"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."

... from the novel 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' which a friend was so nice to send me as a birthday prezzie. Somehow that particular line stuck with me.

Quirkology by Richard Wiseman

Just finished reading a book on the quirky side of human psychology which tackles fun questions like the nature of altruism in mankind, our attachment to astrology, science of coincidences, and if subliminal messages really can sway you to do something without you realizing it.

Well, the answer for the last question is no and yes. No, we are not programmed to bow down to freemasonry or worship satan by subliminal messages that can be heard when you play a line from a song backward. Coca-cola didn't significantly increase its sale by flashing subliminal message on primetime TV. And no, Disney didn't purposely created a sex-crazed generation by naughtily having a castle which looks like penis, a night sky which has stars spelling the word 'sex', and a flash of naked woman in one of the frame of its film. Disney is not responsible for that; we are, being human, a horny bunch of rabbits to begin with.

It takes more than subliminal messages to persuade us, but not that much, apparently. Movies have more effect on us than we would like to believe. Anyways, going into the stories will have to wait because I'll usually get sidetracked and this would be too long of a post.

What I want to know is, where do people go to participate in one of these cool psychological experiment? I want to be part of it! The science of human behavior is fascinating, the reason why I like watching docus on criminals to understand the working of their twisted minds. Whenever I am able to go back to school one day purely for the sake of gaining knowledge, I'll go back and study human behavior. How's that for being rebellious?

So anyways, the book compiles psychological experiments carried out across the world, and guess what Kuala Lumpur made an appearance!....for filling up the bottom three of the most unhelpful country. -.-''

The experiments involved dropping sealed envelopes without stamps around the city to see if people would pick them up and pay the price for a stamp before posting it, having a blind man crossing the road, and dropping pens from pockets to see if people would say anything. Rasanya kalau orang buta yang lintas tu dengan tuan punya pen tu mat salleh, mungkin success rate akan tinggi sikit. Oh fine, mari saya bela negara sendiri. Rasanya ada flaw dalam experiment tu membuatkan result tu tak valid. Malaysians are a polite, helpful bunch of people, save for when they are on the road. Syaiton banyak atas jalan raya agaknya.

Lil' Rockstar

Source: strawberryandpark.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

Awat comey sangat cek?

Lil' Bro.

Source: livilouphotography.blogspot.com via Debra on Pinterest

Just got off the phone with my brother. He sounds somewhat different now.

Older. Mature. Qualities which are not bad at all.

He seems to be handling things pretty well, considering how less than a year prior to this he was the main source of major headaches for my mother. And me. Now he speaks of his future with such conviction that convinces us more to trust him. He carries that air of self-assurance in his voice that makes me want to cry. I feel like, perhaps, he doesn't need me anymore.

My lil' baby is gone sob sob.

Chill Out

Source: nickholmes.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Elephant in The Room

You can't choose to be different and expect people to understand your shit and everything when you can't accept others being different from you. You can't preach open-mindedness when you handle the belief of others like it's a virus of some sort. That's called hypocrisy of the grandest scale yo.

It's really ironic when a hypocrite is calling out others for their hypocrisy.

Oh and for the record, your type is nothing new, yours is not something magical, an elite society that only those with intellectual surpasses that of Hawking can ever dream of ever joining. Oh have mercy on the rest of us fools for succumbing to such orthodox ways.

Yes, I know my right from wrong but doesn't mean that I feel obliged to impose every single of my stand on everyone around me.

Grrr I'm so easily irritable now because I so hungry wan! It's 10 p.m. I shall not eat!

Tadi masak air nak buat kopi. Sambil-sambil tu usha-usha Pinterest kot-kot ada benda menarik. Lepas tu rasa ish bila la nak dengar bunyi water heater tu menggelegak, lama dah ni.

Bila pi dapur, tengok water heater dah tutup. Hot cappucino yang dah suam-suam dah siap tersedia dlm mug. Terkedu sekejap. Short-term memory loss? Kena rajin buat sudoku balik ni.

On Why I Choose To Believe In Aliens, Bigfoot, Yeti, Loch Ness and Such.

There's no denying that UFOs are real. By UFOs I mean 'unidentified flying objects,' regardless of their origin.

Reports of sightings on UFOs are undeniably littered with hoaxes, true, but some are too consistent to debunk, as in such cases where hundreds have reported to have witnessed the same thing at the same time.

So you really think there are actually aliens from outer space?

Of course, the more logical explanation to these sightings is top-secret military projects, since most of the reputable reported sightings occurred in the vicinity of military airbases and the military officers have always remained tight-lipped when asked to comment, thus making people even more convinced of the alien invasion theory.

