Among other things that I found while de-cluttering yesterday was SMSs from my dad printed on paper as I was sure sooner or later something was going to happen to my phone and I was right. My favourite is this one:
Askum manja. Exam kalini score ok. Achtung baca bismillah dulu. Bye.
That really made me smile, not in a sad kinda way though, as I remembered how I thought to myself at that time that it was probably the first time he ever used the word 'Achtung' in kind-of a correct way. Believe me, before this, the word 'Achtung' kept appearing in his messages at the most random places! Hahaha!
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Ramadhan is coming to an end and to tell you the honest-to-God truth, the prospect of being able to start the day with caffeine and have caffeine boost throughout the day again is pretty inviting, but I am also dreading Raya as it nears.
First because the change of plan, which obviously has affected the mood of dearie roommate about Raya and celebrating it which in turn affects mine.
Second is the fact that Raya is never going to be as fun as it used to be. Not this year. Not next year. Not even the next year. You see, Raya is about celebrating it with close families and when you take that out of the equation, it will be just like any other day except that two-rakaat prayer in the moring and that 'costume' you wear (new or recycled) that you'll probably only wear 2-3 times a year going to kenduri. That and lots of kuih raya and ketupat. What good will all that be without the chaos of relatives gathering together kat kampung? It'll be far too boring that I keep wishing friends around Alor Star to come back from wherever their kampung is and pick me up to hang out.
Besides, it's just too heartbreaking to watch Maktok's heartbreak playing out in front of my eyes. Last year she refused to wear her baju raya in the morning. It takes a lot of persuading before she finally, reluctantly agreed. This year Mom said they are going to spend Raya in a hotel with the best view there is in Batu Feringghi. Ayahsu and family will join later.
I know my Mom's intention is to take Maktok away somewhere she can forget but you can take her halfway around the world and still she can't forget.
Sometimes I feel like physically shaking those certain family members until some sense got into them. I don't know if anyone is ever man enough to man up and put an end to this. But you know. The damage that words cause sometimes are so severe it can't be undone. Itulah orang Melayu dulu-dulu cakap, terlajak kata badan binasa.
I just hope that time is forgiving enough to let Maktok has the chance to see her close-knit family coming back together like before again.
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I feel blessed. Sebab bila difikirkan my relation to God compared to what He had blessed and is blessing me and my family with, macam sedikit tak padan pon ada. For that I am grateful. Rasa nak cuba jadi baik sikit la lepas ni. You know, simple stuff like tak mau mengata orang atau berprasangka buruk atau menghukum, and if I can't help forming those nasty words inside my head I want to try not to say them out loud. Because being a bitch is so last season. Harap-harap bukan hot-hot chicken excrement.
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