No New Tale To Tell

BitterSweet

2012-01-29T22:53:00.002+01:00

I'm human sir, so I judge. With you, I judge profusely. And by every standard that I measured you against, I have to say, that you have managed to fail gloriously in every single one that it becomes a record. You stoop so low that you are one of a kind.

I'm rarely and deliberately rude to anyone even to those I can't stand but you are just the kind of person, the first one ever, whose feelings and thoughts I don't give a rat's ass about.

So sir, beware. Don't be shocked and be very scared that I'm not all smiles and sugar. You are about to get a taste of my bitter medicine and it ain't gonna be pretty.

House Hunting

2012-01-29T00:30:00.002+01:00

My mother, brother and I were waiting for the lift when the the door opened to an empty one save for a recognizable face inside.

12 floors until we reach ground level. I thought to myself, this is going to be a long way down unless someone says something.

Thank goodness my mom decided quick on breaking the ice.

Mom : Aqasha kan?

Guy : Ye saye... *chuckles*

Mom : Aunty nampak Aqasha lagi hensem real life dari dalam TV~

Guy : Terime kasih... *chuckles some more*

Me and brother : *cringes*

Mom : Tinggal sini ka?

Guy : Tak, ada shooting, dekat rumah kakak Ayu Raudah?

Brother : Haaaa??? Rozita Che Wan ada sini?? (guys and their fascination with the Malaysian MILF -.-'')

Guy : Eh bukan. Kakak lain. Oo sebut Rozita Che Wan laju je ek?

Brother : *hearty laughs*

Lift opened and we said our goodbye and parted ways. By that time we had visited over 6 apartments in a day and we were so exhausted. We decided that meeting an actor was a sign for us to call off the day and decided on the house; each of us with different motives. Brother was hoping to catch sight of Rozita Che Wan in the future, Ibu was daydreaming of meeting Anuar Zain, I wouldn't mind stumbling upon Bront Palarae.

And based on a very relevant set of reasons, that's how the decision was made.

Paris : A Tribute

2012-01-16T15:05:00.007+01:00

Stumbled upon the song by chance and it reminded me of one of the place I wouldn't mind visiting again and again. The city of love, Paris.

The song embodies all the essence that makes the city what it is; magical, romantic, mysterious, quaint. It's a big city, yes, but the atmosphere is somehow slightly different. It doesn't pull you fiercely in that you feel like you have to dash from one high of an attraction and on to the next which leaves you feeling drained, spent at the end of the day, no. With Paris it's different. It has the energy of a big city, yet it dissipates gently towards the edge, careful not to overwhelm you, but powerful enough to sweep you along with its charm. You'll feel like you want to take your time with this city, savoring each single thing carefully before the next.

Strolling along the left bank of Seine River, stopping at each bouquiniste, sifting through rows and rows of old postcards and posters, finding something that'll be perfect for your collection..

Gargoyles of Notre Dame looking down on couples walking hand-in-hand, smiling into each other's eyes, as if the one they are with is the only person that matters in the middle of throngs of people all around...

Taking in the scent of old paperbacks, running your fingers along the spine of old worn books, pretending that Shakespeare and Co bookstore is a treasure cave that you found on your own private adventure and that its every content is now yours, yours to relish one by one for as long as it takes..

Source: bookshelves.tumblr.com via Avery on Pinterest

That ubiquitous landmark that you can't seem to escape if you're in Paris, the highest point in the city, "scraps of metal" some might say but it still is a sight to behold nevertheless, especially for the first timers, out of admiration, even out of disappointment for all the fuss is about..

Source: houseofbliss.blogspot.com via Lily on Pinterest

Taking your time climbing the steep pavement leading up to Sacre Coeur, a treat in form of an artist village awaits you halfway, the Montmarte, where dozens and dozens of painters will offer to draw portraits, sketches, caricatures of you..watching these seemingly struggling artists at work will give you the chills, knowing that Van Gogh, Picasso and countless other big names have roamed these narrow streets before..

Source: etsy.com via Kristen on Pinterest

And when you've climbed the final of the steps, the sight of Sacre Couer, proudly perched atop the hill, only the second highest point of Paris welcomes you..from there, enjoying the view of Paris during sunset, the sky a tinge of pinkish grey, with buskers nearby belting out their reggae-ish rendition of 'Knocking On Heaven's Door', the song's choice couldn't be any more fitting..

Getting lost through the maze of Paris's streets, which, if accepted with an invitation of an adventure rather than a stressful not-in-the-itinerary episode, will lead you to an off-beaten path which might surprise you either in form of a charming boulangerie lined with freshly-made macarons in any imaginable flavor, amusing little art shop selling paper dolls and/or handmade stuff, even a playground with an interesting story like the 'I Love You' wall..

Relaxing your tired feet in coffee shop by the roadside, while having the best croissant you've ever tasted, buttery, savory, soft, perfectly crisp but not too much that it crumbles messily..together with le chocolat chaud, a perfect combination to enjoy the sight of people walking past by, the French guys..

Yes, the French guys, the artsy-fartsy type which you can spot by those carrying what should be their artsy-fartsy portfolios in their hands, tortured-artist look on their scruffy ruggedly handsome face sporting a 3-day-unshaven growth, so endearing that every word they speak will sound poetic, what's more, in French, oh s'il vou plait..but wait..

What's even better than French guys are the French women, mon ami, mon cherrie, so effortlessly chic in the classy but fashion-forward way they dress and the way they carry themselves with that characteristic French air that's so hard to pin down; put-together, self-assured, but never arrogant.

Hunting for treasures amongst what others might classify as junks in Marche aux Puces, there amidst the bric-a-brac, are relics from the past, old doorknobs and buttons, candleholders, jewelry box, or perhaps a vintage Hermes perfume bottle that would make a good addition to your existing perfume collection.

From the easily recognizable Art Nouveau metro station entrances, to the glass pyramid of Musee du Louvre, to the bountiful choice of halal food (Uzbekistan, Indian, Lebanese, Algerian, Moroccan, Japanese), Paris definitely has a lot to offer and much more.

There's a sense of longing that's tugging at my heart whenever I think of the place. Perhaps we'll see each other again some day, with or without AirAsia.

Poxes and How To Become Smarter

2012-01-16T11:26:00.005+01:00

Went to see a second doctor and instead of getting a consultation on my bad case of poxes I got a free consultation of my future. 15 full minutes of it. The doctor was thorough in his diagnosis that his consultation ranged from my higher degree education to future family plans. Thank you dear doctor. That was very sweet of you to care so much.

So anyways, the doctor told me my poxes are normal, that I shouldn't fret too much over it. I guess that's what you get for going berserk on the search engine trying to self-diagnose yourself with little medical knowledge. Hah.

"Pantang dia semua boleh makan kecuali ais."

"Kira ayam boleh makan la doctor? Telur? Kicap?"

"Jangan tanya satu-satu..., semua boleh makan....kecuali ais."

"...OK."

Doctor told me that what's dangerous is my saliva. It carries the disease. Meaning that if I were to bite you now and your body does not have the antibody for the virus then chances are you'll be infected. I'm a chicken-pox spreading zombie muahahahaha! Boyfriend even said that my reenactment of a blood-thirsty zombie is really good, I mean, I really could get into the character having grown up with zombie-fighting games and nightmares.

When they told me I should stay away from chicken AND kicap I was like I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE!!! But for the time being, I'm still keeping soy sauce of my diet, just in case. EVERYONE I met said it'll make the scars turn black. Like the color of the soy sauce itself. I know it sounds too superstitious to be true but let's not take any chances shall we. (Although it does hit me funny bones that if that same rule applies to every type of food, I'll be turning green from the amount of pulut sekaya and kuih cara I've consumed.)

I guess I did overreacted and it was so stupid of me. I felt very guilty of how I've behaved these past few days. It's just chicken pox for God's sake and I acted like the world is about to end. I wish I have a Doraemon so I could use his Time Machine to go a few days back and knock myself in the head.

Oh well, all is well now. Poxes still there, still gross-looking but I'm Ok.

Since I can't go out even though I've got my license, what's left to do? Yeah, let's get smarter. The following list will tell you just that (taken from DailyBeast.com) :

Cikenpok

2012-01-15T12:55:00.005+01:00

So if you thought getting bulldozed and ambushed at the wise age of 24 by chicken pox virus would suddenly hit oneself with an epiphany on the outrageous level of superficialness that the world operates at and that kind of seemingly profound BS, well, you are clearly misunderstood.

If anything it has made me even more vain.

You can't put the entire blame on me for being too dramatic.

You should see the size of the poxes oh my GLORIOUS GODDDD help me~ They are unbelievably huge, like the crates on the surface of the moon I swear. Nothing speaks ugly louder than looking into the mirror right now.

With the prospect of me possibly starting work pretty soon, all I could think of is how horrible I would look on my first day of work. I even started to come up with excuses to postpone my first day at work if the scars haven't all faded yet but I don't think they would appreciate it since I've already missed out on an opportunity once before. Tell me how much shallow-er can one be.

I know I know I've heard it all, went through it all in my head but right now I just want to be a pessimist. Let me pretend that my fate is actually doomed, more tragic than Giacomo Casanova's first love, Lucia.

They felt in love in their teens, until one day Giacomo has to go to the city to continue his study in becoming a minister or something. While patiently waiting for her love to come back, Lucia caught the virus that I've caught and still am fighting right now. She told her parents to move her to a barn behind the house, tied her legs and hands to prevent her from scratching all over. When the worst has passed she looked in the mirror and found that while her body has been spared, her face was disastrous, having trashed her head like a maniac into the bed sheet and squashing all the poxes, yellow pus oozing out (ewww!). She decided to never let Casanova saw her that way and asked her parents to tell him when he came back for her that she died from the virus. The rest as they say is history. Giacomo, instead of becoming a priest/minister/etc, went on to deflower all nuns and women he came in contact with by the infamous name Casanova and his first true love Lucia became a high-end escort in Amsterdam infamous for her mysteriousness for constantly wearing a veil across her face. I'd say, they truly were meant to be!

Moral of the story? Looks is just like a house made of cards. It will come crumbling down at some point. Pointless shit.

On the other hand, there are people who made a luxurious living by building house of cards. And laser rejuvenating skin treatment for scar removal on the face costs about RM1200.

Revived

2011-12-16T15:13:00.000+01:00

New blog here :

http://pandorarabox.blogspot.com/

The reason? I just feel like it.

Bulletproof

2011-11-26T14:47:00.007+01:00

Kahwin

Sekarang ni kalau balik kampung jumpa orang tua-tua mesti soalan sama ja depa nak tanya, "Haa yang ni bila nak langsung ni?" sambil senyum bermakna.

Tok, kalau tok tak sabaq tengok Atiqka kahwin, Atiqka laaaagila berganda tak sabaq dari tok hihihi.

Kalaulah boleh jawab sebegitu.

Oh tok-tok sekarang walaupun tak ada facebook, layan facebook anak-anak mereka jugak rupanya. "Oh tu la ada tengok gambaq kat fesbuk haritu." Sigh. Lupa pulak pernah add kawan-kawan sekampung dan adik-beradik bau-bau bacang. Rasanya ada gambar yang kurang appropriate pernah diupload. Fine lepas ni kena lebih berhati-hati.

The photos I've uploaded I won't even consider showing to more than half of the friends on my list. When put it that way, it's weird to wrap my head around it. I know not many of them even bother what I'm up to so they'll probably just leave my profile alone but still. It's pretty weird. Facebook is fast becoming a gray area, devoid of privacy despite its privacy setting, best avoided these days. A Facebook phone, Zuckerberg? No thanks.

**********

Bloody

One of the more thoughtful things someone could do to me is not to get bloodily (literally) hurt in my presence. Yesterday my mom cut her finger badly in the kitchen; the cut was pretty deep, blood was streaming out steadily from it. She asked me to put a bandaid on it, but blood kept gushing out so it was hard for the bandaid to stay put, harder for me to focus. There were lots of screaming and shouting that the commotion made my grandma, who was in the bedroom, rushed out and specifically asked me if everything's ok.

No point in guessing, between me and my mom, who was screaming the loudest because of the cut.

**********

Lesen

Esok start proses ambil lesen. 5 jam dengar ceramah. Tried thinking of ways to weasel my way out of this since I've already taken the computer test (and passed!) ages ago. Oh well. Bring some book to doodle.

**********

Deutsch

Apa gunanya tulis German language dalam resume kalau when the time comes, you're not willing to step up? But the thought of being the one responsible for bridging of people who do not speak a common language well, simply put, it scares the shit out of me. Plus, the qualified friend for this kind of stuff is not available so it might mean I have to do this alone which is 100 times scarier. Yes, I'm that chickenshit I don't want to do it alone.

Not sure of how bad (or good) their English is, still in the dark of the scope of the visit (if there'll be a formal meeting or something which means I'm doomed), and haven't given my final answer yet but hey, this might just be the break that'll be it.

Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. Who knows where this will lead. *cakap untuk sedapkan diri*

**********

Bell Jar

Read the novel for the first time and what surprised me was how normal she was at the beginning. Which offers the possibility that we all are not that far away from the edge after all. Found out that she first published the book under a nom de guerre; and a bulb lights up in my head.

I can relate to her frustration of her inability to write though our reasons are miles apart. She can't find it in her to put the words together because of her depression; I can't seem to find the right medium to channel the words to. Writing in my own privacy, just for my own sake, without any audience, lacks its certain appeal, that in the end I've always found myself dragging the .doc and dumping it into the Trash can (yes, I'm on team Apple). Feels like a twisted practical joke the world is playing on me that my boyfriend might not be far off from being right on this one particular thing which has been a long-run debate between us; that I might enjoy attention more than I like to admit. Pffft.

Perhaps if I write now while believing that it'll get published later, way later once I'm long gone, that might ignite the fire within me to write, and to be truly honest in my writing. By that time, no harm could be done, everyone in the story I wrote will be dead as night, and nobody will care to find out who the real person behind the made-up names of the characters. Who knows I'll win some post-humous award or some shit like that. In case the heirs of the characters decided to be assholic opportunists, suing over distress caused by the story, the money could go to shut their mouth up. Whatever, I'll be too dead with more pressing matter to deal with at that time anyway. In any case, everybody wins. No?

**********

Maal hijrah

Read on Facebook that a friend my age might have gone to perform her hajj this hajj season. At the age of 24. I kept rolling the thoughts over and over in my head and I still can't grasp the enormity of her decision. Clearly we are on very different pages of our lives despite the same age. The thought of performing hajj at this age never even have once crossed my mind and it made me ponder on the gap between me and the said friend and Him. I am forced to reevaluate my fights and it made me feel so small.

I hope I won't loose sight of the bigger picture. Here's to trying to be the better version of us.

**********

New blog?

I'm getting tired of this one. Thinking of starting anew.

The Cool Parents

2011-11-15T19:19:00.003+01:00

While queueing to get to the top of Eiffel tower, a young couple in their mid-20s together with their son and daughter got into the line right behind us.

The son must have been around 5 years old and the daughter is probably about 3 years younger. The parents are the epitome of coolness; father sporting a 3-day-old unshaven beard with skinny jeans and a pair of leather jacket, wearing the standard black-rimmed glasses for geeks paired with a grey beanie hat, the mother working the very 'in' pixie haircut. Notice the slightly more meticulous observation on the father rather than the mother. Guilty as charged.

It's pretty clear what caught my eyes, but what's more interesting is the conversations that caught my ears. The parents treated every question asked by the son like an adult; no baby-talk, oh no way, and every question is replied by a series of questions which invited the use of logical thinking which led the son to the answer of his initial question on his own. Bravo for the good parenting skill.

Conversation 1:

"Daddy why don't they allow dogs up the Eiffel tower?"

"Why do you think?"

"Maybe because the dogs might poop..but what if the dogs don't poop?"

"How do you know they won't? What if you brought them up there, and they poop, what then, you pick it up and put it in your pocket until you get down?"

"But daddy it's sad if people have to leave their dogs waiting down here.."

"Who cares."

Conversation 2:

"Daddy what happens when you die?"

"Nobody knows for sure, it's a mystery."

"Can we be something else when we die? Like a birdie?"

"I can't say."

"But if we can, can I be a birdie and you be a daddy birdie and mommy be a mommy birdie?"

"Deal."

There's more but I can't seem to recall them all. I will try to keep that in mind when the time comes; nurture logical thinking and encourage inquisition in a child and make them wear cool, matching outfit with me or the dad. Yeah.

Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?

2011-11-15T18:51:00.003+01:00

It's almost 2 in the morning and I still haven't started on what I'm supposed to do. Mentang-mentang la jumpa internet, wajiblah selesaikan apa-apa yang penting dahulu, seperti meng-Facebook.

Seperti biasa la minggu-minggu awal kat Malaysia ni, culture shock sekejap. Cehh. Menahan diri dari complain banyak sangat since I'll be staying here for good and dey tambi, macam tak biasa plak kat Malaysia? Jangan nak mengada pulak. Source of aggravation : salesgirls yang tak ikhlas melayan orang (kalau tak ikhlas cakap 'Welcome' dan 'Thank you, bye' tak payah cakap langsung boleh tak?; itu belom lagi salesgirls yang akan pandang kita atas bawah kalau masuk kedai yang upscale sikit), cashier yang muka macam tengah sembelit (mungkin betul dia sembelit), tak boleh nak lintas jalan suka hati sebab kereta-kereta yang memang macam nak bunuh orang macam dalam cerita horror 'The Car' tu, akak kat Mara yang layan orang macam kita ni bebudak retarded, cuaca yang super summer jadi tak boleh layering banyak sangat, takdak public transport yang reliable. Yang last tu paling sedih sekali.

So benda pertama kenala amik lesen.

Tapi apa-apapun home is where the heart is and despite everything, I'm happy to be back. Any doubts, regrets and fears all fade away once the warm humid air reached my lungs upon descending the stairs of the plane at LCCT airport. Perhaps in another alternate reality it would be better off had I made different choices, but in this concrete reality, everything turns out as what had been planned for me, which is as perfect as what God had intended it to be.

Accepting 'takdir', as I've learned, makes moving on far easier. Though I'm still in slight denial when it comes to certain 'truths' I've recently learned, I think I'm in the process of getting there.

Matter of the Heart

2011-11-09T07:37:00.002+01:00

What is straight? A line can be straight,

or a street, but the human heart, oh no,

it's curved like a road through mountains.

Tennesse Williams

Raya Haji 2011

2011-11-06T22:41:00.002+01:00

Every end marks a new beginning.

So this nagging feeling of anxiety has no solid ground, basically. Well, to a certain extent it kinda does but to put all the senseless dissection (which I have done countless times these past few days in my mind) into words will take up more time and I'm kinda short with that.

Went back home to unpacked bags. Mom's been sleeping all day long for the past two days. Hibernation bugs have been catching up onto her. Now she knows.

Has to finish up some packing and finalizing the tickets and everything now.

Oh and yeah, I did cry like a crybaby during makan-makan earlier this evening, and being an adult, not a baby, it's a rather ugly sight, I have to say. Le sigh.

Reusable Deco Items

2011-10-16T12:51:00.005+02:00

Found something I jotted down on a scrap of paper while sorting through the stack. Chances of me losing it is pretty high, forgetting half of it is higher so I'mma just write it here for easy future references.

So let's try this:

1. Instead of a plastic banner, design and frame a vintage-looking picture that has the date, the names, and the infamous fairy-tale ending phrase.

2. Paper lantern in different shades of theme colour, probably 8-10 pieces.

3. Glass jars in different shapes to put candies in.

4. Wooden crates. Kotak oren Gong Xi Fa Chai maybe. But they come in boxes nowadays right? Oh well. Keep looking.

5. Rustic old world map. Easier option would be printed one.

6. Chalkboard for photo booth.

7. Old ladder painted white for backdrop.

8. Aluminium watering cans.

9. Pebbles.

If you catch the drift, no stealing! Or at least, not until I've had the chance to use it for mine first. ;p

2011-10-08T12:40:00.002+02:00

Less than two weeks until submission and my professor still hasn't read my thesis.

Well he did. Kinda. He merely glanced through it for less than a minute, told me everything looks kinda in order and that I should continue what I'm doing so far.

Somehow yesterday, when I decided to proof-read, everything, and I mean everything seems to look out of place. I felt like tearing everything apart and starting anew. Which is pretty stupid considering how much time I've got left, glad that I didn't follow through with the idea. I freaked out, didn't know where to start, and decided to kill the time by packing some stuff before going to bed early.

Woke up early this morning, immediately started working on it and now it's noon already, my stomach's a-grumbling but I still hasn't gotten far from where I started hours ago. Doesn't help that I kept comparing my work to the guidelines for master's thesis I found on the web but I can't hardly find anything as thorough on bachelor's thesis. Adakah macam lab report sahaja?