Despite all that, I still want to believe in the existence of aliens. Why? Because it has been centuries since their first sighting but aliens still haven't followed through with their Earth domination mission.

On the other hand, history shows that mankind, upon discovering new technology, wasted no time in using it to terrorize each other. Think firearms in WWI and atomic bombs in WWII. To consider the other possibility that these seemingly advanced spaceships are commanded by terrestrials rather than their extras, that mankind possesses such advanced technology that is being developed for military purposes, is not looking so promising for our future.

Humans kill humans. Aliens don't.

So there you go.

On Bigfoot (plural = Bigfeet?), Yetis, Loch Ness, Mokele-Mbembe, Mongolian Death Worms, Sea Serpents...I just want them all to actually exist because they are so awesome. What's not to like about them?

Oh one more thing, check this video out. The real sea serpent FTW!

Ni mesti oarfish yang paling noob di antara community oarfishes sebab tu dia tersesat pastu terdampar kat tepi pantai. Oarfish yang noob pon dah 4-5 meter panjang, bayangkan oarfish yang mafia, holy shit!

Encik Fudye, kita tak payah amek lesen diving, kita snorkel sudah la eh?

Come What May

We might not realized that most of the familiar phrases in English language that almost everyone have heard and used are coined/popularized by Shakespeare. To a certain extent, we are poets, you and I.

Source: englishmuse.com via Adrienne on Pinterest

******************

I think I might bake these cuties for Halloween!

Cara-cara Nak Tingkatkan Chances Orang Pulangkan Camera Balik Kalau Hilang

Tunggu beli camera canggih, nak letak ni la dalam memory card. His expressions are priceless! Especially yang part "unless you stole it" hahahaha!

Source: snowinateapot.blogspot.com via Katherine on Pinterest

Merci Beaucoup

Am back in the room. So sad. Half an hour prior to me sitting in from of my laptop writing this, I was out the door, wanting to continue my writing in the park because today is such a beautiful sunny day with no dark clouds looming somewhere in the horizon like an evil dragon just waiting to spring on you with rain and thunder. I decided to stop at a shop to grab some iced coffee and bread in case I get hungry while in the park which is very likely especially when doing activity involving lots of brain cells in the frontal lobe. Anyways.

I was quarter of the way that I realized it was a mistake when my nose started to get runny and my head was on the brink of minor brain freeze. My sweater apparently wasn't thick enough for the weather. I was tricked by the sun. If I stayed outside I would surely got a serious case of headache by the end of the day. What to do. I'm a tropical girl through and through.

Ok I got sidetracked. So I was back in the room going through several blogs before continuing with my work.

A friend wrote something that I couldn't agree more with.

Sometimes, when a friend is going through a rough patch in his/her life, and he/she needs a pair of ears to listen to his/her worries and all, the best thing is just to listen and the worst thing would be to pretend or to try to understand what he/she is feeling. Even if it is out of your best intention to relate to his.her story. Because you can never, never, understand exactly what the friend is going through because you haven't walked 1000 miles in his/her shoes.

Fictional case of point 1 :

Your friend was telling you about how his brother accidentally plunged down 43-storey down a building to his death and your best comeback is, "I know exactly how you feel, it totally felt like the time my cat jumped out of a 5-storey building. So sad. Oh but the cat didn't die though."

Or something like that.

The only reason the person didn't scream in your face is the incredulity of your statement. You don't know how that person feel so don't say something like that. Cat/dog-lovers, don't take offense. It's just that non-cat/dog-lovers can't fully comprehend the relationship a human can have with their pets.

Doesn't mean that you can't be a good friend by not being able to relate to the situation and say all the right things. Sometimes to shut up and listen is all you have to do.

Atok & Nenek

Found this on Pinsterest and can't help putting it here.

He was so sweet to her the whole time it makes me want to cry! Bini dia asyik dok cakap diri dia noob tak tau nak guna webcam, dia cakap things like "Well whatever you do, you're doing fine," and "It's okay learning takes time." And atok, you're so goofy, you're beyond adorable!

I hope I have someone like that by my side telling me my hair is pretty when it's all gray and asking to see my boobs when they're wrinkly and saggy. Because that's love yo.

Ahhh this just filled my morning with a warm feeling despite the looming clouds outside that I can't go to do my work in the park.

Sawadeekap!

Haritu time on the way nak pi beraya dengan Tini, ada sorang lelaki Turki ni tegur, dia cakap macam ni la,

"Ihr seid Japanen warum tragt euch Kopftuch? Das geht nicht. (How come you Japanese are wearing hijab? That's weird.)"

