Will It Make Us Go Blind?

Really? Your choice of handbag tells a little bit of who you are?

Article here.

If it were up to me, and if I have more to spend, I'd have each and every type of handbag mentioned in the article. Except for the ubiquitous Longchamp's.

I think they are ugly and annoying. Sorry if you like it, or plan to buy it, or better still, own one. That's just my personal opinion. And I'm sticking with 'they're ugly.' Just like crocs.

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I'm 23-years-old going 24. Tell me why I should cram my head for exams again ?

Oh I forgot.

Because I simply love doing this. I love studying for exams.

Last two days I was studying about landfills, and yellowish grey activated sludge and sewage plant. Well, that was fun.

Today and tomorrow, it'll be all about combustion and ignition.

If they had inserted a sub-topic on spontaneous human combustion, this would be far more interesting.

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Aren't the photos the cutest thing ever? Wedding photographers kat Malaysia, cepat plagiat. Mesti ramai orang nak hire.

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Ok time's up. Back to you-know-what.

Tagged

Tomorrow's my second paper but my fingers are just itching to write. So one way to scratch that itch is to do a super quick post by answering some tags. Tagged by whom? Sendiri punya tag, aci tak? Hahaha haha ha ha. *nervous, nerdy laughs* Boo hoo. Lame.

This is pretty retarded and makes no shred of sense for other people except for me but oh well. Here's the tag :

10 things I could think of to say to 10 different people at this moment.

1. Please don't put crazy-ass-general-very-vague questions in the Klausur tomorrow; like the ones you normally asked in class. But if you must, then please, be freizuegig with the marks.

2. It's a sweet gesture but, dude, we are not buddies! Don't take it personally, I think you are just fine. The thing is, we are connected through that particular someone and I am not comfortable in having a direct relationship with you without that middle person. At least not yet.

3. Where's my frigging 300-ish Euros? Oh and while you are at it, do work out on the 700-ish pending claim.

4. You are the main reason I've pulled through with as little damage as possible. Thank you.

5. Sorry it has taken quite some time but I'm sure you will love the surprise, buddy! No point in saying sorry, you have no idea about the surprise anyway.

6. I'm not sure what you are doing or not doing, but it won't end up like that; that I know for sure. Though it's pretty amusing watching it happens.

7. I think you are super awesome. Like really, really uber awesome. Seriously you are one of the awesomest in the Awesome Land. Which includes me and several other awesome people I know.

8. I perfectly understand what you are trying to tell me, but I still want to go ahead with it.

9. Please save some respect for yourself, darling.

10. Thank you for all you have done. I miss you.

P.s : Moon please buat tag ni! Anyone else who feels like it is very much welcomed too.

Getting Ready To Exist

They tell you all the time to not let what other people think of you define who you are. But really, I think that when you are dead, the cumulative thoughts of other people about you defines who you are; since you no longer exists and so does your perception of who you are.

I would love to know what people think of me though I'm afraid I might be tempted to change my ways (even though I would love to be able to say, the hell with what other people think, I think I can't say that and truly mean it). So I figured, as long as I am alive and kicking, I want to be me, on my own terms. Without fear, without inhibition.

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One of my favorite bookmarked page is the blog of nightmare brunette. It tells the real story of a high-end escort, the nature of her work and how she deals with it physically and emotionally. Her stories are quite raunchy at times but if you wanted to read her blog just because of that, well, I think you are better off watching a good porn. That's not the reason why her blog has gotten so much attention; though it surely might have sparked the initial curiosity.

What keeps me and most of her readers glued to her updates is how she spun her day-to-day routine into tales charged with emotions, written with blatant honesty.

I've always find it fascinating to watch how human would react in a given circumstances; circumstances that I have never, or never will find myself in. The same reason why I love watching real-life crime stories. It never ceases to amaze me to learn the real motives behind real murders, to find out which buttons have been pushed for someone to commit senseless murders, to see the faces of real-life psychopaths, which in most cases are as normal as possible, like the harmless guy or lady you would probably have no problem sitting next to on the train.