Now is a good time to freak out.

2011-10-05T20:04:00.002+02:00

Hasil takkan dapat dilihat kalau tak buat sesuatu ke arah apa yang dituju. Kalau asyik risau, tangguh memanjang pastu nak tawakkal sahaja, tak ke mana. Tuhan takkan tolong kita kalau kita sendiri tak mulakan dengan usaha. Susah macam mana pon, the first and the following steps are important.

Kan Moon kan? ;)

Now is not a good time to have a nervous breakdown.

So keep calm and let's do this.

I Dream A Little Dream

2011-10-03T12:13:00.003+02:00

I like the sound of water cascading into water. It has the most calming effect on me. And on most people, I believe. It clears up the mind. Washes away any worries. Rejuvenates withering spirit.

Maybe that's what God created the sound of waves and fountains for.

The reason why I like to do my reading and writing in the park lately, whenever the weather permits.

So I suggested to him that we settle down someday somewhere near a beautiful public park. Somewhere like Taman Lagenda Langkawi. He said let's have our house with a park instead.

But I said I wanted one that has a lake with a giant water fountain. He said well, let's have that too.

And just like that, he made my day. I love that we can dream the craziest things up and we would try to make sense of it until it actually makes (half) sense. Like how we wanted to retire in our 30s and go backpacking around the world. We actually had a written plan on that and we had a lot of laughs while coming up with it. Perfect conversation/discussion for a dreamer and a half-dreamer/half-realist pair.

I don't care if we couldn't realize all of the dreams we have because at least I know with him, we'll have fun and make fun of the gloomiest of circumstances, as we had in the past. I hope things stay this way between us.

But darling, the pet pony with rainbow-colored tail I want, and that's non-negotiable.

Humor Me, Please.

2011-10-01T11:02:00.003+02:00

Psychologists say that comedy serves our need to laugh at someone whose fate is worse than ours in order for us to forget feeling sorry for our sad, miserable life, at least for a while.

Really?

Considering that Malaysians still laugh at the slapstick comedies involving tripping over stuff and making themselves look stupid, I'd say the theory is not far off from reality.

But roasting a public figure for their downfall on live TV while that person is present?

I mean, I can't never understand that. That's just plain mean. Even though Paris Hilton (who's that again?) can be quite annoying sometimes and Charlie Sheen is just an asshole I still think nobody deserves to be humiliated like that for the sake of making other people laugh.

I watched few excerpts from Charlie Sheen's Roast to see what's the hype all about since his TV show was handed over to Mr. Demi Moore but I can't find it funny. He clearly has issues, but to laugh at someone on their way down is just plain cruel. Anyone who finds that funny has a pretty sick sense of humor.

Why can't we just stick to sitcoms?

"Charlie, we accept the love we think we deserve."

2011-09-29T21:37:00.003+02:00

... from the novel 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' which a friend was so nice to send me as a birthday prezzie. Somehow that particular line stuck with me.

Quirkology by Richard Wiseman

2011-09-29T19:28:00.004+02:00

Just finished reading a book on the quirky side of human psychology which tackles fun questions like the nature of altruism in mankind, our attachment to astrology, science of coincidences, and if subliminal messages really can sway you to do something without you realizing it.

Well, the answer for the last question is no and yes. No, we are not programmed to bow down to freemasonry or worship satan by subliminal messages that can be heard when you play a line from a song backward. Coca-cola didn't significantly increase its sale by flashing subliminal message on primetime TV. And no, Disney didn't purposely created a sex-crazed generation by naughtily having a castle which looks like penis, a night sky which has stars spelling the word 'sex', and a flash of naked woman in one of the frame of its film. Disney is not responsible for that; we are, being human, a horny bunch of rabbits to begin with.

It takes more than subliminal messages to persuade us, but not that much, apparently. Movies have more effect on us than we would like to believe. Anyways, going into the stories will have to wait because I'll usually get sidetracked and this would be too long of a post.

What I want to know is, where do people go to participate in one of these cool psychological experiment? I want to be part of it! The science of human behavior is fascinating, the reason why I like watching docus on criminals to understand the working of their twisted minds. Whenever I am able to go back to school one day purely for the sake of gaining knowledge, I'll go back and study human behavior. How's that for being rebellious?

So anyways, the book compiles psychological experiments carried out across the world, and guess what Kuala Lumpur made an appearance!....for filling up the bottom three of the most unhelpful country. -.-''

The experiments involved dropping sealed envelopes without stamps around the city to see if people would pick them up and pay the price for a stamp before posting it, having a blind man crossing the road, and dropping pens from pockets to see if people would say anything. Rasanya kalau orang buta yang lintas tu dengan tuan punya pen tu mat salleh, mungkin success rate akan tinggi sikit. Oh fine, mari saya bela negara sendiri. Rasanya ada flaw dalam experiment tu membuatkan result tu tak valid. Malaysians are a polite, helpful bunch of people, save for when they are on the road. Syaiton banyak atas jalan raya agaknya.

Lil' Rockstar

2011-09-23T17:54:00.000+02:00

Source: strawberryandpark.tumblr.com via Emily on Pinterest

Awat comey sangat cek?

Lil' Bro.

2011-09-22T18:23:00.002+02:00

Source: livilouphotography.blogspot.com via Debra on Pinterest

Just got off the phone with my brother. He sounds somewhat different now.

Older. Mature. Qualities which are not bad at all.

He seems to be handling things pretty well, considering how less than a year prior to this he was the main source of major headaches for my mother. And me. Now he speaks of his future with such conviction that convinces us more to trust him. He carries that air of self-assurance in his voice that makes me want to cry. I feel like, perhaps, he doesn't need me anymore.

My lil' baby is gone sob sob.

Chill Out

2011-09-22T17:55:00.001+02:00

Source: nickholmes.tumblr.com via Lauren on Pinterest

Elephant in The Room

2011-09-21T21:13:00.005+02:00

You can't choose to be different and expect people to understand your shit and everything when you can't accept others being different from you. You can't preach open-mindedness when you handle the belief of others like it's a virus of some sort. That's called hypocrisy of the grandest scale yo.

It's really ironic when a hypocrite is calling out others for their hypocrisy.

Oh and for the record, your type is nothing new, yours is not something magical, an elite society that only those with intellectual surpasses that of Hawking can ever dream of ever joining. Oh have mercy on the rest of us fools for succumbing to such orthodox ways.

Yes, I know my right from wrong but doesn't mean that I feel obliged to impose every single of my stand on everyone around me.

Grrr I'm so easily irritable now because I so hungry wan! It's 10 p.m. I shall not eat!

2011-09-21T10:51:00.002+02:00

Tadi masak air nak buat kopi. Sambil-sambil tu usha-usha Pinterest kot-kot ada benda menarik. Lepas tu rasa ish bila la nak dengar bunyi water heater tu menggelegak, lama dah ni.

Bila pi dapur, tengok water heater dah tutup. Hot cappucino yang dah suam-suam dah siap tersedia dlm mug. Terkedu sekejap. Short-term memory loss? Kena rajin buat sudoku balik ni.

On Why I Choose To Believe In Aliens, Bigfoot, Yeti, Loch Ness and Such.

2011-09-19T19:51:00.007+02:00

There's no denying that UFOs are real. By UFOs I mean 'unidentified flying objects,' regardless of their origin.

Reports of sightings on UFOs are undeniably littered with hoaxes, true, but some are too consistent to debunk, as in such cases where hundreds have reported to have witnessed the same thing at the same time.

So you really think there are actually aliens from outer space?

Of course, the more logical explanation to these sightings is top-secret military projects, since most of the reputable reported sightings occurred in the vicinity of military airbases and the military officers have always remained tight-lipped when asked to comment, thus making people even more convinced of the alien invasion theory.

Despite all that, I still want to believe in the existence of aliens. Why? Because it has been centuries since their first sighting but aliens still haven't followed through with their Earth domination mission.

On the other hand, history shows that mankind, upon discovering new technology, wasted no time in using it to terrorize each other. Think firearms in WWI and atomic bombs in WWII. To consider the other possibility that these seemingly advanced spaceships are commanded by terrestrials rather than their extras, that mankind possesses such advanced technology that is being developed for military purposes, is not looking so promising for our future.

Humans kill humans. Aliens don't.

So there you go.

On Bigfoot (plural = Bigfeet?), Yetis, Loch Ness, Mokele-Mbembe, Mongolian Death Worms, Sea Serpents...I just want them all to actually exist because they are so awesome. What's not to like about them?

Oh one more thing, check this video out. The real sea serpent FTW!

Ni mesti oarfish yang paling noob di antara community oarfishes sebab tu dia tersesat pastu terdampar kat tepi pantai. Oarfish yang noob pon dah 4-5 meter panjang, bayangkan oarfish yang mafia, holy shit!

Encik Fudye, kita tak payah amek lesen diving, kita snorkel sudah la eh?

Come What May

2011-09-18T16:04:00.003+02:00

We might not realized that most of the familiar phrases in English language that almost everyone have heard and used are coined/popularized by Shakespeare. To a certain extent, we are poets, you and I.

Source: englishmuse.com via Adrienne on Pinterest

******************

I think I might bake these cuties for Halloween!

Cara-cara Nak Tingkatkan Chances Orang Pulangkan Camera Balik Kalau Hilang

2011-09-17T10:55:00.003+02:00

Tunggu beli camera canggih, nak letak ni la dalam memory card. His expressions are priceless! Especially yang part "unless you stole it" hahahaha!

Source: snowinateapot.blogspot.com via Katherine on Pinterest

Merci Beaucoup

2011-09-16T12:10:00.002+02:00

Am back in the room. So sad. Half an hour prior to me sitting in from of my laptop writing this, I was out the door, wanting to continue my writing in the park because today is such a beautiful sunny day with no dark clouds looming somewhere in the horizon like an evil dragon just waiting to spring on you with rain and thunder. I decided to stop at a shop to grab some iced coffee and bread in case I get hungry while in the park which is very likely especially when doing activity involving lots of brain cells in the frontal lobe. Anyways.

I was quarter of the way that I realized it was a mistake when my nose started to get runny and my head was on the brink of minor brain freeze. My sweater apparently wasn't thick enough for the weather. I was tricked by the sun. If I stayed outside I would surely got a serious case of headache by the end of the day. What to do. I'm a tropical girl through and through.

Ok I got sidetracked. So I was back in the room going through several blogs before continuing with my work.

A friend wrote something that I couldn't agree more with.

Sometimes, when a friend is going through a rough patch in his/her life, and he/she needs a pair of ears to listen to his/her worries and all, the best thing is just to listen and the worst thing would be to pretend or to try to understand what he/she is feeling. Even if it is out of your best intention to relate to his.her story. Because you can never, never, understand exactly what the friend is going through because you haven't walked 1000 miles in his/her shoes.

Fictional case of point 1 :

Your friend was telling you about how his brother accidentally plunged down 43-storey down a building to his death and your best comeback is, "I know exactly how you feel, it totally felt like the time my cat jumped out of a 5-storey building. So sad. Oh but the cat didn't die though."

Or something like that.

The only reason the person didn't scream in your face is the incredulity of your statement. You don't know how that person feel so don't say something like that. Cat/dog-lovers, don't take offense. It's just that non-cat/dog-lovers can't fully comprehend the relationship a human can have with their pets.

Doesn't mean that you can't be a good friend by not being able to relate to the situation and say all the right things. Sometimes to shut up and listen is all you have to do.

Atok & Nenek

2011-09-15T07:31:00.004+02:00

Found this on Pinsterest and can't help putting it here.

He was so sweet to her the whole time it makes me want to cry! Bini dia asyik dok cakap diri dia noob tak tau nak guna webcam, dia cakap things like "Well whatever you do, you're doing fine," and "It's okay learning takes time." And atok, you're so goofy, you're beyond adorable!

I hope I have someone like that by my side telling me my hair is pretty when it's all gray and asking to see my boobs when they're wrinkly and saggy. Because that's love yo.

Ahhh this just filled my morning with a warm feeling despite the looming clouds outside that I can't go to do my work in the park.

Sawadeekap!

2011-09-14T11:53:00.002+02:00

Haritu time on the way nak pi beraya dengan Tini, ada sorang lelaki Turki ni tegur, dia cakap macam ni la,

"Ihr seid Japanen warum tragt euch Kopftuch? Das geht nicht. (How come you Japanese are wearing hijab? That's weird.)"

"Errr weil wir Muslimen sind, und nein wir kommen nicht aus Japanen, sonst Malaysia. (errr because we are Muslims, and by the way we are from Malaysia not Japan.)"

"Echt??? (Really???) *muka tak percaya*"

Mungkin orang tu kurang sedikit pengetahuan am dia sebab ada ja orang Jepun yang Islam. Tapi ada pulak sekali tu kat FH, ada makcik ni, rasanya bukan student sebab dah tua, dan bukan juga makcik cleaner sebab dia pakai baju cantik. Tengah cuci tangan dekat sink bersebelahan, pastu dia buat statement macam ni sambil tersenyum-senyum kambing,

"Sie sehen nicht so muslimisch aus.. (You don't really look like a Muslim..)"

Dalam hati dah macam, erm, macam mana nak jawab ni, macam orang tu tengah accuse kita for being someone we are not. Kenala explain lagi sekali asal-usul dengan jawapan standard. Habis tu macam mana nak nampak macam lagi 'Islam'? Macam lawak pon ada soalan dia.

Pernah sekali, makcik Turki yang sungguh sweet ni (jarang woo kat sini nak jumpa makcik Turki yang muka tak ketat hahaha stress ja depa ni tak tau pasaipa) senyum-senyum pastu macam teragak-agak ja nak tegur tapi dia tegur jugak tanya dari mana. Pastu muka dia happy gila bila dengar kitorang ni Muslim and dari some country faraway named Malaysia.

Ada sekali dua orang male teenagers ni discuss kuat-kuat asal-usul kitorang ni, bajet kitorang tak faham la tu, pastu bila ditenung, barula buat muka serba-salah pastu tanya, "Chinesisch? (Zipat?)"

Mungkin orang masih kaitkan agama itu dengan bangsa sedangkan agama dengan bangsa itu tidak interdependent. Kiranya kena muka Arab baru Islam, kalau muka Asia ni kena agama Asia. Lol.

Sometimes I just find their oblivion pretty amusing.

Zaman dolu-dolu sampai sini, lagila selalu orang ingatkan orang Thailand. Sawadeekaap. Kopkhunkaap. Siap ada orang tegur konfiden ja dia bantai cakap Thai. Padan muka diri sendiri hihi.

Tadi ada makcik Turki tu, takdak apa-apa lagi terus bukak cerita, tapi dalam bahasa Turki, ternganga la sat, pastu bila cakap kita tak faham, dia sambung cakap dalam Turki sambil senyum-senyum pastu belah. Pastu ingat kita orang Islam duduk German kena faham Turki ka makcik? Dah la sah-sah hidung cenni bukan orang Turki. Le sigh.

Selalunya kalau travel tempat yang memang tourist spots, orang jual souvenir mesti 99% of the time, depa teka asal-usul betul. Siap boleh cakap Melayu lagi. Sikit-sikit la. Setakat 'murah', 'terima kasih', 'selamat datang', 'apa khabar', 'Kuala Lumpur'. Orait la tu.

Setakat ni semua negara Asia orang dah penah teka la : Vietnam, Thailand, Filipina, Jepun, Cina. Hmm Korea ja tak pernah kena teka lagi. Haha. Ha. Bajet.

Tapi dalam banyak-banyak, yang paling legend, adalah : Mongol. Out of nowhere! Keturunan Genghis Khan beb!

Misundaztood

2011-09-11T22:00:00.004+02:00

Are you one of those people who has songs that describe each specific era of your life?

"Erm, not really."

Fine. But if you are, like me, then you'll recognize the feeling when you hear a song which you haven't heard for so long once again and you'll see flashes of memories of that time before your eyes. And you can literally feel the way you felt at that time; the state of your mind, your outlook on relationship and life, your hopes and fears for the future.

Now I'm re-listening to Pink's first album and I remember going through all the adolescent teenage angst phase. It was funny! And very juvenile. Rasa poyo gila weh. Time tu, I remember I had this leopard-printed military-green canvas backpack, and I feel so cool. I hated pink and I used to walk with what I thought was a swagger, which now looking back on it is so embarrassing. I swore to never want to get married, because I wanted to become a zoologist and go live in a forest somewhere like Jane Goodall.

Thank God I outgrew this phase pretty fast.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who outgrew this angry phase. Listening to Pink's first record, I realize how her sound had evolved over the years. Back then, I would describe her music as being a fusion between soul and rock. I stopped listening to her record after her second one. Now she's more pop-pish, and well, more generic. But it's working out pretty good for her, so.

I was wearing my earphone and singing at the top of my lungs in the kitchen when Tash entered some time later saying that she could hear me sing from her room. Oh well.

In her first album Pink mostly sings about being not allowing herself being treated badly and being infected with this 'Girl Power!' virus, her songs became my anthem and I figured if ever it comes a day when a boyfriend would mistreat me in any way, I'll have the perfect song to help me through it.

Listening to the songs now is so funny. The lyrics just don't make sense.

Case of point 1 :

You can push me out the window,

I'll just get back up.

Dude, I'm no vampire. Depending on the level of floors of which you push me from, if I was lucky, I might escape with a few broken bones.

Case of point 2 :

You can run me over with your 18-wheeler truck,

And I won't give a fuck.

Sure right I won't give a fuck because I'd be dead and that's murder yo!

The Art of Doing

2011-09-11T16:31:00.005+02:00

Far too often, we abuse the concept of 'tawakal'.

When faced with a difficult situation, we tend to just do the same thing over and over again, sometimes not even doing anything about it except that pray to God to push us through it. Instead of praying for strength to take on the challenge, we pray that God would take care of it for us, while we wait till the storm's over and pick up when the mess is all cleared up.

Of course, God could have granted our prayers, it would be far too easy for Him to do that, but then we wouldn't have learned anything from the experience. And what's the point of God putting hardship on our way in the first place?

Facts on Colors

2011-09-09T11:32:00.002+02:00

Today I learn that colors are just illusions that are created in our brain.

The way I see a color might be different than you see color.

The way we perceive colors are strongly connected to the language we learn them and the experience attached to them while growing up. An indigenous tribe in Namibia who only has half as much basic vocabulary of colors than the Western world see the color of milk similar to the color of the river. But they can easily distinguish slightly different shades of lime green that we would find difficult to do.

Red literally makes time move slower.

Blue does the exact opposite.

Individual wearing red is more likely to win against his blue opponent. (experiment done on 2004's Olympic taekwondo matches)

The photosensitive ganglion cells in our eyes, responsible in controlling our circadian rhythm by sending signals to our brain to wake us up, are only sensitive to one wavelength of light which is blue. Note to self : find a blue bedside lamp.

Women are more affected by colors than men. "Yes I might have 3 brown cardigans in my closet already but not this shade of brown."

The more powerful or better a woman feels about herself, the more accurate her judgement on something might be (no surprise there, really).

The Incas vs. The Malays

2011-09-05T18:14:00.005+02:00

Cuba sebut 'Machu Picchu', emphasize dekat setiap 'ch' tu. Cuba sebut dia berulang-ulang kali, sebut kuat-kuat tau, bukan dalam hati ja.

Haa tak cuba la tu. Degil.

Machu Picchu, the city of the sky, high on the top of Andes. If I somehow won a competition that would allow me to choose one manmade ancient structure I would love to visit, I won't even need to think about it, Machu Picchu wins, hands down. The Pyramids of Giza comes quite close in the second place because I would love to walk along the very narrow path inside the pyramids, even though just the thought of it is enough to make me feel suffocated already. I might not be a chronic claustrophobic but I hate confined space.

Which reminds me of last summer, when I made my mom and two of my little cousins visit a coastal battery built by British in Penang, which is now turned into a memorial. I insisted that we visited during the night, because they have this experience package, in which the real war situation is emulated to give you the feel of what's really going on during wartime. Our tour guide was dressed in complete military uniform, and as we were walking along while he explained the purpose of each building, the sound of shootings and bombs went off all around us. The sound effect was wicked, it felt so real that my little baby cousin cried and insisted on going home. Ah forget it, even I was sweating a bit from the sound alone. So we were led through tunnels and secret passages towards safety using the actual route that was allegedly used back then.