"Errr weil wir Muslimen sind, und nein wir kommen nicht aus Japanen, sonst Malaysia. (errr because we are Muslims, and by the way we are from Malaysia not Japan.)"

"Echt??? (Really???) *muka tak percaya*"

Mungkin orang tu kurang sedikit pengetahuan am dia sebab ada ja orang Jepun yang Islam. Tapi ada pulak sekali tu kat FH, ada makcik ni, rasanya bukan student sebab dah tua, dan bukan juga makcik cleaner sebab dia pakai baju cantik. Tengah cuci tangan dekat sink bersebelahan, pastu dia buat statement macam ni sambil tersenyum-senyum kambing,

"Sie sehen nicht so muslimisch aus.. (You don't really look like a Muslim..)"

Dalam hati dah macam, erm, macam mana nak jawab ni, macam orang tu tengah accuse kita for being someone we are not. Kenala explain lagi sekali asal-usul dengan jawapan standard. Habis tu macam mana nak nampak macam lagi 'Islam'? Macam lawak pon ada soalan dia.

Pernah sekali, makcik Turki yang sungguh sweet ni (jarang woo kat sini nak jumpa makcik Turki yang muka tak ketat hahaha stress ja depa ni tak tau pasaipa) senyum-senyum pastu macam teragak-agak ja nak tegur tapi dia tegur jugak tanya dari mana. Pastu muka dia happy gila bila dengar kitorang ni Muslim and dari some country faraway named Malaysia.

Ada sekali dua orang male teenagers ni discuss kuat-kuat asal-usul kitorang ni, bajet kitorang tak faham la tu, pastu bila ditenung, barula buat muka serba-salah pastu tanya, "Chinesisch? (Zipat?)"

Mungkin orang masih kaitkan agama itu dengan bangsa sedangkan agama dengan bangsa itu tidak interdependent. Kiranya kena muka Arab baru Islam, kalau muka Asia ni kena agama Asia. Lol.

Sometimes I just find their oblivion pretty amusing.

Zaman dolu-dolu sampai sini, lagila selalu orang ingatkan orang Thailand. Sawadeekaap. Kopkhunkaap. Siap ada orang tegur konfiden ja dia bantai cakap Thai. Padan muka diri sendiri hihi.

Tadi ada makcik Turki tu, takdak apa-apa lagi terus bukak cerita, tapi dalam bahasa Turki, ternganga la sat, pastu bila cakap kita tak faham, dia sambung cakap dalam Turki sambil senyum-senyum pastu belah. Pastu ingat kita orang Islam duduk German kena faham Turki ka makcik? Dah la sah-sah hidung cenni bukan orang Turki. Le sigh.

Selalunya kalau travel tempat yang memang tourist spots, orang jual souvenir mesti 99% of the time, depa teka asal-usul betul. Siap boleh cakap Melayu lagi. Sikit-sikit la. Setakat 'murah', 'terima kasih', 'selamat datang', 'apa khabar', 'Kuala Lumpur'. Orait la tu.

Setakat ni semua negara Asia orang dah penah teka la : Vietnam, Thailand, Filipina, Jepun, Cina. Hmm Korea ja tak pernah kena teka lagi. Haha. Ha. Bajet.

Tapi dalam banyak-banyak, yang paling legend, adalah : Mongol. Out of nowhere! Keturunan Genghis Khan beb!

Misundaztood

Are you one of those people who has songs that describe each specific era of your life?

"Erm, not really."

Fine. But if you are, like me, then you'll recognize the feeling when you hear a song which you haven't heard for so long once again and you'll see flashes of memories of that time before your eyes. And you can literally feel the way you felt at that time; the state of your mind, your outlook on relationship and life, your hopes and fears for the future.

Now I'm re-listening to Pink's first album and I remember going through all the adolescent teenage angst phase. It was funny! And very juvenile. Rasa poyo gila weh. Time tu, I remember I had this leopard-printed military-green canvas backpack, and I feel so cool. I hated pink and I used to walk with what I thought was a swagger, which now looking back on it is so embarrassing. I swore to never want to get married, because I wanted to become a zoologist and go live in a forest somewhere like Jane Goodall.

Thank God I outgrew this phase pretty fast.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who outgrew this angry phase. Listening to Pink's first record, I realize how her sound had evolved over the years. Back then, I would describe her music as being a fusion between soul and rock. I stopped listening to her record after her second one. Now she's more pop-pish, and well, more generic. But it's working out pretty good for her, so.

