Environ-Mental

First involvement in report write-up submitted to DOE. Prioritized courier some more. So excited!

They were 3 volumes altogether and my name is on all of them. *beams* Though they were just standard monthly reporting, an update to the main EMP, not the EMP itself, nor the DEIA. I still need to go to an induction course and be certified by DOE before my name can be on one of those reports.

But sometimes we need to celebrate our little life's achievement along the way to keep us going. Give yourself a pat in the back. Or get yourself that new pair of shoes. ;p

Anyways. For DEIA and EMP, which usually have like 5 volumes including the Appendices, which makes up to about 800 pages or more altogether for each set, DOE demands 15 copies of those. If we print on both side of the paper, that makes 6000 pages. 6000 pages! Which eludes their initial purpose in protecting our environment..what a comic irony.

Relic

I was reminiscning good memories about my father the whole morning. Not in a sad kinda way.

I remember my mother telling me how my father's mother was such a sweet and simple woman, she once declared that if my father's first child is a daughter, she would like it if she lives with her. This was a woman who never learned, or refused to learn, how to use a gas stove. Imagine what kind of a woman I would have became if she lived to see the day I was born. I would be perfect for Pencarian Gadis Melayu show!

Anyhow, it so happened that this morning, a colleague approached my table and asked me if I know anyone in this office originating from Melaka. She got this nice sort of like a mini encyclopedia on Melaka printed on thick glossy paper, the pages are all colored. She got it while attending a conference but since the book deals more on history and cultural heritage which does not have much to do with her project, she figures she should give it someone who would appreciate it better.

I can't really explain my feeling at that moment. I feel like I was being spoken to. Since the concept of life after death does not exist in our religion, so it was not possible that I was being spoken to by the spirit of my deceased father. Though the idea was a romantic one but I have to dismiss it although it would make just the perfect plot Ghost Whisperer had the show survived another season.

Maybe it was just pure coincidence and I told her my father was indeed from Melaka but I never got the chance to go there since by the I was born, there was nobody left at the kampung anymore. The later generation of my father's family just simply left after their predecessor died. Sure my father brought us a couple of times there but at that time it was just another fun family trip (naik kereta lembu and all); being young and unknowing, I never tried to look past that.

She simply said, well good, then I should give the book to my father for him to relive his childhood hometown and perhaps for me to re-trace my root and history.

I accepted the book with a warm feeling in my heart.

My blog just somehow went crazy. Didn't remember messing about with the template oh well perhaps it just got tired of me. Changed to the first new template that caught my eye, everything's okay now, it was good while it lasted with the last one, no hard feelings.

I went back home carrying 4 pairs of heels from the office. The thing is, I went to work wearing heels or wedges and once I arrived due to lots of running around the office I would change right into my reliable flats. And usually I would stay in them all through the day and without realizing it I would go home wearing my flats. The next day, I would wear another pair of elevated shoes; heels or wedges. The cycle continues until I realize that I'm running out of heels/wedges to wear.

Girls. We can never have just one shoes for work. The other guys just wear the same pair everyday. Most guys only have one for office, one for sports, one for casual and one flip flops. What uncomplicated life guys have. Well, my boyfriend might beg to differ to that but the rule applies to most guys.

Went back late from work today. Things are pretty chaotic without me having my own car. After a long day at work we'll drive straight to KL to pick my brother up and that's more tiring than working all day. Need to find a car fast. In the middle of doing just that and now I can't sleep. Luckily since I went back late today I can come in later tomorrow. 11 am it is.

Tadi sembang kedai kopi kat kedai mamak.

Siapa yang hisap rokok masing-masing keluarkan sebatang rokok, ketuk-ketuk kat tapak tangan, sebelum light up.

Siapa yang tak smoke pulak, kunyah keropok kacang yang namanya tak dapat nak recall lagi dah. Tapi asal dari indon katanya.

Sembang punya sembang termasuk la topik yang agak deep sedikit.

"Comparison is the death of joy." Itu topik perbualan.

Seorang project engineer di tempat aku bekerja tu berkongsi tentang tabiat dalam tidak sedarnya yang suka mengikut perkembangan rakan-rakan lalu menjadikan mereka sebagai kayu ukur pencapaian sendiri. Biasala tu. Siapa tak buat kan.

It might serve as a positive kind of pressure which pushes us to outperform them and in the end outperform ourselves. But during the process, we would loose sight of the here and now, of what we have achieved so far, of the importance of having fun along the journey. We undermine our abilities and spirits with such negative thoughts and the sinking feeling that we are left behind in the race that does not exist, except in our insecure mind.

Fear is irrational. We're all gonna die so we might as well just go big. What's the point of winning the non-existence race? We're all gonna die and turn into dust and bones and all that won't matter.

This is my tired mind speaking. I'm off to sleep.