Nak dijadikan cerita, selain kami berempat, ada lagi empat orang lain dalam group malam tu, di mana salah seorang abang tu agak montel la jugak. Abang montel, wherever you are, jangan marah ek. Just telling it as it is. So time nak masuk secret short-cut tunnel tu, kena la pulak abang montel tu masuk tunnel tu dulu sebelum aku. Tunnel ni pulak kena merangkak, pastu panjang la pulak kan. Time merangkak tu tengok depan nampak bontot abang tu ja penuh tunnel, serius rasa tak boleh bernafas, nak patah balik ada orang la pulak kat belakang. Faham tak time tu rasa begitu trapped, rasa oksigen tak cukup, rasa macam tarik nafas tak penuh paru-paru, rasa macam nak pitam. Nasib baik la sebelum sempat nak pengsan, dah sampai hujungnya. Ibu time tu tak masuk tunnel tu, sebab Ariessa takut, so ibu teman Ariessa guna jalan luar. Tapi lepas tu Ariessa dah cool down sikit, ibu pon join balik panjat tangga antik, masuk tunnel semua. You're one cool mom! All in all, it was a really cool experience. Berbaloi jugak la untuk RM25 seorang. Cuma yang tak best tu, ada part-part yang depa cuba nak mistikkan, macam pedang samurai Jepun yang kononnya berhantu (macam tipu ja sebab dia gantung tinggi gila, tak bagi orang tengok betul-betul lettew), ular-ular berbisa penunggu bangunan yang kononnya tak pernah keluar cari makanan pon tapi hidup ja (tapi cuak gila bila lalu sebelah bilik tu tengok macam-macam ular kat dalam bilik yang tak berjaring tu bebas berkeliaran, lagi takut dari hantu tau). Melayu oh Melayu. Tak perlu pon puaka-puaka untuk mengsensasikan keadaan, the facts and the buildings pon dah impressive enough.

Where was I again? Oh sebenarnya cerita tadi tu nak buktikan the point pasal jalan dalam piramid. Masuk tunnel tu pon dah macam nak pitam, inikan pulak nak jalan dalam Pyramid, lagila lama, tapi teringin jugak. Tak pitam kot. Rasa ja macam nak pitam, tapi suck it in and carry on ja la. Macam roller-coaster la, sebenarnya diri sendiri penakut gila, tapi bila dah duduk strapped in the seat, baca doa banyak-banyak pastu jerit ja la bila roller-coaster tu start jalan.

Berbalik kepada Machu Picchu. Itu termasuk dalam must-visit list. InshaAllah suatu hari nanti. Rasanya semua documentary yang ada pasal Machu Picchu yang available kat internet dah ditengok. Pastu bila tengok mesti bertambah excited nak pi. Awat orang Inca time tu bijak sangat ntah?

Teringat pernah bincang hal ni dengan Encik Fudye, dulu masa kegemilangan kerajaan Sultan Melaka, masa Selat Melaka jadi perantaraan pedangang Timur dan Barat, kenapa takdak tinggalan bangunan sehebat kaum Inca kat Tanah Melayu? Ini semua buat dari kayu, bila perang kena bakar habis hilang. Bila aku cek balik fakta, Machu Picchu dibina pada tahun 1438, kemuncak pemerintahan kerajaan Melaka adalah pada masa Sultan Mansur Shah, iaitu bermula dari tahun 1459. Kira dekat-dekat la tu. Maknanya teknologi dan kemahiran untuk bina bangunan macam tu dah ada la. Ah, kalau nak ikut teknologi, Colosseum dibina lagi awal. Pyramids of Giza lagi la awal.

Kenapa orang Melayu dulu tak boleh bina? Lembah Bujang dah ada, lagi lama. Kiranya teknologi dan kemahiran tu dah sampai kat semenanjung. Takdak bahan mentah? Tipu la. Tenaga kerja tak cukup? Hang Tuah sanggup terjun lubang tahi nak retrieve kuda Sultan, menunjukkan betapa rakyat zaman tu patuh taat pada Sultan. Takkan tak boleh kerah tenaga rakyat untuk bina bandar dari batu? Manusia mati meninggalkan nama, tapi selain nama, kalau tinggal benda yang lagi konkrit kan lagi legend tu.

Lepas fikir punya fikir, Encik Fudye punya jawapan ialah, sebab Melayu mudah selesa. Istana kayu orait apa. Cantik gak. Tahan beratus-ratus tahun. Nak susah-susah guna batu untuk tahan ribu-ribu tahun buat apa? Kalau pergi museum kat Melaka sekarang, kebanyakannya replika ja tinggal.

Tadi tengok documentary pasal Machu Picchu lagi dengan Tasha. Lagi sekali bincang pasal topik ni. Kita kat Malaysia ada A Famosa dengan Kellie's Castle. Tapi dua-dua tu dibina oleh orang luar. Ada la pulak kan bahan mentah dengan tenaga buruh nak buat bangunan macam tu.

Kat Machu Picchu, teres yang dia buat dari batu kat lereng bukit tu, teknik tu masih digunakan sekarang untuk kurangkan efek tanah runtuh. Berkesannya teknik kaum Inca tu, sampai sekarang top soil dia masih intact. Lepas tu, kat dalam bandar tu, memang complete ada sistem pengairan semua, kira setiap rumah ada bekalan air untuk minum, mandi, cuci baju semua. Kita dulu ada sungai, so buat apa nak susah-susah buat sistem pengairan kan?

Fuh. Semangat kau ek Jera. Cakap orang Melayu dulu-dulu cepat contented la, pemalas la, tak berwawasan la, tak berpandangan jauh la. Cer cita sikit, apa perubahan besar kau dah buat untuk negara dan dunia hari ni?

Erk. Kthnxbye.

Update : Encik Fudye said he didn't remember ever saying that -.-'' so we went through thisconversation. Again. He came up with a kinder more plausible answer me think. Katanya orang Melayu seni dia halus, so lagi senang untuk diinterpret kan ke dalam seni ukiran kayu. Kemahiran tu dah lama ada dalam masyarakat Melayu so maybe over the generations their focus on perfecting the skills in carpentry kinda overshadow the need for the expertise in masonry. Sounds logical. Too bad wood is not fire-resistant or else we would have been able to appreciate the remnants of our once legendary kesultanan Melaka's civilization.

Jangan Jatuh

2011-09-04T19:54:00.003+02:00

Taktau plak Fynn Jamal ni nyanyi. Ingat dia blogging ja. Jumpa video dia dari video Taharasuiko, si gila yang genius tu. I meant that as a compliment.

Teringat zaman dulu-dulu setiap kali bila masuk pertandingan sajak, mesti Papa akan volunteer untuk tunjukkan macam mana cara nak menjiwai sajak tu. Mesti dia buat over gila. Kalau ada perkataan 'merangkak' hah nanti dia suruh pi dekat dinding buat-buat nak merangkak. Pastu, untuk dramatization, sebelum setiap ayat, kena tarik air liur guna lidah, you know, the kind that Nasir Bilal Khan always does in his acting.

Usually I would listen but in the end I would just do my own thing.

Suara Fynn ni sedap. Performance dia yang ni gila best. Bila dengar untuk first time tadi, ternganga sekejap.

Of Being.

2011-09-04T17:42:00.002+02:00

Pernah tak time jalan-jalan pastu terserempak seseorang yang terus membuatkan dalam hati terdetik, "Walla, that is one cool chick/dude." Itu dengan nada positif. Kalau negatif plak bunyi macam ni, "Huk aloh bajet cool la tu."

Ok terdistract sekejap. Baru lepas baca blog feveret. Berseni gila bahasa, padat gila mesej. Terasa apa yang sudah ditaip dan bakal tertaip ni akan jadi sampah.

Alah. Macam tak biasa pulak.

Anyways. Lagi satu kes plak, pernah tak kita rasa seseorang tu sangatlah cool, lepas add dia kat Facebook atau lepas kenal dia di luar alam maya, after a while, we realized that that someone is not as cool as we thought he/she initially was? It could be his/her pretentiousness in musical taste (or lackthereof), his/her over-obsession with camwhoring (in the toilet, worst!) and uploading it every other day, incessant self-conceited status updates..you get the point.

So we came to a conclusion that they are actually not any cooler than us. Good.

Pastu pernah tak kita terfikir, yang mungkin ada orang lain pernah terfikir benda yang sama pasal kita.

We are rarely ourselves when we are online. Memangla guna nama sendiri, gambar kat profile pon gambar sendiri (albeit a better-looking version of us, I mean, we are lucky if we look as good as our profile picture half of the time in real life), info dekat profile pon semua fakta, tapi cara kita present ourselves to the world tu, most of the time mesti tak 100% honest. Sebab bila kita nak post gambar, status, apa-apa pon, mesti kita fikir pasal audience kita yang akan tengok gambar tu nanti, baca status tu nanti, so kita olah apa yang kita nak present tu in a way that the audience will see us in the light that we want them to see us. Macam berlakon la jugak. Dalam reality TV show sendiri. Kadang-kadang kena bawak watak cool, kadang-kadang watak kawaii, kadang-kadang kena berpolitik sedikit, kadang-kadang kena jadi feminist, kadang-kadang kena amar makruf, kadang-kadang kena jadi oh-so-funny, kadang-kadang kena happening baru tak nampak loser sangat.

Oh lagi satu, terperasan yang beberapa orang kat Facebook dah mula buang tahun kelahiran dari tarikh lahir. Don't tell me, we've reached that stage already.

Lepas tu sekarang, semua berlumba-lumba nak jadi liberal. Don't you know, liberalism is the new cool? Sometimes I feel that people are too willing and too eager to readjust their values in order to accommodate these liberal views. Then there's the people at the other end of the spectrum, those who tend to reject everything unfamiliar that comes their way without entertaining even the thought of a discussion.

So the point of this post?

It's pretty pointless actually.

Cuma terfikir, bila kita kisah sangat apa orang sekeliling cakap, kita akan berusaha untuk bentuk dan bina imej kita jadi versi 2.0, versi yang kita bayangkan kita patut jadi. And we go through all that hassle, untuk buktikan dan tunjukkan kat siapa? Untuk diri sendiri? Mungkin. Tapi manusia ni creature of habit, pemalas nak mampos, cuba kalau bumi diserang epidemik zonmbie, semua orang mati, pastu tinggal kau sorang-sorang manusia last, kiranya takdak manusia lain untuk judge kau, will you still be the you that you strive to be now? Jadi untuk siapa, untuk keluarga dan saudara-mara? Debatable. Untuk ex-boy/girlfriend untuk membolehkan kita say it to their face, "your loss"? Untuk boy/girlfriend sendiri supaya dia tak cari lain? Hmm. Kat beratus-ratus kawan-kawan kat Facebook yang nak dapat cakap setahun sekali tu pon payah? Kat stranger yang kita jumpa tengah jalan dan mungkin lepas tu tak akan jumpa dah? Kita patut jadi kita untuk siapa?

2011-09-04T13:37:00.001+02:00

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

-On the Road.-

Hippie Baby

2011-09-04T00:23:00.002+02:00

Instead of taking the tram, I decided to walk all the way to the park again today. I (think I've) lost a cm or two off of my waistline after the fasting month. Intend on keeping the current stat for a little while longer ergo the walking part becoming necessary.

I was halfway to the park when I saw a baby (he must have been no older than 15 months), walking out the door wearing pampers and nothing else, a pacifier in his mouth.

He has that cheeky gleam in his eyes, and was running away as if tasting freedom on his skin for the very first time.

I was like, fine, cute baby and all, now where's the mom?

I slowed down my pace, just to wait for someone, if not the mom, an older brother or sister then, to walk out of the door and watch over the baby.

One, two, three, four steps, and nobody appeared.

Okay this is not so fun anymore.

The baby stepped onto the soil which holds a tree to the ground on the side of the pavement, chuckling while at it. I cringed at the sight. Eughh. Better not be any dog poop there.

In a swift, the baby headed towards the main road and my heart skipped a beat. Luckily traffic wasn't as heavy on this part of town, heck on this part of the world even. I took the baby by the arm and led him back to the pavement.

I asked him, in German, "Where is your mama?" to which he repeated happily after me, ''Mama." This went on several times. *sweats*

I took him to the door from which I saw him coming out from just now. There must have been like 15 names beside the front door that I wasn't sure if ringing all the bells would be a good idea.

I asked him, again, "What is the name of your mama?" to which he again ever-so-happily repeated the word ''Mama." *sweats some more*

O-K. This is going to be pretty hard. What should I do with this baby???

Just as I was considering to adopt this cute baby, a boy of about 5-6 years old opened the door, took the baby by the hand, all the while keeping his eyes on me without saying a word, and closed the door in my face.

"Well, you're welcome for saving your lil' brother from being hit by a tram, which would surely get you grounded like forever!!"

This Is Going To Be A Very Long Post

2011-09-03T22:31:00.003+02:00

I was never very good at observing my surrounding through the lens of a camera, because doing so feels too obstructive of the present moment. It might also be due to self-conceitedness, that the idea of capturing the surrounding without me being in the frame doesn't seem so appealing. Hey, at least I'm being honest.

I think nothing beats taking in your surrounding, especially if you have never been to that place before, using all of your worldly senses. Like the smell. The sound. Your feeling towards that precise moment, towards what you are seeing for the first time.

Maybe that's just another excuse. Maybe I've realized that I'm just not good at taking pictures that I simply gave up and leave it to someone else.

There's a line in a song that goes like this : 'Pictures only prove you can't convince.' But this is the age of digital memory we are talking about. The age of Facebook, where nothing actually takes place until pictures to serve as proof are shared on your profile. Memories are not real until they are etched on pixels.

********************

Anyways. What prompted me on this quite pointless train of thought is watching the Narvaez family's vlogs. Rajin sungguh bapa mereka si Jorge record every event yang kadang-kadang tak eventful sangat pon tapi sebab telatah anak-anak dia comel sangat terpaksa tengok video berulang-ulang kali. I mean, who can not like Eliana and those cheeks? I've always had and never been able to shake this feeling of apprehension when it comes to the idea of giving birth; everything about it - starting from to the natural changes that are bound to happen to your body, to the morning sickness, to the 9-month period of carrying a huge belly around, to the pushing part - scares the hell out of me. But seeing these adorable kids growing up before your eyes with a set of loving parents that dot on the, it really stirs that instinct inside of me, you know. That one day, this is what I want. To raise a family.

Tapi tapi tapi. Maternal instinct tu kena suppress dulu ok, not in the next 5-6 years ok.

Bila tengok vlogs mereka, tetiba rasa, kan best kalau parents dulu ada buat video masa aku tengah baby pastu membesar. Teringin nak tengok. Because sometimes, as good as it feels to just live in the moment, memories do fail us. At least, if they did, I would have been able to listen to my dad voice now because I'm afraid that soon I would forget.

Kesimpulannya di sini, lepas ni nak beli video cam la satu. Takpon camera yang canggih sikit, yang kualiti video pon best. Kalau malas nak tangkap sendiri, cari suami yang rajin layan tangkap gambar, ok?

Ok. Back to si comel Eliana. These past few days, Encik Fudye was, after quite some time, reunited with the internet again and the first thing I asked him to check out was, guess what, Eli's videos! so that next time I talk about one of Eli's antics, he'll know what I am talking about. Encik Fudye pon terpaksa la tengok semua video-video yang dia dah miss hehe.

Is it weird/creepy to feel so fond and form some kind of an attachment towards someone who doesn't even know you? I think it's not that different from celebrity crushes, except that this is less superficial I think, because what people are most interested in when it comes to Jorge and his family is the substance that makes them the real person they are, not their looks, their voice or talent. I mean there are far more talented singers out there but there's just something so endearing watching them sing.

"Sorry my daddy...." Awww, I mean, it's not fair, how can one stay mad at this cute little thing after that line??

********************

So I've been spending the past few days finishing off my reading in the park.With autumn looming just around the corner I figure it's best to make full use of the beautiful weather we were grazed with lately.

Plus without the distraction that my room poses, with the internet and all, the park provides a sanctuary for me to immerse myself in Kafka's work. Or at least, attempt to.

I find that Kafka's narration is at times too arduous and boring that I can't seem to finish it even though I've had this book for quite some time now. And I am not talking about a whole novel, just a book of collection of his short stories. So double fail for me.

Now I believe that he meant the stories to be boring. He was talking in metaphors about living the mundane lives of being confined within the structure that had been put upon us. First school, then college, then work, then you work to earn more which gets you bigger house and faster car and in return you work more, retirement follows 30 years later.

We think too much about things that do not amount too much in the grander scheme of things; like clothes for instance, or how others perceive us, and our fear of failing, our need to have every little thing under control. Life doesn't work that way. There's always a curveball ready to throw you off track when you least expect it.

Once you finish reading his stories, you have to allow yourself some time to reflect upon it, during which the genius behind his writing will slowly unravel itself, which will lead you to reread it, just so to make sure there isn't anything that you've missed the first time around. For instance, when you realize that the main character in Metamorphosis who turned into a cockroach-like insect is a representative of the working class people, when you read the story one more time, you'll see how every little detail in the story makes sense within that context.

So far I've read 5 stories and my favorite havsto be Metamorphosis. Predictable. Oh well.

Reading and finally understanding Kafka in the park on a bench overlooking the tranquil lake, occasionally sipping on cold Starbucks's Seattle Latte, damn I feel so cool, the kind of cool that only bookworms know how. So lame.

********************

Two of my close friends got engaged in last week alone. Called to congratulate them, secretly (not-so-secret I guess) wishing that I'll be next in the near future..

Being so open and forthcoming in my view on this matter, I've gotten far more cynical remarks from those who deem marriage to be the antithesis of coolness than I care to keep count of.

Remarks such as, "Aii, tak sabaq nak kahwin dah ke?" will usually be met by a straight-faced, "Haah." Selalunya lepas tu orang tu tak kata apa dah. Senang. Paling tak pon, dia akan kata, "Gatal," pastu topik tersebut akan tamat di situ.

"Lek lu, tak cool la kahwin awal-awal, enjoy dulu," itupun salah satu respon popular jugak.

Where do people get this notion, that marriage is the end to all fun in the world? I mean, when you marry, you intend to stay married forever right, but if marriage means you shall forego any fun thereafter, that is too high a price to pay to be married to anyone I think. I mean, who do you have in mind of being married to?? Doesn't sound like a fun person to be around with..

There's like hundreds of perks of being married that I can come up with right now. It's like an ongoing date, except that you don't have to say goodbye at the end of the day. If you don't feel like going out but still wants to spend time with each other you can just stay home. You can not only start mapping out your future together, but live it instead. Instead of waiting to tell about your day to each other on the phone, you can just talk about it face to face.

Ok stop.

Note to self : Tak payah nak menggatal sangat-sangat lagi. Buat apa yang patut dulu, cukupkan apa yang tak cukup lagi, baru fikir pasal kahwin.

********************

I think 24 years-old is not too early or too late to start being an adult and take responsibility of people other than yourself.

Life Gets Lonely When Everybody Wants Something

2011-08-21T10:50:00.002+02:00

Among other things that I found while de-cluttering yesterday was SMSs from my dad printed on paper as I was sure sooner or later something was going to happen to my phone and I was right. My favourite is this one:

Askum manja. Exam kalini score ok. Achtung baca bismillah dulu. Bye.

That really made me smile, not in a sad kinda way though, as I remembered how I thought to myself at that time that it was probably the first time he ever used the word 'Achtung' in kind-of a correct way. Believe me, before this, the word 'Achtung' kept appearing in his messages at the most random places! Hahaha!

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Ramadhan is coming to an end and to tell you the honest-to-God truth, the prospect of being able to start the day with caffeine and have caffeine boost throughout the day again is pretty inviting, but I am also dreading Raya as it nears.

First because the change of plan, which obviously has affected the mood of dearie roommate about Raya and celebrating it which in turn affects mine.

Second is the fact that Raya is never going to be as fun as it used to be. Not this year. Not next year. Not even the next year. You see, Raya is about celebrating it with close families and when you take that out of the equation, it will be just like any other day except that two-rakaat prayer in the moring and that 'costume' you wear (new or recycled) that you'll probably only wear 2-3 times a year going to kenduri. That and lots of kuih raya and ketupat. What good will all that be without the chaos of relatives gathering together kat kampung? It'll be far too boring that I keep wishing friends around Alor Star to come back from wherever their kampung is and pick me up to hang out.

Besides, it's just too heartbreaking to watch Maktok's heartbreak playing out in front of my eyes. Last year she refused to wear her baju raya in the morning. It takes a lot of persuading before she finally, reluctantly agreed. This year Mom said they are going to spend Raya in a hotel with the best view there is in Batu Feringghi. Ayahsu and family will join later.

I know my Mom's intention is to take Maktok away somewhere she can forget but you can take her halfway around the world and still she can't forget.

Sometimes I feel like physically shaking those certain family members until some sense got into them. I don't know if anyone is ever man enough to man up and put an end to this. But you know. The damage that words cause sometimes are so severe it can't be undone. Itulah orang Melayu dulu-dulu cakap, terlajak kata badan binasa.

I just hope that time is forgiving enough to let Maktok has the chance to see her close-knit family coming back together like before again.

