Sometimes your heart gets confused between love and hate. Yeah, love is blinding like that.

And then later, when you find someone that you think you could really like, take your time and fall really hard into that other person. Love like you have never been broken before and pray that you've hit jackpot and that person is the one you'll be spending the rest of your life is.

If later you find out that what's at the end of the rainbow is not pots of gold (gold here could be literally translated, or it could also mean a happy end to some, depending on your preference), then repeat the cycle again. Until you find what you are looking for.

Like it or not, first love has some kind of power and charm, especially if it doesn't get its full closure, which makes it very hard for the successor to compete with. And what an unfair competition it is. Because what the current lover is up against is not the real person holding the sacred first love title (who might be a loser for all we know), but our imaginative projection on the whole subject, which includes things that might or might not have happened the way we remember it. *read : 500 Days of Summer*

Who can compete with that? I mean, who wants to compete with that?

Unrequited first love is all about ideas and hopes and impossible expectations. Who knows, if you have stayed with that person long enough to get married, you'll find out that that person is prone to farting excessively in bed every morning, leaving a repulsive stink on the bedsheet til the next day. How's that for a romantic projection? Shattered to pieces yet? What do you expect anyway, that your true love will never fart/produce a vanilla-scented fart?

And who knows, if you have stayed with your first love long enough, 10 years down the road, you'll find out that he's a cheating asshole that leaves you for a younger, prettier woman, not before drying your account up until you have to declare bankruptcy?

Of course, there's every possibility that your true first love is everything that you imagine him/her to be (vanilla-scented fart included), but there must be a reason why you did not end up with him/her in the first place. Percaya pada takdir. There must be a reason why God decided that circumstance for you in the first place.

But what if, 20-30 years down the road, when you've long realized the person you ended up with turned out not to be the one for you and by some twist of fate (macam dalam cerita 'Sepi', in which cheating is not involved), you once again meet your first love? Should the both of you give love another try? An affair is complicated enough as it is, even without any physical intimacy (read : sex) involved. What are the odds that you should meet at two different points of each other's life? Does it mean that it is meant to be?

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

I have no clue. What, you think I write this with all the answers ready? I'm just making it up as I write.

Maybe it's takdir. I don't know. But what if your current spouse found their first true love in you, while your heart was always meant for someone else? That's very unfortunate. I think everyone deserves to spend their life with 'the one'. And no, I don't think the whole idea of 'the one' is overrated at all.

Who am I kidding? What do I know about unrequited first love anyway, I've hit jackpot the first time around....I think. So far. Boyfriend, you better be good, I don't want to have to deal with this kind of baggage later in life.

But I couldn't agree more. Unrequited first love is such a shitty mess to be dealt with. Especially if there's families involved, those unknowing innocent parties that could be hurt with your decision.

Shedding tears for affairs,

I'm a funny little thing,

Well I can tell you this for nothing,

Affairs don't win.*

*The song that inspires the post.

p.s : LOVE the lead singer's hair. Very retro. Though if I decide to go for it, there's a risk I might end up looking like a pre-pubescent boy. -.-''

But 30 Euros for a haircut? Nahhh... Kalau kat Aloq Setaq, tak payah pi hair salon yang fancy2 pon, pi kedai amoi Siam kat Simpang Kola tu, 12 ringgit ja, sekali dengan blow + styling. Cakap ja nak hairstyle macam mana, semua dia gheti. Oh home sweet home.

So Long, Partner

"He loved her, he loved her, and until he’d loved her she had never minded being alone."

— Truman Capote, Summer Crossing (via LAFINPARFAITE)

Praying for your safety, your well-being, and your success.

Apart from missing you a whole lot, I'm going to be fine, don't worry.

2011 is going to be a good year; because that's the year I started with the end in mind.

Heads Will Roll

It must be that time of the month. That must be it.

The reason to why I've painted such a negative picture (in a couple of sentences) in the previous posts.

In hindsight, I think I'm truly okay, it's just that lately I found myself being caught in the same train of thoughts that led nowhere and that's frustrating.

And the sun. Yep, that's another reason. It has been getting colder again, and the sun's no-show. Give me some spring loving, Mother Nature!

*****

Ever wanted to buy shoes but not sure of it's made of pig skin? There are times when manufacturers try to mimic the appearance of a leather by giving synthetic material the three small punches, huddled together, a distinct characteristic of pig leather.

In such cases, understanding the basic symbology for shoes might prove to be helpful. Most shoes, even those without big-brand names slapped onto it, usually will have a sticker on the sole, explaining the material. If not, you'll most likely find the label on the box.

The label will usually look like this :

The left-hand side of the table indicates the three parts of the shoes, usually, from top to bottom, in these sequence : the outer part, the inside/lining, and the outer sole.

The right-hand side displays the corresponding materials used to make each part.

Here is the commonly-used symbol to describe the materials :

1) Leather : If the shoes's made from cow or sheep leather, you'll most probably know about it, because the manufacturer WILL let you know somehow, through another tag, or on the same label itself, one way or another, you will be informed; because these are expensive leather. If the type of leather being used is not clearly stated, and then you see the conspicuous three dots, then stay away.