Life and Death

I've accepted some time ago that death is a fact of life. Though, judging from my actions and relation with Him sometimes, this might not seem the case, but time after another, the thought engulfed me, and I am overcame with clarity of where we all stand. Doesn't matter what you do, places you have been, you and I are heading towards the same destination, every day, each second. You and I, we are not much different, you see.

To the point that I sometimes question myself what is the point of all the trivial things we have to go through daily, like picking out the right scarf for the outfit I'm wearing, finding the ever so elusive parking spot especially during weekday, or wondering if I had managed to leave a good impression on the supposedly important people I've met.

But the more I think about it, the more it becomes clear that it's the trivial things in life that really matters. Well, sort of. Most of them at least.

Like spending quality time with your loved ones. Kind words that make an impact to someone who really needs it at the time. You don't have to be saving the whole world to make your life worthwhile.

News of death come and go, it's hard not to feel stoic about most of them. I do feel sympathy towards the parties involved, but experience had taught me that however hard the situation might seem to the person at that time, all the sorrow that he/she is dealing with, the seemingly bleak future that person is imagining awaits ahead of him/her, he/she'll pull him/herself through safely sooner or later. Definitiv. We are all stronger that we allow ourselves to believe.

Another news followed the ringing of the phone today. The story, like every other death, sounds tragic, and it's hard to justify the death of another good and well-loved human being with so much to look forward to.

But that's not our place to decide. This life, the body our soul is encased in that we most of the time over-obsessed about, be it its shape, the clothes we choose to cover it, is borrowed, kind of like a vehicle to get through to our final destination.

Hopefully we'll have the time to re-remind ourselves that, time and time again.

In For The Kill

They say we can love who we trust

But what is love without lust?

Two hearts with accurate devotions

And what are feelings without emotions?

One more reason to love Elly Jackson. She morphs this song from energetic dubstep to the sexy jazzy version with ease.

Pindah Rumah

This is the first time I've ever had to go on a real house hunting in my homeland.

The last time I did that was when I was searching for a place to stay during my practical training, but that didn't count. That was only a room hunting and my standards, well let's just say that I don't have any standards because I was desperate and up for anything which in the end saw me being confined in a store room without proper window in a rat-infested home for the whole 4-month course of my Praxisphase. Luckily I survived that. So as a few of my friends who, despite knowing all the risk involved, decided to spend several nights there.

In my own experience back in Germany, the process of finding a house to rent is in itself cumbersome, but apart from the tiring formalities of the process everyone has to go through, I have never encountered any problem arising from the fact that I am a foreign student. I've went to view 4 houses during the course of my stay in Germany, moved into 2 of them, and in short, no landlord has ever given me shit for carrying all of these labels; Asian, hijab-donning Muslim, and student.

That in a place where racism was taken to the very extreme not so long ago.

Not so much can be said about our own country though. Our prosperous country Malaysia which lauded itself in being a harmonious multiracial community.

For the last 3 weeks, I've called close to, perhaps more than 50 agents to ask for available unit for rent and the among first questions any agent would as are 1) Local or foreigner?, 2) Malay or Chinese or lain-lain?, 3) Student or working?

If you're a foreigner from Asian countries and black from any country, then chances of being considered as tenant is close to zero. An agent told me she once arranged for a viewing appointment for a European and when he turned up being black, she had to turn him instantly down. No further background check-up would be necessary, no chance will be given, you're just out if you're black. Being a student decrease your merit by 70% to stay in a well-kept, mostly inhabited by working professionals condos. Some landlords prefer only Chinese and some prefer only Malays.

I can't imagine those scenarios in Germany. People can report you on basis of being discriminative.

Having been a foreigner 'lain-lain' student before, it kinda struck a chord in me. Remember the time when a minority group of Muslim extremist went on a rampant flying planes into major buildings and bomb-exploding themselves off in public places and the world gave the rest of us shit just because we share a common religion name? Remember how that feels? Yes sure a lot of blacks here in Malaysia have been creating troubles using their students visa but meddling with money laundering and drug trafficking instead but what about the rest of them honestly looking for a better education? It's not wrong to be cautious but I don't think it's right to deny anybody their rights to be treated equally just because of their skin color.

Malays and Chinese in principle won't share a house if possible. I understand that that is to avoid problems that might arise when sharing a common kitchen and living room. But how hard can it be if people are willing to try and respect each other's needs? Going out of the way to just avoid each other do not count for points in effort department.

Yes we are a multiracial country, but we forgot an important and telling word in that slogan. We are actually a racist multiracial country. And nobody really knows how to mend that so we might as well just embrace it and continue with our lives.

On another note, we have just 2 days to pack our whole life and move. That's another proof that my family is weird. And I say that with much love. We love each other as much as we annoy each other, we enjoy each other's company as much as we can't stand each other, but still we decided to live in very close proximity to each other for another couple of years. Weirdos that we are. It's going to be hard but oh well. My prince charming has learned to know them and so far he hasn't run yet and that's good. In fact he's been getting along with them pretty well despite everything. He's pretty tough so he's definitely a keeper.

Ok now back to packing.