********************

I feel blessed. Sebab bila difikirkan my relation to God compared to what He had blessed and is blessing me and my family with, macam sedikit tak padan pon ada. For that I am grateful. Rasa nak cuba jadi baik sikit la lepas ni. You know, simple stuff like tak mau mengata orang atau berprasangka buruk atau menghukum, and if I can't help forming those nasty words inside my head I want to try not to say them out loud. Because being a bitch is so last season. Harap-harap bukan hot-hot chicken excrement.

Another Saturday

2011-08-20T17:36:00.003+02:00

Boyfriend told me he recently read my blog and found one post particularly funny, to the point that he said something like "never thought you were that funny". I should have been slightly offended and I actually did but I was still pretty flattered all the same.

So I asked him which post he was referring to. Later I found out he meant the one I wrote in Bahasa, in which I attempted to berpuitis sedikit. Which was never meant to be funny at all in the first place! Didn't he know I used to represent my school in Pertandingan Sajak back then and win? Darah puitis tu ada la kiranya sikit-sikit walaupun dah tak ditonjolkan sekarang. Heh.

Anyways.

I was sorting through my stuff, like really sorting through the clutters that I'm keeping to figure out which should be chucked out and which I need/want. Being someone who easily sees flashes of memories and emotional attachment in material things, it was pretty hard to let go some of the stuff I have. That reminds me of this TV Show calls 'Hoarders' which features people basically doing what I did today but their situation is 100 times more extreme. These people even got hundred thousands of dollar worth of fine from the state because the cluttering is so critical it might impose danger to the neighbour.

With that TV Show in mind, I shouldered on, tossing one thing after another into the bin bag, to proof that I am not mentally ill like the people on Hoarders. At the end of the day, the result was 3 giant bags of garbage and a huge stack of papers and magazines that stand a little higher than my waist. I didn't cry or slumped into depression afterwards like the people in the show did so I guess I am normal.

While going through some papers I found a poem printed on a yellow piece of paper, already frayed at the edges and torn at some places. I had this since my MRSM years! I used to stick it on the wall beside my bed, along with posters of Lifehouse and The Calling, which were later pulled down because a friend of a roommate told us someone saw a giant hairy thing hanging from the outside of the window of our room. Katanya sebab ada poster orang malaikat tak masuk bilik, so hantu pon suka la jadikan bilik tu tempat penginapan.

I remember thinking that the ghost that someone had described looks a lot like Yeti. I thought Yeti lives in the Himalaya?? Or maybe they are right, that Yeti/Bigfoot is really a makhluk halus after all, that's why despite numerous report of sightings (most of them are probably fake anyway) nobody ever captured that sanovebich? Pardon my French.

Back to the poem, there's a feeling that this thing is something ancient, a piece from the life that seems so distant now. So you can imagine I was feeling quite excited stumbling upon this poem again. A little bit of story behind the poem : I actually stole my mom's diary that she kept when she was 17. Nothing really personal in it, my mom just pasted clippings of poems she cut out from magazines. But I suspect that she chose poem which reflects her own feelings for each day which leads to some speculation on my part..whatever.

So this poem happens to be one of my favourite. Nothing of the deep, poetic kind but I like the message though. I thought I'd share it with you :

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask, "How are you?" do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die

Cause you ever had the time to call and say "Hi"?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast

Time is short, the music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You would miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day

It is like an unopened gift..thrown away...

Life is not a race do take it slower

Hear the music before the song is over.

2011-08-18T10:54:00.002+02:00

It could be strangers exchanging gestures on the street or a scene in a random movie.

You'll feel like somewhere some time in the future or in the past, you couldn't tell, you have seen the scene actually played out, and you are the character in the scene.

It could be a song, a smell, a sound, anything at all.

That transport you to that familiar place.

Better known as deja vu, but deja vu doesn't quite explain it.

This, is more real than a deja vu.

Daily Dose

2011-08-18T01:09:00.002+02:00

Friends, if you are in for a quick daily dose of blogs, I would recommend these two of my favorites.

1) Mojology

Mo really puts the Mo in Mojo. You know how people nowadays use 'lol' as a punctuation when they have nothing left to say when really, they are just sitting there typing with a straight-face without so much as a chuckle coming out of their mouth? Well, in my case, if I said I lol-ed a lot while reading this blog, I kinda lied to. I didn't actually laugh out loud.

But I sure does chuckle. With a far higher frequency too than I normally would reading other blogs.

p.s : I doubt that the pickup lines he suggested would ever work in real life, but they are hilarious. Someone give this guy a show of his own!

2) Hadi Frust Tapi Malas

Ini Hadi, bukan Anwar Hadi. Dia sangat cool. I swear I've came up with some quite clever sentences to describe his blog but I kinda forgot and it's late now I need my coffee. Silalah ushar blog ni kalau dah bosan dengan blog-blog lain. Cerita fiksyen dia lawak.

One of Those Days

2011-08-15T19:22:00.002+02:00

Yay to an unproductive Monday. I overslept, decided it was too late to go to the lab and deceived myself into believing that the time spent at home would be well-spent, in which I shall start on the write-up and now 7 hours later, not a single word has been produced in the yet to exist pages.

Half an hour before I should start cooking for berbuka.

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Do you know that India has 1 billion population, which is 1/6 of the world's total inhabitants? I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact. In the heart of Mumbai, there lies what's supposed to be the biggest slum on Earth called Dharavi, in which 1 million people call their home. The majority of the household here do not have running water; they have to collect water from the main pipe every morning for their everyday use. Amazingly, almost every household has cable TV, with 150 channels. Takdak air takpa, Shah Rukh Khan kena ada.

Forgive my nerdiness, but all my favorite TV shows are on hiatus for the summer and I'm stuck watching documentaries for the moment.

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Few weeks back I watched Leon the Professional which is the debut film for the Natalie Portman. I was stunned by the beauty of the then 12-year-old starlet. I mean, she was not pretty the way a pretty 12-year-old should be; her beauty resembles more like that of an adult but with an air of innocence. Reminds me Nabokov's controversial character, Lolita.

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The world is coming apart at its seams and we still care of what our so-called friends on Facebook are up to.

But then again, what else should and could we do, right?

I wonder, which one is better; to be someone who cares about other people's feelings which makes us sometimes make promises that we might not be able to keep or be someone who simply doesn't give a royal eff?

Tough call.

*********************************

Oh and by the way, I stumbled upon this very interesting argument against Darwinism in one of Obe's blog's comment :

Protein cannot form unless the cell exists as an integral whole.

Darwinists can write as many deceptive books jam packed with formulae, produce as many false fossils as they like, make as many demagogic assaults on the scientific evidence for Creation as they choose or stick posters up full of fantastical illustrations and present these as exhibitions of evolution all over the place, but none of this will ever change the fact of their fundamental defeat. Because the worst nightmare for Darwinists is the very beginning of life. Darwinists HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO PRODUCE A SINGLE EXPLANATION of how just one protein came into being. This is an expression of the despairing situation into which, Dawkins, Futuyma, Tim White and all other Darwinists now find themselves. None of this demagoguery can resolve this great and stupendous rout in the face of a single protein. A SINGLE PROTEIN HAS TOTALLY DEMOLISHED DARWINISM.

This fact is of great importance in terms of the defeat of Darwinism:
- DNA is essential for a single protein to form
- DNA cannot form without protein
- Protein cannot form without DNA
- Protein cannot form in the absence of protein
- Sixty separate proteins are needed for a single protein to form
- Protein cannot form in the absence of any one of these
- Protein cannot form with no ribosome
- Protein cannot form with no RNA
- Protein cannot form without ATP
- Protein cannot form without the mitochondria to manufacture ATP
- Protein cannot form without the cell nucleus
- Protein cannot form without the cytoplasm
- Protein cannot form in the absence of a single organelle in the cell
- And proteins are necessary for all the organelles in the cell to exist and function
- There can be no protein without these organelles

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I have been ~~searching~~ waiting for a scientific explanation against Darwin's theory. It's not that I was ever swayed by the theory, I know I am not of the primate descendant, but the heart and the mind sometimes crave for something more concrete. I haven't read the link but will do later. This shall make for an interesting discussion with any atheist/agnostic I might encounter in the future.

*********************************

One of those time when you stumble upon one of God's perfect specimen in real life who seem to have everything in life. And you begin to look into yourself in shades of grey.

But really, if you look closer, you'll realize that you do have everything too.

Guinea Piggy On A Diet

2011-08-15T01:35:00.004+02:00

"A healthy adult guinea pig should weigh around 0.8-1.2 kg."

Us : Awang, you have reached your limit. We shall hereby put you on a healthier diet regime. No food after 8p.m.

Awang : Oh noes.. *sadface*

Sunday Ranting

2011-08-14T15:05:00.002+02:00

Kenapa kalau cakap dengan binatang peliharaan atau baby nak kena cakap manja-manja ala-ala babytalk? Mengapa? Bajet baby dengan pet tu boleh paham la eh? Kalau depa paham rasanya mesti depa annoyed dengan orang dewasa yang babytalk ni. Baby babytalk comel la, kalau orang tua? Meluga. Tapi nak buat canna, dah kira macam default dah, bila cakap dengan pet atau baby ja memang automatik akan keluar babytalk. "Olololo pandainyeeee dieeee, cubit pipi geramnyeeee..." SIGH.

Ish compare baby dengan pet, tak patut sungguh.. Tapi la kan, kalau cara orang tu handle pet boleh dikira pakai dengan cara dia layan anak nanti, anak aku nanti mesti akan spoiled gila. Semoga dia tak jadi Tanggang.

Sebelum puasa haritu dah terbayang-bayang tahun ni kena puasa 18jam, hah sudah, mau pengsan camni. Ask anyone close to me, and they'll tell me what I'll turn into when I'm hungry. Add lack of sleep into the equation, and I'll turn into a monster you don't want to have anything to do with. Tapi bila dah puasa ni, takdakla rasa teruk sangat sampai nak pengsan. Kalau kat Malaysia atau hari-hari biasa, kalau tak dapat makan tiga kali sehari rasa nak mengamuk. Bukak puasa sekarang ni pon makan nasi dalam portion yang sederhana. Kalau kat Malaysia, dah makan nasi dagang, murtabak makan lagi. Tu tak termasuk kuih-muih lagi. Haihh.. Semoga lepas ni boleh kekalkan pemakanan macam sekarang. Dan juga kurangkan aktiviti-aktiviti tak berfaedah yang menjadi kelaziman sebelum bulan Ramadan ni.

Sekarang ni tengah diskas resipi untuk makan hari raya. Sambil diskas sambil telan saliva. Haihh. Sedapnya tengok gambar marbled chocolate almond cookies. Sedapnya kuih peneram (kuih racist). Sedapnya apam balik nipis yang crunchy kat tengah dia manis masin tu. Just like that, we got sidetracked.

Anyways, tetiba terasa excited plak nak tunggu raya. Nak masak banyak-banyak jamu orang seantero doshland. Mak ai hahaha. Ntahla, rasa seronok plak get together ramai-ramai buat kuih raya sambil dengar lagu raya. Semua orang ada specialty sendiri yang nak dimasak. Tak sabar rasa. Oh dan harap-harap tahun ni boleh pergi sembahyang raya. Tak pernah lagi sembahyang raya kat sini.

Harini bukak puasa nak makan KFC. Kena bersiap-sedia.

Have a great week ahead ebelibadi.

Lately

2011-08-11T17:01:00.003+02:00

Pedulikan. Motto hidup yang baru.

Kanan difikirkan, kiri direnungkan, diri sendiri bertambah runsing.

Biar mereka dibuai empuk hidup masing-masing. Diri sendiri, biar diterbangkan arus semasa dunia. Harap akhirat tak lupa dikejar sama.

Tak peduli, tak bererti tak sayang, cuma melepaskan sedikit erat genggam tangan, kurangkan ambil kisah. Supaya perasaan akhirnya tak terguris, langsungnya diri tak menghukum. Paling tidak, dapat kurangkan sedikit catatan dosa yang berduyun-duyun di buku kiri, bukan?

Sekian, terima kasih.

Kalaulah ianya semudah bicara.

Renaissance Man

2011-08-05T12:05:00.003+02:00

"James Franco likes going to school. In fact, he still is, studying for his doctorate in English at Yale University, while fitting in movie and television appearances on the side.

He enrolled at UCLA as a freshman the same year he graduated from Palo Alto High School in 1996, but that didn’t last long, as he decided to give acting a chance.

That gambit worked exceedingly well, but Franco still wanted an education. He returned to UCLA in the fall of 2006, at age 28, cramming as many courses as he could into each quarter. His course load ranged from 20 to 62 credits per quarter (anyone wanting to do more than 19 a quarter needs special permission), all the while maintaining a grade point average of above 3.5.

He was awarded with a bachelor’s degree in English, with a creative writing concentration in June 2008, at which point he headed for New York and enrolled in not one or two schools but three: Columbia University’s M.F.A. writing program; Brooklyn College for creative writing; and NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for directing.

He earned a masters degree from Columbia and then moved on to Yale, where he is now studying for a doctorate in English."

-Excerpt taken form The Answer Sheet.

That, in between undertaking numerous roles in movies and other art-related personal projects. Franco, dude, how'd you do it? You make the rest of us average people feel like slackers.

His brother said while staying in his apartment for a period of time, he had taken over James' bedroom as he said James never liked to go into his bedroom to sleep, preferring to doze off amidst working on his latest project or studying. James said going to the bedroom to sleep is like 'surrendering'.

So next time we found ourselves on the verge of blaming the perpetually guilty enemy of ours, 'time', stop and think again.

Clearing of the Noises

2011-08-03T19:07:00.005+02:00

One of the most expensive coffee in the world is Kopi Luwak, mainly produced in Indonesia.

From the picture above you can see that they are just coffee beans being stuck together with something gooey like honey or something. At least that's what I first thought when I saw it. But looks can be very deceiving they say, and in this case, that's an understatement.

This is where it gets interesting. Take a look at the picture again. Ready?

You are actually looking at some shit. Poop. Turd. Whatever you want to call it.

Basically, these people in Indonesia, they feed these particular species of civets coffee beans and apparently the process taking place in the civets' digestive tracts makes the coffee taste better, don't ask me how. So whatever waste leaving the civets' anus, they collect and process to turn them into coffee.

Which arises the obvious curious question, how did they think about the idea of coffee made from a civet's excrement in the first place?

The civets are pretty scary looking in the picture below, not one of those animal that you'd think of eating anything coming out of its ass, come to think of it, I wouldn't want to eat anything coming out of anything's ass, no matter how cute the owner of the ass is!

I found videos on YouTube and these creatures are actually very friendly and playful; perfect candidate for a pet. What's more, their poop can be turned into one of the most expensive coffee in the world. Talk about being frugal.

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Back in primary school, I remember I have this two very close friends (let's call them K and F), whom I still occasionally meet up. At the same time, I was also close to this other girl (let's call her A), who is a member of a clique led by B.

To better understand the dynamics of their friendship, A and B are like Serena and Blair, leader of the pack, and in any pack you can't never have more than one queen. When they fought, they really fought like it's the end of the world, but no sooner than tomorrow, they would be best friends again.

Whenever A and B fought, A would always spend more time with me; we would spend recess together, go for toilet walks together, you know, stuff 11-year-old do. Which would result in me more or less abandoning my other friends K and F, or rather, not having much time left to spend with them. Soon as A made up with B, they would become inseparable again, and I would continue our friendship with K and F as usual. I thought everything was cool, you know.

This cycle repeated itself a few times before I received a letter under my desk. I still remember that it was written on a cute Space Jam's letter set, complete with printed envelope. F wrote that she felt used, that I kept switching between them and A, that they felt as if I didn't appreciate them enough. I didn't remember the exact words but it was something pretty poetic (as poetic as an average 11-year-old could be) about being treated like toys that you can pick up whenever you wanted and discard whenever they are not of use anymore.

Sayangnya beberapa tahun yang lalu, loteng kat rumah kena anai-anai attack, so semua surat-surat dan kad raya terpaksa dibuang. Kalau tak epic gila kot boleh baca balik surat zaman kanak-kanak ni. Lagi best kalau tunjuk kat orang yang hantar surat tu pastu gelak sama-sama.

It was at that point I first had a taste of how complicated relationships can be.

I think friendship is best kept without the complexity of a romantic relationship. It should be effortless. There shouldn't be guilt, shouldn't be jealousy, shouldn't be rivalry. Real gems in friendship are the ones that you can revisit time after time with ease. As if the time and the physical distance that had kept you apart never existed.

************************

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Kelly Jones

I never knew Kelly Jones did a cover of this song. It was *puts hand on shoulder, rolls eyes* nothing less than awesome, of course.

I remember the days when my mom used to play Celine Dion's cassette non-stop in the car's stereo and I would try to sing along to her powerful voice singing this song. Of course, I failed gloriously. No. We failed gloriously. But blasting the car's speaker at full blast, singing a song that is way out of your vocal range, pretending that the singer's voice is actually yours, is pretty therapeutic. We had a lot of fun. My mom wouldn't let me change the cassette anyway so might as well join her.

The lyrics of the song had always fascinated me. Coupled with a heartfelt melody, it is hard not to feel the powerful yet tender emotion that the writer must have felt towards that special someone when he wrote this song. Hearing this song again today, for some reason I don't understand, almost made me tear up.

Well, come to think of it, as of late, anything remotely emotional will make me tear up.

I want this version of the song to be played on ze big day.

************************

This is what I would like to see happening in Malaysia : People are allowed to have discussions about Islam with those of religious authority which includes questions being asked without any party being defensive and offended about it.

Our culture has trained us not to ask questions when it comes to the core of our religion and that we are expected to just do what we are supposed to do and that's that. Why? Are they afraid that they might not be able to answer the questions?

Just because some questions have no clear answers does not mean that there are no answers. And just because one asks, does not mean that one doubts. That's the point of discussing; to learn, to understand something better.

The way I see it, this culture of no-questions-allowed might have been one of the reason which has driven some people, born and raised as Muslims in our society, to believe that Islam is beneath their intelligence level. Which is not accurate and unfortunate.

For me personally, I don't expect to get concrete answers about some of the lingering questions I might have, but I would definitely appreciate the willingness of ustaz, ustazah, ulama to talk to me about what they do know. To respect my curiosity and not to quickly dismiss me of being an ungrateful servant of God by asking too much. Questions do not always equal to interrogation.

Tetiba terfikir, kalau kat Malaysia, mana nak belajar agama eh? Kalau pergi masjid dengar ceramah, tak boleh bertanya banyak-banyak kat ustaz sebab kaum perempuan duduk belakang.

The Other Half

2011-08-02T18:36:00.002+02:00

Had a lot of heart-to-heart talk with my little brother lately. But none compared to the conversation we had yesterday. With his hair styling course coming to an end in another month, and his involvement in DJ-ing seems to be on to something, he was about to reach the end of one stage of his life, approaching the beginning of another; the timing which also coincides with mine.

He said everything is in place. During his last couple of visits to KL, he had made contact with an established DJ in KL who agreed to take him under his wings. All he had to do once he finishes his course is to move to KL and start his internship at a hair salon which would allow him to train his DJ-ing at the same time. But still, the thought of taking that big leap is scary, he told me.

And that is exactly how I've been feeling lately. What happens next? I know what I want to do with my life. I have this plan I've drawn in my head of how I should go about to do what I want to do. I've been thinking about it for quite some time now, filling in the gaps in the plan from time to time. I think given more preparation and 200% perspiration, my plan could actually work. But why does that sinking feeling keep coming back?

It's the fear of the unknown that keeps knocking at the back of your head, that tiny voice that is supposed to tell you 'everything's gonna be okay' but feeds you with doubts instead.

How are we ever to know that things will work out? We don't. We just have to strap the boots and take that first step, tackling each obstacle along the way as we go on and keep going on.

I shared this with him, my fears and my thoughts on it. I think it's the first time that he ever truly listens to my attempt at being the big-sister-with-the-wise-advice. Finally. I scored!

I pray that he would always turn to me in the future whenever he needs a little piece of advise, encouragement or just a pair of keen ears.

*************************

On his involvement in DJ-ing. I admit that at first, I didn't like the idea. I don't like the lifestyle that's associated with it. Yes, I'm the prude, so-not-cool sister. Very kekampungan.

When my mom told me she was actually considering to buy him a mixer and the equipments, I was totally against it and I made it very clear. Which had resulted in quite a tiff between me and my little brother that I could feel we were starting to grow apart.

I realized than that to let the differences between my brother and I to pull apart our very small close-knit family to grow apart like that is just not worth it. I rather support his interest and have him close to me; so that I can keep a hawk-precise close eye on him. He told me to trust his judgement but a big sister will always be a big sister.

When I come back, you're moving in with me, brother.

