Resident Evil

This is the way I remember how it went. And how it exactly went.

We were on a train. Not an express train but a choo-choo train, the one typically painted in bright colours attracting kids, choo-chooing at less than 10km/h around zoos or theme-parks. The four of us were sitting in a row; boyfriend at the farthest left, me beside him, and then Hour and Ferris.

All of us was so thrilled (at least I know I was) to board on the train that will take us to the top of the hill, where we would get to feed the silver-leaf monkeys, and interact with them. They are not the typical long-tailed macaques, famed as trouble-makers that you normally see in the park or by the road-side. These are the silver-leaf monkeys (or known as lutungs by the locals), their fur is silvery and they are more adorable than their mischievous counterparts, kera.

The main plan was to catch a boat ride during dusk to watch the fireflies in Sungai Kuantan, Kuala Selangor. What a spectacular sight. Trees after trees along the river came to life with tiny dots of synchronized blinking lights. If someone tells me that those are fairies, perched at the end of the leaves, dancing to the sound of the night, I would have believed him (What can I say, I'm a sucker for such things). It was almost magical. A must-do in anyone's book, especially those who still keep a place in their heart for life's unexpected wonders. I would recommend paying the firefly colonies in Kuala Selangor a visit over those in Pengerang because of its abundance and the old-fashioned atmosphere created by the traditional, manually operated boats.

I managed to drag my friends to start the journey a little bit early than we were supposed to so we could make a stop at Bukit Melawati to see the lutungs. All the way in the car, I have been raving about how excited I was to bond with these monkeys that I suspect my friends, bored out of their skull with my endless ramblings about these hairy primates, have secretly complotted to leave me there forever once we arrive. The troops in Bukit Melawati are especially known for their tame nature as they are so used to contact with human. Hundreds of these monkeys roam free in the vicinity of the hill, never causing harm to visitors.

But in any family, there's bound to be a black sheep, ready to stir some trouble up.

So I was sitting on the train, my hand clutching the plastic bag containing the string beans, which we have purchased before the train ride to feed them later. Now, what I am going to tell next might sound like it has been fabricated that it borders on being utterly fictitious but let me assure you that this is an actual eye-witness account. It really happened and I saw it with my own two-eyes.

I was anticipating the appearance of these friendly primates when suddenly out of nowhere, a lutung, which looks like it has been infected by the zombie disease, with watery blood-shot eyes and slimy saliva dripping from its mouth, jumped onto the train and got hold of my boy’s legs, its razor-sharp teeth on display for further intimidation. It shrieked and trashed around frantically, out of control, its leather paw now squashing my left thigh. Naturally we freaked out, we screamed, like pre-pubescent girls screaming for Justin Bieber (he would say I was the only one screaming, but actually he did too), which was pretty understandable (not the screaming-for-Bieber-part) considering the dire situation we were in at that time.

We were just seconds away from being turned into zombies, me and my boyfriend, doomed to haunt the hill forever, which would then have to be closed to public, the hill would be a memorial, marking the story of two lovers who had met a tragic fate. Man, we could have been bigger than Romeo and Juliet. Or even Sid and Nancy.

Luckily, common sense got the better of me. I quickly realized that the zombie lutung was after food, and apart from our flesh and blood, it would probably settle for the string beans that I was holding in the plastic bag in my hand. Without wasting any more time, I dangled the plastic bag in front of him to get his attention, and I strategically threw the bag out of the train.

My plan miraculously worked. The zombie took the bait. He let go of my boy’s leg and jumped off the train, scurrying to get the beans. The four of us exhaled in relief.

If only Milla Jovovich was there, she would have asked me to join her zombie-busting team pronto.