Why I Am Not A Fan of Domestic Cats

Once during lunch time, I was scrolling through my Twitter's timeline and some random people I followed tweeted this:

"The saddest part about Malaysia is all the stray animals :'(" (I am still confused with that particular emoticon, is that a tear drop or snot on the smiley's face?)

My instant reaction was, "Really? You really think that the saddest part of Malaysia is the homeless cats and dogs, when there are kids living on the streets, exposed to all sorts of unimaginable danger, like being forced into prostitution or being sold to human trafficking syndicate? It is sad, but it's definitely not the saddest; be careful next time with the use of superlative, aight?"

And lo and behold, as I looked up from my phone, I was met with death stares by 4 pairs of eyes. I didn't realise that I has just opened the Pandora box. I was bombarded by all sorts of pro-feline arguments afterwards at which point I had tuned myself out (because it felt like they were talking in an exclusive language of which only feline lovers can understand; I mean how do you get your brain to understand the logic of a homeless cat being sadder than a homeless kid?) and mentally created the list of 'Why I Am Not A Fan Of Domestic Cats':

1) Cats are so vain and such attention-seekers. They like to be Instagram-ed, that's why they do the shit they do, because they know their human companion is just around the corner with handphone ready in hand to snap their latest, cutest pose. Please, we have our fellow Selfie-ers on Instagram for that; unlike cats, the Selfie-ers do not pretend to not care of the camera pointed their way. From the expression on their face, to the angle of capture, to the direction of the natural lighting, we know that everything is intentional; we know that the picture we are looking at, the final product, is at least their third attempt, and we respect that, respect all the effort that goes into it.

2) Cats drain up mobile internet quota. Have you ever waited forever for your Instagram to load on your phone only to find out that the first page has five consecutive photos of the same freaking cat within a time frame of 10-mitues doing some stupid thing involving a plastic bag, a basket, a plush toy, a door and a box? Non-feline-fans, I feel you.


3) Cat lovers can be very fanatic in their affection towards these hairy little creatures with the kind of enthusiasm, surpassed only by the ultra-devoted Bieber's fans. Calm down, people. There's enough cats in the world for each and single one of you cat lovers, perhaps even 20 or more

4) Because big cats are way more awesome, they roar, like a BAWS, not purr, like Bieber.

Oh man, I know I am so going to be chastised for this. If the friends at my workplace ever found this blog, I might have to start having lunch alone everyday.