*************************

Maysaa Rip-Off

2011-07-31T18:12:00.003+02:00

Why would people want to blatantly copycat someone's (who is apparently super famous) design and re-name that thing and sell it as their own? Okla let me be more straight-forward. Hana Tajimain her recent post has called out a few blog/FB-shops (all of them based in Malaysia) which sold the rip-off version of her famous snood collection. They even made it in different colors and prints too instead of the all-black version from Maysaa. Talk about being creative.

People, are you ~~stoo~~ serious? Dah la Hana Tajima tu femes and banyak contact kat Malaysia. Haven't it occurred to you that sooner or later you are going to get your copycat ass noticed? Maybe it's not wrong per se, if Hana has not acquired any patent on her snood design. If that is the case, other than calling these people out in her official page that thousands of her loyal fans read, that is as far as it could get. No lawsuit or anything of that sort could ensue.

You are in it for the cash, it's business, that I understand, but really? It's not ethical.

Been reading books on business and although I am learning a lot of useful things from them, these books don't teach you about ethical codes and such. That you have to navigate using your own moral compass and I surely hope I won't loose them.

2011-07-31T02:10:00.003+02:00

Fact is, people judge other people.

Don't be quick to believe that you are different from others. If your brain capacity is enough to allow you to form your own opinion, chances are you'll have your own set of ingrained perception of things around you.

If you are a non-believer, you'll have a certain perception on those who believe.

If you believe in the stand of one political party, it'll inevitably lead you to form your opinion on the opposition party.

If you believe in marriage, you will see those who dismiss the notion of marriage in a certain light.

If you have no qualms of saying exactly how you feel at the cost of someone else's feeling getting hurt, you'll view those who go out of their way to take care of other people's feeling differently.

People who listen to only 'cool' indie music will think those that listen to mainstream music are extremely uncool.

Ada orang pakai tudung yang judge orang tak pakai tudung.

Orang tak pakai tudung pulak reason yang at least depa tak mengata orang.

Macam-macam.

I think it all boils down to our basic need to find a common ground with another human being. When we find out that the ground seems so far apart, we tend to reason why the other person is different from us. We dissect him, his past, just to arrive to a reason on why we are different. During this process, we judge.

Point is, we all judge. You do it, I do it, we all do. It is almost instinctive.

What makes us different is how we deal with our judgements. Do we let them dictate what we feel towards something for forever, or do we challenge ourselves to see past the veil of those initial judgements?

Blood Pumping Battle with Tough Biker Guy

2011-07-28T21:11:00.004+02:00

It was at the zoo in Koeln, one that I've been wanting to visit for the longest time. We were standing outside the pen that houses giraffes, looking at a mechanism which is supposed to mimic the working of a giraffe's heart.

Did you know that, in order for the blood to reach the head, a giraffe's heart has to pump gallons of blood 2 meters along the neck upwards? And that the average weight of a giraffe's heart is 12 kg? Haa. Itu faedahnya pergi zoo.

So this sort of simple machine that we were looking at consists of a 2-meter cylinder, which is supposed to represent the length of a giraffe's neck, and a hand pump. The working is pretty simple. Using our hands, we have to push the water through the cylinder all the way to the top, just so we could feel for ourselves the pressure that a giraffe's heart exerts while pumping all those blood.

My initial reaction was, "Well, that couldn't be too hard right?" Spitting on each of my palm and rubbing them together (the spitting part was only play-pretend, it'd be too gross otherwise!), I took on the pump and began to give it my best. Grrrr. Apparently, it could be too hard! I only grazed the 1 meter mark! Dammit.

By that time, perhaps thanks to me for making quite a drama over it, an audience had gathered around this giraffe-neck-pump-thing. The 'audience' was made up of two guys (audience la sangat); one is a guy our age and another older guy, perhaps in his 40s, with tattoos and lots of piercings, complete with a bandana tied around his head and a leather jacket. He looks like a guy you don't want to mess around with. Textbook biker type.

Terfikir jugak, orang macam ni pon teringin pergi zoo? Hehe.

Encik Boyfriend, macam biasa la, tengah syok gelak kat girlfriend sedang berusaha bersungguh-sungguh nak tolong pump darah untuk giraffe tu. Tapi fail.

"Nah, your turn," I said, which was met with agreement by these two guys. They cheered him on to take the pump and show me how it's done. Yeah, brotherhood. Whatever.

The selfish part of me so wanted him to fail, just so we could both agree that it was actually really hard, not that his girlfriend is a wuss.

He fared much better than me, but it still wasn't enough. His best try still left the water a quarter of meter away from the giraffe's head.

The biker guy turned out to be quite a jerk, going from cheering to mocking, saying things like, kalau translate bahasa Melayu macam ni la : Ek eleh, takat tu ja ko boleh Mat? Appara..buat malu ja..

What a jerk!

By now the selfish part of me was totally taken over by the urge to shove his biker's boots into his mouth, without taking the boots off of his feet first. I so want Encik Fudye to pump the bloody water straight to the sky just to show the guy 'how it's done'. I could tell Encik Fudye was already tired even though I knew he didn't want to give up. By now other people were joining to try that thing, we figured we better not hog the pump and bagi can pulak kat orang lain. So we walked away. With our bruised ego.

The jerk was quite thrilled to take over the pump but we didn't stay to watch. Nanti dia buat senang kacang pulak pastu nak riak kat kitorang. Cit...

As we were walking away, I turned around to catch a glimpse, lo and behold, he was having trouble! He kept trying but the water kept hovering between 1 and 1.5 meter mark! Hek eleh brader, tadi bising macam tough sangat kan..

Sensing that we were still watching, which we were, he turned around, smiled at us and shouted, "Man, you are strong! Lady, you have a strong man right there." At least he was man enough to admit that.

Encik Fudye, as expected, couldn't stop feeling smug and repeating the phrase 'starker Mann' for the rest of the day..and the rest of the week... Le SIGH. -.-''

Later that day, it only struck me that the biker guy actually did only slightly better than me, which must mean that I'm pretty strong and how come he didn't acknowledge that? Sexist pig!

Wrong Side of The Bed

2011-07-28T09:34:00.003+02:00

Dear Summer,

Thanks for being a no-show all this while. NOT. And don't you dare show up in full blast when Ramadan's here and we can only have a look at those gelato ice-cream lining up in all imaginable flavors behind the counter.

Love,

Me.

*****************************************************************************

Dear all Muslim who's outraged at the media treatment to us relating to the reporting of Norway's shooting and bombing,

I can understand how you feel, I feel it too. 82 teenagers were killed point blank and their only crime is taking a stand for what they believe in; a peaceful and tolerant country who treats everyone with equality. To understand the magnitude of this crime, I suggest you count from 1 up to 82. I bet you wouldn't even do it because it'll take that long, right? Right. So it is a great loss. So get over yourself and stop being such a diva. Nak komplen boleh, tapi jangan over sangat that it borders to insensitivity. Tak payah nak lebih-lebih kat fesbuk sampai mencarut-carut sangat la.

Sincerely,

Me.

*****************************************************************************

Dear one piece of certificate that I've spend the past years of my life on,

You better be fucking worth it.

Eternally yours,

Me.

*****************************************************************************

Dear Amy Winehouse,

You are beautiful and wonderful. At long last, you finally walked away from your good-for-nothing man Blake. But that also means walking away from your own life. I wish it could have ended differently. Sometimes love alone is not enough to make up for all the things he put you through; drugs and heartaches and everything. You definitely deserved better. RIP.

Your big fan,

Me.

*****************************************************************************

Dear coffee,

If I could discover a substitute for you, one that tastes the same but does not stain the teeth I think I would be richer beyond man's imagination. Mark Zuckerberg can kiss my pretty ass.

Addicted to you,

Me.

Crest Whitestrips

2011-07-24T18:13:00.003+02:00

One of the things I've been trying to fix for quite some time now is the discoloration of my teeth. Being a coffee addict for the past recent years has not helped my situation obviously.

I've been trying the products you can find in drugstores; toothpaste, whitener, etc. They don't do shit except give you false hope and burn your money.

I've talked to a dentist, and she talked me out of it, saying that people are just born with different natural teeth color and my yellowness is not so severe. What does she know anyway.

Recently I came across this product (thanks to Tasa ;p) and after researching and finding a lot of positive feedback, I've decided to give it a try.

It's really affordable. I didn't buy the whole package, just bought 7 strips for 9Euros. If I'm satisfied with the result, I'll buy me some more and bleach my teeth till they are Hollywood fake. Ah ha ha.

It's basically just strips with bleach on it that you paste on your teeth and leave on for like 20 minutes. Apparently the beach is quite strong, as a vlogger said on YouTube, when she accidentally got the residue on her pants, the color of her pants on that spot ran down. Boyfriend's remark : Haa, nanti umur tak sampai 30 gigi dah reput. Oh well, if that happens (God forbid) he'll be the one paying for my new teeth implant. Yeah.

I'm willing to take the risk.

Today is day 1. I've taken a photograph of my teeth for today and will record the progress all through the 7 strips so that any change will be more visible. So we'll see. I think I'll start drinking my coffee with straw tomorrow morning.

Message of the day : SMILE

2011-07-21T20:48:00.003+02:00

"Researchers found that the span of baseball players' smile on the baseball cards is proportional to the span of their life."

Takpala kalau tak boleh senyum pout sexy sultry macam Angelina Jolie atau Megan Fox. Lepas ni takmau control-control senyum dah. =D

The Evening Walk

2011-07-21T09:22:00.005+02:00

The expression 'to wake up on the right side of the bed' will be more relevant to my life right now if 'the right side of the bed' part is changed to 'the clean, dry bed'. I can almost always tell that the day is going to go well if I didn't wet my bed the night before.

It's an embarrassing fact, I know. Some other old farts can't seem to control their bladder even they are awake, so I think I am better off.

You see, that thought always makes me feel better. But only for about a minute. Because what follows after that is the lingering fear if I would turn into one of those old farts some day.

Today I snapped at my son who called just to chat. *chuckles* He grew up with me so he knows me better to call me just to chat. I am never the chatty type in the first place. He just wants to check if I am still fit to live by myself or if it is time to send me away to the place where old, senile people live together and talk about the old days or play poker or sleep.

In the brochures that he brought me, the old people in the pictures are always smiling. I bet the ones that are always causing trouble with the nurses are sedated so that they will zonk out and smile all the time, never causing the nurses any headache again. Old grumpy man like me would be the first one to go. Until my mind fails me, no chance in the world I'm going to agree to being locked up in one of these places.

But if I were to be honest, the reason I won't leave my house is because of Jane. My dear lovely Jane. At 5 o'clock in the evening, she'll be waiting for me. That's my only motivation to get out of the house. Groceries are taken care of by the lady who is paid to come by twice a week to keep the house in order.

Just now I snapped at a young kid after I walked into him. Can you believe it? I walked into him and I yelled at him. He was shocked but he just kept his mouth shut. Nice kid. I didn't mean to shout at him in public like that, it's just that my knees are hurting more than ever nowadays and each step that I take feels like a battle.

It's a defense mechanism I rely on to these days, being snappy. I figure, if I am unbearable to be around with, then people won't stick around long enough to sympathize or pity my whole situation. Pity. I hate that more that anything. So what if I am alone and lonely because I can't get over the fact that my adorable Jane died 11 years ago. You young kids jumping from one partner to another are the ones that I should pity. For not knowing what it feels like to have found that someone who seems to be put on earth just for you, and you for her. What we had, have, is magic. What they portray in TV, about being in love, the sparks, the glitters, the butterflies and everything, what we have is better. It is the real deal. The closest thing to heaven for the living.

Today I bought my Jane sunflowers, that's her favorite. It makes perfect sense, that sunflower is Jane's favorite. She is just like a sunflower; always sunny, always bright, always cheerful, always facing the sun with stride. I wonder what in the world she ever sees in me. I guess I just got lucky.

Everyday I thank God that he didn't take me first and left Jane behind. I wouldn't want Jane to feel the pain that I feel now, to know that this level of loneliness exists. Though I bet Jane will handle it better than I am. She will be the adorable grandma that everyone wishes to be his own, instead of me, the grumpy old man that everyone can't bear to be around with but never dares to say anything to, even feels sad for, because he is old and gray.

I am at the entrance of the graveyard now. From here I can see my wife's resting place. My knees are shaking. But I am never stopping. As long as I am living and breathing, and until all four of my limbs fail me, I will keep making this walk every evening to see my Jane.

(Dedicated to the pakcik who inspired this story and almost made me cry yesterday, though I'm sure he is sweeter than the pakcik portrayed in this story.)

Sooner or Later.

2011-07-19T00:11:00.002+02:00

To miss someone is the only pain that feels good.

Kisah Seorang Warga Bangladesh

2011-07-15T04:31:00.007+02:00

Ok, it's 4.30 in the morning, I haven't slept yet and it's way past my bedtime, Ili, the friend me and Tash was hanging out with just went home, so here I am, eyes still wide open (no happy thingy today so it's pure adrenaline), brains running with scattered random thoughts, and with no prospect of dozing off to la-la land anytime soon, I might as well purge some of the noise from my brain right here.

Among other things, we were talking about racism and dealing with prejudice or discrimination. I've been here for almost 4 years, and though racism is still ingrained in some people in this part of the world, it is not widely displayed, at least not so from my own personal experience. With the exception of this one incident in which I have been at the receiving end of a full-blown verbal assault fueled by racism, but that is another story for another day.

Having been used to being a part of the majority Malay in Malaysia my whole life, to go and live someplace where I am in the minority group for a change, it does open my eyes to a whole new perspective. I've heard stories of Turks who are born and raised here in Germany but still feeling as if they are not allowed to be Germans. Maybe that's the same thing that Malaysian Chinese and Indian feel when they have to tick Cina and India in the race box when filling in forms.

Anyways, that's not the story for tonight. Ni nak cerita pasal kisah seorang cleaner Bangla (I wonder, is Bangla a derogatory remark to them?) time praktikal kat Malaysia tahun lepas.

Alkisahnya ada la seorang Bangla ni, kerja dia setiap pagi kena mop lantai kat bangunan Phileo Damansara 1. Biasala, sebagai seorang budak praktikal yang berhemah, mestila kena datang awal, datang time Bangla tu baru mula kerja kan. (Sebab datang awal tu sebenarnya sebab nak breakfast roti nan tandoori kat kedai macha yang awesome tu.)

Bangla ni muda lagi, tapi muka sedih ja, memang muka kesian la, aku pulak jenis cepat kesian (adus), jadi lagila bertambah-tambah kesian. Orang-orang kat Phileo ni pulak, bajet golongan korporat la kan, dekat Bangla ni nak pandang sebelah mata pon jangan harap, boleh si Bangla kasihan ni mop tak sempat nak lap lagi, tanpa rasa bersalah dia lalu selamba ja pijak lantai tu, habis kotorkan balik lantai dengan tapak kasut polo cap tiruan dia tu, Bangla kasihan tu nak kena mop balik..

Selalu aku nampak benda yang sama terjadi, dan bila situasi ni terjadi, lagi-lagi bertambah kasihan la muka Bangla kasihan ni, dan juga berkadar langsung dengan tahap kasihan aku kat dia...dia teringat kampung dia ka? Dia mesti tak sabar nak balik Bangladesh kan sebab kat sana orang tak dak nak treat dia macam Bangla...macam-macam la aku fikir.

So I thought the least I can do is to make an effort not to stomp on his ongoing work by making a detour which is longer from the normal route by about 6 steps at most. Bukan susah pon kan. Bila Bangla ni tengok aku, aku pon offer la dia senyuman sedikit, senyuman kan sedekah.

Tetapi aksi aku pada hari tersebut, yang sememangnya innocent dan tiada muslihat tersembunyi itu, nampaknya telah disalah fahami. Keesokan harinya, macam biasa la, aku nampak Bangla tu tengah mop. Dia nampak aku, dari jauh dia dah senyum. Ehhh. Sat. Pusing belakang. Takdak orang. So he must be smiling at me la? Me? Err. Ehehe (gelak kambing). Aku pon senyum la balik. Sedikit terpaksa senyuman tu.

Kalau nak naik pejabat aku, memang kena lalu laluan yang dia mop tu, kena pulak aku punya office tingkat 4, jadi kena tunggu lif turun plak dari tingkat 4 kat depan. Bangla tu mengambil kesempatan untuk memulakan small talk yang selalu dimulakan dengan, "sudah makan?" Oh mai. Lif dirasakan seperti bergerak dengan kepantasan kura-kura. "Siapa nama?" "Tinggal mana?" Bila aku jawab ada dekat-dekat sini, dia tanya plak dengan lebih spesifik jalan mana. Homai homai. Benda yang aku taknak jawab aku pon sengih-sengih awkward ja la. Bad move, bad move. Kalau jawab tak makan lagi, nanti dia ajak pergi makan. So sejak dari haritu aku akan jawab sudah makan ja.

Bermulalah episod hitam antara aku dengan Bangla tersebut. Ada satu hari tu, aku nampak tak dak orang tengah mop, tapi baldi beroda untuk isi mop tu ada kat tepi laluan, jadi Bangla tu mesti ada berdekatan, dan sebab tidak mahu mengambil risk, aku pon tak tunggu lif dan naik ja tangga sampai tingkat 4 beb. Sampai ja floor pejabat aku, fuhh, kepenatang, tapi lega, sebab tak terserempak dengan Bangla tu. Bukak pintu kecemasan nak masuk laluan ke pejabat aku tu, homai. Terkejut sekejap. Ada Bangla tu! Dia tengah kosongkan bekas sampah tepi lif tingkat aku. Hadoyaii. Tersilap bajet.

Sekali tu, tunggu lif datang dari underground floor, nak ke tingkat 4, bila lif terbukak kat ground floor tu, ternampak Bangla tu, hmm, awkward sebentar, takkan nak buat-buat patah balik takmau naik lif tu, kantoi la takmo naik lif dengan dia, so aku pon naik ja. Lepas tanya "sudah makan?" dia tanya aku soalan the bomb, "sudah kahwin?" Tersedak sekejap aku. Aku jawab sudah! Dia tanya lagi, "sudah ada anak?" What the...

Bila cerita kat supervisor dia gelak-gelakkan ja. Sapa suruh cek senyum kat Bangla tu? katanya. Niat sedekah ja kot!

Bila teringat balik lawak plak. Moral of the story; buat baik berpada-pada.

Haa ok, dah mengantuk, dah boleh pi tidoq. Nite!

Be My Getaway

2011-07-14T13:15:00.004+02:00

Fly, be my getaway

Gotta getaway.

Perfect song for today's weather.

"According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."
— Plato’s Symposium

This was stolen from a friend's tumblr and since I don't have tumblr, I'm reblogging it here. Concrete proof that I have been stalking her tumblr, which is nothing short of awesome, so with that last note, I hope she doesn't mind. ;p

White T-shirt Can Never Go Wrong

2011-07-13T12:57:00.002+02:00

Was walking alone one day when I noticed two guys approaching from the end of the road. They were normal young adults, probably students from my university, nothing out of ordinary, but one of them particularly stood out from the other.

He was wearing a pretty fit white T-shirt paired with a faded blue jeans. A guy can never go wrong with this ensemble. Apart from what he was wearing, my eyes were drawn to ermm, his chest. The muscle in that area are nicely built, just the right size, not too bulgy, like a body builder which just scares the crap out of me sometimes.

You know how some people tend to be, they work out and when they achieve that ideal body by which they should have just maintained, they become obsessed and train even more harder and hence, the awkward overtly-muscled physique. I call it the T-Rex body. Think Mr Arnold. Shiver and cringe at the same time.

This guy, he was at the ideal stage. Lanky with the right hint of muscles underneath. Eye-candy for the day yayy. I didn't realize how long I've been having my eyes at his chest but when I looked up to his face, I noticed that he was looking straight at me.

Oops. Kantoi.

Peluh. -.-''

I looked away quickly and quickened my pace just to get the hell away from there as soon as possible. Reaksi tipikal orang bersalah.

Which got me to thinking, how can we label guys who ogle at pretty girls with packages as perverts, when here I am, totally normal, totally un-perverted (totally), got caught doing the same thing.

But having said that, I think there's a clear line between being innocently drawn to God's beautiful creation to being down-right leery and disrespectful. No self-respecting woman would take a guy saying straight up that he wants to eff her for having such a great body as a compliment. Ok let's view it from another perspective, think, if some random guy were to say that exact same thing about your own sister, your mother? Don't you feel like kicking that disrespectful ass repeatedly until he says sorry?

Come on, women of the world, let's not kill chivalry.

P.S : Bored. Lepas prepare sample kena tunggu 2 jam sebelum proses seterusnya. Lepas siap proses tu tunggu 2 jam lagi. Zzzz. Hence the excessive blog-updating.

Politik Lagi. Ok Ini Last. Moving On.