Same thing here.

In her blog, Claire (if I'm not mistaken, that's her name, although it rarely comes up in her writing) muses on her everyday life, as she goes about her job while sorting out where she stands emotionally with her clients while confronting her insecurities. I've always been a firm believer that it is almost impossible for women not to be emotional attached to a guy she is involved with physically because we are just wired that way. But as the way the society works evolve with time, and sex becomes just, well, sex, nothing of the sacred kind anymore, women are forced to detach themselves from the whole emotional thing, lest she wants to be labeled as needy and clingy and weak. I think that is just unnatural. And sad.

They are made to believe that it is emancipation, but really, it's just another form of suppression.

Following her blog for quite some time now has made me developed a genuine interest in her, meaning that, whatever she's searching for, I truly wish that she'll find it. Soon. Though our circumstances are different, our needs and insecurities are just the same. Women, deep down at the core, all long for the same thing. I'm rooting for a happy end for her!

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Let's end the tonight's post on a lighter note. Ta-da!

He likes to play retard, kan? Though what an adorable one.

27 Hours, the movie, is finally out in the web. Dah lama dah, last two weeks kot. Apart from the fact that my fave screen hottie is in it, the film itself adalah sangat mendebarkan. Of course, I was expecting very graphic gory scenes when Aaron cut his own hand, trapped beneath a boulder rock, with a blunt utility knife, but I didn't expect it to be that bloody. I was watching the whole scene through my fingers while squirming in the seat the whole while! Cayala Franco, boleh berebut Oscar ni dengan Natalie Portman, though if it were up me, it wouldn't be a competition pon.

By the way, if you didn't know, the film was based on a true story, and the character that Franco played, Aaron Ralston is very much alive and kicking. You've gotta admire this guy's will to live.

Two days ago, I was dealing with that cramp during that time of the month, and the only painkiller that I have at home was aspirin. The doctor has warned me against painkiller with 'BCM' and 'prufen' group and that includes paracetamol and aspirin which is one of the trigger for my allergy reaction. Somehow I forgot to search for an alternative at the pharmacy to stock at home for times like these. Biasala. Melayu cepat lupa. Manusia susah baru nak cari Tuhan. Sakit baru nak cari ubat.

So I was faced with the choice of dealing with the minor discomfort for half-a-day or take the aspirin and risk having swollen eyes for two days. No points for guessing correctly which one I've gone for. Yup, not being a fan of pain, I succumbed to the aspirin and had to live with alien eyes for two days.

This got me to thinking, if I were to end up in Aron's situation, what would I do? If my only chance at survival is to cut my own hand, without anaesthetic, with a blunt sorry knife, would I go for it and stand the pain? Or would I rather wait for a slow painful death out of starvation and dehydration?

Anybody read Orwell's 1984? Kalaula aku jadi Julia, bila kena tangkap dengan Thought Police tu, belum sempat kena seksa untuk extort semua info yang depa nak, aku lagi awal offer info tu, dengan senang hatinya throw Winston under the bus. If Winston really loves me, he would understand.

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Zodiac sudah tukar? Poor Scorpios get only a week in the whole year? What's up with the new Uphecisuwhatever?And I'm supposed to be a Gemini now? NO WAY JOSE! No offense to those Geminis out there, but I'd rather stay a Cancerian. Emotional as we are, Cancerians are still the awesome sign.

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Ok dah mengarut. Must go sleep now. Tomorrow will be a long day, bergelumang dengan buku. Good luck for those studying for exams or are sitting for exams. Night!

Selamat Hari Raya!

Biasalah bila tengah study ni kan, semua benda lain jadi menarik. Mulalah tangan gatal-gatal nak potong kain nk menjahit. Mulalah jari rasa nak google macam-macam.