2) Coated leather, meaning the leather is being coated by another product, to achieve the desired look. Same rule as no. 1 applies.

3) Textile : Safe territory fro Muslims, vegans, vegetarians, PETA-activists and eco-friendly individuals.

4) Other materials : PVC, Rubber, Compounds, etc. Another safe territory for Muslims, vegans, vegetarians, PETA-activists and eco-friendly individuals.

Hope this helps!

*****

Weird but I am actually pretty excited to get ready for the second block of exams. If only I had this kind of drive before. Sigh.

The professor's, despite already giving out the marks, has asked me to prepare a presentation for my Praktikum (nak kena cari balik semua gambar + bahan oh malasnya), even though he said before that it wouldn't be necessary. Not ready to let me go yet? Haha. If that's the case, no worries. You will see more of me, that's for sure. I will bug you for by Bachelorarbeit.

*****

Simple rule of thumb : If the supposedly man-of-your-dreams ever laid a hand on you and hurt you physically, run away as fast as you can to the other direction and never look back. Do that for yourself, for your family, for the people that care about you and especially, for your future daughters, by telling her it's never okay to tolerate abusive partner.

I'm still quite shaken after watching a documentary about abusive relationship.

No reason in the world could ever justify the blood from your nose, bruises on your body, the swollen eyes and the dealing with the fear of living under the same roof with your attacker.

I pray for strength for every woman in the world to do the same thing if we were ever to find ourselves in that situation. It's not love if you're are not safe in your own house.

*****

Today is spring cleaning!

Probably

"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

-Celine in Before Sunset-

These Things We Should Know

Jesse James allegedly cheated on the ever stunning Sandra Bullock because of her overwhelming success that he can't seem to come to terms with.

By now the media has lost count of how many times fashionista Sienna Miller keeps going back to the arms of Jude Law even though it is apparent that the bad boy Jude doesn't seem to want to be domesticated and tamed.

Recently another two women confessed of having shared intimate moments with Beckham oh pretty pretty Beckham who was allegedly said to be frustrated of Victoria's lack of meat like she used to have during her Spice Girls's days. Just because he is such a beautiful creature, I (my boyfriend seems to share the same opinion too but maybe for other 'manly' reason) am willing to dismiss this confessions as some girls' cheap tickets to the limelight. I know I am shallow.

Who can't forget the pictures of the badly bruised and battered face of Rihanna just hours after the incident that created a world-wide rage?

Permaisuri Aishah risked her reputation after pictures of her closeness with the notorious ghost-hunter leaked on the guy's blog. Who knows, she might actually have developed real feelings towards the guy (mungkin jugak Uncle tu hypnotize her into liking him) only to discover that she is just an instrument in his dishonorable quest.

A family friend was pronounced bankrupt several years ago thanks to her two-timing ex-husband. At mid-30s, she had to rebuild her life and her career from the ruins for the sake of her children.

All of these are the results of abusive relationships.

Relationships are really tricky as there is many gray areas that you must wade through. A woman might think that as long as she doesn't have bruises on her skins, she is in a healthy relationship, which is very misleading. Abuse doesn't always have to be physical.

As an empowered generation of women, to know and understand our basic rights in a relationship is a favor that we owe to ourselves.

And these are our rights (I found this from the internet) :

1) The right to good will from the other; when you commit yourself to another in a relationship, you are put in a very vulnerable state. If your partner doesn't have an honorable intention towards you, you have basically just dug your own grave.

2) To receive emotional support; relationship is a two-way support system, not a babysitting service. Otherwise the relationship will be emotionally draining.

3) To have your own view, even if your partner has a different view. This does not apply to core beliefs, like religion, sexuality, and life goals.

4) To right to be heard and responded to with respect. Indifference is as bad as a mean response.

5) To be called by no name that devalues you.

6) To have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real and important, not dismissed as trivial.

7) To receive a sincere apology for any comments or jokes that you find offensive.

8) To live free from criticism and judgement. The wounds of verbal abuse stay long after physical wounds have healed.

9) To receive clear and honest communication. No going behind your partner's back.

10) To be respectfully asked rather than ordered. It should be an equal relationship, not a boss-employee dynamic.

11) To live free from accusation and blame.

12) To have your beliefs and your interests spoken of with respect. (Note to Encik Fudye : So I believe in UFOs and bigfoot and dinosaurs..these beliefs should be treated with respect, ehem ehem.)

13) To receive encouragement, be it in terms of words, times or energy. A partner should not resent or undermine the success of the other by being indifferent to his/her efforts. If anything, a partner should be your biggest cheerleader.

14) To live free from emotional and physical threats.

15) The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business. If you both agree to pursue a relationship, a long-term one, then a partner has the right to know where and with whom you are spending your time with. You have the right to feel secure in a relationship.

In all seriousness. My mom always tell me that if respect to your parents can't stop you from doing wrong things, then at least, have respect for yourself.

You owe all this to yourself. Peace.