2011-07-12T21:38:00.003+02:00

In every system in which its operation relies solely on human, there can't be 100% transparency, there can't ever be zero error; because we human, we err.

Whose to say that there is a line between nepotism and just being charitable towards our family? Kalau tak dahulukan keluarga, nanti orang cakap pulak, kera di hutan disusukan, anak dirumah dibiar kelaparan. (Of course, with a little bit of common sense, one can see the line between the above-mentioned two.)

Memang ketelusan yang tulus tu, masih kita tak capai kat Malaysia (sama jugak macam banyak negara lain, kecuali mungkin di negara-negara maju, transparency itu lebih sedikit), masalah rasuah, masalah pembohongan blablabla, tapi aku yakin masih ada orang-orang kerajaan kat Malaysia yang buat kerja dengan ikhlas. Kalau kita stereotype semua orang kerajaan corrupt, tak adil tu, macam fitnah pulak.

I wonder, if by the next election the ruling party were to change, who will be made PM? Anwar? Personally I don't trust him. Why? Instinct. I don't truly believe the dirt that people dig about him, I'd rather give him the benefit of a doubt simply because the two closest women in his life (wife and daughter) seems to be very strong, independent women who can think for themselves and I respect their decisions to stand by him. And even if all that 'rumors' about him turned out to be true, I don't condone the act of publicly humiliating a man along with his whole family. It's dirty politic. Kalau betul dia buat salah macam tu, just tarik jawatan dia and let him go. Tak payah nak drag his reputation and his family together with the sinking ship. Kesian anak-anak dan isteri dia. On another note, doesn't it struck you as a bit strange that amidst all the ongoing crisis, his family recently moved into a new home, which rumored to cost about RM 7 millions? Haih. Entahla.

Dammit woman, so what do you want? Sekejap itu sekejap ini, make up your mind.

I just want the government to clean up their act and repair what needs to be repaired in their system (the room for improvement is evidently very wide), and most importantly, as a young adult and a proud Malaysian, I want the government to treat us with respect, not like children who do not know better. Macam suruh media report benda yang tak betul sedangkan kita boleh tengok dalam internet. Bagila kebebasan kat media sikit. Takdak gunanya nak kepong informasi di zaman-zaman informasi ni. It'll just make an ass out of you and me.

But what do I know. I'm just a 24-year-old citizen with ideals without any credibility since it has been 3 years and I am still not a registered voter. Like my Mom said, my words are just words, like 'tin kosong'.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Insomniac Maniac

2011-07-12T15:02:00.003+02:00

I'm a sleep snob.

Meaning that I like to get my sleep just the right amount, an uninterrupted 8 hours, discounting the occasional 'membuta tanpa alarm' after late nights. Which is rare, considering that I stopped being fun after 12. But if I stayed up later than 12 and way into 2-3 in the morning, that's when the craziness and hyperdom hit.

Anyways, I read that one's sleep cycle differs from another. For instance, A might need 7 hours of sleep to function at his best the next day, whereas B might just need 5. To find your natural sleep cycle, it is suggested that you try to go to bed at the same time every night, and wake up without alarm for the next several days. If you do not have any sleeping disorder, chances are, you'll wake up naturally (and feeling fresh) after a certain fixed period of time. That is your sleep cycle.

Mine is 8 hours. And I always find myself waking up several minutes before my alarm goes off. Interrupt me in between the 8 hours, you'll be dealing with a crazy monster. Just ask my little brother. He indulges in picking a fight with the said monster.

Comes summer, because of the shorter night time, which results the prayer times between Maghrib and Subuh to be very close to each other, it is hard to have an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep. Go to sleep after Maghrib at around 10.00 pm, you'll have to be awake before 3.00 am to catch Isyak prayer before Subuh starts.

Whenever I don't get my sleep right, I get cranky and my brain just seems to refuse to work at full speed, lingering at distractions after distractions for way too long. Maybe it's just an excuse for my brain and body to be a slacker. But as they say, your body is your temple so best that I listen and work with it instead of against it.

I did some snooping around on the net, and based on someone else's research, which is more historical rather and scientific, he found out that back in the Renaissance time, poets and intellectuals alike tend to break their sleep cycle into two shorter periods during the summer; 3-4 hours siestas followed by the 4-5 hours of sleep later at night. They found that this method allowed them to get the creative juice flowing, by working late into the night.

So let's try this for a couple of days; 17:30-20:30 followed by 03:30-07:30.

I could use some creative juice.

What You Do Will Come And Bite You In The Ass Later.

2011-07-12T13:12:00.004+02:00

Wishing I'm that squirrel right now. Chilling like a rockstar!

I'm gonna bitch about the weather for a while. Lately, it's too hot to lay outside on the grass, cuddling up with a novel. Even a big jug of iced lemon tea is not going to make the heat tolerable.

When it's not too hot, meaning there's a little bit of cloud with just the right amount of sun, don't be fooled, because the weather has turned bipolar. Verging on a heavy downpour on minute, and in an instant turning back into the mild weather we all crave for.

I need a break. Not really, I've had a lot of breaks already this semester. I just want a break. I guess that's just my body, wanting to run away from facing things that I do not find interesting or appealing, like finishing this project.

My work in the lab so far has been very sloppy; you know like, not paying attention to the get the reading to the closest 0.1 milliliter. I'm not very good with tiny details like that; I like looking at the big picture. So much for wanting to be an engineer. This sloppiness is coming back to bite me in the ass right now, when the results of the 3-week process just turned into shit. Literally. Not much of a surprise since I am working with shit (a.k.a sludge) anyway, you know, that mucky gooey stuff you'll find in the sewer.

Tomorrow I'll pay the first price. By facing my professor and asking him to get me more sludge to work with. Start from the beginning.

2011-07-11T12:19:00.002+02:00

No way. He manages to keep another one of his reckless promise once again. I guess two prayers are better than one, eh?

2011-07-11T10:13:00.002+02:00

While I was getting restless sleeps (tipu, tidoq nyenyak ja) and freaking out about my exam, he promises me that my it is going to turn out just fine. He's willing to bet that everything will be OK and I should stop worrying. He freaking promises me that.

It's pretty annoying having someone oozing positiveness more than Miss Sunshine can handle when all you want to do is sulk and brood over the possibly spilt milk.

On one hand, I truly want to believe him and join his positive force. His promise can be seen as a prayer, and that's all that I'm left with now anyway.

On the other hand, I am angry that he is making a reckless promise like that, one that is not within his might to keep.

Please Herr Hess, put me out of the misery and get the results out already.

Jazz Hayat

2011-07-10T11:27:00.004+02:00

That voice makes me want to learn this song. Though of course, mine won't be as superb as his. I wouldn't have fallen in love with the song if I had heard the original first instead of Hayat's. I'm trying to find Malay/Indon songs to learn to play on the guitar. Boring la asyik-asyik lagu mat salleh kan. And as of late, I'm spending more time with the guitar than with the stuff I'm supposed to get done. Rediscovering the spark of an old love at such a wrong timing.

SToday I will get some things done, promise.

Just So You Know

2011-07-07T22:53:00.004+02:00

In case you are wondering or perhaps starting to have thoughts on, you know, surprising me with a proposal anytime soon, or well, any time some time in the future, I'm going to break it down for you so that you won't have to be miserable trying to find the perfect ring for me just to...fail gloriously.

Imagine, you popping up the question, and I was getting excited already, cue for romantic quartet playing as background music, I was holding back tears of happiness, and you open the red box (Tiffany blue would be fine too) to reveal the ring that would seal the deal and and and..I don't like it. It would be so awkward then because I have to pretend that I like it because you must have spent quite some time to look for the perfect ring before deciding for the one you are presenting to me right then, and the excited hopeful look on your face, waiting to hear my response....

I trust your taste, darling, but a ring is a very tricky thing, because you can't know which ring I like from the type of music I prefer, or from my fashion sense (if I actually have any). And this is something that I would have to wear for the rest of my life! You have to understand my concern. So let me make things easier.

First of all, my finger's a size 6. Precisely 16.5 mm in diameter.

Second of all, I don't like any giant protruding stone from my ring. I prefer a band like this.

Simple. Classy. Gorgeous. Timeless.

Oh and I prefer white gold with diamonds which are forevah. Unless, you can find something similar like the one below, then, I don't mind me some gold.

That's it. If you keep these in mind you will never go wrong. EVER.

Ahhh forget it. I'm coming with you when the time comes to pick the ring. I can live without any surprise proposal.

Bersih 3.0

2011-07-07T14:48:00.003+02:00

Even if you do not usually read the news, I bet you will know about what's happening on the 9th of July. Because friends on Facebook are blowing their status updates about Bersih.

Some of them are pretty emotional while some of them backed their statements with logics and reasoning. There are however some of them that, well, I think they should think twice about reproducing.

To tell you the truth, I'm all for peace. Heck, I'm even inclined towards the government's side, that sometimes got me into heated debates with my uncles and father and even my Encik that he said my allegiance to the government is sometimes appalling. I'm telling you this, just so you don't write off my sentiment towards the current situation coming purely based fron my political choice.

Some of my friend (not really, just someone-I-kinda-know back in high school; funny how Facebook makes on us calling everyone we used to know at some point our friends) are focusing so much on the rally that she is missing the whole point of Bersih. It's not just about the rally. It's about wanting fair elections, without any ghost voters, without votes being rigged, so that the results are 100% representative of what the people wants.

Not in any way I am condoning the act of the rally itself if it is not backed up with a concrete cause. Nor do I wish that our generation adopt the Indonesian students style of protest, notorious for taking their disapproval towards the government to the streets, which includes burning stuff up and basically just creating havoc.

It might get tiring reading all the statuses (although you do have a choice, jangan bukak Faceboook!), but I think it's kinda healthy that our generation is caring more and more about the current development of our country. It's about time we start caring.

2011-07-06T20:11:00.003+02:00

Well, that explains a whole lot of dog shit around Gelsen. Apparently dogs around here are more excited to get out of the house that instead of just peeing like doggy in the cartoon, they shit. ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Tak Mungkin Berpaling

2011-07-05T20:41:00.005+02:00

Ok I have a confession to make.

I used to have a crush on this skinny guy with his trademark straight, shiny hair.

Zamani Slam!

Selain daripada the usual Hollywood-manufactured boyband crush (mine used to be Nsync's JC Chasez and bad boy Mark McGrath, lead singer of Sugar Ray), kalau Malaysia punya boyband, Zamani Slam la paling best sekali. Selain Yusry KRU. Tapi KRU tak aci, sebab dia macam westernized sikit.

Zaman darjah 2-3 dulu, balik sekolah, kalau lepak buat homework kat office Papa, kerani time tu Kak Yati akan pasang kaset Slam ulang-ulang sepanjang hari. Bila habis satu side, ulang balik, dari hujung ke hujung. Mana tak hafal semua lagu Slam!

Kalau naik kereta dengan ibu plak, kalau tak dengar channel Light & Easy, ibu suka pasang kaset artis-artis feveret dia; Fauziah Latiff, Dessy Ratnasari, Broery Marantika, Hetty Koes Endang, etc. Selain tu, ibu suka dengar Aris Ariwatan dengan Spring. Tak suka la Spring! Tapi dah feveret ibu, kereta dia yang drive, sabaq ja la.

Zaman tu memang tengah femes la band Melayu yang start dengan huruf 'S' ni. Spring, Sting, Screen, Scoin, Spoon, Spin, Sup... Dah la lagu semua mendayu-dayu, jiwang karat tak hengat, memang tak boleh belah la. Asyik nyanyi lagu putus cinta ja. Adoiii, come on la bro....

Tapi, tapi, tapi, kalau Slam tak pa. I'm willing to make an exception. Hihihihi.

Sebab Slam lain dari Scoin semua tu. They are in a class of their own, one that's better than the rest tu. Acecece. Dah minat tu ada ja alasan kan.

Zaman radio berkaset. Seems like a lifetime ago.

So anyways, been listening to Slam all day while studying for the paper tomorrow. I still remember most of the lyrics! And...the crush that I used to have on Zamani, it's still there! >.<

I mean, listen to his voice! Cair kot!

Version baru yang ada Mawi tu tak best la. Over ja Mawi. Original lagi best. (I know I'm biased towards Zamani. Dicampur dengan faktor kurang gemar Mawi.) Tapi kenapa dalam video klip tu Zamani nampak sangat kurus. Macam sakit ja. Suara dia pon dah lain sikit dari dulu. Dia memang sakit kot. Kesiannya... Awat cek tak kahwin-kahwin lagi ni? Takkan frust dengan ehem ehem lagi kot.. Semoga Tuhan temukan jodoh yang baik-baik di masa yang terdekat untuk dia, Amin.

Ok dah mengarut. Sebab caffein RedBull ada lagi dalam saluran darah. Ditambah dengan pressure hari esok.

Nite!

2011-07-05T00:33:00.003+02:00

Believers believing they are better off than the non-believers.

Non-believers (atheists, agnostics, deistic, whatever suits your fancy) are laughing their pants off, believing that the religion is only for mentally backward people.

Of course we are inclined to believe that our belief is the correct belief.

Discussions are always welcomed, but please retain a certain degree of respect for each other. Whatever belief one might hold, it is something sacred that one holds so dearly, running deeper than the blood pumping through the veins. It's like that bond that you have with your family; no matter how crappy yours might be, you'll find it offensive if someone outside of your family judges yours under an unfavorable light.

If respecting one's family falls under the category of Basic Common Sense 101, why does one's choice of personal belief elude this category? If a member of a religion gets upset over an offensive remark targeting his belief, the non-believers would be quick to dismiss it as a typical expected reaction from a close-minded bigot.

I just don't get it.

Maybe it's too much too ask. Maybe human are born with the need to judge others, so that he can believe that he is better.

Everything Will Be Ok In The End. If It's Not Ok, It's Not The End.

2011-07-04T10:48:00.003+02:00

I find this T-shirt funny. In fact, when I first saw this, reading through the lines actually made me giggle. Maybe it's too pessimistic that the dreamer in me finds it silly.

If I ever found this T-shirt, I'll buy it. SoI can be a walking contradiction.

Coy Roy

2011-07-03T14:23:00.005+02:00

Sexiest drum beat I've ever heard. Probably have heard it over hundreds of times, never get tired of it. It's being played on repeat today; lagu yang sangat sesuai untuk hari-hari mendung macam hari ni.

Imagine this : Steve Gadd's drum licks, with Kelly Jones's voice over it. I know this song is not Kelly's territory, but just imagine. It'll be an explosion of eargasm. Too much sexiness for one to handle in one song.

As much as I adore this song, I think the lyrics are the dumbest piece of advice I've ever heard. Period.

I mean, if you want to leave a girl for another girl, just tell her. She can handle it! Chances are, if you are such a prick, your girlfriend will probably survive the break-up. She'll even be better off without you. Some girls don't like to be played the fool, you know.

You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Stupid tak? Hahahaha!! Cracks me up everytime.

*Notice that the Roy my father warned about is mentioned in the chorus. I knew he was onto something!*

But the drums and the song are still awesome.

Malay Dilemma?

2011-07-02T21:25:00.008+02:00

Finished reading another chapter in The Malay Dilemma. Susah sungguh nak habiskan. Sebab Ablenkung dari novel-novel lain yang lagi menarik banyak. Lagipon, buku macam ni, lepas habis satu-satu tajuk, nak kena ada sesi diskusi, pastu fikir-fikir dan renung-renungkan, barulah boleh nak absorb betul-betul.

Following a long discussion with Encik just now, we came to a few conclusions (which are of course our mere opinions, not facts, and I never intend to imply so) which can be broken down to a few important points here :

1) Malays protect their Ketuanan Melayu with such fierceness and perhaps, rightly so.

2) Most Malays tend to discredit themselves too quick too often; they've been told a long time ago that they are not able to compete with other races without the leverage of the Bumiputera title, and they hold onto the belief so dearly.

3) Most Malays are afraid of the Malaysian Chinese. They are just human beings! They've no superpowers! Some of them work really hard, and the results show. That's it. There are slackers Chinese, as there are slackers Malays and Indians. It has nothing to do with race! Not unless we allow ourselves to conform to these racial stereotypes.

4) Most Malays believe that without the leverage, our race would perish; I personally think we should give ourselves more credit regarding our capabilities.

5) Most Malays are scared of the possibility of no 4) actually happening, but most Malays do not take proactive measures in case no 4) actually happens. We stay lazy. And lament and complain. Well, at least, we are good at that.

6) Some influential group notices this fear, and they use it as a chain to keep us from questioning too much, if at all, from forming our own opinions other than those that are in line with the group's interest.

7) In return, we give this group of people too much power, that we readily give up our rights, and they keep feeling more secure and getting sloppier in fulfilling their responsibility to us, to the country.

8) I know the situation in Malaysia is not as dire as in the Middle Eastern, and some might question, tak cukup bersyukur ke apa yang dah dapat?, but do we really need to wait until things get much worse before wanting a change?

9) Disregarding any involvement of political parties in it, I still think Bersih is not a bad concept. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a fair election in their country? Saying 'no' to that is like proclaiming that we are totally OK with the possibility of being cheated.

10) Kenapa orang nak cakap, tak cukup ka apa kerajaan bagi?, tak bersyukur ka dengan pembangunan yang kerajaan dah buat?, I mean that's pretty messed up, how they think of that. First of all, I believe that the notion of perasaan syukur tu hanya boleh digunakan kepada Tuhan. Rezeki Tuhan yang bagi ok, dan itu bergantung setakat mana yang kita usaha. Second of all, it's not like the government took the money out of their own pocket to feed us, to do all these pembangunan! It's the taxpayer's money, and if your parents pay their taxes, you are entitled to what we have gotten in our country so far. Third of all, it's their responsibility because it's their job. If they do their job properly, respect, they deserve to stay another term, but bersyukur to them? Or maybe I misunderstood and they actually meant, bersyukur kepada Tuhan of what the government has done to our country so far. But the way to show our kesyukuran is by saying 'no' to a fair election? Ok, that's even more messed up than the first one.

11) I'm not taking any sides, I don't even have sides that if someone would ask me to pangkah right now, the paper would just come up blank (when the time comes to pangkah I would look at the calon-calon first, that's my strategy). I just want to see Malaysia has a political scene that's healthy in which both sides work together to keep each other in check, and the voice of the people and kepentingan rakyat are the ones that matter the most. Or maybe that exists only in a dream.

12) I cycled for 31km today woot! Hehe. Sekarang, kalau baring pon kaki sakit. Sungguh tak macho. Ok itu ja nak tambah.

Celebration of Femininity

2011-06-30T13:03:00.003+02:00

I want to wear this on THE day!

Gorgeous Karla from Karla's Closet.

Apa ni..asyik-asyik cakap pasal THE day. Pi bagi abis study dulu.

Terkena tempias sekejap sebab two of my close friends told me they were getting married (not to each other! haha) on my birthday. Can't wait to go to their wedding.

Oh wait. Is it the phase people are talking about when one of your friend starts to get married and it kinda triggers a chain reaction and soon everyone in your circle of friends are married?

Anyways, was wondering, if people in this century dress up as in the Victorian times, wouldn't it be fun? The corset-thingy is not so fun, that's like self-torture, but what's so different with women going under the knife to get boob jobs, Botox and the whole shebang anyway.

Though there's the downside about how femininity is celebrated purely based on the aesthetic value, how women back then were not as empowered as today's women, and a whole string of other arguments, I still think women during that time look so glamorous, so classy. Women with higher status in the status cover up their body, and even the glimpse of the ankles are considered naughty.

Now, see where we are? I really truly believe that the culprits who change this perception of dressing up and being attractive are men. Show some legs! A little bit of cleavage is fine, love, well maybe more. Yep, more is definitely better. At the end of the day, it's free will la kan, people do whatever they want to do, but it worries me seeing teenagers as young as 13-17 years old on my little brother's Facebook posting up pictures wearing practically just a bra while posing in a suggestive manners which have hormone-driven boys who had just reached puberty commenting and liking these kinds of pictures like crazy. And the young girls, their sense of self-esteem in the process of taking form, got the impression that to get boys' attention and affection, they should all turn into whores with extra topping of bitchiness.

SIGH.

Got carried away. As always. Sebenarnya nak tunjuk baju cantik tu ja. Hehe. Later!

Friends With Benefit.

2011-06-29T19:15:00.003+02:00

I'm quite a crappy friend, in terms of so liat to catch up through the phones and the internet (nothing beats face time), but I've noticed that I've been especially crappier this year. I forgot a good friend's birthday this year just because that friend is not on Facebook anymore and there's no reminder on the top right corner to prompt me, even though mine doesn't went forgotten.