And that's how I landed at the results of google's 'salam perantauan azra atiqka'. All two of them. That's the level of my 'googlebility'. Gila pathetic. Haha. Ha.

Rasanya ni la baru first time tengok. They told me that it was published online but because it was not printed in the papers, I didn't bother to look. Tapi bila tengok ni, rasa epic plak!

http://xtive.utusan.com.my/salam_perantauan/display.php?id=1766

http://xtive.kosmo.com.my/kosmo/salam_kampus/display.php?id=378

Penat woh nk buat batu-bata satu-satu pastu nak susun pulak untuk igloo tu dalam sejuk-sejuk camtu. It wasn't a proper igloo size, but that was as far as we could get without having frostbites.

Existing

If you do not want to fall, don't tread along the edges.

Shopping Diet

Got this awesome idea from a fashion blogger (which I can't remember but she's awesome and once I remember I'll link her here) while fashion-blog-hopping few days ago. You can't go anywhere now without seeing giant posters with 4-devilish-letters on it staring and hypnotizing at you.

I'm talking about SALEs.

The blogger (whom I still can't remember) came up with a new kind of diet, a fun one, in which she could spend only 100 Euros in a month which will end in Feb 7th. By the time I stumbled upon her blog, she was already down to 60 Euros.

What a concept. Brilliant! So I am putting myself on a diet too. Making a list of what I want to buy and stick within a definite budget. There's a catch : I can only buy what's on the list. Because that's what I want and need.

Consumerism, where would all the fun be without you.

So here's the list.

Item number 1 : A perfect fit harem pants that won't make me look like I am wearing a diapers. Preferably from jersey so that the cut would fall gracefully instead of bulking an existing pile of bulk. This grey is my personal favorite. It is purr-fect; the cut, the material, the length.

Until I saw this printed harem pants which is uber-cool-super-awesome. But maybe it's because the person rocking it is The Gwen.

Cool gila jadi mak stylo. Then again, the whole idea of getting pregnant, having your belly stretched wide out, carrying a life inside you for 9 months (I can't go a week without bumping into something and bruise myself -.-) and then pushing a breathing creature out into the world through a hole down there scares the crap out of me. It gives me shiver just thinking about it. They say the maternal feeling will come naturally once you are ready; well, I hope I will be ready one day. But not before 30. Okla, maybe 29. Crap, that's like a mere 5 years away from now.

Anyhoo, let's go back to the fun part.

I can't resist putting another picture. They are one of the few last still-standing-Hollywood couples. And the hottest. With the coolest kids! Is that a sign of balding? Yeah who cares, he's still hot.

Item number 2 : Vertical-striped nautical blazers.

Budget : 50 Euros for both.

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By the by, my mom lost 11 kilos and she can fit into some of the clothes I left back home. The thought of us sharing the same wardrobe scares me.

Eh. Why does everything seem to scare me lately?

Lesson 101

Lesson of the day : People, don't try a new recipe on the day you have to prepare the food for an occasion. Just as you shouldn't try a new make-up look on the day you are going out, unless you have half-a-day in case your first try doesn't turn out that well.

Dah dua kali buat roti jala dengan kari, guna resipi yang sama, and both time it turned out quite well. Kira tak malu la nak jamu orang.

Tuptup tadi, 7 pagi, tiba-tiba plak rasa nak cuba resipi baru sebab tertarik dengan misleading statement kat resipi roti jala tu yang cakap, "sampai petang pon tetap lembut." Tak jadi! Murphy's law sungguh. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong!

But it definitely wasn't entirely my fault. Bukti :

(sumber dirahsiakan)

Cuba tengok kat bahan-bahan, item yang last sekali.

2 1/2 cawan air/santan/susu segar.