I was wearing my earphone and singing at the top of my lungs in the kitchen when Tash entered some time later saying that she could hear me sing from her room. Oh well.

In her first album Pink mostly sings about being not allowing herself being treated badly and being infected with this 'Girl Power!' virus, her songs became my anthem and I figured if ever it comes a day when a boyfriend would mistreat me in any way, I'll have the perfect song to help me through it.

Listening to the songs now is so funny. The lyrics just don't make sense.

Case of point 1 :

You can push me out the window,

I'll just get back up.

Dude, I'm no vampire. Depending on the level of floors of which you push me from, if I was lucky, I might escape with a few broken bones.

Case of point 2 :

You can run me over with your 18-wheeler truck,

And I won't give a fuck.

Sure right I won't give a fuck because I'd be dead and that's murder yo!

The Art of Doing

Far too often, we abuse the concept of 'tawakal'.

When faced with a difficult situation, we tend to just do the same thing over and over again, sometimes not even doing anything about it except that pray to God to push us through it. Instead of praying for strength to take on the challenge, we pray that God would take care of it for us, while we wait till the storm's over and pick up when the mess is all cleared up.

Of course, God could have granted our prayers, it would be far too easy for Him to do that, but then we wouldn't have learned anything from the experience. And what's the point of God putting hardship on our way in the first place?

Facts on Colors

Today I learn that colors are just illusions that are created in our brain.

The way I see a color might be different than you see color.

The way we perceive colors are strongly connected to the language we learn them and the experience attached to them while growing up. An indigenous tribe in Namibia who only has half as much basic vocabulary of colors than the Western world see the color of milk similar to the color of the river. But they can easily distinguish slightly different shades of lime green that we would find difficult to do.

Red literally makes time move slower.

Blue does the exact opposite.

Individual wearing red is more likely to win against his blue opponent. (experiment done on 2004's Olympic taekwondo matches)

The photosensitive ganglion cells in our eyes, responsible in controlling our circadian rhythm by sending signals to our brain to wake us up, are only sensitive to one wavelength of light which is blue. Note to self : find a blue bedside lamp.

Women are more affected by colors than men. "Yes I might have 3 brown cardigans in my closet already but not this shade of brown."

The more powerful or better a woman feels about herself, the more accurate her judgement on something might be (no surprise there, really).

The Incas vs. The Malays

Cuba sebut 'Machu Picchu', emphasize dekat setiap 'ch' tu. Cuba sebut dia berulang-ulang kali, sebut kuat-kuat tau, bukan dalam hati ja.

Haa tak cuba la tu. Degil.

Machu Picchu, the city of the sky, high on the top of Andes. If I somehow won a competition that would allow me to choose one manmade ancient structure I would love to visit, I won't even need to think about it, Machu Picchu wins, hands down. The Pyramids of Giza comes quite close in the second place because I would love to walk along the very narrow path inside the pyramids, even though just the thought of it is enough to make me feel suffocated already. I might not be a chronic claustrophobic but I hate confined space.

Which reminds me of last summer, when I made my mom and two of my little cousins visit a coastal battery built by British in Penang, which is now turned into a memorial. I insisted that we visited during the night, because they have this experience package, in which the real war situation is emulated to give you the feel of what's really going on during wartime. Our tour guide was dressed in complete military uniform, and as we were walking along while he explained the purpose of each building, the sound of shootings and bombs went off all around us. The sound effect was wicked, it felt so real that my little baby cousin cried and insisted on going home. Ah forget it, even I was sweating a bit from the sound alone. So we were led through tunnels and secret passages towards safety using the actual route that was allegedly used back then.

Nak dijadikan cerita, selain kami berempat, ada lagi empat orang lain dalam group malam tu, di mana salah seorang abang tu agak montel la jugak. Abang montel, wherever you are, jangan marah ek. Just telling it as it is. So time nak masuk secret short-cut tunnel tu, kena la pulak abang montel tu masuk tunnel tu dulu sebelum aku. Tunnel ni pulak kena merangkak, pastu panjang la pulak kan. Time merangkak tu tengok depan nampak bontot abang tu ja penuh tunnel, serius rasa tak boleh bernafas, nak patah balik ada orang la pulak kat belakang. Faham tak time tu rasa begitu trapped, rasa oksigen tak cukup, rasa macam tarik nafas tak penuh paru-paru, rasa macam nak pitam. Nasib baik la sebelum sempat nak pengsan, dah sampai hujungnya. Ibu time tu tak masuk tunnel tu, sebab Ariessa takut, so ibu teman Ariessa guna jalan luar. Tapi lepas tu Ariessa dah cool down sikit, ibu pon join balik panjat tangga antik, masuk tunnel semua. You're one cool mom! All in all, it was a really cool experience. Berbaloi jugak la untuk RM25 seorang. Cuma yang tak best tu, ada part-part yang depa cuba nak mistikkan, macam pedang samurai Jepun yang kononnya berhantu (macam tipu ja sebab dia gantung tinggi gila, tak bagi orang tengok betul-betul lettew), ular-ular berbisa penunggu bangunan yang kononnya tak pernah keluar cari makanan pon tapi hidup ja (tapi cuak gila bila lalu sebelah bilik tu tengok macam-macam ular kat dalam bilik yang tak berjaring tu bebas berkeliaran, lagi takut dari hantu tau). Melayu oh Melayu. Tak perlu pon puaka-puaka untuk mengsensasikan keadaan, the facts and the buildings pon dah impressive enough.