Seeing some familiar names on my wall today, wishing me well for my birthday, names with memories that make me smile attached to them, I realize that I should not let these people slip away. Lucky for me, I got some pretty low maintenance friends, ones that allow us to pick up where we left, no matter how long that might have been. I miss them. =( (Moon, you know I'm talking to you!)

I'll take care of these relationships soon. First I need to get my ish together. Hopefully by then, they'll still be there.

But this right here, this, completed my day. I can go to sleep now.

Like she pointed out, I rarely share intimate details of my life with people, even close friends, but this awesome dudette is among the ones that I would go to whenever there's things that need to be told. Sometimes when the issue at hand gets too tough and opening up gets too hard, she'll be the one finding me and I'll be spilling everything out to her in no time. Yeah, she's awesome liddat. =)

Make The World Dance

2011-06-29T12:59:00.004+02:00

Something doesn't feel right. Like a sinking feeling tugging at your heart but you can't put your fingers on the why.

Sometimes I wish my sensitive nature is not so acute. So that I can stroll by without having a care in the world. That way I wouldn't have to go through feeling something is going to go wrong before that something wrong actually happens, or at times, actually exists.

It's my birthday for heaven's sake. Let's blame it on the cloudy weather and move along with studying for the final exams, shall we?

Pulau Payar

2011-06-25T11:37:00.007+02:00

Never knew there's such beautiful beach so close to home. I've been led to believe that there isn't any well-preserved beaches along the Malacca's Strait anymore. Look what I've been missing all this while. Feels like taking the next flight available, head home, grab my mom and little brother and make our way to Pulau Payar; if only Monopoly money is legit.

I was telling Encik that there's a famous one-of-a-kind activity here on this island, that tourists look forward to: feeding the sharks. And he started shooting questions right away like, "You mean, wild sharks? How big? Which kind? Is it safe?"

And when I prodded that the reason he was asking so many questions is because maybe he is probably a tiny bit afraid? he started accusing me of being obsessed with sharks. Hehe. I know you are just trying to take care of me. Right. ;)

Well, not obsessed. But I'm fascinated by it. It's not that I'm void of any fear towards this creature, I do fear them, as shown by my overdramatic reaction during my encounter with them in Perhentian, but at the same time, I'm captivated by their being that the thought of getting close to them is thrilling. But I'm not crazy about being stuck in a cage with fresh meat and then thrown into the sea full with hungry Great Whites. That level of insanity is beyond me.

To give you a clue of what the shark feeding on Pulay Payar looks like, here's some pictures I found on the net :

"Why can't you be excited about cute fishes like Nemo? Nemo's cool. They're my favourite."

"Nemo's too tiny. I like bigger fish."

"What about parrot fish? We've seen huge parrot fishes in Perhentian. And they are colorful too. You like colors, don't you?"

I can't imagine what he'll say once he sees the pictures above. Oh and another fun fact, I read in one of the travel blogs that people are advised to bury their toes in the sand while feeding the sharks, because they might bite, mistaking the toes for tiny fishes.

One thing for sure, if I see one bigger than me swimming in my direction, I don't care if it's a Blacktip Reef, I'll be running towards the beach, no chance in hell I'm staying in the water.

Only What Matters

2011-06-25T09:45:00.004+02:00

Being here must be very soothing and calming. The sight, the sound, the mist in the air and everything.

The Stars The Moon

2011-06-20T16:48:00.002+02:00

I have this habit of reading a magazine from back to front; don't ask me why. Maybe I was saving the best part for the last, I'm not sure.

But one thing for sure, I would always look forward to read the horoscope part. It's not like, I would base the next days on my life based on what was written in the column, but it's pretty interesting to see what would actually appear on the page versus of what's going to happen.

Take this for example:

"Der 16.6 ist ein guter Tag fuer Veraenderungen- und am 21.6 gibt's im Job eine riesige Chance. Zeigen Sie, was in Ihnen steckt!"

Basically it says, 16th June would be the day for making that change (whatever that means; I bought the magazine later than the date so doesn't matter) and on the 21st of June, there'll be a huge opportunity to prove myself in work-related field.

You see, I know it's not wise to put 100% belief that the alignments of the stars and moons could predict your future, as it it the business of God and Him alone, so when I read this last week, I tried to look at it in a positive way, that I should give my 100% in whatever I'm working on right now, no slacking etc.

So when I met my professor today and he told me that tomorrow, a professor from Muenster (which happened to be the one that I met at Asma's convo last month) would come to visit and I have to explain what we are doing right now in the lab, I thought nothing of it; other than, uh-oh, I really should prepare well tonight for tomorrow, like pumping up the necessary vocabs in my brain.

Until I was on my way home, it struck me that tomorrow's going to be the 21st.

What a coincidence.

-Daughters-

2011-06-15T16:28:00.007+02:00

When I was younger, I remember when our family got home late at night after a long road trip, or just for a dinner around town, I would feign sleep. I suppose at first it started with real sleep (I doze off real easy in a moving car), but once the car came to a halt or the engine stopped, I would be awake again. Being such a lazy bum to walk the distance from the car to my room, I would pretend to still be asleep, and my father would carry me, careful not to wake me up, and put me in my bed so that I could peacefully continue my slumber. I think he knew I was awake, or partially awake, but he never said anything. As I got older (and heavier to carry), my OCD-ness would not only make me wake up and walk by myself but first headed to the bathroom to wash my feet and brush my teeth before jumping into bed.

When I was in school, every time a big exam was around the corner, like the year-end exam, he would ask me after I had completed my prayer if I had extended my doa' to the rest of the class, for God to ease the exam for them too. The first time he asked that, I remember asking why should I do that, I wanted to get the first place in the whole class. And he explained to me the importance of not being "busuk hati" in whatever it is we do. After that whenever he asked me that question, I would say that I've made the doa.

I remember him always being friendly and nice to the foreign laborers who came to collect our garbage in that stinky garbage truck. They would come early in the morning, and whenever he was home, tending the plants, he would make it a point to make a conversation with them, hearing them talk about life and work and anything at all, with their broken Malay. Sometimes he would offer them cold plain water. I secretly made it a point to notice which glass they drank from and would try to avoid using it. What an asshole I was. Of all of them, I remember one particularly more than others, perhaps because I was home a lot (post-GMI) during his working stint. He was from Nepal, working to save for his wedding, his sweetheart waiting for him back at home. About 2-3 months after my father passed away, my mom moved back home, having spent the whole time at my grandma's. Ibu told me that the Nepalese guy asked her about my father, having not seen him for quite some time.

My favorite memory of us together is those times when I have a room to myself in his office. He let me turned it into my art workshop, in which I mostly just fooled around in, experimenting mostly with papers; papier marche, paper making, origami, pop-ups and stuff. After Maghrib prayers, I would follow him to the office just so I could be in the room. When he was done with his work, he would come check on what I was working on. I think he was misled to believe that I have some sort of artistic talent, like him, who was gifted in drawing and painting. He even bought me that drawing stand, that real artists use to put on the drawing pad vertically up.

Once my brother brought back his exam paper in Pendidikan Seni, in which he has to express his 'arty vision' in form of geometrics, he drew a single square. I remember him showing that to my dad and we all had a laugh. Another incident, I was on the phone with him (I was already in Germany at that time), and he asked me whether I still practiced on drawing comics and cartoons, insisting that I shouldn't stop practicing, saying that he saw talent in me in that direction. I was like, sorry to disappoint you Papa, but I think that artistic gene of yours just skipped a generation. ;p

He repeatedly told me that the rule of thumb is not to go with any guy named Roy or Zack. Papa, of all my 24-years of life, I'm proud to tell you that I never came in contact with a single Roy, thank God for that. I think they are the extinct type now, so no worries. As for Zack, I only know one guy who goes with that name, only with a slightly retarded spelling, and he's an actor so safe to say, I won't get near that circle, so yeah no worries with the Zacks either.

In his world, I am The Princess (only second to my mom, who is The Queen), and he had always treated me like one. He never hurt me, but the look of disappointment in his eyes whenever I did something wrong was just as hurtful as a physical disciplining. Because of him, I have a pretty solid idea of how I want to be treated and should be treated by the man in my life; with utmost respect, deserving of all attention and love. And for that reason I think he would have approved it if I were to spend my lifetime with Encik Fudye.

I think they both would have enjoyed each other's company. They would have gone on fishing trips together, enjoyed an occasional cigar/smoke together, went on a late night teh tarik outing watching wrestling on giant TV screen at mamak.

I used to bite my lips and held my tongue whenever I heard someone saying how he/dread calling his/her father. Inside I screamed that it's unfair, these ungrateful people who have their dad but make calling up their old man sounds like a chore. I never let a week went by without calling mine at least twice. Why don't I get to keep my dad? Of course, that bitterness is mellowed over time.

He bought me my first glue gun for my art projects when I was in Sekolah Rendah and I even brought it here to Germany. Last year, it went kaputt and I went berserk trying to fix it. I was frantic. I bought a screwdriver, pried it open, tried everything to bring it to life again, but it stayed dead. I couldn't accept it, because that thing held so much meaning to me. But to hold on to material things that connect me to the memories of him is just not healthy. And a bit crazy. Memories won't be lost by letting go. That's an important lesson I've learned. The art of accepting and letting go.

So I did not miss Father's Day this year as I had for the past years. On purpose, of course. But you know what? Starting this year, I'll celebrate it as I had did before. Even though I can't send cheesy greeting card anymore, I'll be thankful for ever having him in my life. He is one of the reason of the person I aspire to be.

15 Present Facts of My Life

2011-06-09T13:17:00.006+02:00

1) My to-do-list is growing and all I want to do is just sleep this rainy weather off.

2) Or do sudoku and origami all day long while watching Shark Tank.

3) Chances are I won't do all of the above today.

4) But I will do them tomorrow. Today's Friday, Rebecca Black, sing it!

5) In Oregon, Switzerland and Netherlands, you can actually buy a prescription to end your life. Basically it's legal to commit suicide through medication under a doctor's supervision.

6) Apart from homicide, is there anything illegal in Netherlands?

7) The documentary on the suicide made me cry. The sadness of the whole situation is too overwhelming.

8) "My life has ended long ago. (chuckles) I just want to exit it." The saddest quote that is stuck in my head.

9) Now every time I see elderly people who can barely walk, with tubes coming out of their nose, nevertheless still pushing their cart around and doing their groceries alone, I get a massive urge to cry.

10) I want to eat murtabak and karipap so badly. Never have I felt so fond towards this food before.

11) I will make them tomorrow, if the urge is still there.

12) I miss my mom and my brother and my whole family. Not being able to go back this summer is such a bummer.

13) After reading about Alice and her bucket list (thanks to Twitter community for bringing the attention to something worthwhile this time), I went through mine which I have forgotten for quite some time now, and discovered that I can cross off one item from it : 'Travel to Italy with Fudhail.' When I wrote that down 3 years ago, I thought we would have to wait like 10 years to be able to do that. Terima kasih ibu bapa mertuaku ;D

14) I just wish I could broach THE sensitive matter gracefully. Chances are, if I did, it would just be so awkward that I would wish I've never brought up about it in the first place.

15) My room is in a state of the grandest mess like you wouldn't believe. Arrgh.

I'm ok

2011-06-08T21:09:00.002+02:00

I don't know why every now and then, I still believe that guarding my thoughts from you would be a good idea. Like I'm doing you a favor by sparing you the trouble to dwell in my emotional mess; all my (sometimes misguided) worries and fears in all their glory. I should have thought of that 5 years ago. It's too late now, you're in too deep.

My effort in holding everything in usually lasted not more than 15 minutes into our conversation. And it took you half the time to make everything falls into place again. You would say the single most rational thing that has been there right in front of me all along but I've somehow failed to see it. My train of thoughts navigate in the most peculiar ways.

You let me indulge in discussing about things I'm obsessed with, and I'm capable of being obsessed with a lot of things at any given time, like Machu Picchu that you now know all its history and architecture as much as I do (note : we're still not over the dispute of who has the better engineers, the Incas or the Egyptians). That is dedication.

For pulling me out of the rut today, thank you. I'm running out of thankyous to offer I probably have to let you be Troy next time and I'll be Hector (no promises that I'll stick to the script though, Hector might just not die).

"Dolphins A Bite Me"

2011-06-02T08:42:00.003+02:00

Another thing to add on my to-do-list this year : Swim with dolphins.

I've just watched the new video from the Narvaez's family and guess what? They went swimming with the dolphins!

I found myself smiling all the way through the end of the video, partly because of the dolphins, partly because of the chunky baby Eliana. I can't help it, the girl's so adorable it's deadly. Every time I see Eliana doing one of her antiques, with her super chubby cheeks, and beautiful smile, my hormones just went haywire, I swear that my estrogen level just shoot straight through the roof! SIGH. No, I will not succumb, no baby making until I'm into my thirties. I need to accomplish being a lot of other things first, before being a mom.

So anyways, watching the video reminded me of the Dolphin's Lodge in Batam Island which is just like around the corner! The site was last updated in 2003, so I'm not sure if it is still operating but I'm keeping my fingers crossed! (<-- it's just an idiom, get over it) It costs around 120 Singapore Dollar, which is about RM 300, which is super cheap! Anywhere else, it would have costed at least 200 USD so I'm totally putting this in my list for this year.

Le Tour Eiffel

2011-05-27T12:04:00.008+02:00

Back from another holiday, albeit a shorter one this time. Still recovering from post-holiday hangover in which the symptoms could range from mental and physical fatigue to laziness to cope with real-life to-do-list. It's just your brain in the process of switching off the holiday mode. Those people who travel for a living, man, what a life that must be. I'm jealous.

Traveling has a lot of appeal. On one hand, it's the anticipation of finally getting to see the place that you have spent time researching about while planning your vacation. On the other hand, it's like a mental refreshment, getting out of your comfort zone and figuring your way out in someplace new. More than anything, I love traveling because of the stories you are bound to pick up along the way.

Which brings us to this story.

Over the decades, scientists, skeptics and believers alike have debated over the existence of bigfoot (yes, bigfoot; bear with me, you'll see where this one is going pretty soon) and I must say, I am all for team bigfoot. I mean, the world would be too boring if we choose to dismiss anything beyond any scientific explanation, backed with cold, hard proof. Though that doesn't mean I believe in fairies and elves and hobbits. Come one, I'm not that naive. Or nuts.

So back to the story. You'd thought that Paris, a city bustling with tourists all-year round, would be the last place you would bump into a bigfoot, right? Well, think again.

It was noon, the sun was quite unforgiving that day. We were under the tower of what is supposedly one of the most romantic monument on Earth. The queue to get the ticket was impossibly long, so we were just chilling around people-watching, having a nice conversation with 2 other Malaysians we had just met. After a while, we excused ourself to go admire the tower from another view. Even though the tower is ubiquitous, especially around the city of Paris (you can find the image printed on almost everything, from umbrellas to postboxes), the hype of the monument is actually not really overrated. The sight of the tower with bare eyes, its tip pointing proudly towards the sky is quite breath-taking. And romantic. Really.

That was when I noticed 'it'. The elusive black creature of the myths. Out of nowhere, amongst the crowd, there it was. I started to panic when I realized that its eyes were directed our way. Well, you must understand, even though I want bigfoot to be real, at that time, the creature caught me off guard, I wasn't ready.

I alerted my boyfriend with a quick nudge and signaled for us to make a quick move before the bigfoot got to us, which was what was exactly on its mind, judging by the determined look it was giving us. Our trick was to move in a random manner among the tourists, in hopes to confuse the bigfoot and it would loose our trail after a while.

Obviously that ploy didn't work because when I stole a look behind my back, its evil face was inches away from mine, eyes staring right into mine, teeth showing menacingly, challenging me to make my next move. My feet were rooted to the ground, I was speechless. Crap, we are trapped.

My boyfriend turned towards me, a look of defeat planted across his face, and said, "Come on, give it up, let's get it over with." He fished a coin from his pocket and handed it to the bigfoot. Motioning for me to get closer to the hairy creature while getting out his camera from the bag.

Cringing I inched closer to the hairy creature, mind you, I don't have anything against hairy creatures, it's just that they HAVE to be cute as well for them to be likeable, like these chaps:

A few snapshots later, happy that it is now 2 Euros richer, the bigfoot walked away, continuing its hunt to find the next prey amongst the relentless crowd under Le Tour Eiffel.

Vanilla or Strawberry?

2011-04-26T21:34:00.004+02:00

The books are never about what you think they are about. Survivor is really about our education system because I feel, more often than not, kids are sort of taught or trained to be the best possible cogs in some big corporate machine. They're not really taught in an empowered way that they can start their own company so that they can create and run their own lives. They are sort of taught to be just good employees, to just fit in.

-Chuck Palahniuk on his book 'Survivor'.

Word. But even I can't deny that it just feels safer to live a cookie-cutter life. Find a job at a prestigious company, work hard, take out a loan to buy a house and a car, and work harder to pay the loans (plus my student's loan), work even harder when children come along, while climbing the corporate ladder to make it big to buy even bigger house and more fancy car. It all has been perfectly laid out in front of us, why bother go any other way? Just goes to show how successful whoever they are in doctrine-ating us.

Though at times, it does feel too self-indulgent to try to live out my own dreams instead of others.

DID

2011-04-25T10:27:00.004+02:00

Recently watched a movie called Sybil. Based on a true story of a girl suffering from split personality or the clinically-correct term, dissociative identity disorder. The movie was very good but the 3-hours is for me just not enough to understand Sybil's childhood predicament that made her split into different personalities so I amazon-ed the novel and again, all the books that are currently in my to-read list will have to wait. (This is madness, I've never had so many books in waiting list - 10 and counting - thanks to the visits to secondhand bookstores during my last Euro Trip.)

Some doctors do not believe in the authenticity of this mental disease, they are of the opinion that the patients are merely exceptionally good actors/manipulators. Maybe they are right, but to give it a benefit of a doubt, and ponder in the possibility that it might be an actual mental disease is much more captivating.

Surviving a living hell, some soul will self-destroy; some will be so broken inside that it shatters into pieces.

The memories of everything that hurts survive in one of the pieces. And the pieces survive as individuals, so as to protect the keeper of the soul or the core personaity (the real person) from dealing with the pain. For if the keeper remembers every detail of his past, he/she will be too traumatized that the future will be too unbearable to go on. The different personalities know and communicate with each other, and they normally work together to keep their keeper from harm. For instance, if the keeper likes to play the piano but has encountered an experience in which a piano is associated with something hurtful (e.g being raped on a piano), all her piano playing abilities is kept with a personality, usually with its own name. The new split personality, while remembering the traumatizing rape experience, will have no problem with playing the piano him/herself; it's like he/she was a third person witnessing from outside the glass window.

In 1970s a man named Billy Milligan used this disease as his defense against several felonies including robbery and sexual assault.

Daniel Keyes, author of Flowers of Algernon, told the man's story in a novel named after the man himself. One of my favourite all-time novels.

Currently, United States of Tara, has renewed into its 3rd seasons, yay. Kudos to Toni Collette (the mom in Little Miss Sunshine) for portraying the transition of her character's different personalities very convincingly. And yeah, it's normal that one of the personalities will turn out to be of a different gender from the core personality; that's when most of the trouble arises.

If Only

2011-04-21T23:23:00.003+02:00

A very cool theory I've stumbled upon today thanks to the ever amusingly entertaining Tyson Apostol's blog : What if we consume just enough amount of calorie that our body needs daily so that everything is burnt off completely and we do not have to take a poop? Won't that be awesome?

Those super skinny models who survive on cabbage and whatnot soups, are they exempted from the call of nature to defecate?

I don't think that pooping, either way you dissect and look at it, could ever, in a million years, be feminine or graceful, thank you.

Vanity Might Freeze Your Muscle.

2011-04-21T09:26:00.004+02:00

If I need to go to the bathroom during my gym session, instead of using the one in the changing room, I'll opt to walk a little and use the one situated in the lounge area.

My logic? The toilet in the lounge is mainly used by visitors which is less than the actual members of the gym. So there are naturally less people crowding the toilet (hence the mirror), and the ambience there is nicer too, what with the luxurious interior, the lighting and the music. Besides, the toilet at the changing room is mainly used by the members of the gym AFTER their work-out sessions. The thought of that many sweaty asses that have been there on the seat where I'll put mine...needless to say, I prefer the toilet in the lounge area better.

Yesterday while going in to readjust my tudung before the workout session starts, I saw another regular gym member already in there, in front the mirror. I smiled and we said 'hi'. I instantly recognized her as being this lady who wears a full make-up to each work-out session, without fail. I mean the whole deal; eyebrow liner, blusher, heavy mascara and bright red lipstick.