Maksudnya? Campurkan ketiga-tiga tu jadi 2 1/2 cawan? (Too thick. Tambah air sikit-sikit pon tetap pekat jugak.) Atau setiap satu tu 2 1/2 cawan kira semua sekali 7 1/2 cawan ? (Pon dah try. Terus jadi cayaq gila.) Ataupun sila potong yang tidak berkenaan, maksudnya boleh pilih antara air, santan atau susu segar? (Ok yang ni tak sempat nak try sebab tepung dah habis pastu tak sempat dah nak lari pi Rewe pastu balik buat semula.) Yang mana satu??

Tengok jam, dah lambat. Arghhh. Stress ok. Terus naik 2 ketul tahi lalat kat muka.

Last-last sekali, packing kari daging, mandi, siap-siap, pergi Rewe beli roti dengan butter, headed to class. Nasib la korang tak dapat makan Fischernetzpfannkuchen. Siap dah pikiq nama dah, standby kot2 prof tanya, which he did. He asked what do we usually eat the curry with? Besides rice, I explained the whole Fischernetzpfannkuchen story, siap dengan cara-cara nak buat lagi. Of course I left out the part that I attempted to make it and failed that morning.

He went on to explain that if you went to a wine testing session, one of the way to tell which wine is the best of all is by taking the labels off of the bottles and after everyone has tasted them, the bottle which is empty first is the one that tastes best.

And my beef curry finishes first. Yay me! Ok fine, I prepared only a medium-sized tupperware of it. (-.-'')

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Tadi first time rasa frittata. Sedap gak. Nanti nak try la.

Macam murtabak.

My Vibrator's Not Working.

I've been using it for the past month and there's still no visible result, albeit however small. How long, L'oreal, how long until this vibrator vibrates away the unwanted black droopy bags under my eyes?

Perhaps I'll give it another chance and buy another one after this one finishes. Or perhaps I should just accept the circles just like I've accepted the ever multiplying number of moles on my face.

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I hate watching Extreme House Makeover.

No, I love it. Or else I wouldn't be watching it episode after episode.

But watching it makes me feel inadequate.

If you have never seen the show in your entire life, basically it's about a family getting a total house makeover. Real extreme house makeover. The literally-blowing-down-the-house-and-rebuilding-from-scratch kind of makeover. Each week the show chooses one really deserving family, one whose despite dealing with some hard situation (financially, evident through the run-down house) themselves, still finds it in them to reach out and help others. Some of the stories are unbelievable. I mean, do people have to be 'born' to be that altruistic?

Say if I were dead tomorrow. (please God no, not yet) What would I be remembered as? I know my family would definitely miss me, but that's because they HAVE to, I'm family, the love's unconditional, they are bound to miss me even though I was an asshole while I was alive.

Death is still, after everything, such a strange concept. One that I find myself thinking about more and more.

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Euro trip's coming up right after the exams, baby.

Cologne-Amsterdam-Paris-Barcelona-Granada (Andalucia)-Madrid-London.

7 cities in 14 days. Madrid, Cologne and Granada being the three towns we'll spend just a day in.

Can't wait!

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It is unfair that someone could be so attached to another that if, by any cruel twist of fate, one were to be taken away from another, one would be really done for. Voellig am Boden zerstoeren. Such fierce attachment is brutal and merciless.

Seven years ago, I thought that I was a self-sufficient girl that would grow into a strong, independent woman who could deal anything on her own. Or so I wanted myself to believe.

Now a future without him is unimaginable.

The idea of it scares the hell out of me.

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Night, world.

Because I Will Buy A Bigger Shoe Rack. Eventually.

This:

For 10,50 Euros. At nelly.com. How can you not LOVE online shopping. It's almost like a gift from God after a half-day of hard-core studying. Actually I haven't even started yet. But I am. As soon as I'm finished writing this.

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I suggest that we should start listening to ourselves talking when we are talking. Like, really listen. Pay attention to the words that we have subconsciously chosen.

Are they positive words or are they prone to bring with them negative aura? Words can be as dangerous and fatal as poison, if not used properly, for correct purposes.