Where was I again? Oh sebenarnya cerita tadi tu nak buktikan the point pasal jalan dalam piramid. Masuk tunnel tu pon dah macam nak pitam, inikan pulak nak jalan dalam Pyramid, lagila lama, tapi teringin jugak. Tak pitam kot. Rasa ja macam nak pitam, tapi suck it in and carry on ja la. Macam roller-coaster la, sebenarnya diri sendiri penakut gila, tapi bila dah duduk strapped in the seat, baca doa banyak-banyak pastu jerit ja la bila roller-coaster tu start jalan.

Berbalik kepada Machu Picchu. Itu termasuk dalam must-visit list. InshaAllah suatu hari nanti. Rasanya semua documentary yang ada pasal Machu Picchu yang available kat internet dah ditengok. Pastu bila tengok mesti bertambah excited nak pi. Awat orang Inca time tu bijak sangat ntah?

Teringat pernah bincang hal ni dengan Encik Fudye, dulu masa kegemilangan kerajaan Sultan Melaka, masa Selat Melaka jadi perantaraan pedangang Timur dan Barat, kenapa takdak tinggalan bangunan sehebat kaum Inca kat Tanah Melayu? Ini semua buat dari kayu, bila perang kena bakar habis hilang. Bila aku cek balik fakta, Machu Picchu dibina pada tahun 1438, kemuncak pemerintahan kerajaan Melaka adalah pada masa Sultan Mansur Shah, iaitu bermula dari tahun 1459. Kira dekat-dekat la tu. Maknanya teknologi dan kemahiran untuk bina bangunan macam tu dah ada la. Ah, kalau nak ikut teknologi, Colosseum dibina lagi awal. Pyramids of Giza lagi la awal.

Kenapa orang Melayu dulu tak boleh bina? Lembah Bujang dah ada, lagi lama. Kiranya teknologi dan kemahiran tu dah sampai kat semenanjung. Takdak bahan mentah? Tipu la. Tenaga kerja tak cukup? Hang Tuah sanggup terjun lubang tahi nak retrieve kuda Sultan, menunjukkan betapa rakyat zaman tu patuh taat pada Sultan. Takkan tak boleh kerah tenaga rakyat untuk bina bandar dari batu? Manusia mati meninggalkan nama, tapi selain nama, kalau tinggal benda yang lagi konkrit kan lagi legend tu.

Lepas fikir punya fikir, Encik Fudye punya jawapan ialah, sebab Melayu mudah selesa. Istana kayu orait apa. Cantik gak. Tahan beratus-ratus tahun. Nak susah-susah guna batu untuk tahan ribu-ribu tahun buat apa? Kalau pergi museum kat Melaka sekarang, kebanyakannya replika ja tinggal.

Tadi tengok documentary pasal Machu Picchu lagi dengan Tasha. Lagi sekali bincang pasal topik ni. Kita kat Malaysia ada A Famosa dengan Kellie's Castle. Tapi dua-dua tu dibina oleh orang luar. Ada la pulak kan bahan mentah dengan tenaga buruh nak buat bangunan macam tu.

Kat Machu Picchu, teres yang dia buat dari batu kat lereng bukit tu, teknik tu masih digunakan sekarang untuk kurangkan efek tanah runtuh. Berkesannya teknik kaum Inca tu, sampai sekarang top soil dia masih intact. Lepas tu, kat dalam bandar tu, memang complete ada sistem pengairan semua, kira setiap rumah ada bekalan air untuk minum, mandi, cuci baju semua. Kita dulu ada sungai, so buat apa nak susah-susah buat sistem pengairan kan?

