Was about to type "Just got back from the longest trip I've ever been to; 12 straight days." But 'just got back' is not really appropriate anymore. It has been 2 days since I've arrived home. That means I've put off writing this blog for 2 days. I've pretty much wasted those 2 days that was supposed to be spent completing the GIS presentation and Ausarbeitung. Not really wasted. I've got my laundry done (3 full machines!) and relaxing the soles of my feet suffering from fatigue after 12 hours for every single day of the last 12 days walking on platform heels.
Traveling is dangerous because it is contagious. Once the trip ends and you arrive home safely, while sorting through your bag, there's always the lingering question of "When and where to next?" And to think that some people out there actually get paid to travel. That doesn't sound right at all it sounds like an elaborate con by a masterful con artist.
Traveling in pairs, especially when the pair consists of two young girls can be pretty dangerous at times, no matter how cautious you have been. But personally I believe it is more interesting to travel in smaller group as the locals tend to be less hesitant to strike up conversations with you. Which could also sometimes lead to uneasiness if the friendliness is under unwanted circumstances. Will blog more about it, in another post.
Right now I need to just write aimlessly. I miss this.
It strikes me as weird that I tend not to share a lot about myself with other people who do. It's a classic case of it's not them, it's me. I trust these people. I really do. But opening up takes a lot more than trust, methinks. People need to do that. Sharing their inner feelings with people whom they trust, discuss stuff that really matters, not merely superficial ones. Keeping everything to yourself is unhealthy, the pressure will sooner or later burst your brain, if not your heart first.
Mom. I'm glad she's moving on. I'm happy seeing her happy. Even though sometimes it hurts that I can't really remember the last time I ever saw her this happy, with this kind of happiness. But the fact remains, I'm not ready to move on. At least not yet. Pretending to be glad to move on along with her makes me uneasy. Sad. Guilty. Problem is, I know that I'm her numero uno priority and if I tell her this, she would put my feelings before her happiness. And if she does that, it would make me unhappy. Classic Catch-22 situation. Blergh.
How do you tell apart true confidence and a make-believe one? How would I truly know anyway? But I think, and I think I might be right on this one, true confidence comes from within however cheesy it may sound. It doesn't shout in your face, it doesn't need to flaunt, it doesn't need to put others down. Its quiet presence is evident enough of its existence.
Some people talk without wanting to hear.
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