And yes, as I've guessed, she was applying her make-up in front of the mirror. It made me think of the whole thing, of us women and how caught up we might be sometimes with our vanity. As of late, I'm getting more comfortable with wearing make-up. I've learned to cover my under-eye circles and lending my cheeks a glow with a tint (the intensity depends on my mood) of blusher, highlighting my nose bridge, applying the mascara so as to make it looks like I've got double eyelashes like Elizabeth Taylor's, lipstick etc. Now I find it quite hard to leave the house without at least putting some concealer on my eye-bags and some mascara.

I have an aunt who won't leave her room without wearing foundation all over her face and drawing her eyebrows first. She basically walks around her house with make-up! Even for a quick teh tarik session, she'll do the whole deal first.

Seriously, I don't want to get too comfortable wearing this facade. Make-ups can only hide and emphasize so much. I know it sounds particularly cliche and I find it especially annoying when some gorgeous celebrities that might have gone under the knife and got her nose or something else tweaked say, "What matters the most is what on the inside yada yada yada" but I think it's very true.

There's only so much one can hide under the exterior. You gotta make peace with what's on the inside or you'll never be satisfied with what you see on your outside no matter how much make-up you put on.

So many time, so few movies worth watching.

2011-04-19T01:01:00.009+02:00

Easter holiday is coming up. If friends from down South do not turn up, then I'll be left with quite some free time on my hand.

A lot of time, not enough good movies to watch. That's not really the case actually. Most of the time, I just forget the mental list I've made of movies to watch. And end up disappointed with the movies I ended up watching.

So here I am making a list in case I forget.

~~1. Away We Go~~

~~2. Adventureland~~

3. The Wackness

4. Priceless

5. Cashback

6. What Dreams May Come

~~7. The Last Kiss~~

8. Big Fish

~~9. Chaos Theory~~

10. The Fall

11. Submarine

~~12. Sybil~~

~~13. Running With Scissors~~

Cannibalism

2011-04-14T09:02:00.002+02:00

Watched a documentary on cannibalism in Papua New Guinea. They stop practicing it around half a decade ago after Christian missionaries came and preached the words of God to them. What I find astounding is that, these missionaries, despite knowing perfectly well that at that time cannibalism was still roaming the ground, decided to stay among the tribes, so that they could be easily approachable by the members of the tribes who wanted to learn more about the Christian faith. I have nothing but respect to that.

Apparently the last men who used to eat human flesh is still alive. At first, the anthropologist was careful about going about the subject of cannibalism, for he was worried the subject might be considered taboo among the members of the tribe. But no. They were pretty candid about the whole thing. One person led to another and in the end, a group of survivors were sitting around, reminiscing about the good old days when they cut people up and eat them. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they don't practice it anymore, but I don't expect one to smile when they talk about such subject. Maybe to them it was just another ancient culture, that they were caught up in back then, and now it was time to move on. Nothing to be ashamed of.

An older man amongst them told the narrator, it wasn't about hunting people down for food, like what we have been served with in cannibal horror movies. It was either because of suspicion of witchcraft or an act of revenge, for instance, an infidel wife, or unresolved fights between groups among the tribe. Meat was scarce. So they figured, why waste the body that they will have to dispose of anyway. Hence the cannibalism.

When asked how does human flesh cut and taste like, they all nodded knowingly in agreement, "Just like pigs."

HAHAHA. Orwell is really on to something in Animal Farm.

Maybe that's another reason we Muslims are not allowed toe at pigs. It would be like eating one of ourselves. Just a maybe. Who knows, kan.

Of Wandering

2011-04-11T11:29:00.006+02:00

Dear Mr. Ibrahim,

I'm writing to congratulate you on your brilliantly-put-together comment, worthy of an international coverage, which has Sydney Morning Herald reporting it, as can be read here.

Another one to add to the series of other internal affairs recently that has again managed to put Malaysia in the spotlight, albeit an unflattering one. But as they say, any press, rather than none at all, is good press, right? After all, comparing to the Ultraman chasing the tsunami comic, your statement couldn't have possibly done any more damage to Malaysia's image.

I understand that the statement might have been uttered under duress, for not getting it as much as you would have liked to. Well, first of all, let me tell you this : Sex might be a wife's duly duty to her husband, but not one that she can't enjoy herself. Otherwise, God wouldn't have bothered installing the Gs and the Cs, at all the appropriate places, into us. After all those years of being married and you still can't figure out what makes your wife tick, the next time your wife can't squeeze 15 minutes in between 'getting ready to visit the relatives' to be intimate with you, don't be so quick to think that finding a younger, more attractive woman is the solution; it might actually be a sex therapist.

Women don't have a switch on the back of her head that she can instantly turn on whenever you ask for sex. If you don't have a body resembling, Ryan Reynold's, and a drop-dead-gorgeous face like say, Bradley Cooper, just don't expect that your wife will be up to sex the moment you come home from work, belly bulging out from under your shirt (which is for most women unsexy and unattractive, just so you know and are not misguided by self-overestimation), reeking of a combination of sweat and stale perfume, announcing "Let's do it now." It just doesn't work like that.

You have to work your own way around the switches, you know.

I hope you are not offended by my God-honest opinion. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Yours sincerely,

Me.

Paris

2011-04-10T20:20:00.011+02:00

Eiffel Tower surpassed every single expectation of ours. It was truly love at first sight for me and even for the less-easily-fazed friend of mine. No matter how many times you have seen the ubiquitous tower in films, on postcards, on posters, the sight of the real breathing tower standing proud at the heart of Paris will catch your breath away.

We spent a good 2 and a half hours climbing the stairs of Eiffel, lounging at the cafe situated on the 1st floor and just soaking up the sun, while enjoying Paris's landscape from up above. When we finally got down, we spent another hour enjoying the view from the foot of the tower, taking lots and lots of pictures.

We were goofing around attempting to take pictures of each other pushing the Eiffel tower when from some distance we saw an Indian man, in his early thirties, approaching us with a big smile. On one hand he was holding a giant ring; tiny Eiffel tower keychains hanging from it, making a clinking sound as he walked. On his other hand were miniature Eiffel towers in different metallic colors and sizes.

'Uh-oh, good Lord, please turn us invisible, I don't want to have to deal with another one of these direct sellers.'

There are a lot of people like him, hanging about the queues at the entrance and around the tower that will try to sell you Eiffel memorabilia. Sometimes their persistent and pestering can be quite annoying but well, one has got to make a living one way or another.

"You dua orang dari Malaysia?" he asked in perfectly fluent Malay.

From his stories we learned that he originated from India and has worked in Malaysia for 5 years prior to his arrival in Paris. He said he loves Malaysia, its people, its food, everything. We can definitely relate to that, we are fans of Malaysia too! His plan is to collect enough money to open a business in Malaysia and settle there for good.

While he was lamenting about how it is pretty hard to survive financially here (something we have learned the moment we stepped into a supermarket when we first arrived in Paris to find some shampoo and toothpaste), I was eyeing the Eiffel tower model in the biggest size that he has, contemplating whether to buy it or not. You know, to use as a decoration for my future house.

"You mau yang mana satu? Yang ini atau yang ini? Ambikla, saya kasi murah-murah sama you," he said, picking up on my interest.

"Kalau yang besar ni, kalau jual dalam kedai luar sana, 20 lebih diaorang jual tau. Selalu I jual 12 Euro, paling murah la, you boleh cuba tanya orang lain, tak dapat punya. Tapi dengan you orang Malaysia I bagi special price, 10 Euro saja," he went on. What he didn't realize was (or maybe he actually did), I was already sold by then.

I decided to test the skills that my mother has tried to pass on to me, and tried to haggle over the price. Apparently, I did learn a bit of the art of haggling from her when I managed to bring down the price to 7 Euros.

I opened my wallet to pay him and I thought about how profit he is actually making everyday what with the competition with hundreds of people selling the exact same thing all around Paris. With the higher than average living cost in Paris, it must have been hard to just get by everyday. And here I am, running around on vacations around Europe using money that I haven't really worked that hard for, that got me questioning the ethical side of my conduct concerning the money that's wired into my bank account every month.

So I handed him a 10 Euro note and asked him to keep the rest of the change. He didn't expect that of course, so he gave me 6 Eiffel keychains which cost about 1 Euro altogether.

My friend looked at me, rolled her eyes, let out a small sigh and said, "Barhh. You're easy."

Oh and by the way. Buying an Eiffel tower model that stands 30cm high would not seem like a really good idea when you still have several other cities left to visit and you need to fit the tower into your suitcase without wasting too much space. Honestly, I felt my IQ point has gone a few number up trying to figure it out.

Bang.

2011-04-10T08:59:00.002+02:00

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride

Tale in Barcelona

2011-04-06T11:39:00.011+02:00

My girlfriend and I were very excited to explore Barcelona that we started off the day quite early even though we were still tired after all the running around Paris the day before.

Weather was great, we just had our daily shot of caffein at what has became our favorite breakfast spot at Barcelona because the coffee and the sandwich there are just divine (maybe we were just hungry) and the waitresses are so friendly even though there was an obvious language barrier between us. We left the cafe leaving a shiny 2 Euro coin as a tip.

It was our first day in Barcelona and right away we decided to follow the trail that Gaudi has left behind in this city. After unraveling the trams' paths like a puzzle, we decided that Park Guell was the best spot to start our journey as it was the furthest so that we could work our way closer and closer to the city centre as the day progresses.

Upon setting our foot at the entrance, the sense of being in some sort of magical wonderland hit us; there was a guy at the gate playing a musical instrument called 'hang', which completed the whole whimsical vibe.

Man, that Gaudi guy has some imagination. It's our first Gaudi stop and I like him already. We decided to start exploring Park Guell from the outer part, and savor the crust later, the part which houses the infamous lizard/dragon.

As we were walking down the path, two ladies approached us from behind. They were well-dressed. Trench coat, shades and everything. They were pointing towards the branches of the tree above us and were motioning to something behind us. We looked to our backs and guess what, apparently a bird has pooed all over us. Over our head, down the back of our clothes, thank God we got our jacket off because the weather was pretty warm that day.

A couple of seconds passed by before the smell of the poo hit us. Like really hit us. Birds were supposed to eat berries and worms and pretty much strictly organic stuff, why the hell did their poo end up smelling this bad? I was on the brink of throwing up.

Instantaneously, one of the two woman shoved a bottle of mineral water to our face. And they came to our rescue, cleaning off the poo of our shirts. I was busy getting that damn thing off of my friend's hair, when the other lady motioned for me to look at my back. And I realized my damage was just as bad as my friend's. So her friend took over cleaning my friend's hair and I let the woman help me clean myself.

At some point, I had the urge to keep my handbag which was slung across the shoulder in front of me, just so I could watch it better. Once a while, I pat my handbag, just to feel that everything (camera, wallet, handphone) was still inside. I wasn't too worried about my friend as she was more prepared than me; she wore a money belt beneath her T-shirt so she will be fine.

We excused ourselves to go to the toilet as the smell was getting too unbearable that I felt like taking off the shirt and washed it in the sink before putting it back. It was a sunny day anyway, it'll dry eventually. But they insisted to help us. After several time of saying 'thank you' we managed to disentangle ourselves from them and hurried to the toilet.

There was a long queue. Full of old people. I think they just got off the same bus and everyone decided to head to the loo. Bladder problem and old people, it makes sense, not to be disrespectful or anything. As we were in the line, there was three American tourists behind us wearing sour faces, apparently pissed off at being poo-ed on by a certain species of bird with digestion problem. We got into a conversation discussing the shitty experience, pun intended.

Scrubbing did nothing to the stink the poo left behind so my friend and I decided to head back to the hotel, change before continuing our journey. Gaudi has to wait and make way to this unexpected force of nature.

On our way back to the tram, we passed this souvenir shop and my friend saw something that she liked. So we went in, hoping to just grab the stuff and pay as fast as we could, so as not to make people faint at the mere smell of us. As my friend walked to the counter, she took her wallet out of her bag and to her surprise...it was empty. Every drop of cash that she has, every single receipt that she kept in there was gone. Nada. Zip. We were gobsmacked.

It took us a few moment to register what has just taken place. That two seemingly good samaritans that we thought had helped us clean bird poo off of us had actually helped themselves to a handful of cash, around 160 Euro, 40 pounds and a couple of ringgit malaysia notes. They even got to her money belt underneath her shirt.

It was a masterfully orchestrated, sophisticated pickpocketing. The setting was perfect. A bird in a park. Two well-dressed ladies. With a bottle of mineral water. And it happened so fast. It couldn't have been any longer than one whole minute.

Going into the trip, we knew we would have been an easy target, traveling in a group of two young ladies. We have been extra careful thus far. My friend separated her cash in smaller groups to minimize the damage if something bad were to happen. But it happened anyway.

Looking back, I think I know whose fault it is. Our previous destination before Barcelona was Paris. In Paris we have encountered very friendly, helpful people. At one point, we were lost while trying to find our hotel, when suddenly out of nowhere this good-looking young lad approached us and asked if we needed any help. He even went as far as using the GPS in his iPhone and leading the way for us to our hotel. He guided us along a pretty small alleyway and I remember thinking "Uh-oh we are totally dead, he's gonna take out a knife right about now and rob us and kill us both here and nobody would know and it's gonna be our own stupid fault!" Yeah I'm paranoid like that.

But no. We arrived safely at the hotel, 5 minutes into our search thanks to the unexpected help of this charming French guy.

So yeah, in conclusion, let's blame the French people. For being too helpful that we have let our guards down a bit.

p.s : Upon coming back home and doing a little google-ing, I've found out that the bird poo scam is a pretty famous one. Read full article here.

2011-04-05T19:53:00.003+02:00

I'm gonna turn 24 this year.

Feels like I've stopped registering the aging process about 4 years ago.

Quarter-life crisis?

Meh.

You see, the thing is, if someone throws a number between 5 till 19 at me , I can recall almost quite vividly the zeitgeist of that certain age of my life which I've gone through.

For instance, 7 was the year I got a sibling, without even asking for it, and I watched as the attention of the people around swiftly change to the dumpy baby who would amuse almost everyone by farting and laughing afterwards. Unbelievable.

11 was the year of idiotic obsession with boybands. Been there, done that. 13 was all about vampires. Yeah, been there, done that too.

16 was when I entered MRSM and the rooftop was the coolest place to hang out at.

From the age of 20 till present, everything seems to come together in a tangle, I can't tell year 20 and 23 apart. It's like the past 4 years are really just one prolonged year.

It's a mess alright, but a mess that I've developed a love/hate relationship with, and ultimately got me looking back in appreciation.

Let's switch off the sentimental mode for now. Sounds unfitting since it seems like I'll be staying here for quite a while.

So anyways. My heart's so bursting with giddiness and anticipation that I feel like telling the whole world about this.

Can't wait for next month. *insert James Franco grin here*

I've Decided..

2011-04-04T21:22:00.004+02:00

...to wear a fiery red skinny jeans to my presentation on Wednesday so that they'll be too confused with the pants to pay any attention to my underprepared project outcome.

I know. I'm such a genius.

Post Holiday

2011-04-02T20:02:00.002+02:00

Can't believe that 2011 is approaching April already. Feel like time is moving too fast the moment you decide to enjoy and embrace everything that comes with it; the struggles alongside the rainbows.

Was about to type "Just got back from the longest trip I've ever been to; 12 straight days." But 'just got back' is not really appropriate anymore. It has been 2 days since I've arrived home. That means I've put off writing this blog for 2 days. I've pretty much wasted those 2 days that was supposed to be spent completing the GIS presentation and Ausarbeitung. Not really wasted. I've got my laundry done (3 full machines!) and relaxing the soles of my feet suffering from fatigue after 12 hours for every single day of the last 12 days walking on platform heels.

Traveling is dangerous because it is contagious. Once the trip ends and you arrive home safely, while sorting through your bag, there's always the lingering question of "When and where to next?" And to think that some people out there actually get paid to travel. That doesn't sound right at all it sounds like an elaborate con by a masterful con artist.

Traveling in pairs, especially when the pair consists of two young girls can be pretty dangerous at times, no matter how cautious you have been. But personally I believe it is more interesting to travel in smaller group as the locals tend to be less hesitant to strike up conversations with you. Which could also sometimes lead to uneasiness if the friendliness is under unwanted circumstances. Will blog more about it, in another post.

Right now I need to just write aimlessly. I miss this.

It strikes me as weird that I tend not to share a lot about myself with other people who do. It's a classic case of it's not them, it's me. I trust these people. I really do. But opening up takes a lot more than trust, methinks. People need to do that. Sharing their inner feelings with people whom they trust, discuss stuff that really matters, not merely superficial ones. Keeping everything to yourself is unhealthy, the pressure will sooner or later burst your brain, if not your heart first.

Mom. I'm glad she's moving on. I'm happy seeing her happy. Even though sometimes it hurts that I can't really remember the last time I ever saw her this happy, with this kind of happiness. But the fact remains, I'm not ready to move on. At least not yet. Pretending to be glad to move on along with her makes me uneasy. Sad. Guilty. Problem is, I know that I'm her numero uno priority and if I tell her this, she would put my feelings before her happiness. And if she does that, it would make me unhappy. Classic Catch-22 situation. Blergh.

How do you tell apart true confidence and a make-believe one? How would I truly know anyway? But I think, and I think I might be right on this one, true confidence comes from within however cheesy it may sound. It doesn't shout in your face, it doesn't need to flaunt, it doesn't need to put others down. Its quiet presence is evident enough of its existence.

Some people talk without wanting to hear.

2011-03-17T22:41:00.002+01:00

Negativity is contagious.

Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

Last two papers tomorrow; papers that will make it or break it. Praying for the best possible outcome.

Off to the long-awaited trip the very next morning. Haven't printed the tickets and haven't even packed. Seeing as to how loser I am when it comes to packing (I want to bring everything and this is a 10-day-trip!), expect nothing less than a pathetic sight tomorrow night. I will be reduced to a mass of kalotness, a side of me that boyfriend and one of my good friend like to poke fun at.

Need to remember to call several important people that I care so much before I go.

Wanderlust, I'm coming.

Let's Save The Earth

2011-03-15T16:21:00.015+01:00

Even with all the technology available now, and the great brains that are at work to solve the impending disaster from the energy crisis the world is dealing with, there's still no ultimate solution to it. We are still miles away from solving a crisis that might change civilization as we know it.

Oil well is drying up, which has led countries going into war, killing thousands of innocent lives. The fact that we are running out of oil is nothing new but we still produce millions and millions of cars every year.

We do have an alternative though; thanks to those genius lot that have discovered renewable energy. Energy source that would always be available in abundance. Isn't it great? Doesn't it sound perfect? Too perfect to even be possible even? Kinda. They are extremely expensive. Crazy expensive. And plus they take up a lot more space to generate the same amount of energy than an oil refinery. Imagine a future with desert and farming land converted into a power plant with rows and rows of wind turbines and photovoltaic panels. Where would we grow our food then? With food crisis already ripping some countries apart now, surely we do not want that problem to add on our already long urgent list?

What about biogas? That's a good effort. But even if we collect every single drop of shit from every single cow on this earth, we won't be able to generate enough energy to power the world. But it will be a good help though. Just not enough to substitute oil.

Wait, what about nuclear power? Their reactor doesn't take up much space, they generate a lot more energy, in a factor of thousands, compared to oil and gas, and they don't cost that much either. Hmm. Let's see. First it's nuclear. The name will always carry a stigma with it wherever it goes. Secondly, there's the issue of disposing the waste. Thirdly, if anything goes wrong, and things do go wrong sometimes, think Murphy's law, the disaster that awaits is horrifying beyond words. Remember Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Remember Chernobyl? Surely you don't want to risk your predecessors for generations to come with unfavorable genetic effects. And let's not forget, nuclear power is generated from uranium, a limited natural resource, just like oil and gas.

Everything comes at a price. Everything comes with a catch.

Apart from the energy and food crisis, as of late, natural disaster of a terrifying magnitude is occurring at an unusually increasing frequency. First Haiti, and then Chile, followed by New Zealand and the latest, Japan. All in the span of a little over a year.

Scientists are discussing the seismic changes, how the human race hasn't seen the worse that the Earth could throw at us.

And yet, we the human is screaming unabashedly about saving the Earth, like we are actually doing the Earth a favor by cutting down energy consumption and reducing global warming.

Throughout the years, we have tremendously changed the landscape of Earth, we dried up Earth's natural resources that took centuries to form in a matter of just several decades, we scraped layers of ozones away, we might even be the reason for the increased temperature of the Earth's atmosphere. We believe that our greed for a great civilization has slowly poisoned the Earth.

We fail to realize that the Earth is God's genius creation that is bigger than you and me, it is more powerful than every man combined, walking on its soil. History has shown that it is capable of adapting to the most extreme changes; it shifts, it squirms, it hibernates until it reaches once again its equilibrium.

To even think that it needs saving from us, that's pretty ambitious, isn't it?

To really dwell into the thought that there's a bigger force out there, it is rather humbling. Helps put things into perspective.