Fuh. Semangat kau ek Jera. Cakap orang Melayu dulu-dulu cepat contented la, pemalas la, tak berwawasan la, tak berpandangan jauh la. Cer cita sikit, apa perubahan besar kau dah buat untuk negara dan dunia hari ni?

Erk. Kthnxbye.

Update : Encik Fudye said he didn't remember ever saying that -.-'' so we went through thisconversation. Again. He came up with a kinder more plausible answer me think. Katanya orang Melayu seni dia halus, so lagi senang untuk diinterpret kan ke dalam seni ukiran kayu. Kemahiran tu dah lama ada dalam masyarakat Melayu so maybe over the generations their focus on perfecting the skills in carpentry kinda overshadow the need for the expertise in masonry. Sounds logical. Too bad wood is not fire-resistant or else we would have been able to appreciate the remnants of our once legendary kesultanan Melaka's civilization.

Jangan Jatuh

Taktau plak Fynn Jamal ni nyanyi. Ingat dia blogging ja. Jumpa video dia dari video Taharasuiko, si gila yang genius tu. I meant that as a compliment.

Teringat zaman dulu-dulu setiap kali bila masuk pertandingan sajak, mesti Papa akan volunteer untuk tunjukkan macam mana cara nak menjiwai sajak tu. Mesti dia buat over gila. Kalau ada perkataan 'merangkak' hah nanti dia suruh pi dekat dinding buat-buat nak merangkak. Pastu, untuk dramatization, sebelum setiap ayat, kena tarik air liur guna lidah, you know, the kind that Nasir Bilal Khan always does in his acting.

Usually I would listen but in the end I would just do my own thing.

Suara Fynn ni sedap. Performance dia yang ni gila best. Bila dengar untuk first time tadi, ternganga sekejap.

Of Being.

Pernah tak time jalan-jalan pastu terserempak seseorang yang terus membuatkan dalam hati terdetik, "Walla, that is one cool chick/dude." Itu dengan nada positif. Kalau negatif plak bunyi macam ni, "Huk aloh bajet cool la tu."

Ok terdistract sekejap. Baru lepas baca blog feveret. Berseni gila bahasa, padat gila mesej. Terasa apa yang sudah ditaip dan bakal tertaip ni akan jadi sampah.

Alah. Macam tak biasa pulak.

Anyways. Lagi satu kes plak, pernah tak kita rasa seseorang tu sangatlah cool, lepas add dia kat Facebook atau lepas kenal dia di luar alam maya, after a while, we realized that that someone is not as cool as we thought he/she initially was? It could be his/her pretentiousness in musical taste (or lackthereof), his/her over-obsession with camwhoring (in the toilet, worst!) and uploading it every other day, incessant self-conceited status updates..you get the point.

So we came to a conclusion that they are actually not any cooler than us. Good.

Pastu pernah tak kita terfikir, yang mungkin ada orang lain pernah terfikir benda yang sama pasal kita.

We are rarely ourselves when we are online. Memangla guna nama sendiri, gambar kat profile pon gambar sendiri (albeit a better-looking version of us, I mean, we are lucky if we look as good as our profile picture half of the time in real life), info dekat profile pon semua fakta, tapi cara kita present ourselves to the world tu, most of the time mesti tak 100% honest. Sebab bila kita nak post gambar, status, apa-apa pon, mesti kita fikir pasal audience kita yang akan tengok gambar tu nanti, baca status tu nanti, so kita olah apa yang kita nak present tu in a way that the audience will see us in the light that we want them to see us. Macam berlakon la jugak. Dalam reality TV show sendiri. Kadang-kadang kena bawak watak cool, kadang-kadang watak kawaii, kadang-kadang kena berpolitik sedikit, kadang-kadang kena jadi feminist, kadang-kadang kena amar makruf, kadang-kadang kena jadi oh-so-funny, kadang-kadang kena happening baru tak nampak loser sangat.

Oh lagi satu, terperasan yang beberapa orang kat Facebook dah mula buang tahun kelahiran dari tarikh lahir. Don't tell me, we've reached that stage already.

Lepas tu sekarang, semua berlumba-lumba nak jadi liberal. Don't you know, liberalism is the new cool? Sometimes I feel that people are too willing and too eager to readjust their values in order to accommodate these liberal views. Then there's the people at the other end of the spectrum, those who tend to reject everything unfamiliar that comes their way without entertaining even the thought of a discussion.

So the point of this post?

It's pretty pointless actually.