"I can't do this I can't do that." "I hate this and that." "Oh..I'm such a pathetic loser." "I'm such a lazy-ass today." "I hate days like these." "I prefer days like so and so."

A man is only as good as his words.

Don't sabotage yourself by choosing poor words for yourself and your life.

Starting from today, I'll try to only utter words that will do me good, words that will attract positive energy (I know I risk sounding like a gypsy-hippie-zen addict). Even though I might hate rainy gloomy days, I'm not going to make it any worse by stating the obvious.

What if today is all there is? Yeah, it would be pretty sad if it really is but what would you do to make living today worth every second of it?

*****

Time is the most precious capital investment.

Tomorrow is the most dangerous word.

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What if I already have other plans? Should I get their approval to follow my plans which involve my life?

I hope things will figure themselves out. Sooner or later.

Spinning On the Pivot of Chaos

I'm sure you've seen the spinning woman test as ads on numerous website pages. (try the test here, and let's compare result! ;)) Most of the time, I bet you just ignore them. Like I did. Up until last night. While taking a short break from Kinect (we were busting our asses to get the 5 gold stars for all songs), I'd decided to give it a try.

I immediately saw the woman pivoting clockwise. Tash told me that she could alternate the direction of which the woman is spinning. I tried to see it, but just couldn't.

I've concentrated, tried all the tips that she'd given me, but no. I failed. The woman kept spinning in the clockwise direction. Wth? It was frustrating. Very frustrating. I felt like the naked Emperor. I felt like being in a crowd in which everyone was pointing to the sky, admiring a double rainbow, and I was the one isolated, not being able to see what everyone else could.

After several failed attempts, I succeeded. The trick was to concentrate on the tip of the foot and change the reality that you were seeing.

Later I learnt that the majority would see it turning anti-clockwise. Suddenly the fact that I am in the minority makes the whole frustration pointless; in fact it is gratifying to be one of the minority.

Those who see it turning clockwise mainly relies more on their left side of the brain, which handles the creative processes of the brain. They hate details, are big (day)dreamers, remember faces but not names. Well that explains it.

My theory is, the years I've spent here have gradually hampered my right brain function. My math skills has degraded, and to think that I used to be quite good at it. Now it's just a mess.

Anyhow, I'm not lamenting because I prefer my current perspective of life and its abundance of possibility.

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For the record, I can't pronounce the letter 'R' since forever. And I didn't purposely mispronounce the letter to be unique. To clarify a mean accusation from the boyfriend.

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Jangan jual diri anda pendek. Untuk apa jua sekalipun.

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I think Najib's effort to answer questions posted on his Twitter is a good idea. It provides a direct communication between him and the people.

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I just learned that Pompeii is actually in Italy. How in the world did I get the impression that it is in Vietnam all this while is pretty disturbing.

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Have a great relaxing Sunday everyone!

Dia Gay, Awak Tak OK?

Saya merasa terpanggil untuk menulis. Akhirnya.

When someone starts feeling suicidal, showing suicidal tendencies, you don't go saying that, oh she's just born that way. That's just who she chose to be, that's who she is, let her be then. She's not harming anyone else except herself. Right?

I think anyone in their right mind would not buy that argument. You would get her help. She's apparently in a severely confused state.

If someone chooses to be aneroxic, bulimic, or addicted to plastic surgery, you don't just let her spiral down the road of self-destruction. You don't ostracize or alienate her either. You don't shower her with judgements or hateful words, lest you want her to feel alone in the predicament she's facing and be stuck in the hell-hole forever.

If that someone is someone dear to you, you lend a helping hand, you help her overcome her sick, twisted reality through support and understanding.

Oh oh and let's not go forgetting about the 'freedom to choose' argument. One has the right to exercise his or her preferences. Everyone should respect that, given that the person involved is not harming anyone else. Right?