Cuma terfikir, bila kita kisah sangat apa orang sekeliling cakap, kita akan berusaha untuk bentuk dan bina imej kita jadi versi 2.0, versi yang kita bayangkan kita patut jadi. And we go through all that hassle, untuk buktikan dan tunjukkan kat siapa? Untuk diri sendiri? Mungkin. Tapi manusia ni creature of habit, pemalas nak mampos, cuba kalau bumi diserang epidemik zonmbie, semua orang mati, pastu tinggal kau sorang-sorang manusia last, kiranya takdak manusia lain untuk judge kau, will you still be the you that you strive to be now? Jadi untuk siapa, untuk keluarga dan saudara-mara? Debatable. Untuk ex-boy/girlfriend untuk membolehkan kita say it to their face, "your loss"? Untuk boy/girlfriend sendiri supaya dia tak cari lain? Hmm. Kat beratus-ratus kawan-kawan kat Facebook yang nak dapat cakap setahun sekali tu pon payah? Kat stranger yang kita jumpa tengah jalan dan mungkin lepas tu tak akan jumpa dah? Kita patut jadi kita untuk siapa?

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

-On the Road.-

Hippie Baby

Instead of taking the tram, I decided to walk all the way to the park again today. I (think I've) lost a cm or two off of my waistline after the fasting month. Intend on keeping the current stat for a little while longer ergo the walking part becoming necessary.

I was halfway to the park when I saw a baby (he must have been no older than 15 months), walking out the door wearing pampers and nothing else, a pacifier in his mouth.

He has that cheeky gleam in his eyes, and was running away as if tasting freedom on his skin for the very first time.

I was like, fine, cute baby and all, now where's the mom?

I slowed down my pace, just to wait for someone, if not the mom, an older brother or sister then, to walk out of the door and watch over the baby.

One, two, three, four steps, and nobody appeared.

Okay this is not so fun anymore.

The baby stepped onto the soil which holds a tree to the ground on the side of the pavement, chuckling while at it. I cringed at the sight. Eughh. Better not be any dog poop there.

In a swift, the baby headed towards the main road and my heart skipped a beat. Luckily traffic wasn't as heavy on this part of town, heck on this part of the world even. I took the baby by the arm and led him back to the pavement.

I asked him, in German, "Where is your mama?" to which he repeated happily after me, ''Mama." This went on several times. *sweats*

I took him to the door from which I saw him coming out from just now. There must have been like 15 names beside the front door that I wasn't sure if ringing all the bells would be a good idea.

I asked him, again, "What is the name of your mama?" to which he again ever-so-happily repeated the word ''Mama." *sweats some more*

O-K. This is going to be pretty hard. What should I do with this baby???

Just as I was considering to adopt this cute baby, a boy of about 5-6 years old opened the door, took the baby by the hand, all the while keeping his eyes on me without saying a word, and closed the door in my face.

"Well, you're welcome for saving your lil' brother from being hit by a tram, which would surely get you grounded like forever!!"

This Is Going To Be A Very Long Post

I was never very good at observing my surrounding through the lens of a camera, because doing so feels too obstructive of the present moment. It might also be due to self-conceitedness, that the idea of capturing the surrounding without me being in the frame doesn't seem so appealing. Hey, at least I'm being honest.

I think nothing beats taking in your surrounding, especially if you have never been to that place before, using all of your worldly senses. Like the smell. The sound. Your feeling towards that precise moment, towards what you are seeing for the first time.

Maybe that's just another excuse. Maybe I've realized that I'm just not good at taking pictures that I simply gave up and leave it to someone else.

There's a line in a song that goes like this : 'Pictures only prove you can't convince.' But this is the age of digital memory we are talking about. The age of Facebook, where nothing actually takes place until pictures to serve as proof are shared on your profile. Memories are not real until they are etched on pixels.

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Anyways. What prompted me on this quite pointless train of thought is watching the Narvaez family's vlogs. Rajin sungguh bapa mereka si Jorge record every event yang kadang-kadang tak eventful sangat pon tapi sebab telatah anak-anak dia comel sangat terpaksa tengok video berulang-ulang kali. I mean, who can not like Eliana and those cheeks? I've always had and never been able to shake this feeling of apprehension when it comes to the idea of giving birth; everything about it - starting from to the natural changes that are bound to happen to your body, to the morning sickness, to the 9-month period of carrying a huge belly around, to the pushing part - scares the hell out of me. But seeing these adorable kids growing up before your eyes with a set of loving parents that dot on the, it really stirs that instinct inside of me, you know. That one day, this is what I want. To raise a family.

Tapi tapi tapi. Maternal instinct tu kena suppress dulu ok, not in the next 5-6 years ok.

Bila tengok vlogs mereka, tetiba rasa, kan best kalau parents dulu ada buat video masa aku tengah baby pastu membesar. Teringin nak tengok. Because sometimes, as good as it feels to just live in the moment, memories do fail us. At least, if they did, I would have been able to listen to my dad voice now because I'm afraid that soon I would forget.

Kesimpulannya di sini, lepas ni nak beli video cam la satu. Takpon camera yang canggih sikit, yang kualiti video pon best. Kalau malas nak tangkap sendiri, cari suami yang rajin layan tangkap gambar, ok?

Ok. Back to si comel Eliana. These past few days, Encik Fudye was, after quite some time, reunited with the internet again and the first thing I asked him to check out was, guess what, Eli's videos! so that next time I talk about one of Eli's antics, he'll know what I am talking about. Encik Fudye pon terpaksa la tengok semua video-video yang dia dah miss hehe.

Is it weird/creepy to feel so fond and form some kind of an attachment towards someone who doesn't even know you? I think it's not that different from celebrity crushes, except that this is less superficial I think, because what people are most interested in when it comes to Jorge and his family is the substance that makes them the real person they are, not their looks, their voice or talent. I mean there are far more talented singers out there but there's just something so endearing watching them sing.

"Sorry my daddy...." Awww, I mean, it's not fair, how can one stay mad at this cute little thing after that line??

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So I've been spending the past few days finishing off my reading in the park.With autumn looming just around the corner I figure it's best to make full use of the beautiful weather we were grazed with lately.

Plus without the distraction that my room poses, with the internet and all, the park provides a sanctuary for me to immerse myself in Kafka's work. Or at least, attempt to.

I find that Kafka's narration is at times too arduous and boring that I can't seem to finish it even though I've had this book for quite some time now. And I am not talking about a whole novel, just a book of collection of his short stories. So double fail for me.

Now I believe that he meant the stories to be boring. He was talking in metaphors about living the mundane lives of being confined within the structure that had been put upon us. First school, then college, then work, then you work to earn more which gets you bigger house and faster car and in return you work more, retirement follows 30 years later.

We think too much about things that do not amount too much in the grander scheme of things; like clothes for instance, or how others perceive us, and our fear of failing, our need to have every little thing under control. Life doesn't work that way. There's always a curveball ready to throw you off track when you least expect it.

Once you finish reading his stories, you have to allow yourself some time to reflect upon it, during which the genius behind his writing will slowly unravel itself, which will lead you to reread it, just so to make sure there isn't anything that you've missed the first time around. For instance, when you realize that the main character in Metamorphosis who turned into a cockroach-like insect is a representative of the working class people, when you read the story one more time, you'll see how every little detail in the story makes sense within that context.

So far I've read 5 stories and my favorite havsto be Metamorphosis. Predictable. Oh well.

Reading and finally understanding Kafka in the park on a bench overlooking the tranquil lake, occasionally sipping on cold Starbucks's Seattle Latte, damn I feel so cool, the kind of cool that only bookworms know how. So lame.

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Two of my close friends got engaged in last week alone. Called to congratulate them, secretly (not-so-secret I guess) wishing that I'll be next in the near future..

Being so open and forthcoming in my view on this matter, I've gotten far more cynical remarks from those who deem marriage to be the antithesis of coolness than I care to keep count of.

Remarks such as, "Aii, tak sabaq nak kahwin dah ke?" will usually be met by a straight-faced, "Haah." Selalunya lepas tu orang tu tak kata apa dah. Senang. Paling tak pon, dia akan kata, "Gatal," pastu topik tersebut akan tamat di situ.

"Lek lu, tak cool la kahwin awal-awal, enjoy dulu," itupun salah satu respon popular jugak.

Where do people get this notion, that marriage is the end to all fun in the world? I mean, when you marry, you intend to stay married forever right, but if marriage means you shall forego any fun thereafter, that is too high a price to pay to be married to anyone I think. I mean, who do you have in mind of being married to?? Doesn't sound like a fun person to be around with..

There's like hundreds of perks of being married that I can come up with right now. It's like an ongoing date, except that you don't have to say goodbye at the end of the day. If you don't feel like going out but still wants to spend time with each other you can just stay home. You can not only start mapping out your future together, but live it instead. Instead of waiting to tell about your day to each other on the phone, you can just talk about it face to face.

Ok stop.

Note to self : Tak payah nak menggatal sangat-sangat lagi. Buat apa yang patut dulu, cukupkan apa yang tak cukup lagi, baru fikir pasal kahwin.

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I think 24 years-old is not too early or too late to start being an adult and take responsibility of people other than yourself.