What about another someone who loves little kids, more than he should? No, he doesn't like kids' pornography, he just like watching cute kids' pictures and well, enjoys himself. It's not like he goes out preying on little kids, he just enjoys it through his laptop's screen in the safety of his room. He's not harming anyone, nor does he plan to. It's not wrong per se. Take, for example, Humbert, the character from the controversial novel Lolita, a middle-aged man who loved his 12-year-old stepdaughter too much. He didn't rape her even though God knows how deeply infatuated he was with the girl, in fact, she was the one who initiated their first sexual encounter. So basically, he didn't do anything wrong; he just loved her dearly. What could be so wrong with he love? Right?

Ok, let's put kids out of this, it's too creepy.

What about gamblers? As long as they are not married with kids to support, meaning that they don't have a family to ruin, it's their right and their choice, how they want to live their lives. There's completely nothing wrong with their preferences. Right?

What about other substance abusers? If they can afford it, if their daily lives are perfectly in tact, it means that there's nothing wrong if they are addicted to ganja, meth, cocaine, ecstasy, or even sex?

Let me make this clear. I'm not interested in judging people, it takes up too much energy, positive energy. I have no right to judge a person on his/her personal belief or his/her relationship with God because I'm no God. I can only judge someone based on his/her relationship with other human beings.

But that doesn't mean that I would agree with everything that one chooses to believe or do. And when someone that I don't have the right to do even that, well that's just not fair.

I'm talking about the whole blown up issue of homosexuality in Malaysia, after a Muslim guy, decided to bravely come out of the closet, through a video in YouTube, which has been taken down, following death threats.

I'm not taking the side of the supposedly religious individuals who have no single word resembling a civilized and educated citizen, who threatened this guy with death threats that he felt compelled to limit his time outside in public. What are you people planning to achieve through that? Personally I'm embarrassed that people of the same religion as I am react in such a way. Akal pendek sungguh. OK, that is me, judging.

But to those who hold the opinion that our country should start accepting and embracing homosexuality as another way of life, like being vegan or vegetarian, that's just not fair. It's like forcing an opinion down one's throat.

Personally I think it's not an innate characteristic, like the ability to roll your tongue and the colour of one's skin and eyes. It is a choice. What differs it from suicidal tendencies, self-destructions, and addictions? What makes gay-ness not just another result or reaction from childhood trauma? I don't understand how people come to that conclusion, of course I don't, since I don't know what's going on in their head or heart. To me, it's pretty simple, being a heterosexual. Come to think of it, it's just the law of nature. Even plants have reproductive systems, which can only function with both a female and a male part. God has created nature in pairs.

I feel that if one chooses to be gay, so be it. I don't agree with his/her decision, and I have my own personal opinion on homosexuality, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to hate, or stop having contact with that person, just because he/she is gay.

I just hope that this issue will not result in violence in my country, which would be really stupid.

Just as I believe in God, but if a friend one day decides not to anymore, I'm not going to stop being a friend just because of that one decision of his/hers.

I know talk and discussion about core things such as these, which make up the fundamentals of our lives, can escalate into something heated and tense in no time, but it doesn't have to. Let's be civilized and exchange opinions. We don't have to agree with each other's belief, or non-belief, we don't have to make each other see eye-to-eye, that is not the whole point. We should just be able to look each other in the eye and live side by side.

It's so fluffy, I'm gonna DIE.

Probably

"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times."

-Celine in Before Sunset-

Year XXVI

"When you want something,

all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

-Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist-

I guess it's fair to say that the same thing applies when you don't want something. So it's only wise not to do things half-heartedly. It would only lead to a less-than-favorable outcome, draining your energy and soul throughout the process. And be careful of what you wish for. You might just get it. *cue for Pussycatdolls's song as background music*

Your guts letting you in yet on how 2011 is going to turn out for you? Mine kinda has. This year won't be easy, that much is a fact, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be exciting. I'm slightly nervous but hell yeah, bring it on.

Wishing all of you who frequently or accidentally drop by this corner of mine a great journey ahead in 2011!